Look Who's Talking Quotes

Look Who's Talking is a television show that was first aired in 1970 . Look Who's Talking ended in 1970.

It features Jonathan D. Krane as producer, David Kitay in charge of musical score, and Thomas Del Ruth as head of cinematography.

Look Who's Talking is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Look Who's Talking is 96 minutes long. Look Who's Talking is distributed by TriStar Pictures.

The cast includes: Christopher Aydon as Mikey, John Travolta as James, Kirstie Alley as Mollie, Olympia Dukakis as Rosie, George Segal as Albert, Twink Caplan as Rona, and Abe Vigoda as Grandpa.

Look Who's Talking Quotes

George Segal as Albert

• (George Segal) "Beth has finally agreed to a divorce. Oh, Mollie I'm so glad you waited."
• (Kirstie Alley) "I knew that if I was patient, this day would come."

• (George Segal) "He has my eyes."
• (Kirstie Alley) "I know he does. You don't know how confusing it is when someone you love so much looks like someone you hate."

• (George Segal) "Oh God, Mollie, I'm going to burst if you don't kiss me."
• (Kirstie Alley) "Tough."

• (George Segal) "I know this may be hard to understand, but I'm going through a selfish phase right now."
• (Kirstie Alley) "A selfish phase?"
• (George Segal) "I admit the timing is bad."

• (George Segal) "Is he taking a dump?"
• (Kirstie Alley) "No, he's thinking real hard."

Kirstie Alley as Mollie

• (Kirstie Alley) "Now it's s***."

• (Kirstie Alley) "I'm a very understanding person, Albert. I understand that you are going through a selfish phase. And, I'm sure that you will understand that I am going through a destructive phase."

• (Kirstie Alley) "Slow down with your breathing f*** MY BREATHING"

• (Kirstie Alley) "So you're the one who was kicking me."
• (Christopher Aydon) "Well, you're the one who ate all that spicy food."

• (Kirstie Alley) "If we ever got back together I'm afraid I would have to torture you for the rest of your life."
• (George Segal) "Oh, that's okay. I want you to."

• (Kirstie Alley) "Don't touch me. I'm going to have this baby without you touching me."

• (Kirstie Alley) "Grandpa, did you eat all these candy bars today?"
• (Abe Vigoda) "What candy? The bastards STOLE my candy."

• (Kirstie Alley) "I look like a Russ Meyer movie."

• (Kirstie Alley) "Al-Albert, stop. Albert, I can't do this anymore."
• (George Segal) "Mollie, I love you, and you love me. I know you do."
• (Kirstie Alley) "Of course I love you, Albert. You're a wonderful father. You're great in bed, and you're my biggest account. But you're married. And I will never fall in love with anyone else as long as I'm seeing you, so think you should just work with a different accountant."

• (Kirstie Alley) "Grandpa, what's going on?"
• (Abe Vigoda) "Look, I'm a hostage."
• (Burly Orderly) "He's not a hostage. He's a mean old bastard. You see what he did to my arm? And he gave the nurse a black eye."

• (Kirstie Alley) "Rona, if there wasn't such a thing as love, what kind of guy would you get to be your kid's father?"
• (Twink Caplan) "Someone with a small mouth and good hair. Broad shoulders --"
• (Kirstie Alley) "No, no, I'm talking about, what kind of a man would you want to stick around and help raise your child?"
• (Twink Caplan) "There's a man who'd do that?"

• (Kirstie Alley) "This has nothing to do with you. YOU are not his father."
• (John Travolta) "Well I'm the closest thing that he's got to it."
• (Kirstie Alley) "Oh please, look at you. You're like a big kid. Oh what, you really think you're responsible enough to be a father?"
• (John Travolta) "Responsible? You call getting pregnant by a married guy "responsible?" Oh that's good."
• (Kirstie Alley) "Stop it."
• (John Travolta) "You stop."
• (Kirstie Alley) "YOU stop it."
• (John Travolta) "No, you stop. I've seen you. I've seen you use Mikey to push guys away and now you're doing it to me. Now that's it, I've had it. NOW GET OUT."
• (Kirstie Alley) "I live here."
• (John Travolta) "I know it."

• (Kirstie Alley) "I'd like to report a missing baby. I mean, I don't actually know if he's missing. Maybe he was kidnapped. Or maybe he's just with a person who is a complete idiot."

• (Kirstie Alley) "Don't smoke that around my baby. Don't you know there's a sixty-two percent higher rate of getting cancer for non-smokers who live with smokers?"
• (John Travolta) "What are you trying to say? You don't want me to move in yet, or what?"

