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Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back Quotes

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is a TV show that debuted in 1970 . Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back stopped airing in 1970.

It features Scott Mosier as producer, James L. Venable in charge of musical score, and Jamie Anderson as head of cinematography.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is 104 minutes long. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is distributed by Miramax.

The cast includes: Jason Mewes as Jay, Dwight Ewell as Hooker #1, Dwight Ewell as Hooker #2, Mark Hamill as Cock-Knocker, Eliza Dushku as Sissy, Shannon Elizabeth as Justice, Renee Humphrey as Tricia Jones, Joey Lauren Adams as Alyssa Jones, Will Ferrell as Whillenholly, Jeff Anderson as Randal Graves, Brian O'Halloran as Dante Hicks, Chris Rock as Chaka, Jon Stewart as Reg Hartner, Jennifer Schwalbach as Missy, Ali Larter as Chrissy, Judd Nelson as Sheriff, Chris Rock as Chaka Luther King, Jason Lee as Brodie, Tracy Morgan as Pumpkin Escobar, Seann William Scott as Brent, Will Ferrell as Willenholly, Dwight Ewell as Hooper, George Carlin as Hitchhiker, Marc Blucas as Scooby Doo, Carmen Llywelyn as Daphne, Marc Blucas as Fred, Matthew James as Shaggy, and Jane Silvia as Velma.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back Quotes

