Matilda (1996 film) Quotes

Matilda (1996 film) is a TV program that first aired in 1970 . Matilda ended its run in 1970.

It features Danny DeVito, and Michael Shamberg; Stacey Sher; Lucy Dahl as producer, David Newman (composer) in charge of musical score, and Stefan Czapsky as head of cinematography.

Matilda (1996 film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Matilda (1996 film) is 98 minutes long. Matilda (1996 film) is distributed by TriStar Pictures.

The cast includes: Mara Wilson as Matilda, Danny DeVito as Harry Wormwood, Rhea Perlman as Zinnia Wormwood, Pam Ferris as Agatha Trunchbull, Jacqueline Steiger as Amanda Thripp, Embeth Davidtz as Jenny, Tracey Walter as FBI Agent Bill, and Paul Reubens as FBI Agent Bob.

Matilda (1996 film) Quotes

Mara Wilson as Matilda

• (Mikey) "Hey, Dipface. Where are you going?"
• (Mara Wilson) "Out."
• (Mikey) "Hey, Dipface. Have carrot."
• (Danny DeVito) "Chew your food; you're an animal."

• (Mara Wilson) "Dad?"
• (Danny DeVito) "What do you want?"
• (Mara Wilson) "Yell at me, okay?"
• (Danny DeVito) "SHUT UP AND LEAVE US ALONE."
• (Mara Wilson) "Yell at me again."
• (Danny DeVito) "Yell at ya?"
• (Danny DeVito) "I'll come in there and pound your miserable hide. What do I have to do to gain respect around here? I'm gonna give you a tanning like you never had in your life. My word is my law."

• (Mara Wilson) "No more Miss Nice Girl."

• (Mara Wilson) "Why don't you run away?"
• (Embeth Davidtz) "I've often thought about it, but -- I can't abandon my children. And if I couldn't teach, I'd have nothing at all."
• (Mara Wilson) "You're very brave, Miss Honey."
• (Embeth Davidtz) "Not as brave as you."
• (Mara Wilson) "I thought grown-ups weren't afraid of anything."
• (Embeth Davidtz) "Quite the contrary. All grown-ups get scared, just like children."
• (Mara Wilson) "I wonder what Miss Trunchbull is afraid of."

• (Mara Wilson) "This is the cottage from your story."
• (Embeth Davidtz) "Yes."
• (Mara Wilson) "The young woman is you."
• (Embeth Davidtz) "Yes."
• (Mara Wilson) "But then -- No."
• (Embeth Davidtz) "Yes. Aunt Trunchbull."

• (Mara Wilson) "I love it here. I love my school -- it isn't fair. Miss Honey, please don't let them --"
• (Danny DeVito) "Get in the car, Melinda."
• (Mara Wilson) "Matilda."
• (Danny DeVito) "Whatever."
• (Mara Wilson) "I want to stay with Miss Honey."
• (Rhea Perlman) "Miss Honey doesn't want you. Why would she want some snotty, disobedient kid?"
• (Embeth Davidtz) "Because she's a spectacularly wonderful child and I love her."
• (Mara Wilson) "Adopt me, Miss Honey. You can adopt me."
• (Danny DeVito) "Look, I don't have time for all these legalities."
• (Mara Wilson) "One second, Dad. I have the adoption papers."
• (Rhea Perlman) "What? Where did you get those?"
• (Mara Wilson) "From a book in the library. I've had them since I was big enough to Xerox."

• (Mara Wilson) "You two men are going to be in a lot of trouble very soon."
• (Tracey Walter) "It's the female minor."
• (Paul Reubens) "Aren't you supposed to be in school, young lady?"
• (Mara Wilson) "I really hope you have a search warrant. According to a constitutional law book that I read in the library, if you don't have one, you could lose your job or even go to federal prison."
• (Paul Reubens) "It's your father who's going to federal prison. And you know where you'll end up?"
• (Tracey Walter) "In a federal orphanage."
• (Paul Reubens) "If you cooperate, we'll make sure it's a nice orphanage."
• (Tracey Walter) "The kind with food -- and teeny-weeny cockroaches."
• (Paul Reubens) "What do you say?"
• (Mara Wilson) "There's another crime in the making, your car is about to run a stop sign."

• (Mara Wilson) "We'll wait until she's gone, then we'll go get your doll."
• (Embeth Davidtz) "What?"
• (Mara Wilson) "Just kidding."