• (Kirstie Alley) "We're gonna go see Daddy today."
• (Christopher Aydon) "Oh great, I was just thinking about James."
• (Kirstie Alley) "You HAVE to look fantastic."
• (Kirstie Alley) "Which do you think, the blue or the lamb?"
• (Christopher Aydon) "Well, neither; they both look pretty lame."
• (Kirstie Alley) "The lamb, right?"
• (Christopher Aydon) "Not "lamb." "LAME.""

• (Kirstie Alley) "You spent forty years with a man who looked good in a uniform? Ma, you had no idea if he was a mature, responsible person."
• (Olympia Dukakis) "If I thought like that, we wouldn't have gotten through the first week. And that was some week."

• (Kirstie Alley) "What happened?"
• (John Travolta) "Who's Albert?"
• (Kirstie Alley) "Why, was he here?"
• (John Travolta) "Is he Mikey's father?"
• (Kirstie Alley) "What?"
• (John Travolta) "You lied to me about the artificial insemination crap, didn't you?"
• (Kirstie Alley) "He was married. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone."
• (John Travolta) "Do you love him? Do you?"
• (Kirstie Alley) "What?"
• (John Travolta) "Do you love him?"
• (Kirstie Alley) "I don't know. I don't know who I love. And you know something? It doesn't make any difference because all that matters to me is who's best for Mikey. And Albert is successful, responsible, and he's real good to his other kids."
• (John Travolta) "I don't want him seeing Mikey anymore."
• (Kirstie Alley) "Oh no, now don't start pulling this on me. He's his son and he has a right to see him anytime he wants to."
• (John Travolta) "Where the hell has he been all year?"

• (Kirstie Alley) "That's it. You have some exotic baby disease, and I look like I could play the lead in "Night of the Living Dead", and your father deserted us so that he could pork his interior decorator. I think you can safely say that it can't get any worse."
• (Olympia Dukakis) "Hello-o."
• (Kirstie Alley) "I was wrong."

• (Kirstie Alley) "Oh Mom, don't talk about sex with daddy."
• (Olympia Dukakis) "Ha ha ha ha."

• (Kirstie Alley) "Aw, I look like a big fat pilgrim."

• (Kirstie Alley) "Oh, what a good sensation."
• (John Travolta) "It's like great sex, isn't it?"
• (Kirstie Alley) "I personally wouldn't remember."

• (Kirstie Alley) "I'm so lucky. I can't believe I managed to find a nice, handsome family man."
• (Twink Caplan) "Yeah, except it's someone else's family."

• (Kirstie Alley) "Screwing with the mail is a federal offense."
• (John Travolta) "Stealing mail's a federal offense, not screwing with it."

• (Kirstie Alley) "Dr. Spock does not just want to sell a book. Dr. Spock loves us. During the Vietnam War, Dr. Spock was out protesting in the streets."
• (John Travolta) "God, I'm sorry I said anything about Dr. Spock, okay."
• (John Travolta) "I can't believe she's getting that upset about a Vulcan. Big ears, no emotions, right?"

• (Kirstie Alley) "I don't know who I love. And you know something, it doesn't make any difference, because the only thing that matters to me is who's best for Mikey. And Albert is successful, he's responsible, and he's real good to his other kids."
• (John Travolta) "I've seen you. I've seen you use Mikey to push other guys away, and now you're doing it to me. That's it. I've had it. Now get out."
• (Kirstie Alley) "I live here."
• (John Travolta) "I know it."
• (Kirstie Alley) "You get everything for free. Free long distance phone calls, free lunches. I think you're sort of a scam artist."
• (John Travolta) "I know. I got the town wired, don't I? Baby, think about it. If we were poor, we could still live like kings."

• (Kirstie Alley) "All right, I know what I'm looking for. I'm looking for a guy who's not married, not into drugs, not an alcoholic, not a deadbeat, but not somebody that works twenty hours a day."
• (Twink Caplan) "And cute."
• (Kirstie Alley) "Cute is not a consideration."

• (Kirstie Alley) "Ma, what would you have done if Daddy was married when you first met him?"
• (Olympia Dukakis) "I wouldn't have fallen in love."
• (Kirstie Alley) "Well, you can't control who you fall in love with."
• (Olympia Dukakis) "Why not?"
• (Kirstie Alley) "You just can't."
• (Olympia Dukakis) "Listen. Listen, take your father here. What's his favorite food?"
• (Unnamed) "Cheesecake."
• (Olympia Dukakis) "What did Dr. Slocum tell him?"
• (Kirstie Alley) "Cut back on cholesterol."
• (Olympia Dukakis) "So, now he doesn't eat cheesecake. It's the same exact thing."

