Last Action Hero Quotes

Last Action Hero is a television show that first aired in 1970 . Last Action Hero ended its run in 1970.

It features John McTiernan, and Steve Roth as producer, Michael Kamen in charge of musical score, and Dean Semler as head of cinematography.

Last Action Hero is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Last Action Hero is 131 minutes long. Last Action Hero is distributed by Columbia Pictures.

The cast includes: Austin O'Brien as Danny Madigan, Arnold Schwarzenegger as Jack Slater, Sylvester Stallone as Narrator, Charles Dance as Benedict, F. Murray Abraham as John Practice, Ian McKellen as Death, Frank McRae as Dekker, Robert Prosky as Nick, Bridgette Wilson as Whitney Slater, Anthony Quinn as Tony Vivaldi, Art Carney as Frank, and Mercedes Ruehl as Irene Madigan.

Last Action Hero Quotes

Charles Dance as Benedict

• (Charles Dance) "I wonder if you'd help me test a theory?"
• (Unnamed) "Sure, what can I do for ya?"
• (Charles Dance) "Well --"
• (Charles Dance) "Hello? I've just shot somebody, I did it on purpose."
• (Charles Dance) "I said, I have murdered a man and I want to confess."

• (Charles Dance) "I must warn you, I've killed people smarter and younger than you."

• (Charles Dance) "Gentlemen. Since you are about to die anyway, I may as well tell you the entire plot. Think of villains Jack. You want Dracula? Dra-cool-la? Hang on"
• (Charles Dance) ", I'll fetch him. Dracula? Huh. I can get King Kong. We'll have a nightmare with Freddy Krueger, have a surprize party for Adolf Hitler, Hannibal Lecter can do the catering, and then we'll have christening for Rosemary's Baby. All I have to do is snap my fingers and they'll be here. They're lining up to get here, and do you know why Jack? Should I tell you why? Hmm? Because here, in this world, the bad guys can win."

• (Charles Dance) "The Fart goes off in seven minutes."

• (Tammy, Hell's Kitchen Hooker) "Sweetheart, wanna have a party?"
• (Charles Dance) "How old are you?"
• (Tammy, Hell's Kitchen Hooker) "Forget it."

• (Charles Dance) "Here, in this world, the bad guys can win."

• (Charles Dance) "I understand you are interested in drug dealers."
• (Austin O'Brien) "Jack, that's him, the henchman with the glass eye."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Sir, are you a henchman?"
• (Charles Dance) "No, I only go as far as lackey. Anything else?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Yeah, take off your sunglasses."
• (Charles Dance) "Who's asking?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "The tin man."
• (Charles Dance) "Well, tin man, suppose you hit the bricks."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "No, they're the wrong color."
• (Charles Dance) "Are they? Oh dear. Let's change them. Would arterial red suit you?"
• (Charles Dance) "Make no mistake, they are exceptionally well-trained."
• (Charles Dance) "I snap my fingers again and some time tomorrow, you emerge from several canine rector. Or you and Toto can return to the land of Oz. Questions?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Yeah, two of them. Why am I wasting my time with silly putz like you when I could be doing something more dangerous; like rearranging my sock drawer? Two, how exactly are you going to snap your fingers, after I rip off both of your thumbs?"
• (Charles Dance) "Have a nice day."
• (Austin O'Brien) "He had one with a bulls-eye when he was with your second cousin. He hates his boss, he calls him a "Sicilian schmuck.""

• (Charles Dance) "Take his shoes?"

Arnold Schwarzenegger as Jack Slater

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "I mean, all I had to do, is just drive around the neighborhood, and point my finger at a house, and say 'The bad guys are in there.'"

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Let's say this is a movie. How many times have you heard someone say, "stay in the car," and the guy doesn't? What happens?"
• (Austin O'Brien) "He saves the day."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Or, gets killed."

• (Tough Asian Man) "May I help you?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Yes, could I speak to the drug dealer of the house, please?"
• (Tough Asian Man) "I beg your pardon?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "It's a beautiful day and we're out killing drug dealers. Are there any in the house?"

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "You wanna be a farmer? Here's a couple of achers."

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Kid. Who does the doctor treat?"
• (Austin O'Brien) "Patients?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Look at the elbow of my jacket. What is it doing?"
• (Austin O'Brien) "Wearing thin?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Bingo."

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Leo "the Fart" is gonna pass gas one more time."

• (Skeezy) "Umm, sir, the guy with the missing eye, I got his License Plate number."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Good for you."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "-- you mean the guy with the glass eye?"
• (Skeezy) "No sir, when I saw him, it was missing."
• (Cop at Ex-Wife's House) "Vengeance -- is --"
• (Cop at Ex-Wife's House) "-- mine?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "No don't touch --"

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Stop shouting. I'm not deaf."