• (Mara Wilson) "Daddy, you're a crook."
• (Danny DeVito) "What?"
• (Mara Wilson) "This is illegal."
• (Danny DeVito) "You make money? Do you have a job?"
• (Mara Wilson) "No, but don't people need good cars? Can't you sell good cars, Dad?"
• (Danny DeVito) "Listen, you little wiseacre: I'm smart, you're dumb; I'm big, you're little; I'm right, you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it."

• (Mara Wilson) "I didn't do it."
• (Danny DeVito) "Of course you didn't do it, you little twit."

Pam Ferris as Agatha Trunchbull

• (Pam Ferris) "Can you spell?"
• (Jacqueline Steiger) "Miss Honey taught us how to spell a long word yesterday. We can spell "difficulty"."
• (Pam Ferris) "You couldn't spell "difficulty" if your life depended on it."
• (Jacqueline Steiger) "She taught us with a poem."
• (Pam Ferris) "A poem? How sweet. What poem would that be?"
• (Jacqueline Steiger) "Mrs. D, Mrs. I --"
• (Jacqueline Steiger) "Mrs. F-F-I. Mrs. C, Mrs. U, Mrs. L-T-Y."
• (Pam Ferris) "WHY ARE ALL THESE WOMEN MARRIED?"
• (Pam Ferris) "Mrs. D? Mrs. I? You're supposed to be teaching SPELLING, not poetry."

• (Pam Ferris) "I need a car, inexpensive but reliable. Can you service me?"
• (Danny DeVito) "In a manner of speaking, yes. Uh, welcome to Wormwood Motors. Harry Wormwood, owner, founder, whatever."
• (Pam Ferris) "Agatha Trunchbull, principal, Crunchem Hall Elementary School."
• (Danny DeVito) "Huh."
• (Pam Ferris) "I warn you, sir, I want a tight car, because I run a tight ship."
• (Danny DeVito) "Oh yeah, huh, well, uh --"
• (Pam Ferris) "My school is a model of discipline. Use the rod, beat the child, that's my motto."
• (Danny DeVito) "Terrific motto."
• (Pam Ferris) "You have brats yourself?"
• (Danny DeVito) "Yeah, I got a boy, Mikey, and one mis- take, Matilda."
• (Pam Ferris) "They're all mistakes, children. Filthy, nasty things. Glad I never was one."

• (Pam Ferris) "This boy, Bruce Bogtrotter, is none other than a vicious sneak thief. You're a disgusting criminal, aren't you?"
• (Bruce 'Little Brucey) "I don't know what you're talking about."
• (Pam Ferris) "Cake. CHOCOLATE cake. You slithered like a serpent into the school kitchen and ate MY PERSONAL SNACK."
• (Pam Ferris) "Do you deny it?"
• (Pam Ferris) "Confess."
• (Bruce 'Little Brucey) "Well it's hard for me to remember a specific cake."
• (Pam Ferris) "This one was mine. And it was the most scrumptious cake in the entire world."
• (Bruce 'Little Brucey) "My mom's is better."
• (Pam Ferris) "It is, is it? How can you be sure unless you have another PIECE?"

• (Pam Ferris) "You filthy ahh, crush the little weasel."
• (Pam Ferris) "Wormwood. You useless, used-car-salesman scum. I want you around here now with another car. Yes, I know what caveat emptor means, you low life liar. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna burn down your showroom. I'm gonna take that no-good jalopy you sold me and shove it up your bazooga. When I'm finished with you, you're gonna look like roadkill."

• (Pam Ferris) "I like a joke as well as the next fat person."

• (Pam Ferris) "I have never been able to understand why small children are so disgusting. They're the bane of my life. They're like insects: they should be got rid of as early as possible."
• (Pam Ferris) "Psst. My idea of a perfect school is one in which there are no children -- at all. Wouldn't you agree, Miss Honey?"

• (Pam Ferris) "You wanted cake, you got cake. Now EAT IT."

• (Pam Ferris) "Come in, come in, whoever you are."

• (Pam Ferris) "You're a liar and a scoundrel, and your father's a liar and a cheat, one of the most corrupt lowlifes in the history of civilization. Am I wrong? I'm never wrong."