Jason Mewes as Jay

  • (James Van Der Beek) "You actually watch that show?"
  • (Jason Mewes) "Yeah, for Joey, man. She is too fine. Did you ever get to 3rd base with her?"
  • (James Van Der Beek) "Well, actually there was this one time --"
  • (Jason Mewes) "Now who's stupid, you dirty sheep f***er?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "I would never f*** a sheep."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Hey there. How you doing?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "I love animals."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Tickets? Since when did they start charging for the bus? Didn't we used to ride that s*** to school every morning for free?"
  • (Jason Mewes) "So your in this for the p***** right?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "No, I'm in this because I LOOOVE animals, stupid?"
  • (Jason Mewes) "Even Sheep?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "Of course. Sheep are beautiful creatures."
  • (Jason Mewes) "So would you f*** a sheep?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "What is your damage, little boy. You have a sick and twisted world perspective."
  • (Jason Mewes) "No, you're misunderstaning me, Prince Valiant. I'm saying if you were a sheep, would you f*** a sheep, if you were another sheep?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "Well, in that case, you bet your sweet ass I would."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Thought so."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Yo, this motherf***er ain't one of us. He said he'd f*** a sheep."
  • (Seann William Scott) "No. No. No."
  • (Jason Mewes) "WHO'S STUPID NOW, DIRTY SHEEP f***ER."
  • (Jason Mewes) "What? I've got a wiping problem. I just stick those little pieces up my brown-eye and bam. I get no stains in my undies. What you don't believe me? Check this s*** out. Spread my cheeks, so he can see the f***ing stink nuggets."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Eew, man, she had '70s bush. Damn second rule in that book should be: "Trim that s***"."
  • (Jason Mewes) "You know, maybe one night me and Lunch Box are out we're mackin' some chick and s***, and she's, like, "Ooh, I want to suck youse guys' dicks off," and she's, like, "What your names?" And I'm, like, "Jay and Silent Bob." Reco'nize. And she's like, "Oh, I've read on the Internet that f***in' youse guys are a couple of little f***in' jerkoffs." And then she goes and sucks two other guys' dicks off instead. Well, f*** that."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Hey, lawdog."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Hey."
  • (Jason Mewes) "See you in hell, cocksmoker."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Aww, f*** Meeeee.."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Dude, I think I just filled the cup."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Whoaaa -- avenge me -- Hemp Knight."
  • (Jason Mewes) "And I can't believe fine-ass bitches like yourselves eat that s***. Don't you know fast food makes girls fart?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "Say, what's all this talk about farting?"
  • (Jason Mewes) "So what can a smooth pimp daddy like myself do to help the animals?"
  • (Shannon Elizabeth) "Oh -- you REALLY don't wanna help us."
  • (Jason Mewes) "The f*** you talkin' about? Sure, I do. I'd do anything for you."
  • (Jason Mewes) "I mean youse guys, I'd do anything for youse guys, 'cause for the lift and s***."
  • (Shannon Elizabeth) "Okay. Well, um, let me just talk to the other girls and get back to you."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Yeah, you do that. I'll be right here waitin'."
  • (Jason Mewes) "f*** you, fatty."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Die, you super-monkey f***."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Miramax? I thought they only did classy pictures, like "The Piano" and "The Crying Game"."
  • (Jason Lee) "Yeah, but then they made "She's All That" and it went downhill from there."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Do they say who's f***in' playing us in the movie?"
  • (Holden) "No, but it's Miramax. So I'm sure it'll be Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. They put those guys in a bunch of movies."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Who?"
  • (Holden) "You know, those kids from Good Will Hunting?"
  • (Jason Mewes) "You mean that f***in' movie with Mork from Ork in it?"
  • (Holden) "Yeah, I wasn't a big fan either -- but Affleck was the bomb in "Phantoms"."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Word, bitch, Phantoms like a motherf***er."
  • (Holden) "What's up now."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Just isn't the same, is it?"
  • (Jason Mewes) "This place licks balls compared to the Quick Stop. Speakin' of lickin' balls, man, how 'bout that Justice chick? She is TOO fine. And she smells SO f***in' pretty. She has a nice voice, too. And that body? f***in' smokin'. You know, she didn't tell me to f*** off once when I was talkin' to her, or pull out the f***in' pepper spray or anything. You know, Lunchbox -- she could be the one."
  • (Jason Mewes) "What are you trying to say? Just say it already."