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "He was a good man, a flatulent man."

• (The Mayor) "Jack, as mayor of this great metropolis, you and I have had our little tiffs, but this is the Lieutenant Governor."
• (Lt. Governor) "Slater, here's what I --"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "When the Governor gets here, call me."

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "I'm not worried that you're crazy anymore. I'm worried that you're right. But if I go, how do I get back?"
• (Austin O'Brien) "You can't go through life nitpicking every little thing. Now come on."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "The hell with it."

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Who the hell are you?"
• (Austin O'Brien) "Don't shoot me. I'm Danny Madigan. I'm a kid."

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "To hell with it."

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Sir, are you a henchman?"
• (Charles Dance) "No, I only go as far as lackey."

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Can you turn this up, please? What's that?"
• (Mercedes Ruehl) "Mozart."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "The guy who Practice killed?"
• (Austin O'Brien) "That's right, Jack."
• (Mercedes Ruehl) "You like classical music?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "I don't know. I think I will."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Wow."

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Is this the day you were talking about saving?"
• (Austin O'Brien) "Don't see you doing anything."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "I wouldn't wanna steal your thunder."

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "I'll be back. Ha. You didn't know I was gonna say that, did you?"
• (Austin O'Brien) "That's what you always say."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "I do?"

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Usually when I do that it leaves a hole --"

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Did you make a movie mistake? You forgot to reload the damn gun."
• (Charles Dance) "No, Jack. I just left one chamber empty."

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Put a sock in it. I don't care who does what to your Hersey highway. And stop shouting. I'm not deaf. You know why you're shouting? Because it's in the script. You're the comic relief. Yes. And you know what else? I am the hero. So SHUT UP."

• (Ripper) "Jack, what kept you? Andy here's been getting nervous. I promised him you'd come. Gave him my word of honor he could watch you die. Lose the cannon."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Has he hurt you Andrew?"
• (Ripper) "Hurt, Jack? You say hurt? What do you know about hurt, Jack? You put me in a cage for ten years."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "You should've gotten the death penalty."
• (Ripper) "Yeah, shoulda, woulda, coulda, yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Things crawling around on your head. Sitting on my chest when I wake up. You know what that's like, Jack? It was your illegal search, that rendered the bloody axe admissible. Remember, Jack? Now lose the gun."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Alright, I'm unarmed."
• (Ripper) "Just one gun, Jack? You gotta be kidding."
• (Ripper) "That all, sport?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Yup, that about does it."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Oh, unless you consider this a weapon."
• (Ripper) "Brilliant, brilliant, Jack. I surrender."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "It's a live grenade."
• (Ripper) "Yeah right, Jack, right right right. You're gonna sacrifice your own child to get to me. I'm very flattered, Jack, but I doubt it. Andy, pick up the grenade."
• (Ripper) "Come on. Show it to me. That's good. Jack, that toy, can't hurt the boy."
• (Ripper) "But this one can."

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Where am I sitting? Where?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Where am I sitting?"
• (Candy Girl) "Um, there's two balconies, I believe you're in the, ah, upper -- lower balcony."

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "-- Shhh can you turn that up? What is that?"
• (Danny's mom) "It's Mozart --"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "-- The one Practice killed?"
• (Danny's mom) "You like Mozart?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "-- I don't know, but I think I will -- Wow."

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "No sequel for you."

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Iced that guy, to cone a phrase."

• (Ripper) "Hey, Jack. What kept you?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Are you alright, Danny?"
• (Austin O'Brien) "Yes, sir."
• (Ripper) "You know, I tried to change, Jack. I really tried to do what he told me to do. You know, but I kept hearing that old music. That's how I knew you'd come, Jack. Now lose the piece."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "There, it's now it's between you and me. Now let the boy go."
• (Ripper) "Now we've played this number before haven't we, Jack? Let's see, what comes next. You t; you throw the gun away. Right -- we did that part."
• (Ripper) "Then, you tell me to let the kid go. Ah, I'm getting bored, why don't we just skip to the end?"

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Here's another explosion for your movie, kid."

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "I don't care who does what to your Hershey highway."

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Look, you're very clever and the only reason I'm not roaring with laughter is cause someone killed my favorite second cousin and that's a bi --"
• (Austin O'Brien) "Big mistake."
• (Austin O'Brien) "That is what you were gonna say, right? Gee, how would I know that?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "No one likes a smart ass."
• (Austin O'Brien) "Alright, then shoot me. That's right, take out your gun and shoot me. You're not gonna do it, are you? And do you know why? Because people like you don't shoot kids in movies. Because, believe it or not, Jack, you're the good guy."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "You really believe that you're inside a movie, don't you?"
• (Austin O'Brien) "Yes."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Alright, I give you ten minutes to prove it. Then, I shoot you."

