Monkey Business (1931 film) Quotes

Monkey Business (1931 film) is a television show that appeared on TV in 1970 . Monkey Business stopped airing in 1970.

It features Herman J. Mankiewicz as producer, John Leipold in charge of musical score, and Arthur L. Todd as head of cinematography.

Monkey Business (1931 film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Monkey Business (1931 film) is 77-78 minutes long. Monkey Business (1931 film) is distributed by Paramount Publix Corp.

The cast includes: Chico Marx as Chico, Groucho Marx as Groucho, Ben Taggart as Captain Corcoran, Cecil Cunningham as Madame Swempski, Thelma Todd as Lucille, Zeppo Marx as Zeppo, Harry Woods as Alky Briggs, Evelyn Pierce as Manicurist, Rockliffe Fellowes as Joe Helton, and Charlotte Mineau as Emily.

Monkey Business (1931 film) Quotes

Thelma Todd as Lucille

• (Thelma Todd) "What brought you here?"
• (Groucho Marx) "Ah, 'tis midsummer madness, the music is in my temples, the hot blood of youth. Come, Kapellmeister, let the violas throb. My regiment leaves at dawn."

• (Thelma Todd) "Now, listen to me, Mr. Alky Briggs. You can't keep me cooped up like this. I've played second fiddle on this ship long enough."
• (Harry Woods) "Now, you listen. I'm not after any dames. I'm after Joe Helton, I tell ya. And he can't get away from me on this boat."

• (Thelma Todd) "Oh, Alky can't make a fool of me. I want to go places. I want to do things. I want freedom, I want liberty, I want justice --"
• (Groucho Marx) "Ta-ra-ta-da-da- -- Madam, you're making history. In fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself."
• (Thelma Todd) "Oh, you know what I want. I want life. I want laughter. I want gaiety. I want to ha-cha-cha-cha."

• (Thelma Todd) "Well, then, what do you think of an egg that would give me --"
• (Groucho Marx) "I know; I know. You're a woman who's been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten your brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night."

• (Thelma Todd) "What are you doing in there?"
• (Groucho Marx) "Nothing. Come on in."

• (Thelma Todd) "Oh, you were going to show me a good time. A good time. Well, I might as well had stayed home and played solitaire."

• (Thelma Todd) "But from the time he got the marriage license, I've led a dog's life."
• (Groucho Marx) "Are you sure he didn't get a dog's license?"

Groucho Marx as Groucho

• (Groucho Marx) "Listen here. You're living in a fool's paradise. You intend to spend ten dollars to buy this woman a ring? Look at this. It's solid brass and a buck and a half takes it away. What do you say? I know it'll fit her. I got it from the nose of a savage."

• (Groucho Marx) "Come here, babe, I like you."
• (Thelma Todd) "Oh, I shouldn't. What about my husband?"
• (Groucho Marx) "That's alright. Maybe we can get a girl for him."

• (Cab Driver at Barn) "That'll be $1.10."
• (Groucho Marx) "Here's a dollar, keep the change."
• (Cab Driver at Barn) "But I said a dollar "ten"."
• (Groucho Marx) "All right, give "me" the dollar, I'll keep the change."

• (Groucho Marx) "Afraid? Me? A man who's licked his weight in wild caterpillars? Afraid ? You bet I'm afraid."

• (Groucho Marx) "You're just wasting your breath, and that's no great loss either."

• (Groucho Marx) "-- Columbus was sailing along on his vessel --"
• (Chico Marx) "On his what?"
• (Groucho Marx) "Not on his what, on his vessel. Don't you know what vessel is?"
• (Chico Marx) "Sure, I can vessel --"

• (Groucho Marx) "You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar."

• (Groucho Marx) "Mrs. Briggs, I've known and respected your husband Alky for many years. And what's good enough for him is good enough for me."

• (Groucho Marx) "He said beat it. Gee, I wish I'd a said that. Everybodies repeating it around the club."

• (Groucho Marx) "Now one night, Columbus' sailors started a mutiny."
• (Chico Marx) "Nah, no mutiny's at night. They're in the afternoon. You know, Mutinies, Wednesdays and Saturdays."
• (Groucho Marx) "There's my argument: Restrict Immigration."

• (Butch) "Get outta here."
• (Groucho Marx) "Say, have you got a girl up in that hayloft?"
• (Butch) "No."
• (Groucho Marx) "Then you're a bigger fool than I thought you were."

