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Just Married Quotes

Just Married is a television show that was first aired in 1970 . Just Married stopped airing in 1970.

It features Robert Simonds as producer, Christophe Beck in charge of musical score, and Jonathan Brown as head of cinematography.

Just Married is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Just Married is 95 minutes long. Just Married is distributed by 20th Century Fox.

The cast includes: Brittany Murphy as Sarah, Ashton Kutcher as Tom, Christian Kane as Peter, David Moscow as Kyle, Raymond J. Barry as Mr. Leezak, David Rasche as Mr. McNerney, Thad Luckinbill as Willie McNerney, and Valeria Andrews as Wendy.

Just Married Quotes

David Moscow as Kyle

  • (David Moscow) "Rich daddy equals expectations. Expectations are like a fungal rot on a marriage."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Our marriage is not going to have a 'fungal rot'."
  • (David Moscow) "Unless she finds out you slaughtered her dog."
  • (David Moscow) "Oh, don't worry, I'll take that to my grave."
  • (David Moscow) "Open the gates. Jack-in-the-box."
  • (Unnamed) "Me not jack in box. You jack in box."
  • (David Moscow) "I hope she doesn't spook on you, man."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "What are you talking about?"
  • (David Moscow) "Oh, I love Sarah, don't get me wrong, but -- rich chicks spook."

Brittany Murphy as Sarah

  • (Brittany Murphy) "Is that a Thunderstick A-200o"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "When did you become an expert?"
  • (Brittany Murphy) "I told you about that night in college."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "But you never told me about the hardware."
  • (Brittany Murphy) "Getting a visual"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "We gotta charge this thing"
  • (Brittany Murphy) "That plug won't fit in European outlet."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "I'll make it fit."
  • (Brittany Murphy) "Don't force it."
  • (Brittany Murphy) "Grazie, grazie, grazie"
  • (Brittany Murphy) "Grazie, grazie god dammit."
  • (Brittany Murphy) "Tom, you're acting like a crazy person."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Well, MAYBE it's cuz I just got hit in the HEAD with a ten pound ASHTRAY."
  • (Brittany Murphy) "Cheese and rice."
  • (Brittany Murphy) "Tomorrow my parents are going to know I'm not a virgin anymore."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "You haven't been a virgin since college."
  • (Brittany Murphy) "Yeah, but tomorrow they're going to know for sure."
  • (Brittany Murphy) "I miss doing time in prison with you."
  • (Brittany Murphy) "Tom, have you ever not told me something cause you were afraid of how I would react? Like have you ever not told me the truth about anything?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Like when I told you I liked your brother?"
  • (Brittany Murphy) "This is serious Tom."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "I am serious, I really don't like him."
  • (Unnamed) "Return to your seat please"
  • (Brittany Murphy) "Just a minute"
  • (Unnamed) "Return to your seat now please, playtime is over"
  • (Brittany Murphy) "BEAT IT STEW."
  • (Unnamed) "The captain has turned the fasten your seat belt light on"
  • (Brittany Murphy) "No, but my husband does have two pounds of hash in his rectum."
  • (Brittany Murphy) "We were evicted from a five star hotel, given the boot and now we're yelling at each other well not really, I'm yelling. I'm sorry I want to go home."

Ashton Kutcher as Tom

  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Son of a beotch. My skull is on firee."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Look, Yuan, Willie, whoever else is listening. You don't want me to be with Sarah and I can't change that. I don't know where we're gonna be in 10, 20, 40 years. I don't know who we're gonna be. I don't know if I'm ever gonna be able to give her all of this. There are a million things that I don't know. But there's one thing that I do. And that's that I love Sarah. And I am going to love her day in and day out for the rest of my life. Now, will you please -- please -- open the gate so I can tell that to my wife."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Okay, whatever. Listen, you get guests here from all over the world, it's up to you to have some American on your signs."
  • (Brittany Murphy) "He means English."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "The first sex I had on my honeymoon, was with a man named Santino."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "I just hope that -- I can be -- all that I can -- be -- in this -- family --"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Maybe we should just have sex."
  • (Brittany Murphy) "Call me crazy, but I'm not in the mood to make love to you."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Hey, we're in this together."
  • (Brittany Murphy) "Do you have four guys staring at your boobies right now? No."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Those birds are psychotic."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "That's yours."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "So, everyone thinks we're crazy for doing this, huh?"
  • (Brittany Murphy) "Since when do we care what people think."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "I specifically asked for a compact."
  • (Brittany Murphy) "This is a European compact."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "No, this is a Ringling Brothers compact. I don't understand it. I loooked at the brochure and it had a Fiesta on the cover, not a Bingo."
  • (Brittany Murphy) "Baby, just floor it."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "I am flooring it. If I pushed any harder, my foot would blow through the floor and we would be Flintstone-ing our asses there."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "So basically, you're asking me if I would rather be married to Sarah or have 51 one night stands."
  • (David Moscow) "Minimum."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "I don't even have to think about it."
  • (David Moscow) "Ok, is there a girl you wished you'd hooked up with, but didn't?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "You are like the worst best man ever."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "I need to know everything -- where, when, how small his weiner is."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Good thing that didn't happen while we were using it."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Are you going to tell me what really happened with Peter?"
  • (Brittany Murphy) "Are you going to tell me what really happened with red bra?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Nothing happened"
  • (Brittany Murphy) "I hope you used a condom"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "I hope Peter used a condom"
  • (Brittany Murphy) "I'm sorry, they don't make condoms that big."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "That's funny"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "we've got a comedian here"
  • (Brittany Murphy) "You wanna hear something funny, I'm moving out when we get back"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "I'm just gonna stop talking"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "And the hits just keep on coming."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "How often are the Dodgers on TV in Europe."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Hello Peter. So happy you could join us."
  • (Brittany Murphy) "Tom what are you doing?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "I was thinking, that it's time for Peter and I to TANGO."
  • (Christian Kane) "He's crazy. See you have no furture with this guy."
  • (Brittany Murphy) "Peter, shut up. Tom you're acting like a crazy person."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Oh yeah? Well, maybe that's cause I just got hit in the head with a ten-pound ashtray."
  • (Christian Kane) "I'm warning you Leizak"
  • (Christian Kane) "I studied karate with a Grand Master."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah? Well I sure hope he showed ya how to pull a fire poker outta your ass."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "We're keeping the champagne jock strap."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "HOOKER."
  • (Brittany Murphy) "MURDERER."

Christian Kane as Peter

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Valeria Andrews as Wendy

  • (Valeria Andrews) "Oh my god. This is like the Twilight Zone."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "I couldn't agree with you more."
  • (Valeria Andrews) "That was the longest fricking piss in Italian history."

David Rasche as Mr. McNerney

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Raymond J. Barry as Mr. Leezak

  • (Raymond J. Barry) "You never see the hard days in a photo album, but those are the ones that get you from one happy snap shot to the next."

Thad Luckinbill as Willie McNerney

  • (Thad Luckinbill) "We'll sic the hounds on you Leezak."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "BRING EM ON, WILLIE."

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