• (Kirstie Alley) "I think you should try some of that Nobel Prize winner sperm."
• (Twink Caplan) "Get outta here. Nobel Prize winners ejaculating in jars?"
• (Kirstie Alley) "Well, give it a shot. Don't you want a smart baby?"
• (Twink Caplan) "That's all I need. A baby telling me what an IDIOT I am. Like I don't get enough of that at work?"

• (Kirstie Alley) "Hey, slow down. The first stages of labor can take hours."
• (John Travolta) "Yeah, so can the mid-town traffic."

• (Kirstie Alley) "My doctor says my breathing's fine."
• (George Segal) "You have to do what's best for the baby. When Beth was pregnant --"
• (Kirstie Alley) "Oh I am so SICK of hearing about Beth. Beth Beth Beth Beth. I'm having a hard time figuring out how you could be in love with her and then in love with someone like me. When I found out I was pregnant, I decided to make out a will, when Beth had the girls she got a reading of their past lives."

John Travolta as James

• (John Travolta) "I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn't drive the kids crazy."

• (John Travolta) "She called me a big kid. Yeah. She's probably right, too. I mean, you're one year old and probably my best friend in the world."

• (John Travolta) "Okay, if you're the father then maybe you can answer me these questions. What's Mikey's favorite cereal?"
• (George Segal) "I don't know."
• (John Travolta) "Cheerios. How many diapers does he go through a day? About six. Who's his favorite rock star? Michael Jackson. Don't you think a father should know some of these things?"
• (George Segal) "Okay how much is she paying you? 5 dollars an hour?"
• (George Segal) "Here go play some video games."
• (John Travolta) "Don't give me that s***."

• (John Travolta) "You never look through that thing, do you?"
• (Kirstie Alley) "Why do you say that?"
• (John Travolta) "'Cause you're still carrying around your diaphragm."

• (Unnamed) "Is he yours?"
• (John Travolta) "Yeah, but they don't know who the real mother is yet."

• (John Travolta) "I teach."
• (Kirstie Alley) "What do you teach? Taxi Driver's Ed?"

• (John Travolta) "Hey, Gerber Face, high five."

• (John Travolta) "Whoa. You really got your figure back, didn't you?"
• (Kirstie Alley) "This is not my figure."
• (John Travolta) "Well then, you got Dolly Parton's figure back."

• (John Travolta) "It's weird, isn't it? You spend the first nine months trying to get out and the rest of your life trying to get back in."

• (John Travolta) "Look, you gotta use Lamaze. It works. My sister-in-law used it. You don't use drugs, and it's better for the kid."
• (Kirstie Alley) "You know, the only people who say stupid things like that are men, because they're idiots."

• (John Travolta) "You don't look so hot."
• (Kirstie Alley) "Why don't you try squeezing something the size of a watermelon out of an opening the size of a lemon and see how hot YOU look?"
• (John Travolta) "Ouch. Guess I'd better call my mother more often."

• (John Travolta) "Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"
• (Christopher Aydon) "Yeah. Lunch."

Christopher Aydon as Mikey

• (Christopher Aydon) "How many babies does it take to change a light bulb?"
• (Sand Box Baby) "How many?"
• (Christopher Aydon) "What's a light bulb?"

• (Christopher Aydon) "What a dick."

• (Christopher Aydon) "Is that a new hat, or is it time to change the bandage?"

• (Christopher Aydon) "Boy, I hope they don't get stuck together like that."

• (Christopher Aydon) "Put me back in. Put me back in."

• (Christopher Aydon) "This has got to be the weirdest day of my life -- well, so far."

• (Christopher Aydon) "Oh, yeah. She's gone."

• (Christopher Aydon) "Help. Help. Somebody burp me before I blow up."

• (Christopher Aydon) "Wait a minute. These things come in different sizes? What are these, jumbos?"

• (Christopher Aydon) "I don't get it. I just don't get it. And, I don't like it. Where'd I go wrong?"

Olympia Dukakis as Rosie

• (Olympia Dukakis) "Who's got a wet tushie?"
• (Christopher Aydon) "I give up."
• (Olympia Dukakis) "Tushie tushie tushie tushie."

Abe Vigoda as Grandpa

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