  • (Silent Bob) "THE SIGN on the back of the car said "Critters Of HOLLYWOOD", YOU DUMB f***."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Say it, don't spray it."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Zoinks, yo."
  • (Marc Blucas) "Now we can finally solve the mystery of the hitchhiking ghouls. Pull of their masks and let's see who they really are."
  • (Jane Silvia) "I don't think they are masks."
  • (Carmen Llywelyn) "And I don't think that they're hitchhiking girls either."
  • (Jane Silvia) "GHOULS, you f***in' moron, not girls. I wish they were hitchhiking girls- sexy hitchhiking girls."
  • (Marc Blucas) "Let's kick 'em out. We've got a mystery to solve."
  • (Matthew James) "The only mystery here is why we take our cues from a dick in a neckerchief."
  • (Marc Blucas) "Keep it up, beatnik, I'll feed ya to the f***in' dog."
  • (Carmen Llywelyn) "I CAN'T TAKE ALL THIS FIGHTING."
  • (Jason Mewes) "YO. Youse guys need to turn those frowns upside down, and I got just the thing for that -- we call it -- DOOBIE SNACKS."
  • (Jason Mewes) "All you motherf***ers are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We're gonna f*** your mothers while you watch and cry like little, whiny bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax f***s who is makin' the movie -- we're gonna make them eat our s***, then s*** out our s***, and then eat their s*** that's made up of our s*** that we made 'em eat. Then you're all you motherf***s are next. Love- Jay and Silent Bob."
  • (Assistant Director(GWH 2)) "Okay, you two. Just stand there, and react. Don't say anything."
  • (Assistant Director(GWH 2)) "Especially you."
  • (Jason Mewes) "That's pretty funny."
  • (Jason Mewes) "What the f*** are you talking about?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "Hey. Watch the language, little boy."
  • (Holden) "If the buzz is any indicator, that movie's gonna make some huge bank."
  • (Jason Mewes) "What buzz?"
  • (Holden) "The Internet buzz."
  • (Jason Mewes) "What the f*** is the Internet?"
  • (Holden) "The Internet is a communication tool used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies and share pornography with one another."
  • (Jason Mewes) "I am the master of the C.L.I.T. Remember this f***ing face. Whenever you see C.L.I.T., you'll see this f***ing face. I make that s*** work. It does whatever the f*** I tell it to. No one rules the C.L.I.T like me. Not this little f***"
  • (Jason Mewes) ", none of you little f***s out there. I AM THE C.L.I.T. COMMANDER. Remember that, commander of all C.L.I.T.s. When it comes down to business, this is what I do. I pinch it like this. OOH you little f***. Then I rub my nose with it."
  • (Jason Mewes) "If today is Tuesday and the movie starts filming on Friday, we have --"
  • (Jason Mewes) "-- eight days."
  • (Holden) "Uh, three by my count, but close."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Right. My bad. Three days to stop that f***ing movie from getting made. Come on, Silent Bob. We're going to Hollywood."
  • (Jason Mewes) "f***, f***, f***, f***, / Mother, mother f***, / Mother, mother f***, f*** / Mother f***, mother f***, / Noise noise noise, / 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4, / Noise, noise noise / Smokin' weed, smokin' wizz, / Doin' coke, drinkin' beers, / Drinkin' beers, beers, beers, / Rollin' fattys, smokin' blunts, / Who smokes the blunts? / We smoke the blunts. / Rollin' blunts and smokin' --"
  • (Teen #2) "Uh, let me get a nickel bag."
  • (Jason Mewes) "/ Fifteen bucks, little man, / Put that s*** in my hand, / If that money doesn't show, / Then you owe me, owe me, owe, / My jungle love, yeah, / Owe-ee, owe-ee, owe, / I think I want to know ya, know ya, / Yeah, what?"
  • (Teen #1) "What the hell are you singing?"
  • (Jason Mewes) "You don't know "Jungle Love?" That s*** is the mad notes. Written by God herself and sent down to the greatest band in the world: The mother-f***ing Time."
  • (Teen #2) "You mean the guys in that Prince movie?"
  • (Teen #1) "Yeah, Purple Rain."
  • (Teen #2) "Man, that s*** was so gay; f***ing eighties style."
  • (Jason Mewes) "And I'll be, like, "What, you don't know f***in' Jay and Silent Bob? The f***in' mack daddys of f***in' Jersey?" And she'll be, like, "Oh, I've read on the Internet that you's guys are a couple of little"
  • (Jason Mewes) "f***holes.""
  • (Jason Mewes) "Just call me Darth Balls -- Bong."
  • (Jason Mewes) "What's twistin' this bitches tit?"
  • (Shannon Elizabeth) "Maybe it's because girls don't like to be called bitches, Jay."
  • (Jason Mewes) "They don't? How 'bout "fine piece of ass"?"
  • (Shannon Elizabeth) "How about not."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Then what the f*** am I supposed to call you?"
  • (Shannon Elizabeth) "Something sweet, ya big goof. Something nice."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Boo boo kitty f***?"
  • (Shannon Elizabeth) "That's -- a start."
  • (Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon) "Sorry to interrupt sirs, but we've got a 10-07 on our hands."
  • (Matt Damon) "Oh Jesus, again Ben?"
  • (Ben Affleck) "No, bulls***, because I wasn't WITH a hooker today, ha-HA."
