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Johnny Dangerously Quotes

Johnny Dangerously is a TV show that debuted in 1970 . Johnny Dangerously ended its run in 1970.

It features Michael Hertzberg as producer, John Morris (composer) in charge of musical score, and David M. Walsh as head of cinematography.

Johnny Dangerously is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Johnny Dangerously is 90 minutes long. Johnny Dangerously is distributed by 20th Century Fox.

The cast includes: Richard Dimitri as Roman Moroni, Joe Piscopo as Danny Vermin, Marilu Henner as Lil, Michael Keaton as Johnny Dangerously, Peter Boyle as Jocko Dundee, Griffin Dunne as Tommy Kelly, Michael Keaton as Johnny Kelly, Maureen Stapleton as Ma Kelly, and Michael Keaton as Young Johnny.

Johnny Dangerously Quotes

Richard Dimitri as Roman Moroni

  • (Richard Dimitri) "Why you miserable cork-soaker."
  • (Richard Dimitri) "This is fargin war."
  • (Richard Dimitri) "Okey. You and the rest of your bastages can gamble, but don't try no fargin trick, otherwise you wind up with your bells in a sling."
  • (Richard Dimitri) "You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder. I'm gonna cut off your arms. I'm gonna shove 'em up your icehole. Dirty son-a-ma-batches. My own club."
  • (Richard Dimitri) "I would like to direct this to the distinguished members of the panel: You lousy cork-soakers. You have violated my farging rights. Dis somanumbatching country was founded so that the liberties of common patriotic citizens like me could not be taken away by a bunch of fargin iceholes -- like yourselves."

Griffin Dunne as Tommy Kelly

  • (Griffin Dunne) "Sally's place is in the home, and I intend to support her, and I'll do anything; shine boots, drive a hack, blow glass; anything."
  • (Griffin Dunne) "Oh God. How do you get laid in 1930?"
  • (Griffin Dunne) "-- that Roman Troy Maronie was responsible for: the Mother's Day Massacre, The Christmas Day Slaughter, The Lincoln's Birthday Mutilations, and The Groundhog's Day Be-headings."
  • (D.A. Burr) "(On Johnny Dangerously's payroll) Why don't you ease into the job, by taking a vacation?"
  • (Griffin Dunne) "But what about crime?"
  • (D.A. Burr) "Don't worry. It'll still be here when you get back."
  • (Griffin Dunne) "Sally's place is in the home and I intend to support her and I'll do anything; shine boots, drive a hack, blow glass. Anything."

Michael Keaton as Johnny Dangerously

  • (Michael Keaton) "Say kid, what do they call you?"
  • (Marilu Henner) "Impressive."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Dr. Magnus, how's my mother?"
  • (Dr. Magnus) "It's her pancreas again, Johnny. She's gonna need an operation immediately."
  • (Michael Keaton) "How much is it gonna cost?"
  • (Dr. Magnus) "$49.95"
  • (Michael Keaton) "$49.95?"
  • (Dr. Magnus) "This week only."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Where am I gonna get that kind of money?"
  • (Dr. Magnus) "Why don't you knock over a gas station?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "I never should have picked a name like that. A name like that you gotta live up to. What's your last name?"
  • (Hood) "Binzerhoff."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Binzerhoff? Perfect. Keep that name and you'll stay out of trouble."
  • (Michael Keaton) "The years hadn't softened Moronie. He continued to murder the English Language, and anyone who got in his way."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Times were good in America. There was plenty of everything: jobs, security, laughs. America was in great shape, except for the President, William Howard Taft. Was HE a porker. At 310 lbs. he weighed as much as Teddy Roosevelt and half of William McKinley. Immigrants poured into the country from all over the world looking for a better life for their children. And over 97% of them settled into a two-block area of New York City."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Alright here it is. Johnny Dangerously is going legit."
  • (Unnamed) "Le-what?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "Legit."
  • (Charley) "Le-why?"
  • (Joe Piscopo) "I'll tell you le-why. Because Johnny Dangerously is really Johnny Kelly, brother of the D.A., Tommy Kelly."
  • (Michael Keaton) "You got those. I like those on a woman."
  • (Warden) "Your turn, Johnny. The priest you've requested has arrived."
  • (Charley) "Are you ready, my son?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "I'm ready if you are, father."
  • (Charley) "Dominus vobiscum, Nabisco. Espiritu sanctu. They gasthebus."
  • (Unnamed) "So long, Johnny."
  • (Charley) "We gasthebus. You gasthebus. We missed the bus. They missed the bus."
  • (Unnamed) "Be brave, huh, Johnny."
  • (Charley) "When's the next bus?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "Always, Nails."
  • (Charley) "Summa cum laude. Magna cum laude. The radio's too laude. Adeste fidelis."
  • (Unnamed) "Good luck, Johnny."
  • (Charley) "Semper fidelis. High fidelis."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Why didn't I take shop?"
  • (Charley) "Post Meridian. Ante Meridian. Uncle Meridian. All the little Meridians."
  • (Unnamed) "Bye bye, Johnny."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Bye, Rock."
  • (Charley) "The Magna Carta. MasterCharge it."
  • (Unnamed) "Spit in his eye, Johnny."
  • (Michael Keaton) "OK, rabbi."
  • (Charley) "Dum procellas. Lotsa Vitalis."
  • (Warden) "Any last words, Johnny?"
  • (Warden) "Well said."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Commissioner, there's all the evidence against me, just like I promised you. Use it. I'm ready to pay my debt."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Hey, how about a thank you?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "Hey, how about me getting out of here?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "Hey, how about me getting knocked out?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "Whatcha cookin' here ma?"
  • (Maureen Stapleton) "Beer."
  • (Michael Keaton) "With noodles. Great idea."
  • (Michael Keaton) "The name's Dangerously. Johnny Dangerously."
  • (Marilu Henner) "Did you know you're last name is an adverb?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "Hi Dr. Magnus. How's my mother?"
  • (Dr. Magnus) "It's her thyroid, Johnny."
  • (Michael Keaton) "What's wrong with it?"
  • (Dr. Magnus) "We can't find it. Gonna have to do a thyroid search."
  • (Michael Keaton) "How much is that gonna cost?"
  • (Dr. Magnus) "You're in luck. This week a special. $999 dollars."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Take it easy."
  • (Peter Boyle) "Take it easy? I'm standing here with my dork in my hand."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Ma, you got to take better care of yourself. I don't want you living like this. I don't want you doing other people's laundry."
  • (Maureen Stapleton) "What are you saying? Give up me career?"
  • (Unnamed) "I'm not wearing a bra, Johnny."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Yeah? Well that makes two of us."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Hey Pope, why don't you go build yourself a new gym at the Vatican."

