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Kelly's Heroes Quotes

Kelly's Heroes is a TV program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Kelly's Heroes ended in 1970.

It features Gabriel Katzka as producer, Lalo Schifrin in charge of musical score, and Gabriel Figueroa as head of cinematography.

Kelly's Heroes is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Kelly's Heroes is 146 minutes long. Kelly's Heroes is distributed by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

The cast includes: Clint Eastwood as Kelly, Donald Sutherland as Oddball, Telly Savalas as Big Joe, Don Rickles as Crapgame, Gavin MacLeod as Moriarty, Len Lesser as Bellamy, Stuart Margolin as Pvt. Little Joe, Hal Buckley as Captain Maitland, Harry Dean Stanton as Pvt. Willard, and Carroll O'Connor as Major General Colt.

Kelly's Heroes Quotes

Carroll O'Connor as Major General Colt

  • (Carroll O'Connor) "Get the hell out of here Bonzer, we got the game on."
  • (Carroll O'Connor) "Hey, did you lose my aerial photographs?"
  • (Carroll O'Connor) "They even got the grave diggers with them."
  • (Carroll O'Connor) "You're the guys who are supposed to be fighting this battle, and you don't even know where in the hell it is. Well I'll tell you where it is. It's 30 miles beyond where you thought it was, Booker."

Telly Savalas as Big Joe

  • (Telly Savalas) "Move it, Petuko, move it."
  • (Pvt. Petuko) "Don't forget about the broads."
  • (Telly Savalas) "Now when I come back, I want that farmhouse not only clean but completely decorated. Do you understand that?"
  • (Telly Savalas) "I'm going to Battalion to see if I can get some dirty movies --"
  • (Telly Savalas) "Oooo, that nut has gotta be nuts."
  • (Pvt. Petuko) "Hey, what happened Joe?"
  • (Telly Savalas) "What happened? Where the hell have you been?"
  • (Pvt. Petuko) "I had to go."
  • (Telly Savalas) "We all have to go."
  • (Telly Savalas) "If I hear any more threats against Captain Maitland's life, if I hear any more wild talk about going down to headquarters and killing the General, or raping the nurses at the field hospital, I'm going to strangle the guy with my bare hands. You understand that?"
  • (Telly Savalas) "Shut up you pain in the ass."
  • (Telly Savalas) "Look, Mulligan. I don't think I'm getting through to you. You're dropping your damn barrage on our position. The reason you can't hear me is because you're firing your mortars at your end, and they're dropping here, on our end. No, the Krauts are not here. We're here. Mulligan, your bombs are coming down on our head. I don't know where the Krauts are. Just lift your god**** barrage. Over."
  • (Telly Savalas) "Take that underwear off your head, enh? Enough is enough."
  • (Telly Savalas) "Look, Mac, you and us? We're just soldiers, right? We don't even know what this war's all about. All we do is we fight and we die and for what? We don't get anything out of it. In about a half an hour the whole American army's gonna be comin' down that road. Why don't you do yourself a great, big fat favor, huh? And get the hell outta here?"
  • (German tank commander) "I have orders. This bank isn't to fall into the hands of the American army."
  • (Clint Eastwood) "Sergeant, this bank's not gonna fall into the hands of the American army. It's gonna fall in our hands. You see, we're just a private enterprise operation."
  • (German tank commander) "You -- the American army."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "No, baby, we ain't."
  • (Telly Savalas) "I thought I told you to bring me some good-looking kid, not this fat, sausage-chewing wino."
  • (Clint Eastwood) "Well, if you were looking for a young boy, you should have sent somebody else, Joe."

Donald Sutherland as Oddball

  • (Donald Sutherland) "To a New Yorker like you, a Hero is some type of weird sandwich, not some nut who takes on 3 Tigers."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "Fire."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "It's a mark six -- And we've got it by the ass."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "It's still up."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "No it ain't."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves? Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here? Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?"
  • (Gavin MacLeod) "Crap."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "Always with the negative waves Moriarty, always with the negative waves."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "We see our role as essentially defensive in nature. While our armies are advancing so fast and everyone's knocking themselves out to be heroes, we are holding ourselves in reserve in case the Krauts mount a counteroffensive which threatens Paris -- or maybe even New York. Then we can move in and stop them. But for 1.6 million dollars, we could become heroes for three days."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "Hi, man."
  • (Telly Savalas) "What are you doing?"
  • (Donald Sutherland) "I'm drinking wine and eating cheese, and catching some rays, you know."
  • (Telly Savalas) "What's happening?"
  • (Donald Sutherland) "Well, the tank's broke and they're trying to fix it."
  • (Telly Savalas) "Well, then, why the hell aren't you up there helping them?"
  • (Donald Sutherland) "I only ride 'em, I don't know what makes 'em work."
  • (Telly Savalas) "Christ."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "Definitely an antisocial type. Woof, woof, woof. That's my other dog imitation."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "Beautiful."
  • (Gavin MacLeod) "suppose the bridge ain't there?"
  • (Donald Sutherland) "Don't hit me with them negative waves so early in the morning. Think the bridge will be there and it will be there. It's a mother, beautiful bridge, and it's gonna be there. Ok?"
  • (Donald Sutherland) "Still up."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "-- No it ain't. See what sending out them negative waves did, Moriarty?"
  • (Gavin MacLeod) "That ain't my fault, Oddball, I've done nothing but have good thoughts about that damn bridge ever since we left."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "A Sherman can give you a very nice -- edge."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "Crazy. I mean like so many positive waves maybe we can't lose. You're on."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "It's a Mark VI -- And we've got it by the ass."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "This engine's been modified by our mechanical genius here, Moriarty. Right?"
  • (Gavin MacLeod) "Whatever you say, babe."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "These engines are the fastest in any tanks in the European Theater of Operations, forwards or backwards. You see, man, we like to feel we can get out of trouble, quicker than we got into it."
  • (Clint Eastwood) "Got any other secret weapons?"
  • (Donald Sutherland) "Well, yeah, man, you see, like, all the tanks we come up against are bigger and better than ours, so all we can hope to do is, like, scare 'em away, y'know. This gun is an ordinary 76mm but we add this piece of pipe onto it, and the Krauts think, like, maybe it's a 90mm. We got our own ammunition, it's filled with paint. When we fire it, it makes -- pretty pictures. Scares the hell outta people. We have a loudspeaker here, and when we go into battle we play music, very loud. It kind of -- calms us down."

