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Jackass (franchise) Quotes

Jackass is a Reality television that appeared on TV in 2000 on MTV. Jackass ended in 2002.

Jackass aired for 3 seasons and 25 episodes. Jackass is created by Johnny Knoxville.

Jackass is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Jackass is 20-22 minutes long. Jackass is produced by Dickhouse Productions. Spinoffs for this show include Jackass: The Movie.

Jackass Quotes

  • (Man on the street) "God bless you."
  • (Unnamed) "God didn't bless me. He wrote a bunch of fibs about me."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm Johnny Knoxville and welcome to Jackass."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh, dude. My f***ing tailbone is seriously broken. I'm not even kidding."
  • (Unnamed) "He broke his tailbone -- That's alright, we don't have tails anymore, what's the point of having one ?"
  • (Unnamed) "In the movie Cool Hand Luke, Paul Newman eats fifty hard boiled eggs without puking in one hour. We didn't think that was possible, so we staged our own little contest to see if any man OR woman could eat fifty eggs without puking. Well one thing; in our contest we encourage puking."
  • (Unnamed) "You're the crappiest human bowling ball I ever saw in my whole life."
  • (Unnamed) "Hi, I'm Ehren and this is the human Bulls-eye."
  • (Unnamed) "Now I know what it feel like to be my liver."
  • (Unnamed) "Are you cold?"
  • (Unnamed) "You're an idiot."
  • (Unnamed) "That's it, it's over. We should probably head to the bar now."
  • (Unnamed) "You like this song? Kinda makes you feel like partying. I kinda feel like partying right now."
  • (Unnamed) "We killed Quack Quack."
  • (Tony Hawk) "I'm seriously going to die right now."
  • (Unnamed) "That guy right there is the best damn roller skater ever. Maybe even in the whole town."
  • (Unnamed) "My job on the show is to be naked, not kill myself."
  • (Unnamed) "They say Poland is the Mexico of Europe. I'm not sure of what that means, but I like it."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm not into bestiality, but that's a good-looking animal."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm Ryan Dunn, and I'm surrounded by morons."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh dude, you like an egg with legs."
  • (Unnamed) "He penetrated my land as he penetrated my ass, and that is not permitted."
  • (Unnamed) "So, we've driven an hour north from Miami to Boca Raton, believe it or not, to film Steve-O jump into nine days worth of elephant poo."
  • (Unnamed) "I gotta be horrible at everything, otherwise it just wouldn't be me."
  • (Unnamed) "And today, good sirs, I will stick my lance far beyond where the light of our world shines, deep into the colon of our enemy. Sir Bam-a-lot, you will feel a lot of my lance in your ass."
  • (Unnamed) "I feel like my eyes have gonorrhea."
  • (Unnamed) "From my experiments with sexiness, it seems like a lot of people are afraid at first, and fear usually equals violence. But eventually I'll win their hearts, and instead of fighting, they'll want to make love to me."
  • (Unnamed) "Even the men?"
  • (Unnamed) "Yep."
  • (Unnamed) "I don't mean to toot my own horn, but BEEP BEEP."
  • (Unnamed) "Phil gets off work in ten minutes, and I've got twenty paintballs up in this bitch. He's gonna die."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm sick of the whole pooping thing -- I'm gonna go get my butt cheeks pierced together."
  • (Unnamed) "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville and I'm about to get hit by a car real soon."
  • (Unnamed) "I have a full grown, semi-nude man bound with duct tape in my truck and I was trying to get out to the desert to bury him. How do I get to 5 South?"
  • (Unnamed) "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm Ryan Dunn. Today I'm gonna do some land skiing up here in the Pennsylvania mountains and try not to die."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm not looking forward to this at all."
  • (Unnamed) "Ever since puberty, I've dreamed of being a centerfold in 'Playgirl'."
  • (Unnamed) "Hi. I'm Brad Pitt and I'm about to be abducted --"
  • (Unnamed) "I'm Bam Margera, and I feel like kicking my dad's ass all day today."
  • (Unnamed) "Hi sweetie, I'm gonna inseminate you artificially -- maybe for real if you play your cards right."
  • (Unnamed) "I wish life were more like a porno movie."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm Jackass, and you're watching Raab Himself --"
  • (Unnamed) "You were about five feet short of a ten-foot jump."
  • (Unnamed) "I have your name tattooed on my ass."
  • (Unnamed) "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to "Jackass"."
  • (Unnamed) "Um, tonight we're gonna get spanked by a couple of dominatrixes, up in 301."
  • (Unnamed) "Dominatrices."
  • (Unnamed) "Dominatrices? Sorry, my English ain't so good."
  • (Interviewer) "What does the smoke do?"
  • (Norm the Beekeeper) "Well, the smoke disorganizes and confuses the bees."
  • (Interviewer) "Now, if we were to blow the smoke on Mr. Knoxville, would it confuse him?"
  • (Unnamed) "I want you to punch me in the face one second prior to take-off, so that it softens the blow."
  • (Colonic Nurse) "You know John Wayne died with over 63 pounds of impacted feces in his stomach?"
  • (Unnamed) "Why do you think they called him "The Duke"?"

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