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "You've seen these movies where they say "Make my day" or "I'm your worst nightmare"? Well, listen to this one: Rubber baby buggie bumpers."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Ha. You didn't know I'm gonna say that, did you?"

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "What is this place? Where am I now? Danny, you got a place I can sit down?"

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Danny told me not to trust you. He said you killed Mozart."
• (F. Murray Abraham) "Mo- who?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "-zart."
• (F. Murray Abraham) "You know, I kill a lot of people, I can't remember half of them."

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Silent but deadly."

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "The studio should let me know when they are planning a stunt. You know, you are the best celebrity look-alike I've ever scene. If you get to Los Angeles, call my office. We can get you shopping center openings --"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Look, I don't really like you. All right? You brought me nothing but pain."

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Why am I wasting time with a dime-store putz like you when I could be doing something much more dangerous, like re-arranging my sock drawers?"

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Look. Elephant."

• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "We're that close in catching him."
• (Austin O'Brien) "No, Jack. We're that close to catching pneumonia."

Frank McRae as Dekker

• (Frank McRae) "Slater."

• (Frank McRae) "SLAAAAAAAAAATERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR."

• (Frank McRae) "And you promised me you wouldn't tell."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "I didn't."
• (Frank McRae) "Well, then how did he know?"
• (Austin O'Brien) ""Jack Slater I"."
• (Frank McRae) "What's winning got to do with this?"
• (Austin O'Brien) "No. The very first "Jack Slater"."
• (Frank McRae) "You told your dad?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "I didn't tell anybody. I don't even know this kid."
• (Frank McRae) "Well, he sure seems to know a lot about us."

• (Frank McRae) "This is one hell of a way to spend Christmas."

Bridgette Wilson as Whitney Slater

• (Bridgette Wilson) "FREEZE. Lose the guns or I redecorate in brain-matter grey, got it?"

Anthony Quinn as Tony Vivaldi

• (Anthony Quinn) "You've had Slater in front of the eight ball before, but you always screwed it up."
• (Charles Dance) "It's behind the eight ball, you moron."

• (Anthony Quinn) "What I'm saying is; Mr. Benedict can take you out as easy as cake."

• (Anthony Quinn) "Where is it written that I am a bad guy?"

• (Anthony Quinn) "Well, I'd love to stay and watch the fun, but, uh, I have to go and establish my alibi. Arrivederci."

• (Anthony Quinn) "Mr. Torelli. I hope it's all right with you I am here. I don't wanna be no fourth wheel."

Austin O'Brien as Danny Madigan

• (Austin O'Brien) "You think you are funny, don't you?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "I know I am. I'm the famous comedian Arnold Braunschweiger."
• (Austin O'Brien) "Schwarzenegger."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Gesundheit."

• (Austin O'Brien) "I thought I was going to die."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Well I'm sorry to disappoint you but you're gonna live to enjoy all the glorious fruits life has got to offer; acne, shaving, premature ejaculation -- and your first divorce."

• (Austin O'Brien) "How'd you know there was a guy in there?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "There's always a guy in there. It costs me a fortune in closet doors."

• (Austin O'Brien) "OK, I got one. What about this girl right here. She is way too attractive to be working in a video store."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "I agree with you. I think she should be working with us -- under cover of course --"

• (Danny's mom) "Where have you been? The police called. You're not here. You're not there."
• (Austin O'Brien) "Mom, I'm sorry, okay. Shh."
• (Danny's mom) "" Okay, shh?" There are 9 million kids out there with guns and that's all you have to say to me? "Okay, shh?" Will you get in here?"
• (Austin O'Brien) "Mom? You know how you always say you wish I had more friends? Well."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Hello Mrs. Madigan. Arnold Braunshweiger."

• (Austin O'Brien) "What if staying in the car is what gets me killed?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "There's a gun in the glove compartment."

• (Austin O'Brien) "Jack, where are you going?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Got to catch the red-eye."

• (Austin O'Brien) "I mean, where are the ordinary everyday women? They don't exist because this is a movie."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "No, this is California."

