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Men in Black (1997 film) Quotes

Men in Black (1997 film) is a TV show that appeared on TV in 1970 . Men in Black stopped airing in 1970.

It features Walter F. Parkes as producer, Danny Elfman in charge of musical score, and Donald Peterman as head of cinematography.

Men in Black (1997 film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Men in Black (1997 film) is 98 minutes long. Men in Black (1997 film) is distributed by Sony Pictures Releasing.

The cast includes: Kent Faulcon as Jay, Rip Torn as Zed, Mike Nussbaum as Elle, Linda Fiorentino as Dr. Weaver, and Sean Whalen as Passport Officer.

Men in Black (1997 film) Quotes

Linda Fiorentino as Dr. Weaver

  • (Linda Fiorentino) "What's with the cat?"
  • (Cop in Morgue) "Oh, the cat. Yeah, well, there's a problem with the cat. Sign here."
  • (Linda Fiorentino) "What's the problem with the cat?"
  • (Cop in Morgue) "It's your problem."
  • (Linda Fiorentino) "I hate the living."
  • (Edgar) "You're coming with me."
  • (Linda Fiorentino) "What?"
  • (Edgar) "It's a long trip. I'll need a snack."
  • (Linda Fiorentino) "You don't want to eat me. I'm a very important person on my planet. Like a queen, a goddess even. There are those who worship me. I'm not saying this to impress you, I'm just warning you it could start a war."
  • (Edgar) "War? Good. That means more food for my family. All 78 million of them. That's a lot of mouths to feed, Highness."
  • (Linda Fiorentino) "You're a wonderful dad, but I'm staying HERE."
  • (Linda Fiorentino) "Interesting job you guys have --"

Rip Torn as Zed

  • (Rip Torn) "Edwards. Let's put it on."
  • (Edwards) "Put what on?"
  • (Rip Torn) "The last suit you'll ever wear."
  • (Rip Torn) "May I ask why you felt little Tiffany deserved to die?"
  • (James Edwards) "Well, she was the only one that actually seemed dangerous at the time, sir."
  • (Rip Torn) "How'd you come to that conclusion?"
  • (James Edwards) "Well, first I was gonna pop this guy hanging from the street light, and I realized, y'know, he's just working out. I mean, how would I feel if somebody come runnin' in the gym and bust me in my ass while I'm on the treadmill? Then I saw this snarling beast guy, and I noticed he had a tissue in his hand, and I'm realizing, y'know, he's not snarling, he's sneezing. Y'know, ain't no real threat there. Then I saw little Tiffany. I'm thinking, y'know, eight-year-old white girl, middle of the ghetto, bunch of monsters, this time of night with quantum physics books? She about to start some s***, Zed. She's about eight years old, those books are WAY too advanced for her. If you ask me, I'd say she's up to something. And to be honest, I'd appreciate it if you eased up off my back about it."
  • (James Edwards) "Or do I owe her an apology?"
  • (James Edwards) "That's a good shot though --"
  • (Rip Torn) "We're not hosting an intergalactic kegger down here."
  • (Kay) "Z, get a containment unit to come down to the city morgue --"
  • (Rip Torn) "Containment will be of little point, old friend. Most of the aliens and ships are gone already. It's like the party's over and the last one to leave gets the cheque --"
  • (Rip Torn) "You miserable little ingrates."
  • (Rip Torn) "Gentlemen, congratulations. You're everything we've come to expect from years of government training. Now please step this way, as we provide you with our final test: an eye exam --"