• (Pam Ferris) "You didn't like the chokey, did you? Thought you'd pay me back, didn't you? Well, I'll pay you back, young lady."
• (Mara Wilson) "For what, Miss Trunchbull?"
• (Pam Ferris) "For this newt, you piss-worm."
• (Mara Wilson) "I'm telling you, I didn't do it."
• (Pam Ferris) "Besides, even if you didn't do it, I'm going to punish you, because I'm big and you're small, I'm right and you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it."

• (Pam Ferris) "Some rats are gonna die today."

• (Pam Ferris) "Smells chocolatey, eh? Now, eat it."
• (Bruce 'Little Brucey) "I don't want any, thank you."
• (Pam Ferris) "EAT IT."

• (Pam Ferris) "Useless, flamin' car. Wormwood. Sell me a lemon? You're heading for the chokey, young lady."
• (Mara Wilson) "Chokey?"
• (Pam Ferris) "Teach you a lesson."
• (Mara Wilson) "What lesson?"
• (Pam Ferris) "You and your father think you can make a fool out of me."
• (Mara Wilson) "My father?"
• (Pam Ferris) "The guy with the stupid haircut."
• (Mara Wilson) "I'm nothing like my father."
• (Pam Ferris) "You're the spitting image. The apple never rots far from the tree."

Rhea Perlman as Zinnia Wormwood

• (Rhea Perlman) "I still don't see how you glued your hat on, Harry. I mean, I know you say you didn't, but obviously, you did."
• (Danny DeVito) "I did not glue my hat to my head. The hat shrunk. The fibers fused to my hair."

• (Rhea Perlman) "Mine are driving me crazy. I'll tell ya, six hours a day of school IS NOT enough."
• (Mara Wilson) "I'll say."

• (Rhea Perlman) "You don't let me talk to people. I live in a cage, Harry. I need to talk to SOMEBODY besides our stupid kids."
• (Danny DeVito) "Oh, yeah? Well, a man is entitled to come home and find dinner on the table, without having to wait for a convention of male strippers."

• (Rhea Perlman) "Look, Miss Snit, a girl does not get anywhere by acting intelligent. I mean, take a look at you and me. You chose books; I chose looks. I have a nice house, a wonderful husband -- and you are slaving away teaching snot-nosed children their ABCs. You want Matilda to go to college? Ha, ha, ha, ha --"
• (Danny DeVito) "College?"
• (Danny DeVito) "I didn't go to college. I don't know anybody who did. Bunch of hippies and cesspool salesmen, ha ha ha ha --"
• (Embeth Davidtz) "Don't sneer at educated people, Mr. Wormwood. If you became ill, heaven forbid, your doctor would be a college graduate."
• (Danny DeVito) "Yeah --"
• (Embeth Davidtz) "Or; or say you were sued for selling a faulty car. The lawyer who defended you would have gone to college, too."
• (Danny DeVito) "What car? Sued by who? Who you been talking to?"
• (Embeth Davidtz) "N-nobody."
• (Embeth Davidtz) "I can see we're not going to agree, are we?"

• (Rhea Perlman) "You're the only daughter I ever had, Matilda. And I never understood you, not one little bit -- Who's got a pen?"

Danny DeVito as Harry Wormwood

• (Danny DeVito) "What is this, a hot tub party? Get the hell outta here. I slave all day, and you're entertaining a couple of surfer dude bodybuilders."
• (Mara Wilson) "They're cops, Dad."

• (Danny DeVito) "From now on, this family does exactly what I say, when exactly, when I say it."
• (Danny DeVito) "And right now, we are eating dinner and watching TV."

• (Danny DeVito) "Chew your food; you're an animal."

• (Danny DeVito) "A book? What do you want a book for?"
• (Mara Wilson) "To read."
• (Danny DeVito) "To read? Why would you want to read when you got the television set sitting right in front of you? There's nothing you can get from a book that you can't get from a television faster."

• (Danny DeVito) "Young lady, where were you?"
• (Mara Wilson) "Miss Trunchbull kept the whole school late because this boy ate some chocolate cake."
• (Danny DeVito) "That's the biggest lie I've ever heard. Did you see all those packages outside? They were left out there for the whole world to see because you weren't here to take 'em in."