  • (Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon) "There they are."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Affleck, you the bomb in "Phantoms", yo."
  • (Jason Mewes) "I'm gonna finger-bang her tight little asshole / Finger-bang and tea-bag my balls / Where, where, in her mouth / Balls a-plenty in her mouth / Balls Balls Sweaty Balls"
  • (Jason Mewes) "Just like Winnie the Pooh."
  • (Jason Mewes) "What the f*** are you bitches babbling about?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "Hey. Watch the language, little boy."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Holy f***, is that monkey waving at us? Oh, s***, It understood us. Maybe it's some kind of supermonkey. What if there's more supermonkeys up at that lab?"
  • (Jason Mewes) "What if they're creating an army of them? Holy s***. It must be a conspiracy like in the X-Files -- Roswell style. This little monkey could be the f***in' damn dirty ape responsible for the fall of the human race. In this world gone mad, we won't spank the monkey- the monkey will spank us. And after the fall of man, these monkey f***s'll start wearing our clothes and rebuilding the world in their image. Oh and only those as super smart as me will be left alive to bitterly cry; you maniacs. Damn yous. god**** yous all to hell."
  • (Banky) "Stop the movie? Are you crazy?"
  • (Jason Mewes) "All these assholes on the Internet are callin' us names because of this f***in' stupid movie."
  • (Banky) "That's what the Internet's for, slandering others anonymously. Stopping the flick isn't gonna stop that."
  • (Jason Mewes) "This isn't fair. We came to Hollywood, I fell in love. f***in' we stole a monkey, we got shot at, and I got punched in the motherf***in' nuts by a guy named Cockknocker."
  • (Banky) "You know what? I feel for you boys, I really do. But Miramax; you know, Miramax Films; paid me a s***load of money for "Bluntman and Chronic." So it occurs to me that people badmouthing you on some website is NONE OF MY f***ING CONCERN."
  • (Silent Bob) "Oh, but I think it is. We had a deal with you on the comics, remember? For likeness rights? And as we're not only the artistic basis, but also obviously the character basis for your intellectual property, "Bluntman and Chronic," when said property was optioned by Miramax Films, you were legally obliged to secure our permission to transfer the concept to another medium. As you failed to do that, Banky, you are in breach of the original contract. Ergo, you find yourself in a VERY actionable position."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Yeah."
  • (Banky) "You guys are gonna ruin my movie career."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Well, we want somethin' for our mental anguish."
  • (Banky) "Tell you what: let's settle this monetarily. I'll give you half of what I make."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Half?"
  • (Banky) "Half's not enough? Fine, I'll give you two-thirds of what I make."
  • (Jason Mewes) "f*** you, you already said half. You can't take it back."
  • (Banky) "Done."
  • (Banky) "Well, you're rich, you're in love"
  • (Banky) "Well, you're in love. And you've both got your own monkey. What more could two guys from New Jersey want?"
  • (Jason Mewes) "Well, to have all these f***s stop talking s*** about us on the Internet."
  • (Banky) "What've I been telling you? There's nothing you can do about it. Unless you show up at all their houses and beat the s*** out of them."
  • (Jason Mewes) "In a world gone mad, we will not spank the monkey, but the monkey will spank us."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Why do they call you Cock-Knocker?"
  • (Mark Hamill) "Actually, there's a funny story behind that. Ha, ha, you're gonna love this. True story."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Hey, I'll make you a deal; this guy"
  • (Jason Mewes) "will suck your dick off if you let us go."
  • (Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon) "Contrary to what you believe, not everyone in Hollywood is a homosexual."
  • (Jason Mewes) "How about this deal- he'll suck my dick while you watch and jerk off."
  • (Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon) "Alright."
  • (Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon) "Make it fast and sexy."
  • (Jason Mewes) "It's either this or jail. And you know what they do to you in jail."
  • (Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon) "I was a guard. Alright, and after it's all over, you say "Ooh, what a lovely tea party"."
  • (Jason Mewes) "So, you think I could get a little kiss for good luck?"
  • (Jason Mewes) "Think I could get a little blow job for good luck?"
  • (Shannon Elizabeth) "No. Go."
  • (Jason Mewes) "f***."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Get off my Kool-Aid motherf***a."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Zoinks, yo."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Man, who the f*** steals monkeys?"
  • (Jason Mewes) "Oh yeah --"
  • (Jason Mewes) "I can't believe I'm gonna get some p***** for stealin' the monkey."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Stealin' the little monkey. Man, if I woulda known that, I would have been stealin' monkeys since I was like, seven and s***."

