(Article is below...)

Moonlighting (TV series) Quotes

Moonlighting is a television show that appeared on TV in 1985 on American Broadcasting Company. Moonlighting stopped airing in 1989.

Moonlighting lasted 5 seasons and 66 episodes. It features Lee Holdridge as theme composer, and Alf Clausen as composer. Moonlighting is executive produced by Glenn Gordon Caron. Moonlighting is created by Glenn Gordon Caron.

Moonlighting is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Moonlighting is approx. 45-49 minutes per episode long. Moonlighting is produced by Picturemaker Productions and distributed by Disney-ABC Domestic Television.

The cast includes: Paul Sorvino as David Addison, Paul Sorvino as David, Imogene Coca as Clara DiPesto, Paul Sorvino as Maddie, and Sam McMurray as Man.

Moonlighting Quotes

Paul Sorvino as David Addison

  • (Paul Sorvino) "Does Spock beam up?"
  • (Maddie Hayes) "You are eye crust."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "The better to see you with, my dear."
  • (Maddie Hayes) "You are navel lint."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Expensive navel lint."
  • (Maddie Hayes) "You are --"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Don't go much lower, they'll take us off the air."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "I know who he is, he paints naked girls."
  • (Maddie Hayes) "Nudes."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Nudes, right. Nakeds have staples in them."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "What about this banquet? I don't want to go."
  • (Maddie Hayes) "We're going. It's very important."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Important for what? Okay, it will give us a chance to fight in public, but what else?"
  • (Maddie Hayes) "I wouldn't want you losing any more sleep over me."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Believe me, if and when I ever find myself over you, the last thing I'll be thinking about is sleeping."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "If people are meant to be together, they'll find each other, no matter where, no matter what, right? Isn't that right?"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Fire at Will. Or Al, or Harry. Or whoever the hell else you can hit."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Do flies fly?"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Do math majors multiply? Do eggs get laid?"
  • (Maddie Hayes) "Addison. You better figure out a way to get me off this train."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Whoa. Lady, I will gladly get you off this train. I will throw you off this train, if necessary, but kindly refrain from any physical act that is not of an erotic nature."
  • (Maddie Hayes) "You're an animal."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Exactly."
  • (Maddie Hayes) "And what does that mean?"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "The male of the species engages in sexual congress no less than forty-six thousand, five hundred and three times from the time he is thirteen until the time he runs out of ammo."
  • (Maddie Hayes) "You know that and you can't remember our zip code?"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "I remember when they told Sylvia Plath, "Hey, Syl, cheer up." I remember when they told e. e. cummings, "e, baby; use caps." But did ol' e listen? No. Little n. Little o."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "And then last night, an idea hit me."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Left a bruise, I hope."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Who is the one person out there, who is spreading happiness and joy out there in the world?"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Steven Spielberg?"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "SANTY CLAUS."
  • (Maddie Hayes) ""Exactly"'s all in capital letters. What do you think that means?"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "I think it means exactly what it says."
  • (Maddie Hayes) "I had no idea."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "That's okay. I got lots of 'em. I'll loan you one."
  • (Maddie Hayes) "Since when did my personal life outside the office become fair game for your amusement inside the office?"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "If I remember correctly, since you started working here."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "That's your trouble, David; you think hot sex cures everything."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Well, it is an effective treatment for localized high blood pressure in males."
  • (Agnes DiPesto) "I had no idea."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "We've known that for a while."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm sorry, but you're not on the guest list."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "That's because we're not guests. We're looking for a man with a mole on his nose."
  • (Unnamed) "A mole on his nose?"
  • (Maddie Hayes) "A mole on his nose."
  • (Unnamed) "What kind of clothes?"
  • (Maddie Hayes) "What kind of clothes?"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "What kind of clothes do you suppose?"
  • (Unnamed) "What kind of clothes do I suppose would be worn by a man with a mole on his nose? Who knows?"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Did I happen to mention, did I bother to disclose, that this man that we're seeking with the mole on his nose? I'm not sure of his clothes or anything else, except he's Chinese, a big clue by itself."
  • (Maddie Hayes) "How do you do that?"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Gotta read a lot of Dr. Seuss."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm sorry to say, I'm sad to report, I haven't seen anyone at all of that sort. Not a man who's Chinese with a mole on his nose with some kind of clothes that you can't suppose. So get away from this door and get out of this place, or I'll have to hurt you; put my foot in your face."
  • (Agnes DiPesto) "Mr. Addison. Here's your ticket."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Thanks again, Agnes."
  • (Agnes DiPesto) "I guess this means you're going away."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Agnes, in all my born days I have never met a person who could put two and two together faster than you."
  • (Agnes DiPesto) "Math was always my strongest subject."
  • (Maddie Hayes) "David. Can I have a minute of your time, please?"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Take two, they're small."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Could've fooled me."
  • (Maddie Hayes) "A gnat with a lobotomy could fool you."
  • (Maddie Hayes) "Unhand me."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "I'll try, but I don't think they'll come off."
  • (Maddie Hayes) "I didn't even know you had a brother."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Never thought of him as a brother; just mom and dad's science project."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Why is my client being held at this hour, and why isn't it by me?"
  • (Maddie Hayes) "Wipe that stupid grin off your face."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "This is the smartest grin I know."
  • (Maddie Hayes) "Good husband, are we married merrily?"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Yea, verily, we are married merrily -- though at first warily, and unfortunately quite sterilely."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Just when I think you've gone as low as you can go, you find a basement door."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "You have the morals of rabbit, the character of a slug, and the brain of a platypus."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Do bears bear? Do bees be?"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Do ducks duck?"
  • (Maddie Hayes) "I got an idea."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Excuse me?"
  • (Maddie Hayes) "An idea. You know, an original thought. You've heard of them. Anyway, I was just lying in my bed last night, just lying there, feeling terrible about telling that poor man that he couldn't write Mrs. Woodley anymore, when suddenly, BA-BING. I get this idea --"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Ba-what?"
  • (Maddie Hayes) "Huh?"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Ba-what? I thought I just heard you say ba-bing."
  • (Maddie Hayes) "Ba-bing? So what if I did say ba-bing? So what? Anyway, David, I suddenly realized; why are you looking at me like that?"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Huh?"
  • (Maddie Hayes) "Why are you looking at me like that?"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "You're doing me."
  • (Maddie Hayes) "I'm WHAT?"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "You're doing me, Maddie. You come in here, you slam the door, you say ba-bing, you sit on the corner of that desk; I know what I'm talking about, Maddie Hayes. This is not just some idea I plucked out of my head willy-nilly; now I'm doing you."
  • (Maddie Hayes) "David. Are you all right?"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Trust me Maddie, we are doing this backwards. Let's just go to your office and start all over."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Hey lady, want to lick my mail."
  • (Maddie Hayes) "I'm coming."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Good for you."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Hiya boss. Back from the dentist so soon?"
  • (Maddie Hayes) "Brian Baker called me names. Preston Holt lied to me. Omar Gaus mocked me. I don't think I like men anymore."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "We still like you."
  • (Unnamed) "This is him, Edward O'Leary. Recognize him?"
  • (Maddie Hayes) "I don't know, we never knew him."
  • (Unnamed) "Then what did you want to look at the body for?"
  • (Maddie Hayes) "What did we want to look at the body for?"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "We're private detectives. It's what we do."
  • (Unnamed) "You wanna look at any others while you're here?"
  • (Maddie Hayes) "No thanks. Our limit is one stiff per day."
  • (Maddie Hayes) "David, I just don't think --"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "That's okay, you look good."
  • (Maddie Hayes) "David, may I please have some ANSWERS?"
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Delaware, all of the above, 90 degrees."