Harry Dean Stanton as Pvt. Willard

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Don Rickles as Crapgame

  • (Don Rickles) "Hey. I found one."
  • (Telly Savalas) "What kind is it?"
  • (Don Rickles) "The kind that blows up. How the Hell do I know what kind it is?"
  • (Pvt. Cowboy) "God almighty, you guys smell like you fell into a dung heap."
  • (Don Rickles) "Kinda makes ya homesick, don't it?"
  • (Harry Dean Stanton) "You know it does, kinda,don't it old buddy?"
  • (Don Rickles) "Hogan? Yeah, it's me. Listen -- I gotta favor to ask ya. Will you quit cryin -- I haven't even asked ya yet. What the Hell's the matter with you?"
  • (Don Rickles) "What is this? Huh? What is this, a ballgame? Who are these guys?"
  • (Donald Sutherland) "Their my friends, Crapgame."
  • (Don Rickles) "And who is that bunch of refugees over there?"
  • (Donald Sutherland) "The band."
  • (Don Rickles) "The band? What do we need a band for?"
  • (Donald Sutherland) "Have a little faith, Crapgame. They're beautiful people."
  • (Don Rickles) "Hey, Oddball, this is your moment of glory. And you're chickening out."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "To a New Yorker like you, a hero is some type of weird sandwich, not some nut who takes on three tigers."

Stuart Margolin as Pvt. Little Joe

  • (Stuart Margolin) "Kelly's even got us armor support."
  • (Telly Savalas) "What armor?"
  • (Don Rickles) "Three Shermans from the 321st."
  • (Telly Savalas) "Who's in command?"
  • (Don Rickles) "It's a top line outfit, I personally recommend these guys."
  • (Telly Savalas) "Now you butt out, hustler, the only time you come out of the ground is when you smell a profit."
  • (Don Rickles) "Oh, yeah, well I'm comin' out now, because Kelly's got the perfect caper."
  • (Telly Savalas) "Sure for you it's a vacation. Six days out of seven you're behind the lines, we're at the broken end of a bottle all the time, so you, BUTT OUT."
  • (Telly Savalas) "Who's in command?"
  • (Clint Eastwood) "A guy named Oddball."
  • (Telly Savalas) "Oddball. He's a freak."
  • (Clint Eastwood) "He's got three Shermans all ready to go."
  • (Telly Savalas) "What kind of a guarantee is that? "He's ready to go." He's a nut."
  • (Pvt. Jonesey) "Well we're all nuts, or we wouldn't be here."
  • (Stuart Margolin) "It's Mulligan."
  • (Telly Savalas) "It's Mulligan. What the hell does he want?"
  • (Stuart Margolin) "He says he's sorry."
  • (Telly Savalas) "Sorry son of a bitch."
  • (Stuart Margolin) "Mulligan, Big Joe's a little upset right now, I think maybe you should leave town -- Get out of the neighborhood -- Right."

Clint Eastwood as Kelly

  • (Clint Eastwood) "Sit down on this bench. I want you to have a drink."
  • (Col. Dumpkopf) "Under the Geneva Convention --"
  • (Clint Eastwood) "This isn't Geneva, Colonel."
  • (Clint Eastwood) "Well Oddball, what do you think?"
  • (Donald Sutherland) "It's a wasted trip baby. Nobody said nothing about locking horns with no Tigers."
  • (Telly Savalas) "Hey look, you just keep them Tigers busy and we'll take care of the rest."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "The only way I got to keep them Tigers busy is to LET THEM SHOOT HOLES IN ME."
  • (Don Rickles) "Hey, Oddball, this is your hour of glory. And you're chickening out."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "To a New Yorker like you, a hero is some type of weird sandwich, not some nut who takes on three Tigers."
  • (Clint Eastwood) "Nobody's asking you to be a hero."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "No? Then YOU sit up in that turret baby."
  • (Clint Eastwood) "No, because you're gonna be up there, baby, and I'll be right outside showing you which way to go."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "Yeah?"
  • (Clint Eastwood) "Yeah."
  • (Donald Sutherland) "Crazy -- I mean like, so many positive waves -- maybe we can't lose, you're on."

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