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Joe Versus the Volcano Quotes

Joe Versus the Volcano is a television program that was first aired in 1970 . Joe Versus the Volcano ended in 1970.

It features Teri Schwartz as producer, Georges Delerue in charge of musical score, and Stephen Goldblatt as head of cinematography.

Joe Versus the Volcano is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Joe Versus the Volcano is 102 minutes long. Joe Versus the Volcano is distributed by Warner Bros..

The cast includes: Meg Ryan as Patricia, Tom Hanks as Joe Banks, Ossie Davis as Marshall, Dan Hedaya as Mr. Waturi, Meg Ryan as Angelica, Robert Stack as Dr. Ellison, Meg Ryan as DeDe, and Amanda Plummer as Dagmar.

Joe Versus the Volcano Quotes

Tom Hanks as Joe Banks

  • (Tom Hanks) "Looks a little weird today, huh?"
  • (Amanda Plummer) "There's a typhoon warning. Good morning, Mr. Banks."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Good morning, Dagmar."
  • (Amanda Plummer) "Looks like we're in for a blow."
  • (Tom Hanks) "I tell you one thing, though. Wherever we go, whatever we do, we're gonna take this luggage with us."
  • (Samuel Harvey Graynamore) "There's an island in the South Pacific called Waponi Woo. The name means little island with a big volcano. Now, the Waponis are a cheerful people who live a simple existence, fishing in the lagoon, picking fruit. Their one fear is that big volcano. They call it the big Woo. They believe, that an angry fire god in the volcano will sink the island. Unless, once every 100 years he is appeased. It's been 99 years, 11 months and 11 days since the fire god got his propers and the Waponis are scared."
  • (Tom Hanks) "How is the god appeased?"
  • (Samuel Harvey Graynamore) "Of his own free will, a man's got to jump into the volcano."
  • (Tom Hanks) "And why, I ask myself, why have I put up with you? I can't imagine, but now I know. Fear. Yellow freakin' fear. I've been too chicken s*** afraid to live my life so I sold it to you for three hundred freakin' dollars a week."
  • (Tom Hanks) "I saw the moon when we where out there on the ocean. Shinning down on everything. I've been miserable for so long. Years of my life wasted. For you. Been a long time comin' here to met you. A long time, on a crooked road."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Take me -- to -- the volcano."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Where do you get your ideas?"
  • (Meg Ryan) "You have to understand something about art. It comes from someplace."
  • (Tom Hanks) "What's that? A teddy bear?"
  • (Waponi Chief) "It's my soul."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Oh, I hope you don't lose it."
  • (Waponi Chief) "Me too."
  • (Tom Hanks) "You look terrible, Mr. Waturi. You look like a bag of s*** stuffed in a cheap suit. Not that anyone could look good under these zombie lights. I, I, I, I can feel them sucking the juice out of my eyeball. Suck, suck, suck, SUCK --"
  • (Tom Hanks) "For 300 bucks a week, that's the news. For 300 bucks a week, I've lived in this sink, this used rubber."
  • (Dan Hedaya) "You watch it, mister. There's a woman here."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Don't you think I know that, Frank? Don't you think I am aware there is a woman here? I can smell her, like, like a flower. I can taste her, like sugar on my tongue. When I'm 20 feet away I can hear the fabric of her dress when she moves in her chair."
  • (Samuel Harvey Graynamore) "You got any whiskey?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "No."
  • (Samuel Harvey Graynamore) "I want to hire you Joe Banks. I want to hire you; to jump into a volcano."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Eh, you know -- I do have some whiskey."
  • (Tom Hanks) "What's the matter?"
  • (Meg Ryan) "Did you ever think about killing yourself?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "What -- Why would you do that?"
  • (Meg Ryan) "Why shouldn't I?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "Because some things take care of themselves. They're not your job; maybe they're not even your business."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Who am I? That's the real question, isn't it? Who-who am I? Who are you. What other questions are there? What other questions are there, really. You want to understand the universe? Embrace the universe. The door to the universe is you."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Dear God, whose name I do not know; thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG -- thank you. Thank you for my life."
  • (Tom Hanks) "And Frank, the coffee. It stinks. It tastes like arsenic. These lights give me a headache; if they don't give you a headache, you must be dead, so let's arrange the funeral."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Feel like I'm getting married."
  • (Ossie Davis) "I feel like I'm giving you away."
  • (Tom Hanks) "I bribed them to sing a song that would drive us insane and make our hearts swell and burst."
  • (Tom Hanks) "So I'm not sick? Except for this terminal disease?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "I have less than six months to live. The Waponis believe they need a human sacrifice or their island is going to sink into the ocean. They have this mineral your father wants so he hired me to leap into their volcano."
  • (Meg Ryan) "What?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "You're not going to make me say that again, are you?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "And then I'll be staying on a tiny island and I don't know if I'll be living in a hut, or what."
  • (Luggage Salesman) "Very exciting -- as a luggage problem."
  • (Tom Hanks) "So, what are we hoping for here?"
  • (Meg Ryan) "A miracle."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Marshall?"
  • (Ossie Davis) "Yeah."
  • (Tom Hanks) "I was wondering if you'd have dinner with me tonight."
  • (Ossie Davis) "I can't do that; I got the wife and kids at the end of the day."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Yeah --"
  • (Ossie Davis) "Listen, ain't you got nobody?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "No. But there are certain times in your life when I guess you're not supposed to have anybody, you know? There are certain doors you have to go through alone."
  • (Ossie Davis) "-- You're gonna be all right."
  • (Luggage Salesman) "This is our premier steamer trunk, it's all handmade, only the finest materials. It's even watertight, tight as a drum. If I had the need, and the wherewithal, Mr. Banks, this would be my trunk of choice."
  • (Tom Hanks) "I'll take four of them."
  • (Luggage Salesman) "May you live to be a thousand years old, sir."
  • (Tom Hanks) "I still have a problem. I have a brain cloud."
  • (Meg Ryan) "A brain cloud -- what is a brain cloud?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "It's; well, maybe I should get a second opinion."
  • (Meg Ryan) "You didn't get a second opinion on something called a brain cloud? I mean what are you, a hypochondriac?"