Maureen Stapleton as Ma Kelly

  • (Maureen Stapleton) "With a father like "Killer" Kelly, it's a wonder neither of you turned out to be a piece 'o s*** criminal."
  • (Maureen Stapleton) "You've gotten to be like a daughter to me and I wanna share somethin' with ya."
  • (Marilu Henner) "Awww, what's that Mom Kelley?"
  • (Maureen Stapleton) "I go both ways."
  • (Marilu Henner) "Oh."
  • (Maureen Stapleton) "Bless the saints, it's an ashtray. I've been thinking of taking up smoking. This clinches it."

Marilu Henner as Lil

  • (Marilu Henner) "And shelf paper. Oh, Johnny, I love shelf paper."
  • (Marilu Henner) "So when I was 18 I left home and came here to Chicago."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Uh Lil, this ain't Chicago. We're in New York."
  • (Marilu Henner) "You're kidding."
  • (Marilu Henner) "Well, New York, Chicago, to a girl on her own, it's all the same."

Joe Piscopo as Danny Vermin

  • (Joe Piscopo) "You shouldn't have shot me, Johnny. My grandmother shot me once --"
  • (Joe Piscopo) "Hey, doll, how'd you like to make some money?"
  • (Mary-Margaret Catharine Dineen) "One at a time, or both of you together?"
  • (Joe Piscopo) "You shouldn't kick me in the balls, lady. My sister kicked me in the balls once --"
  • (Joe Piscopo) "Dames are put on this earth to weaken us. Drain our energy. Laugh at us when they see us naked."
  • (Joe Piscopo) "I enjoy collecting protection money, putting whores to work, loan-sharking. I enjoy planting bombs in people's cars. These are a few of my favorite things."
  • (Michael Keaton) "You know, Danny, I think you get too much sugar in your diet."
  • (Joe Piscopo) "I got something to stop him."
  • (Dutch) "They made it for him special. It's an.88 Magnum."
  • (Joe Piscopo) "It shoots through schools."
  • (Joe Piscopo) "You shouldn't hang me on a hook, Johnny. My father hung me on a hook once. Once."
  • (Joe Piscopo) "You shouldn't grab me, Johnny. My mother grabbed me once -- ONCE."

Peter Boyle as Jocko Dundee

  • (Peter Boyle) "How's tricks, Moroni?"
  • (Richard Dimitri) "What are you doing here, icehole?"
  • (Peter Boyle) "Hey, can't a fellow enjoy a night out gambling with some of his pals?"
  • (Richard Dimitri) "Don't bullshtein me."
  • (Richard Dimitri) "Search this somanabatch."
  • (Peter Boyle) "You got the number of that other plumber?"

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