Mark Hamill as Cock-Knocker

  • (Mark Hamill) "Not again."
  • (Mark Hamill) "Don't f*** with the Jedi Master, son."

Will Ferrell as Whillenholly

  • (Will Ferrell) "They've got a monkey in there?"
  • (Judd Nelson) "An ape."
  • (Will Ferrell) "What?"
  • (Judd Nelson) "An orangutan's a member of the great ape family, it's not a monkey."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Look, who's the Federal Wildlife Marshal here, me or you? That's what I thought."
  • (Will Ferrell) "It may not be my way, but damn if there doesn't go one happy family. All right, gang, let's just shoot some tear gas into the diner, and then when the guys come out with the monkey, we'll -- f***beans. That was them, wasn't it?"
  • (Will Ferrell) "We don't want to rub the C.L.I.T. the wrong way."
  • (Will Ferrell) "And might I add, that is one fine looking boy you are raising."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Hell yeah, that's because he's from my sperm. See, I knocked up this hot woman friend of ours that I f*** on the side so as to not be all the way gay, but my tubby husband here is 100% queer. He LOVES the cock."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Plaschke, this is Willenholly. I need you to get me on the national news, pronto. Why? Because we may very well be dealing with the two most dangerous men on the planet."
  • (Will Ferrell) "I think I would recognize an ape if I saw one and the only thing I see right now is a political fiasco that I'm about to avoid by letting this buttf***in' Brady Bunch go."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Wow. That was an incredibly daring escape."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Okay, here's the deal. You and your men stay up here, when I corner them, I'll call for back up. I'm counting on you, Sheriff."
  • (Will Ferrell) "You've taught me so much."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Well it isn't my way but I'll be damned if their doesn't go one happy family. Okay men let's shoot some tear gas into the diner and when they come out we'll -- f*** beans. That was them wasn't it?"
  • (Will Ferrell) "Put the monkey down, and your hands up. Let's go, misters. Do you want to get shot? I didn't think so."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Look, man. She doesn't want to go back to the lab. And for the record, I ain't gay."
  • (Will Ferrell) "And for the record, while we're one the subject, I knew that wasn't a real little boy."
  • (Jason Mewes) "And for one more record, he does love the cock."
  • (Will Ferrell) "The C.L.I.T. is an offshoot of the L.A.B.I.A."
  • (Jon Stewart) "Oh, you mean the Liberate Apes Before Imprisoning Apes movement?"
  • (Will Ferrell) "I don't get out to the movies that much, but "Bluntman and Chronic" was blunt-tastic."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Why are you shooting at me? I'm just a Federal Wildlife Marshall."
  • (Ali Larter) "Two reasons. One: we're walking, talking, bad girl cliches."
  • (Jennifer Schwalbach) "And two: because you're a man."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Only on the outside."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Remember, folks -- stimulation of the C.L.I.T is not recommended."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Who let the cats out?"
  • (Will Ferrell) "Sorry, Justice. We've gotta go."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Hey, stop stealing monkeys."
  • (Jason Mewes) "f*** you."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Fair enough."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Oh Yeah. Oh Yeah. You chug that ass cock, baby. You need two hands. Oh, you like that, MULE. Mules are -- GOOD."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Oh my God. I'm paralyzed. That monkey shot me in the ass and paralyzed me. Oh sweet irony."
  • (Shannon Elizabeth) "You're not paralyzed. It was just a tranquilizer."

Dwight Ewell as Hooper

  • (Dwight Ewell) "Hey, little man. You want some of this?"
  • (Dwight Ewell) "How 'bout you, big boy?"
  • (Dwight Ewell) "You got 50 bucks, we can get NASTY."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Oh, yeah? How nasty?"
  • (Dwight Ewell) "As nasty as you want to be, papi."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Oh, all right. Well, first, I want you to tongue my bung, while you juggle my balls in one hand, and play with my asshole with the other, but don't stick you're finger in. Then I want to pinky you while I stick in your f***in' friend's brown, while Silent Bob watches, and f***in' spanks it in a Dixie cup. After that, I want to smell your titties for a while, and you can pull my nutsack up over my dick so it looks like a bullfrog. Then I want you to f***in' flick my nuts while your friend spanks me off in the same Dixie cup that Silent Bob jizzed in. Then, we throw the Dixie cup out."
  • (Dwight Ewell) "Oh, that's it, honey. I quit. This job just passed the point of no return."
  • (Jason Mewes) "What? You said "nasty"."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Man, chicks in Hollywood are so stuck-up."
  • (Banky) "God, I'm so embarrassed."
  • (Dwight Ewell) "You should be. They took your intellectual property and turned it into one 90-minute long gay joke. It was like watching "Batman & Robin" all over again."

