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MacGruber (film) Quotes

MacGruber (film) is a television program that first aired in 1970 . MacGruber stopped airing in 1970.

It features Lorne Michaels as producer, Matthew Compton in charge of musical score, and Brandon Trost as head of cinematography.

MacGruber (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of MacGruber (film) is 99 minutes long. MacGruber (film) is distributed by Universal Studios.

The cast includes: Will Forte as MacGruber, Chris Jericho as Frank Korver, Ryan Phillippe as Lt. Dixon Piper, Kristen Wiig as Vicki St. Elmo, and Val Kilmer as Dieter Von c***h.

MacGruber (film) Quotes

Ryan Phillippe as Lt. Dixon Piper

  • (Ryan Phillippe) "Why did he do it? Why did c***h kill your wife?"
  • (Will Forte) "To this day, I have no idea. We actually all went to college together. Believe it or not, we were very close friends. Then after graduation, he got engaged to her. He asked me to be his best man and right about that time, I started banging her and mowing her box. She was actually the first person I felt comfortable enough around to let eat out my butt. Anyway, shortly thereafter, she left him for me. She was actually carrying his child at the time. I asked her to terminate it, obviously, so we could start fresh. And she agreed. We were so in love. And he took that from me."
  • (Ryan Phillippe) "That's really f***ed up."
  • (Will Forte) "Thanks."
  • (Ryan Phillippe) "The Legendary MacGruber. Former Navy SEAL, Army Ranger and Green Beret. Served six tours in Desert Storm, four in Bosnia, three each in Angola, Somalia, Mozambique, Nicaragua and Sierra Leone. Recipient of sixteen Purple Hearts, three Congressional Medals of Honor, seven Presidential Medals of Bravery and starting tight end for the University of Texas, El Paso."
  • (Will Forte) "That was a long time ago."
  • (Ryan Phillippe) "What is the plan?"
  • (Will Forte) "Well, I kind of make it up as I go."
  • (Ryan Phillippe) "That's not really a plan then."
  • (Will Forte) "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans. And I'm not good with clues. What I am good with is kicking ass and ripping throats."

Will Forte as MacGruber

  • (Will Forte) "I've got a better idea: no f***ing way."
  • (Will Forte) "Okay, so once we take out the guards, Vicki will walk in dressed as Hoss, and then we'll just, you know, see what happens. You ready?"
  • (Ryan Phillippe) "Wait. Wait, so we're just gonna wing it?"
  • (Will Forte) "Piper, there's a big difference between winging it and seeing what happens. Now let's see what happens."
  • (Will Forte) "That was great. That was f***in' tits."
  • (Will Forte) "Relax Vicki this is just like Nicaragua --"
  • (Kristen Wiig) "I got shot in Nicaragua."
  • (Will Forte) "This is nothing like Nicaragua."
  • (Will Forte) "My name is MacGruber, Remember -- that -- NAME."
  • (Will Forte) "Classic MacGruber."
  • (Will Forte) "Hoss Bender, dead at the age of who the f*** cares."
  • (Will Forte) "How's your nose, rookie?"
  • (Ryan Phillippe) "It's fine. I just banged it into a giant vagina."
  • (Will Forte) "So, my face is a vagina, huh? Well, I bet you wish your nose was a dick -- so you could f*** butts."
  • (Will Forte) "Don't make me beg here, because I will do it. I am so sorry, I am so god**** sorry. Look I'm freaking out here. I killed them. I killed them all. I'm so f***ing stupid. I don't know what I'm doing and everybody hates me."
  • (Will Forte) "I will suck your dick, I will suck your f***ing dick, just join my team. I'll suck your dick, you can f*** me, you can get f***ed by me. You can watch me f*** something? Just point at something in the room and I'll f*** it for you. Just tell me what you want me to f***."
  • (Ryan Phillippe) "Jesus Christ, MacGruber."
  • (Will Forte) "Just tell me what you want me to f***."
  • (Will Forte) "Your god can't save you, but I can."
  • (Will Forte) "Let me tell you how this is gonna go down. First I'm gonna kick you in the chin, breaking your jaw in four places. I'm gonna take you and karate flip you over my back, and then knee your nose into your brain, killing you instantly. I do wanna get a throat rip in here. I think that's gonna be you, small fry. One thing I do know, at the end of the day, c***h, I'm gonna rip your dick off and shove it in your mouth. And that is non-negotiable. Who's first?"
  • (Col. James Faith) "They were nice funerals."
  • (Will Forte) "Yeah. What did you think of my eulogies?"
  • (Col. James Faith) "Very touching. I might have cut back on the F-words a little."
  • (Will Forte) "Well, they were f***ing great guys. And this is a f***ing asshole of a day."
  • (Will Forte) "Macgrubie don't play like homie, and homie don't play like that."

Kristen Wiig as Vicki St. Elmo

  • (Kristen Wiig) "Where were you?"
  • (Will Forte) "Sorry, I just took an upper decker in the bathroom."
  • (Kristen Wiig) "A what?"
  • (Will Forte) "An upper decker, its when you take a dump in the water tank instead of bowl, never mind."

Val Kilmer as Dieter Von c***h

  • (Val Kilmer) "You punch like a little girl."
  • (Will Forte) "Well, you're gonna walk around like a little girl. 'Cause after I disarm this nuke, I'm gonna cut off your dick and --"
  • (Val Kilmer) "Shove it in my mouth. You're like a broken record."
  • (Will Forte) "The only record I'm gonna break is the "amount of your own dick in your mouth" record."
  • (Val Kilmer) "Weak."

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