Kent Faulcon as Jay

  • (Kent Faulcon) "Yo, Kay, check it out, when do I get my own little flashy-thing memory-messer-upper?"
  • (Kay) "When you grow up."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Hmm, 'kay."
  • (Kay) "Set for pulsar level five, subsonic implosion factor two."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "What?"
  • (Kay) "Just shoot the damn thing on the count of three."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "All we gotta do is go in here and get a cat. It's not that hard. But if you go in there, you're gonna lay your Jack Webb on her, start flashing your brain-ray all in her face. You're gonna wind up giving her leukemia or something. Woman's a doctor, she don't need you flashing away half her med school classes. Five minutes."
  • (Kay) "Two minutes."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "It just be raining black people in New York."
  • (Kay) "So what do you think?"
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Whew. Very interesting. She got a whole "queen of the undead" thing going on --"
  • (Kay) "What about the body?"
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Great body --"
  • (Kay) "The DEAD body."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "See that? NYPD, means I will Knock Your Punkass Down."
  • (Frank the Pug) "The galaxy is here."
  • (Kay) "What do you mean "here?""
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Galaxy's millions of stars and planets. How's it here?"
  • (Frank the Pug) "You humans. When will you learn size doesn't matter? Just because something's important, doesn't mean it's not very small."
  • (Kay) "All right, Beatrice, there was no alien. The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Wait a minute. You just flash that thing, it erases her memory, and you just make up a new one?"
  • (Kay) "A standard issue neuralyzer."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "And that weak-ass story's the best you can come up with?"
  • (Kay) "On a more personal note Beatrice, Edgar ran off with an old girlfriend. You're gonna go stay with your mom a couple nights. You're gonna get over it and decide you're better off."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Well, yeah, you know, 'cause 'cause he never appreciated you anyway. In fact, you know what; you kicked HIM out. And now that he's gone you're gonna go into town, you go to Bloomingdale's and find some nice dresses, get yourself some shoes, you know, find somewhere, maybe you can get a facial. And, uh, oh; hire a decorator to come in here quick, 'cause -- DAMN."
  • (Kay) "You're nothing but a smear on the Sports page to me, you slimy, ugly, intestinal parasite. Eat me. Eat me."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Kay. Kay."
  • (Kay) "See ya around, Jay."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "No, you won't."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Oh, I'm sorry. Was that your auntie? Then that must be your uncle over there."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "What's up?"
  • (Perp) "He's coming because I failed and now he'll kill me, too."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Yeah, well you just pissing everybody off today, huh?"
  • (Perp) "You don't understand. Your world's gonna end."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "What the hell are you?"
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Hey, watch that ledge. Watch the ledge. Look, come on down and we'll get those eyes fixed. Don't even worry about it. Let me talk to you. Hey, hey."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "You do know Elvis is dead, right?"
  • (Kay) "No, Elvis is not dead. He just went home."
  • (Jeebs) "Officer Eduardo. oh hey. How did these get here? I thought I turn them in to the proper authorities."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "The way I hear it Jeebs you're into something hotter then stolen Rolexes."
  • (Jeebs) "I'm also a huge crack dealer now, but I still work here because I love the hours."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "I'm talking about gun, smart ass. Weird ones."
  • (Jeebs) "Come on Edwards. what you see is what I got."
  • (Kay) "Why don't you show him the imports, Jeebs."
  • (Jeebs) "Hiya Kay. How are you?"
  • (Kay) "Show him the imports right now."
  • (Jeebs) "Look Kay. I got out of that business along time ago."
  • (Kay) "Why do you lie to me Jeebs? You know I hate it when you lie to me."
  • (Jeebs) "Just hold on a second."
  • (Kay) "I'm gonna count to three."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "He'll do it, Jeebs."
  • (Kay) "One"
  • (Kay) "I'm telling you that man does not look stable"
  • (Kay) "Two"
  • (Kent Faulcon) "You know what talk to me. He's crazy when he's like this"
  • (Jeebs) "He's always crazy. Why don't you get a message. Take a cruise."
  • (Kay) "Three"
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Drop the weapon and put you hands on your head."
  • (Kay) "I warned him."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Drop the weapon."
  • (Kay) "You warned him."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Don't make me kill you."
  • (Jeebs) "You insensitive prick. Do you have any idea how much that stings?"
  • (Kay) "Show us the merchandise or you will lose another head, Jeebs."
  • (Kay) "Mr. Edward?"
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Right there. The one in the middle."
  • (Kay) "You sold a reverberating carbonizer with mutate capacity to an unlicensed cephalopod. Jeebs you piece of s***."
  • (Jeebs) "He looked alright to me."
  • (Kay) "It must have been for an assassination. Who's the target?"
  • (Jeebs) "You know I don't know."
  • (Kay) "Goddammit Jeebs."
  • (Jeebs) "I don't know."
  • (Kay) "Alright all of that is confiscated. I want you on the next transport off this rock or I will shoot you where it don't grow back."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Ya. And I will be back to talk about them Rolexes."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "HEY, OLD GUYS. Do those still work?"
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Well, well. Big, bad Bug got a bit of a soft spot, huh? What I can't understand is, why you gotta come down here bringing all this ruckus. Snatching up galaxies and everything. My attitude is: don't start nothing, won't BE nothing."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "You better ease up out of my face before something bad happen to you."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Too late."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "And what, we don't like bugs?"
  • (Kay) "Bugs thrive on carnage, Tiger. They consume, infest, destroy, live off the death and destruction of other species."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "You were stung as a child, weren't you?"
  • (Kay) "Imagine a giant cockroach, with unlimited strength, a massive inferiority complex, and a real short temper, is tear-assing around Manhattan Island in a brand-new Edgar suit. That sound like fun?"
  • (Kent Faulcon) "That's right, that's; Ooh. Um, Kay. Oh, damn, man. Hey, uh, something's; Kay. Something's peekin', man."