• (Groucho Marx) "This program is coming to you through the courtesy of the Golden Goose Furniture Company with three stores, 125th street, 125th street and 125th street. You furnish the girl, we tar and feather your nest."

• (Groucho Marx) "And you can say it was a real love match. We married for money."
• (Cecil Cunningham) "Oh, you impudent cad."
• (Groucho Marx) "Eh, my shrinking violet? Say, it wouldn't hurt you to shrink thirty or forty pounds."
• (Cecil Cunningham) "I'll report you to your paper."
• (Groucho Marx) "I'll thank you to let me do the reporting. Is it true you're getting a divorce as soon as your husband recovers his eyesight? Is it true you wash your hair in clam broth? Is it true you used to dance in a flea circus?"

• (Groucho Marx) "I'd like to ask you one question."
• (Harry Woods) "Go ahead."
• (Groucho Marx) "Do you think that girls think less of a boy if he lets himself be kissed? I mean, eh, don't you think that although girls go out with boys like me they; they always marry the other kind?"

• (Groucho Marx) "Now, Columbus sailed from Spain to India, looking for a shortcut."
• (Chico Marx) "Oh, you mean strawberry shortcut."
• (Groucho Marx) "I don't know. When I woke up, there was the nurse taking care of me."
• (Chico Marx) "What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself?"
• (Groucho Marx) "You bet she could, but I found her out, too late. Well, enough of this. Let's get back to Columbus."
• (Chico Marx) "I'd rather get back to the nurse."
• (Groucho Marx) "So would I."

• (Groucho Marx) "With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now."

• (Groucho Marx) "If this is the Captain, I'm gonna have a few words with him. My hot water's been cold for three days. And I haven't got room enough in here to swing a cat. In fact, I haven't even got a cat."

• (Groucho Marx) "Well, now we can eat in peace."
• (Chico Marx) "Alright, here's a piece for you."

• (Groucho Marx) "You call this a barn? This looks like a stable."
• (Chico Marx) "Well, if you look at it, it's a barn. If you smell it, it's a stable."
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, let's just look at it."

• (Groucho Marx) "Have a cigar, babe."

• (Groucho Marx) "Are you the floorwalker of this ship? I want to register a complaint."
• (Ben Taggart) "Why? What's the matter?"
• (Groucho Marx) "Matter enough. You know who sneaked into my stateroom at three o'clock this morning?"
• (Ben Taggart) "Who did that?"
• (Groucho Marx) "Nobody, and that's my complaint."

• (Groucho Marx) "Fancy meeting you here after all these drinks."

• (Groucho Marx) "How about you and I passing out on the veranda; or would you rather pass out here?"
• (Woman at Party) "Sir, you have the advantage of me."
• (Groucho Marx) "Not yet I haven't, but wait till I get you outside."

• (Groucho Marx) "Oh, engineer? Will you tell them to stop the boat from rocking, I'm going to have lunch."

• (Groucho Marx) "Ah, this is the only way to travel boys, the only way. I was going to bring a long the wife and kiddies, but the grocer couldn't spare another barrel."
• (Chico Marx) "I was going to bring my grandfather, but there's no room for his beard."
• (Groucho Marx) "Why don't you send for the old swine and let his beard come later."
• (Chico Marx) "I sent for his beard."
• (Groucho Marx) "You did?"
• (Chico Marx) "Yes, it's comin' by hair mail."

• (Groucho Marx) "Oh, why can't we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean -- flee to my lodge in the hills."
• (Thelma Todd) "Oh, no. I couldn't think of it."
• (Groucho Marx) "Don't be afraid. You can join this lodge for a few pennies and you won't even have to take a physical examination, unless you insist on one."

• (Boat Passenger) "Why, a man fainted over here."
• (Groucho Marx) "Man fainted. I'll soon fix him. Just my hard luck it couldn't be a woman."

• (Groucho Marx) "Where's all those farmer's daughters I've been hearing about for years?"

• (Groucho Marx) "I wish to announce that a buffet supper will be served in the next room in five minutes. In order to get you in that room quickly, Mrs. Schmalhausen will sing a soprano solo in this room."

• (Groucho Marx) "Oh, I know it's a penny here and a penny there, but look at me. I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."

• (Groucho Marx) "I'm young. I want gaiety, laughter, ha-cha-cha. I want to dance. I want to dance till the cows come home."