Chris Rock as Chaka

  • (Chris Rock) "This movie is gonna make House Party look like House Party 2."
  • (Chaka's Production Assistant) "Or House Party 3."
  • (Chris Rock) "Shut the f*** up."
  • (Chris Rock) "Another white boy in this movie? Damn."
  • (Chris Rock) "Duck, pie f***er. Damn, these white boys can't fight."
  • (Chris Rock) "Crazy crackers with guns. Its time I get my black ass out of here."
  • (Chris Rock) "I film this s***, I yell cut and then I get the f*** outta here back to my trailer, because I got more white girls in there than the first lifeboat of the Titanic, and they all want a part in my movie, and I got just the part for 'em."
  • (Chaka's Production Assistant) "You the man."
  • (Chris Rock) "No, you the man, and that's the problem."
  • (Chaka's Production Assistant) "Here's your coffee sir, booger-free."
  • (Chris Rock) "Get that s*** the f*** out of here."
  • (Banky) "Uh, Chaka? Hi, I'm Banky Edwards, the creator of "Bluntman and Chronic." We met a few weeks back, I'm the executive producer."
  • (Chris Rock) "Oh, you're the executive producer. Well, why don't you executive produce me a latte; De-Crackernated. Okay, f***y?"
  • (Banky) "Actually, it's Banky."
  • (Chris Rock) "No, it is f***y."
  • (Chris Rock) "I think George Lucas gonna sue somebody."
  • (Chris Rock) "Cra-cra-cracker?"

Jeff Anderson as Randal Graves

  • (Jeff Anderson) "See? If you were funnier than that, ABC wouldn't have cancelled us."
  • (Jeff Anderson) "That was definitely worse than "Clash of the Titans.""
  • (Brian O'Halloran) "I can't believe Judi Dench played me."
  • (Jeff Anderson) "Remind me to renew that restraining order."
  • (Brian O'Halloran) "Why?"
  • (Jeff Anderson) "Because I'm going to blast that flick on the internet tonight."
  • (Jeff Anderson) "See? I told you that restraining order was a good idea."

Ali Larter as Chrissy

  • (Ali Larter) "Holy f***. The little stoner was right."
  • (Ali Larter) "Kaboom, you little stoner f***s."

Eliza Dushku as Sissy

  • (Eliza Dushku) "Your s*** is really getting tired, Justice."
  • (Shannon Elizabeth) "Call me 'Boo-Boo-Kitty-f***', bitch."
  • (Eliza Dushku) "Since you let our patsy slip away, you gotta convince the little kid and the fat guy to take his place. They gotta break into Provasik now."
  • (Shannon Elizabeth) "Uh-uh."
  • (Eliza Dushku) "Uh-huh. You'll do it, or you're out of the gang, Justice. Just use the little one's crush on you to convince him, since he's SO f***ing in love with you."
  • (Shannon Elizabeth) "Jay? No, he's not."
  • (Eliza Dushku) "What am I, blind? He wasn't kissing your hand in the back of the van like he was f***ing Lord Byron?"
  • (Shannon Elizabeth) "Well, maybe he just has manners."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Yo, baby, you ever had your asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat?"
  • (Jason Mewes) "Yeeaah --."
  • (Eliza Dushku) "Shut the f*** up, before I shoot you where you stand in your pansy red booties."
  • (Jason Mewes) "I AM wearing pansy red booties"
  • (Jason Mewes) "Why the f*** didn't you tell me?"
  • (Eliza Dushku) "Y'know, I don't get you, Justice. You used to be into all this girl stuff. Stealing, boning, blowing s*** up, and now you're like this little priss with a conscience. It's really a f***ing drag."