Meg Ryan as Patricia

  • (Meg Ryan) "I'm soul sick."
  • (Meg Ryan) "You're in a rotten mood."
  • (Meg Ryan) "It's the sunshine. Gets me down."
  • (Meg Ryan) "Did you sleep with my, with my sister?"
  • (Meg Ryan) "I've always kept clear of my father's stuff ever since I got out on my own. And now he's pulling me back in. He knew I wanted this boat and he used it and he got me working for him, which I swore I would never do. I feel ashamed because I had a price. He named it and now I know that about myself. And I could treat you like I did back out on the dock, but that would be me kicking myself for selling out, which isn't fair to you. Doesn't make me feel any better. I don't know what your situation is but I wanted you to know what mine is not just to explain some rude behavior, but because we're on a little boat for a while and -- I'm soul sick. And you're going to see that."
  • (Meg Ryan) "I love you."
  • (Tom Hanks) "I love you, too. I've never been in love with anybody before, either. It's great. I'm glad. But the timing stinks."
  • (Tom Hanks) "I've gotta go."
  • (Meg Ryan) "I wonder where we'll end up?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "Away from the things of man, my love. Away from the things of man."
  • (Waponi Chief) "Do you want to marry him?"
  • (Meg Ryan) "Yes."
  • (Waponi Chief) "Do you want to marry her?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "Yes."
  • (Waponi Chief) "Good. You're married."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Thank you, Chief."
  • (Meg Ryan) "Thank you, Chief."
  • (Waponi Chief) "I'm going now."
  • (Meg Ryan) "Whither thou goest, I go."
  • (Meg Ryan) "That outfit's wearing you, Felix."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Why are you calling me Felix. My name is Joe."
  • (Meg Ryan) "I am calling you Felix because I do what I want."
  • (Meg Ryan) "My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total amazement."
  • (Meg Ryan) "I wonder where we'll end up?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "Fell away from the things of man, Noah. Away from the things of man."
  • (Meg Ryan) "Well, I don't know what to say? You tell me you're dying. You tell me you're jumping into a volcano. My mind is a blank."
  • (Meg Ryan) "It's always gonna be something with you, isn't it Joe?"
  • (Meg Ryan) "Would you like to hear one of my poems?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "Sure."
  • (Meg Ryan) "Long ago, the delicate tangles of his hair -- covered the emptiness of my hand -- Would you like to hear it again?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "Ok."
  • (Meg Ryan) "Long ago, the delicate tangles of his hair -- covered the emptiness of my hand."
  • (Meg Ryan) "I am completely untrustworthy -- I'm a flibbertigibbet."
  • (Meg Ryan) "Joe, nobody knows anything. We'll take this leap and we'll see. We'll jump and we'll see. That's life."
  • (Meg Ryan) "Hi Joe, what's with the shoe?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "I'm losing my sole."
  • (Meg Ryan) "Yeah."
  • (Meg Ryan) "You must be tired."
  • (Tom Hanks) "I don't mind talking."
  • (Meg Ryan) "Well, I do. This is one of those typical conversations where we're all open and sharing our innermost thoughts and it's all bulls*** and a lie and it doesn't cost you anything."
  • (Meg Ryan) "You're afraid of the commitment? You're gonna have to love and honor me for about 30 seconds."

Ossie Davis as Marshall

  • (Ossie Davis) "Where to? Back to Staten Island?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "No, no. Ah, a really nice hotel. The Plaza."
  • (Ossie Davis) "The Plaza's nice."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Well, where would you go?"
  • (Ossie Davis) "I'd go to The Pierre."
  • (Tom Hanks) "Then, we are off to The Pierre."
  • (Ossie Davis) "What kinda clothes do you got now?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "Well, I got the kinda clothes I'm wearing."
  • (Ossie Davis) "So you got no clothes."
  • (Ossie Davis) "You're coming into focus, kid."

Robert Stack as Dr. Ellison

  • (Robert Stack) "And what did you do in the fire department?"
  • (Tom Hanks) "Well -- I put out fires."
  • (Robert Stack) "You have some time left, Mr. Banks. You have some life left. My advice to you is: live it well."

Dan Hedaya as Mr. Waturi

  • (Dan Hedaya) "But can he do the job. I know he can get the job but can he DO the job? I'm NOT arguing that with you. I'm not arguing that with YOU. I'm not ARGUING that with you. I'm not ARGUING that with you Harry. Harry -- Harry -- Yeah Harry -- but can he DO the job. I know he can GET the job but can he do the job?"
  • (Dan Hedaya) "I know he can get the job, but can he do the job?"

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