  • (Kay) "They're beautiful, aren't they?"
  • (Kent Faulcon) "What?"
  • (Kay) "The stars."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "K, you're frightening your partner --"
  • (Kay) "I haven't been looking for a partner. I've been looking for a replacement."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "K, I can NOT do this by myself, all right?"
  • (Linda Fiorentino) "Hey, guys, can you drop me off home? My apartment isn't in this area --"
  • (Kay) "I've just been down the gullet of an interstellar cockroach. That's one of a hundred memories I don't want."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "You know what they say. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
  • (Kay) "Try it."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Unlimited technology from the whole universe, and we cruise 'round in a Ford P.O.S."
  • (Kay) "In the mid-50s the government started an underfunded agency with the simple and laughable purpose of establishing contact with a race not of this planet. Everyone thought the agency was a joke, except the aliens who made contact March 1961, outside New York. There were nine of us that first night. Seven agents, one astronomer,"
  • (Kay) "and one dumb kid who got lost on the wrong back road."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Oh, you brought that tall man some flowers."
  • (Kay) "This way -- They were a group of intergalactic refugees. Wanted Earth for an apolitical zone for creatures without a planet. Did you ever see 'Casablanca?' Same thing, except no Nazis. We agreed and concealed all the evidence of their landing."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "So these are real flying saucers, and the World's Fair was a cover-up for their landing?"
  • (Kay) "Why else hold it in Queens? More non-humans arrive every year and live among us in secret."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Look, I'm sorry. Not to change the subject, but when was the last time you had a CAT scan?"
  • (Kay) "Six months ago. It's company policy."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Make another appointment."
  • (Kay) "Roaches check in --"
  • (Kent Faulcon) "-- But they don't check out."
  • (Kay) "You're under arrest for violating sections 4153 of the Tyco Treaty."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "So hand over whatever galaxy you might be carrying and step away from your busted ass vehicle, and put your hands on your head."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Oh, you have so got to die."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Zed, don't you guys ever get any sleep around here?"
  • (Rip Torn) "The twins keep us on Centaurian time, standard thirty-seven hour day. Give it a few months. You'll get used to it -- or you'll have a psychotic episode."
  • (Kay) "You know, you're much too tense. You're a young man. You need to relax, learn to take some joy in your work. Do you like music?"
  • (Kay) "That's better."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Aw s***. Aw damn. K. K."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "You do know Elvis is dead, right?"
  • (Kay) "No, Elvis is not dead. He just went home."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Going to get your gun back, huh?"
  • (Kay) "I like this gun --"
  • (Kent Faulcon) "What branch of the government do we report to?"
  • (Kay) "None, they ask too many questions."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "So who pays for all this?"
  • (Kay) "We hold patents on a few gadgets we confiscated from the visitors. Velcro, microwave ovens, liposuction. This is a fascinating little gadget. It'll replace CDs soon. Guess I'll have to buy the 'White Album' again."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "That's fun."
  • (Kay) "It's a universal translator. We're not even supposed to have it. I'll tell you why. Human thought is so primitive it's looked upon as an infectious disease in some of the better galaxies. That kind of makes you proud, doesn't it?"
  • (Kent Faulcon) "You know what the difference is between you and me? I make this look GOOD."
  • (Kay) "Not bad for your second day of work, is it?"
  • (Kent Faulcon) "This definitely rates about a 9.0 on my weird-s***-o-meter."
  • (Kay) "You should've been here for the Zeronian migration in 1968."
  • (Kay) "All right, kid, here's the deal. At any given time there are approximately 1500 aliens on the planet, most of them right here in Manhattan. And most of them are decent enough, they're just trying to make a living."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Cab drivers?"
  • (Kay) "Not as many as you'd think."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Kay --"
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Get down."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Whooo --"
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Did you ever flashy-thing me?"
  • (Kay) "No."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "I ain't playing with you, K. Did you ever flashy-thing me?"
  • (Kay) "No."
  • (Kay) "You remember "Casablanca", right?"
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Yeah."
  • (Kay) "Same thing, just no Nazis."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "There's only one way off this planet, baby, and that's through me."
  • (Kay) "Do you remember the little red button?"
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Yeah --"
  • (Kay) "Push the little red button."
  • (Kay) "And you may want to put on a seatbelt --"
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Kay. Kayyyyy."
  • (NYPD Sergeant at Edwards ' Interrogation) "Edwards, if you were half the man that I am --"
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Hey man, what are you talking about? I AM half the man that you are."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "All right, I'm in. 'Cause there's some next level s*** going on and I'm OK with that. But before y'all go beaming me up there's one thing you gotta remember: You chose me -- so you recognized the skills, so I don't want nobody calling me son or kid or sport or nothing like that, cool?"
  • (Kay) "Cool, whatever you say, slick, but I need to tell you something about all your skills. As of right now, they mean precisely -- dick."
  • (Kay) "I don't suppose you know what kind of alien life form leaves a green spectral trail and craves sugar water, do you?"
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Uh, wait, that was on "Final Jeopardy." last night. Damn, Alex said --"
  • (Kay) "Zed, we have a bug."

Mike Nussbaum as Elle

  • (Mike Nussbaum) "Hey, Jay. Zed called. The high consulate from Solaxiant 9 wants floor seats for the next Bulls game."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "All right, let's put in a call to Dennis Rodman. He's from that planet."
  • (Mike Nussbaum) "Rodman? You're kidding."
  • (Kent Faulcon) "Nope."
  • (Mike Nussbaum) "Not much of a disguise."

Sean Whalen as Passport Officer

  • (Sean Whalen) "You ever heard of Division 6?"
  • (Police Inspector) "There is no Division 6. This is bulls***."
  • (Sean Whalen) "Yeah."

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