• (Austin O'Brien) "The house looked European, like maybe if you get a postcard from Italy or something. Like that one. In fact, just like that one. The bad guys are in there."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "You know something? I think you should be wearing this."
• (Austin O'Brien) "I don't think I've earned it yet."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "You don't understand. You just solved the entire case. you just revolutionized the entire history of police training. I mean all these years at the academy, studying human character, psyche of the terrorists, fingerprint analysis, all the courses that I've taken in surveillance, hostage negotiation, and criminal psychology, when all I have to do is drive around the neighborhood, point my finger at a house, and say, "the bad guys are in there."?"
• (Austin O'Brien) "You think you're funny, don't you?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "I know I am. I'm the famous comedian, Arnold Braunschweiger."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Schwarzenegger."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Gesundheit."

• (Austin O'Brien) "Wait a second. Where you going?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "I'll be back."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Ha. You didn't know I was gonna say that, did you?"
• (Austin O'Brien) "That's what you always say?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "I do?"
• (Austin O'Brien) "Everyone keeps keeps waiting for you to work it in. It's kind of like your calling card."

• (Austin O'Brien) "This is gonna work. It's a movie, I'm a good guy. This has got to work."
• (Austin O'Brien) "I'm a comedy sidekick. Oh, s***. I'm a comedy sidekick. IT'S NOT GONNA WORK."

• (Austin O'Brien) "Chicken it is --"

• (Austin O'Brien) "You are gonna pay -- Oooh, you gonna pay."

• (Austin O'Brien) "Watch it, Jack. He killed Mozart."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "In a movie?"
• (Austin O'Brien) "Amadeus. It won eight Oscars."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "I saved his life in 'Nam. I'll make sure to be on the lookout. Thanks. Now, no more movies."

• (Austin O'Brien) "The house looked European, like maybe if you get a postcard from Italy or something. Like that one. In fact, just like that one. The bad guys are in there."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "You know something? I think you should be wearing this."
• (Austin O'Brien) "I don't think I've earned it yet."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "You don't understand. You just solved the entire case. you just revolutionized the entire history of police training. I mean all these years at the academy, studying human character, psyche of the terrorists, fingerprint analysis, all the courses that I've taken in surveillance, hostage negotiation, and criminal psychology, when all I have to do is drive around the neighborhood, point my finger at a house, and say, "the bad guys are in there."?"
• (Austin O'Brien) "You think you're funny, don't you?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "I know I am. I'm the famous comedian, Arnold Braunschweiger."
• (Austin O'Brien) "Schwarzenegger."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Gesundheit."

• (Austin O'Brien) "No. It's not possible."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "What's not possible? The man is an artist. It's his best performance ever."
• (Austin O'Brien) "But -- that was you. YOU were in that movie."
• (Video Babe) "You were in a movie?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Yes. It was called "The Girl of My Dreams". It starred you. As a matter of fact, there was this very romantic scene where we had dinner together."

• (Austin O'Brien) "From now on it's all gonna be downhill --"

F. Murray Abraham as John Practice

• (F. Murray Abraham) "How do you get to Carnegie Hall?"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "By practice. John Practice."

• (F. Murray Abraham) "Somebody once told me I talk too much -- No more words"

Ian McKellen as Death

• (Ian McKellen) "I was only curious, he's not on any of my lists."
• (Ian McKellen) "but you are -- Daniel."
• (Austin O'Brien) "Now?"
• (Ian McKellen) "No, you die a grandfather --"

• (Ian McKellen) "I don't do fiction. Not my field."

Art Carney as Frank

• (Art Carney) "We mostly talk muzzle velocities. Guns."

• (Art Carney) "I'm out of here --"

Robert Prosky as Nick

• (Robert Prosky) "This is a wonderful moment for me, Mr. Slater. I've never met a fictional character before. How new and exciting this must all be for you."
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "Hey, I just found out I was imaginary. I mean, how would you feel is somebody made you up? Your job, your marriage, your kids. Oh, yeah. Let's push his son off the building. Gives you nightmares for the rest of your life. But you're fictional, so who cares? I'm sorry. But I don't find this new and exciting to discover that my whole life has been a damn movie."

• (Robert Prosky) "There are lots of things worse than movies: politicians, wars, forest fires, famine, plague, sickness, pain, warts, politicians --"
• (Arnold Schwarzenegger) "You already mentioned them."
• (Robert Prosky) "I know I did. They are twice as bad as anything else."

Sylvester Stallone as Narrator

• (Hamlet) "Hey Claudius. You killed my father. Big mistake."
• (Sylvester Stallone) "Something is rotten in the state of Denmark, and Hamlet is taking out the trash."
• (Old Man) "Stay thy hand, fair prince."
• (Hamlet) "Who said I'm fair?"
• (Sylvester Stallone) "No one is going to tell this sweet prince good night."
• (Hamlet) "To be or not to be? Not to be."

Mercedes Ruehl as Irene Madigan

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