Sam McMurray as Man

  • (Sam McMurray) "You can't just burst in here like that."
  • (Paul Sorvino) "Oh yeah? Tell that to the writers."

Imogene Coca as Clara DiPesto

  • (Imogene Coca) "Where's Dave and Maddie?"
  • (Agnes DiPesto) "They're not in this episode."

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.

Additional Film and TV Quotes

The Sex Monster Quotes | Bottle Rocket Quotes | Unification (Star Trek: The Next Generation) Quotes | Red Shoe Diaries Quotes | Girls Club (TV series) Quotes | The Animals of Farthing Wood (TV series) Quotes | Little House on the Prairie (TV series) Quotes | Trading Places Quotes | The Practice Quotes | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (2003 TV series) Quotes | Secret Window Quotes | King Kong (1976 film) Quotes | Freddy Got Fingered Quotes | Today's Special Quotes | The Boondock Saints Quotes | Daana Veera Soora Karna Quotes | The Hobbit (1977 film) Quotes | The Return of the King (1980 film) Quotes | From the Earth to the Moon (miniseries) Quotes | Good Morning, Miami Quotes | Monkey Dust Quotes | Earthquake (1974 film) Quotes | The Ghost and the Darkness Quotes | The Vicar of Dibley Quotes | Cannibal Holocaust Quotes |