• (Narrator) "Everyone is born, but not everyone is born the same. Some will grow to be butchers, or bakers, or candlestick makers. Some will only be really good at making Jell-O salad. One way or another, though, every human being is unique, for better or for worse."
• (Narrator) "Most parents believe their children are the most beautiful creatures ever to grace the planet. Others take a less emotional approach."
• (Danny DeVito) "What a waste of time."
• (Rhea Perlman) "And painful."
• (Danny DeVito) "And expensive, $9.25 for a bar of soap?"
• (Rhea Perlman) "Well I had to take a shower, Harry."
• (Danny DeVito) "$5,000? I'm not paying it. What're they going to do, repossess the kid?"

• (Danny DeVito) "What was my profit for the day?"
• (Mikey) "Could you repeat the last one?"
• (Mara Wilson) "$10,265."
• (Mara Wilson) "Check it if you don't believe me."
• (Danny DeVito) "You're a little cheat, you saw the paper."
• (Mara Wilson) "From all the way over here?"
• (Danny DeVito) "Are you being smart with me? If you're being smart with me, young lady, you're going to be punished."
• (Mara Wilson) "Punished for being smart?"
• (Danny DeVito) "For being a smart aleck. When a person is bad, that person has to be taught a lesson."
• (Mara Wilson) "Person?"
• (Danny DeVito) "Get up, get up --"
• (Narrator) "Harry Wormwood had unintentionally given his daughter the first practical advice she could use. He had meant to say, "When a child is bad." Instead he said, "When a person is bad", and thereby introduced a revolutionary idea: that children could punish their parents. Only when they deserved it, of course."

• (Danny DeVito) "Since you're an educator, I'll make you a deal."
• (Pam Ferris) "You'd better."
• (Danny DeVito) "Let's do business."

• (Danny DeVito) "Any packages come today?"
• (Mara Wilson) "Mm-mm."
• (Danny DeVito) "Where'd all this come from?"
• (Mara Wilson) "The library."
• (Danny DeVito) "The library? You've never set foot in a library. You're only four years old."
• (Mara Wilson) "Six-and-a-half."
• (Danny DeVito) "You're four."
• (Mara Wilson) "Six-and-a-half."
• (Danny DeVito) "If you were six-and-a-half, you'd be in school already."
• (Mara Wilson) "I want to be in school. I told you I was supposed to start school in September. You wouldn't listen."
• (Danny DeVito) "Get up, get up, get out of here, give me that book."
• (Danny DeVito) "Dearest pie, how old is Matilda?"
• (Rhea Perlman) "Four."
• (Mara Wilson) "I'm six-and-a-half, mommy."
• (Rhea Perlman) "Five, then."
• (Mara Wilson) "I was six in August."
• (Danny DeVito) "You're a liar."
• (Mara Wilson) "I want to go to school."
• (Danny DeVito) "School? It's out of the question. Who would be here to sign for the packages? We can't leave valuable packages sitting out on the doorstep. Now go watch TV like a good kid."
• (Rhea Perlman) "You know, sometimes I think there's something wrong with that girl."
• (Danny DeVito) "Hmph, tell me about it."

• (Danny DeVito) "Are you in this family?"
• (Mara Wilson) "Mmmm --"
• (Danny DeVito) "Hello?"
• (Danny DeVito) "Are you in this family?"
• (Danny DeVito) "Dinner time is family time. What is this trash you're reading?"
• (Mara Wilson) "It's not trash, Daddy, it's lovely. It's called "Moby Dick", by Herman Melville."
• (Danny DeVito) "Moby what ?"
• (Danny DeVito) "This is Filth. Trash --."
• (Mara Wilson) "It's not mine. It's a library book."
• (Danny DeVito) "I'm fed up with all this reading. You're a Wormwood, you start acting like one. Now sit up and look at the TV."

Embeth Davidtz as Jenny

• (Embeth Davidtz) "Miss Trunchbull, I was the one who was at your house last night, and I think --"
• (Pam Ferris) "I broke your arm once before; I can do it again, Jenny."
• (Embeth Davidtz) "I am not seven years old anymore, Aunt Trunchbull."
• (Pam Ferris) "Shut your mouths."

Paul Reubens as FBI Agent Bob

• (Narrator) "Dirty dealings, like buying stolen car parts, never stay secret for long, especially when the FBI gets involved."
• (Paul Reubens) "9:17, suspect exits domicile."
• (Tracey Walter) "I've got 9:18."
• (Paul Reubens) "9:17 is correct."

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