Jason Lee as Brodie

  • (Jason Lee) "Oh my God. Don't tell me you have no idea there's a movie being made of the comic you two were the basis for."
  • (Jason Mewes) "What? Since when?"
  • (Jason Lee) "See, here's the pulse. And this is your finger, far away from the pulse, jammed straight up your ass. Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?"
  • (Jason Lee) "And on that note, we cue the music."

Carmen Llywelyn as Daphne

  • (Carmen Llywelyn) "I think they passed out."
  • (Marc Blucas) "Great. What do we do with them now?"
  • (Matthew James) "Let's cut out their kidneys and sell them to the black market and leave them in a seedy motel bathtub full of ice."

Shannon Elizabeth as Justice

  • (Shannon Elizabeth) "They didn't really steal the monkey. It was just a diversion so we could steal these."
  • (Shannon Elizabeth) "And they're not the leaders of the C.L.I.T. The C.L.I.T is not real."
  • (Will Ferrell) "No the clit is real. Its the female orgasm that's the myth."
  • (Shannon Elizabeth) "If I go to prison will you wait for me?"
  • (Jason Mewes) "Hmm, I don't know. Will you f*** me when you get out?"
  • (Jason Mewes) "Don't change the subject. Will you f*** me when you get out?"
  • (Shannon Elizabeth) "Snoogans."
  • (Shannon Elizabeth) "Wait for me."
  • (Jason Mewes) "What, here?"
  • (Shannon Elizabeth) "Hi, I'm Justice."
  • (Jason Mewes) "And I'm so f***ing yours."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Oh, Hi, I'm Jay and this is my hetero-life-mate, Silent Bob."
  • (Shannon Elizabeth) "It's nice to meet you."
  • (Jason Mewes) "Justice, that's a nice name --"
  • (Jason Mewes) "Jay and Justice sitting in a tree, f-u-c-k-i-n-g --"

Renee Humphrey as Tricia Jones

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Marc Blucas as Fred

  • (Marc Blucas) "Hi, Ray and Rirent Rob."

Judd Nelson as Sheriff

  • (Judd Nelson) "The hell with this. Let's go back to the station house, and cornhole us a drunk."
  • (Judd Nelson) "Are you f***ing crazy? Now they may be gay, but that's not their son. That's the ape."
  • (Will Ferrell) "I think I would recognize an ape if I saw one, okay? And the only thing I do recognize right now is the political fiasco I'm about to avoid here by letting this butt-f***ing Brady Bunch go."

Brian O'Halloran as Dante Hicks

  • (Teen #1) "Jay says you guys had a Star Wars themed wedding, and you tied the knot dressed as Storm Troopers."
  • (Teen #2) "Yeah, and he says you're the bitch and you're the butch."
  • (Brian O'Halloran) "I'm the BITCH?"
  • (Jeff Anderson) "Well, if we were gay, that's certainly the way I'd see it."
  • (Brian O'Halloran) "Will you shut up."
  • (Teen #1) "Holy s***, dude. The honeymoon's over."
  • (Customer at Quick Stop) "Are you even supposed to be here today?"
  • (Brian O'Halloran) "Don't get me started."

Seann William Scott as Brent

  • (Seann William Scott) "Hey Mr. Science Guy -- don't spray that aerosol in my eye -- for -- for I -- I don't really wanna die. I'm a noble rabbit --"
  • (Seann William Scott) "Hey, watch the language, little boy. There's females present."
  • (Seann William Scott) "What's your damage, little boy? You've got a sick and twisted world perspective."

Jon Stewart as Reg Hartner

  • (Jon Stewart) "And we do want to say to the people at home, the clit is not something to be played with."

George Carlin as Hitchhiker

  • (George Carlin) "Have you seen the price of bus tickets lately. There's no way I'm gonna cough up 200 bucks just to get to Chicago."
  • (Jason Mewes) "f*** that, I don't wanna cough up some dude's sperm."
  • (George Carlin) "Don't be so suburban. It's the new millennium. Gay, straight -- it's all the same now. There are no more lines."

Jennifer Schwalbach as Missy

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