• (Groucho Marx) "Madam, before I get through with you, you will have a clear case for divorce, and so will my wife. Now, the first thing to do is to arrange for a settlement. You take the children, your husband takes the house, Junior burns down the house, you take the insurance, and I take you."
• (Thelma Todd) "But I haven't any children."
• (Groucho Marx) "That's just the trouble with this country. You haven't any children, and as for me, I'm going back in the closet where men are empty overcoats."
• (Thelma Todd) "Oh, brown eyes --"

• (Woman at Party) "You're pretty fresh, aren't you."
• (Indian at Party) "That's my wife and I don't like the way you're acting around here."
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, if you don't like our country, why don't you go back where you came from."
• (Indian at Party) "Say, I oughta take that right in your scalp."
• (Groucho Marx) "Run for your life. The indians are coming. Put your scalp in your pocket."
• (Groucho Marx) "Here. The Indians. Wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo --"

• (Groucho Marx) "Well, here we are at ringside and folks, it looks like a great battle. Now the boys are locked in the center of the ring. Oh baby, what a grudge fight. Zowie. Zowie. Zowie. That makes three zowies and a man gets a base on balls. Ending in the first inning. No runs. No errors. But, plenty of hits. Weeeeeee."

• (Gibson, First Mate) "Who are you?"
• (Groucho Marx) "I'm the tailor."
• (Gibson, First Mate) "Oh, that reminds me, where are my pants?"
• (Groucho Marx) "You've got 'em on."

• (Groucho Marx) "I'm just trying to sneak off the boat, that's all."

• (Groucho Marx) "Sorry, I can't stay. The captain's waiting to chase me."

Charlotte Mineau as Emily

• (Emily's Lover) "Oh, Emily."
• (Charlotte Mineau) "Oh, Henry, be careful. Somebody may see us."
• (Emily's Lover) "Oh, I've been careful too long."
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, now that you brought that up, just how long have you been careful?"
• (Charlotte Mineau) "Oh, they saw us."
• (Emily's Lover) "Now be calm, Emily. I'll talk to them."
• (Emily's Lover) "You won't say anything about this, will you?"
• (Groucho Marx) "Sir, are trying to offer me a bribe? How much?"
• (Charlotte Mineau) "Oh, but you don't understand. You see, I'm not happy with my husband. He should have married some little housewife."
• (Groucho Marx) "Madam, I resent that. Some of my best friends are housewives."

Ben Taggart as Captain Corcoran

• (Ben Taggart) "Gibson, have you been drinking again?"

• (Ben Taggart) "Stockholders, huh? Well, you look like a couple of stowaways to me."
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, don't forget, my fine fellow, that the stockholder of yesteryear is the stowaway of today."

• (Ben Taggart) "Hey, you."
• (Groucho Marx) "Are these your gloves? I found them in your trunk. You girls can go to your rooms. I'll be down shortly."

• (Ben Taggart) "One of them goes around with a black moustache."
• (Groucho Marx) "So do I; if I had my choice, I'd go around with a little blonde."
• (Ben Taggart) "I said, one goes around with a black moustache."
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, you couldn't expect a moustache to go around by itself. Don't you think a moustache ever gets lonely, Captain?"
• (Chico Marx) "Hey, sure it gets-a lonely. Hey, when my grandfather's beard gets here, I'd like it to meet your moustache."
• (Groucho Marx) "Well, I'll think it over; I'll talk it over with my moustache. Tell me, has your grandfather's beard got any money?"
• (Chico Marx) "Money? Why, he fell hair to a fortune."

• (Gibson, First Mate) "Sir, I have to report there are four stowaways in the forward hatch."
• (Ben Taggart) "Stowaways? How do you know there are four of them?"
• (Gibson, First Mate) "Why, they were singing "Sweet Adeline"."

Chico Marx as Chico

• (Chico Marx) "Mustard's no good without roast beef."

• (Gangster) "Say, have you guys got an invitation?"
• (Chico Marx) "We give the invitation of Chevalier: "When the nightingale, sing like you -- ""

• (Chico Marx) "We're great, huh?"
• (Rockliffe Fellowes) "You're great."
• (Chico Marx) "My partner?"
• (Rockliffe Fellowes) "He's great."
• (Chico Marx) "My grandfather's great. He's a great-grandfather."

• (Waiter) "Would you like to have anything before lunch?"
• (Chico Marx) "Yes, breakfast."

