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Joan of Arcadia Quotes

Joan of Arcadia is a Family drama that appeared on TV in 2003 on CBS. Joan of Arcadia ended in 2005.

Joan of Arcadia lasted 2 seasons and 45 episodes. Joan of Arcadia is executive produced by Barbara Hall. Joan of Arcadia is created by Barbara Hall (TV producer).

Joan of Arcadia is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Joan of Arcadia is 45 minutes long. Joan of Arcadia is produced by Barbara Hall (TV producer) and distributed by CBS Television Distribution (USA).

The cast includes: Becky Wahlstrom as Grace Polk, Michael Welch as Luke, Juliette Goglia as God, Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi as Joan, Aaron Himelstein as Friedman, Chris Marquette as Adam, Michael Welch as Joan Girardi, Becky Wahlstrom as Grace, Fred Stoller as Pizza Delivery God, April Grace as Will, Mageina Tovah as Glynis Figliola, John Patrick Amedori as Loner Loser Kid God, Keaton Tyndall and Kylie Tyndall as Twin-Girl God, and Sonya Eddy as Female Custodian God.

Joan of Arcadia Quotes

Michael Welch as Luke

  • (Michael Welch) "Wow, the classic geek misdirect. Gee, I'd like to hang out with you, but let's pretend to study."
  • (Unnamed) "We're not hanging out."
  • (Michael Welch) "Are you out of your mind?"
  • (Aaron Himelstein) "What?"
  • (Michael Welch) "This totally hot girl is doing everything but immolating herself for you. Friedman, the odds of that happening again can only be calculated by a mainframe."
  • (Aaron Himelstein) "Hey, she's not my type."
  • (Michael Welch) "You don't have a type. You have magazines. Look, you're freaking because you're so used to being the guy that goes chasing after the girl. You can't handle it being the other way around. You think she's either setting you up or there's something wrong with her."
  • (Aaron Himelstein) "Thank you, Dr. Freud."
  • (Michael Welch) "Please, please just consider the other possible explanation for her interest."
  • (Aaron Himelstein) "What?"
  • (Michael Welch) "Dude, don't; don't make me go there."
  • (Aaron Himelstein) "What? What?"
  • (Michael Welch) "You're in junior mensa. Think."
  • (Aaron Himelstein) "I got nothin'."
  • (Michael Welch) "You're -"
  • (Michael Welch) "you're a great guy. You have a lot more going on than people think. You're sensitive and caring and some might say appealing."
  • (Aaron Himelstein) "Huh?"
  • (Michael Welch) "Appealing, dude. You're very appealing."
  • (Michael Welch) "So, dude, let's go shoot some hoops."
  • (Aaron Himelstein) "What?"
  • (Michael Welch) "Hoops, dude. That's it. Let's go."
  • (Michael Welch) "No one ever listens to me, and yet I talk."
  • (Michael Welch) "Look, I've really enjoyed our collaboration. I -- I feel our intellects and approaches really compliment each other, and I was, you know, hoping you felt the same way."
  • (Becky Wahlstrom) "Stop, stop, you're embarrassing me with your dirty talk."
  • (Michael Welch) "Judith doesn't know that many people here. She was just acting out."
  • (Becky Wahlstrom) "Acting out is getting your nose pierced. Nearly dying in a pool of your own vomit goes a little deeper than that."
  • (Michael Welch) "Not here to spy. I'm not even in the science fair anymore."
  • (Aaron Himelstein) "Why not?"
  • (Michael Welch) "FBI confiscated my project."
  • (Michael Welch) "I'm not joking."
  • (Mageina Tovah) "I always knew you had what it takes to contravene national security."
  • (Michael Welch) "This is a new look for you."
  • (John Patrick Amedori) "Yeah -- the jeans are really comfy."

Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi as Joan

  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "Power to the pimple."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "You don't think she is right, do you?"
  • (Chris Marquette) "I usually don't listen to what's going on unless I hear my name."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "Great, so ask Isaac Newton to the prom."
  • (Michael Welch) "Sure, if he was a girl -- and alive."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "I just want to be who I am and not who everyone else wants me to be."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "And this is supposed to inspire me?"
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "The Charlie Brown Christmas tree of metaphors?"
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "Does my hair look funny?"
  • (Becky Wahlstrom) "Your hair always looks funny."
  • (Becky Wahlstrom) "Sometimes it just pops into my head and I just laugh."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "I thought we were going with monotheism."
  • (Keaton Tyndall and Kylie Tyndall) "I'm impressed you know what that is."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "Why are you torturing me, And don't say I'm torturing myself."
  • (Keaton Tyndall and Kylie Tyndall) "Sometimes it's hard to believe what you see, so you have to trust the world behind your eyes,"
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "There's a world behind my eyes? Great, because this one isn't enough trouble."
  • (Keaton Tyndall and Kylie Tyndall) "People manage to believe in me, even though they have no idea what I am, they trust me even in the silence."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "OK. Can you take care of the rash and the barfing? Save the haiku for another time."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "Very matrix."
  • (Keaton Tyndall and Kylie Tyndall) "Go to the doctor, you're sick."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "What are you wearing?"
  • (Becky Wahlstrom) "A dress."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "You're -- wearing -- a dress?"
  • (Becky Wahlstrom) "Oh, nice smirk."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "I wasn't smirking. I was -- I -- had to sneeze."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "I'm ignoring you."
  • (Juliette Goglia) "I'm used to it."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "You think they"
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "know?"
  • (Michael Welch) "What? That Mom turned in their alpha dog? Probably."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "They're going to eat me alive."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "Were you being snippy to me?"
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "God is snippy."
  • (Juliette Goglia) "If I seem snippy to you, it's because you understand snippy."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "What should we do first?"
  • (Becky Wahlstrom) "Ask your brother for the answers."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "To be humble you have to be proud."
  • (Chris Marquette) "Wait, arent those opposites?"
  • (Becky Wahlstrom) "Ah, ask him ask him."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "No, no lets just break it down ok. Is there a chemical formula for twigs?"
  • (Chris Marquette) "Uh"
  • (Chris Marquette) "Cellulose is c6h12o6"
  • (Chris Marquette) "Uh, I have an eidetic memory."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "Whats that?"
  • (Michael Welch) "Photographic."
  • (Becky Wahlstrom) "He can barely remember his name."
  • (Chris Marquette) "Listen, I know a lot, I just cant put it all together."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "Ok, what about a chemical equation for fire?"
  • (Becky Wahlstrom) "Wood doesnt actually burn."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "Thats insane."
  • (Becky Wahlstrom) "What burns is the gas released when the wood gets hot. Therefore the reaction would have to be gasification, through oxidation reduction, then combustion."
  • (Michael Welch) "It is so hot that you know that."
  • (Chris Marquette) "Dude, are you smart?"
  • (Becky Wahlstrom) "Just because I refute the whole formal schooling equals knowledge crap doesnt mean Im stupid."
  • (Chris Marquette) "Nice."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "Ok, so what about gas."
  • (Chris Marquette) "Cha, like I know."
  • (Becky Wahlstrom) "And Rainman back to underpants."

Chris Marquette as Adam

  • (Chris Marquette) "Maybe I'm bad at stuff like this -- but we kissed. It's not like I've kissed a lot of girls. Maybe I've only kissed one."
  • (Michael Welch) "Right."
  • (Chris Marquette) "Well maybe it meant something to me."
  • (Michael Welch) "Maybe it meant something to me, too."
  • (Chris Marquette) "I don't -- I don't know what to do with it now."
  • (Michael Welch) "Me neither."
  • (Chris Marquette) "Maybe it's like that anti-drug guy said, you know? Romantic love is like a mental illness. It just happens and then what are you gonna do?"
  • (Michael Welch) "Maybe we're just not ready."
  • (Chris Marquette) "Okay. I accept that. Were you ready for that other guy?"
  • (Michael Welch) "That's different."
  • (Michael Welch) "Hey, wanna dance?"
  • (Chris Marquette) "Are you talking about the panty shot?"
  • (Chris Marquette) "I deleted it, like, immediately."
  • (Chris Marquette) "Physics is hard."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) ""Physics is hard"? That's like the intellectual version of "you're not fat"."

Aaron Himelstein as Friedman

  • (Aaron Himelstein) "I'll rule Trig the way Britney rules Justin."
  • (Aaron Himelstein) "You got to forget about Grace, dude."
  • (Michael Welch) "But I get these feelings. I know it's a biological reaction --"
  • (Aaron Himelstein) "We're not talking biology here. We're talking psychology. You're always throwing yourself against the one gate that's locked. And why? Because you're afraid of going through the gate and enjoying the pleasures of the garden --"
  • (Michael Welch) "Hey, hey, I'm not afraid of going through the gate."
  • (Aaron Himelstein) "Then why are you always walking right past the one gate that's wide open? And don't tell me you don't know who I'm talking about."
  • (Michael Welch) "Glynis?"
  • (Aaron Himelstein) "She's wacky for you, dude. When I took her to the dance, all she talked about was you. Extremely annoying, but, uh -- it's because I was wearing cologne and everything."
  • (Michael Welch) "I can't just transfer my feelings from one person to another."
  • (Aaron Himelstein) "Of course you can. It's built into our DNA. Did you see the look Glynis gave you in Chem today? That's a look you usually have to download."
  • (Michael Welch) "Okay -- I appreciate the rather base concern, but I can take care of my own love life."
  • (Aaron Himelstein) "Right -- in the shower."
  • (Aaron Himelstein) "Use the force, Luke."
  • (Michael Welch) "Gee. That's -- that's a new one."

Fred Stoller as Pizza Delivery God

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Juliette Goglia as God

  • (Juliette Goglia) "Have you read this?"
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "You stole that."
  • (Juliette Goglia) "Well, technically everything belongs to me."

Becky Wahlstrom as Grace Polk

  • (Becky Wahlstrom) "Do you have multiple personality disorder? Is that what this is?"
  • (Becky Wahlstrom) "It's the one advantage to being universally despised: you get to say whatever you want."
  • (Becky Wahlstrom) "Do you make a special effort not to speak in science metaphors?"
  • (Becky Wahlstrom) "I'll see you later. I'm going to go -- run with scissors."

April Grace as Will

  • (April Grace) "It's a triangle attacking a circle? Well, maybe the circle's rude."

Sonya Eddy as Female Custodian God

  • (Sonya Eddy) "Hi there, Joan."
  • (Joe Mantegna as Will Girardi) "Oh, God --"
  • (Sonya Eddy) "The one and only."

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