• (Butch) "Keep outta this loft."
• (Chico Marx) "Well, its better to have loft and lost, but never to have lofted at all."
• (Groucho Marx) "Nice work."

• (Unnamed) "Where's the Doctor? A doctor. I want a doctor."
• (Chico Marx) "Sit. Stay calm. We take care of you. Oh, she's got a chill. Cover her up."
• (Chico Marx) "No, no, no, no. Get up. Get up. Take her pulse. Take her pulse."
• (Chico Marx) "No purse. Put it back. Pulse. I think you best take a temperature. That's good. Alright, we take care of you, lady. Alright. Alright. Alright."
• (Unnamed) "Oh, you fools. I'm not the patient."
• (Chico Marx) "Well, we're not the doctor."

• (Chico Marx) "What's the matter with me? I'm hungry. I didn't eat in three days."
• (Groucho Marx) "Three days? We've only been on the boat two days."
• (Chico Marx) "I didn't eat yesterday, I didn't eat today, and I'm not gonna eat tomorrow. That makes a three days."

• (Chico Marx) "Alright, alright. How much you pay?"
• (Rockliffe Fellowes) "Well, just how tough are you?"
• (Chico Marx) "Well, you pay a little bit, we're a little bit tough. You pay very much, very much tough. You pay a too much, we're too much a tough. How much you pay?"
• (Rockliffe Fellowes) "I pay plenty."
• (Chico Marx) "Well, then we're plenty tough."

• (Chico Marx) "My father was-a partner's with Columbus."
• (Groucho Marx) "Your father and Columbus were partners?"
• (Chico Marx) "You bet."
• (Groucho Marx) "Columbus has been dead 400 years."
• (Chico Marx) "Well, they told me it was my father."

• (Chico Marx) "Hey, you're a nice lookin' a gal, alright. You got "it"."

• (Boat Passenger) "What's the idea of putting your hands in my pocket."
• (Chico Marx) "Just a little mistake. I had a suit once. Looked just like that and for a minute I thought those were my pants."
• (Boat Passenger) "How could they be your pants when I I've got them on."
• (Chico Marx) "Well, this suit had two pair of pants."

Zeppo Marx as Zeppo

• (Zeppo Marx) "Everybody seems to be having nearly as much fun as I am."

• (Zeppo Marx) "Hey, do you know who's on this boat? Maurice Chevalier the movie actor. I just ran into him."
• (Groucho Marx) "Did you hurt him?"
• (Chico Marx) "How do you know it was Chevalier?"
• (Zeppo Marx) "I got his passport. Right there."
• (Groucho Marx) "Now, he can't get off the boat."
• (Chico Marx) "Hey, he looks like Chevalier. I can look like Chevalier."
• (Groucho Marx) "I certainly look like Chevalier."
• (Zeppo Marx) "But, that's not enough. You gotta sing one of Chevalier's songs to get off this boat."
• (Zeppo Marx) ""If a nightingale, could sing like you, they'd sing much better than you do -- ""
• (Groucho Marx) "Outstanding. You sing like that and they'll throw us all off the boat."

Cecil Cunningham as Madame Swempski

• (Cecil Cunningham) "I don't like this innuendo."
• (Groucho Marx) "That's what I always say: love flies out the door when money comes innuendo."

Evelyn Pierce as Manicurist

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Harry Woods as Alky Briggs

• (Harry Woods) "I'm stepping into your shoes; as boss."
• (Rockliffe Fellowes) "I'm not backin' up any small time chiseler."
• (Harry Woods) "Ah, don't put on the ritz with me."
• (Rockliffe Fellowes) "Say, don't get cocky with me, Briggs."
• (Harry Woods) "I'm talkin' turkey. You can't make all the dough and then run out on your pals."
• (Rockliffe Fellowes) "I'm not takin' orders from a mug like you. Scram."

• (Harry Woods) "Oh, I see, the stowaways. Say, I can help you bozos."
• (Groucho Marx) "Mr. Bozo, to you."
• (Harry Woods) "Alright, Mr. Bozo."

• (Harry Woods) "Okay, he's in there. When he comes out, plug him."
• (Zeppo Marx) "What do we plug him with?"
• (Harry Woods) "Didn't I give you two "gats"?"
• (Groucho Marx) "We had to drown the "gats", but we saved you a little black "gitten"."

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