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Mystery, Alaska Quotes

Mystery, Alaska is a TV program that debuted in 1970 . Mystery, Alaska ended its run in 1970.

It features David E. Kelley as producer, Carter Burwell in charge of musical score, and Peter Deming as head of cinematography.

Mystery, Alaska is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Mystery, Alaska is 119 minutes long. Mystery, Alaska is distributed by Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures.

The cast includes: Maury Chaykin as Bailey Pruitt, Michael McKean as Mr. Walsh, Mary McCormack as Donna Biebe, Russell Crowe as John Biebe, Beth Littleford as Janice Pettiboe, Hank Azaria as Charles Danner, Ron Eldard as 'Skank' Marden, Russell Crowe as Joey Biebe, Colm Meaney as Mayor Scott Pitcher, Megyn Price as Sarah Heinz, Ron Eldard as Matt 'Skank' Marden, Burt Reynolds as Judge Walter Burns, Judith Ivey as Joanne Burns, Scott Grimes as 'Birdie' Burns, Terry David Mulligan as Dr. Henry Savage, Ryan Northcott as Stevie Weeks, and Mike Myers as Donnie Shulzhoffer.

Mystery, Alaska Quotes

Mary McCormack as Donna Biebe

  • (Mary McCormack) "John?"
  • (Russell Crowe) "You've been smilin' a lot lately."
  • (Mary McCormack) "Excuse me?"
  • (Russell Crowe) "Ever since he came back. Charlie. You been smilin' a little more."
  • (Mary McCormack) "John. That was high school."
  • (Russell Crowe) "This is not a pond."

Mike Myers as Donnie Shulzhoffer

  • (Mike Myers) "This is hockey, OK? It's not rocket surgery."
  • (Mike Myers) "Hey, you know where a guy can get a rub and a tug around here?"

Russell Crowe as John Biebe

  • (Russell Crowe) ""You look like the back end of a moose. Sasquatch.""
  • (Unnamed) "Did you see your daddy out there?"
  • (Russell Crowe) "I have a toy pony, he takes big s***s."
  • (Russell Crowe) "You okay?"
  • (Michael McKean) "No, I'm not okay. Do I look okay? The f***er shot me. What the f***-ass f*** of a bum-f*** s***hole town is this? I make a business call. I give him my card. And the hick-ass f***er shoots my foot off. Cock-f***ing s***."
  • (Russell Crowe) "Women don't like being referred to as fat mammals, Skank."
  • (Ron Eldard) "I never would've said that to her face."

Maury Chaykin as Bailey Pruitt

  • (Maury Chaykin) "Big doings here in Mystery. Price World wants to build a store here, and now the New York Rangers are coming to town."
  • (Burt Reynolds) "Mr Pruitt, I don't want to hear anything more about a hockey game in this courtroom. I told you about this."
  • (Maury Chaykin) "I'm sorry your honor, I'm fat."

Colm Meaney as Mayor Scott Pitcher

  • (Colm Meaney) "And we're getting a Zamboni, Donna."
  • (Mary McCormack) "A Zamboni? Wow, I'm getting wet just thinkin' about it."
  • (Colm Meaney) "Jesus Christ."

Megyn Price as Sarah Heinz

  • (Megyn Price) "Mother walrus going "Thwap, thwap, thwap"?"
  • (Ron Eldard) "What?"
  • (Megyn Price) "You wanna hear a "Thwap"?"

Ron Eldard as 'Skank' Marden

  • (Ron Eldard) "I play hockey and I fornicate, 'cause those are the two most fun things to do in cold weather."

Beth Littleford as Janice Pettiboe

  • (Beth Littleford) "It's a Rockwellian Christmas up here. Skating. Barbecues. Snow. We're here with defenseman Matt Marden, and -- cut."
  • (Hank Azaria) "What?"
  • (Beth Littleford) "I can't feel my fingers."
  • (Ron Eldard) "You need to rub 'em on a nice, warm Yuletide log."
  • (Beth Littleford) "I beg your pardon?"
  • (Ron Eldard) "Look, Christmas is a lonely day for a guy to be chokin' his own chicken. And as women reporters go, I find you supple."
  • (Beth Littleford) "Oh, that was lovely. It's a shame we weren't rolling for that."
  • (Hank Azaria) "I'm sure he'd be happy to repeat it."
  • (Ron Eldard) "You need to relax."
  • (Beth Littleford) "Charles."
  • (Ron Eldard) "Do you like massages?"

Burt Reynolds as Judge Walter Burns

  • (Burt Reynolds) "Hi. What's wrong?"
  • (Judith Ivey) "Uh, Walter, get out. This is private."
  • (Burt Reynolds) "I'm entitled to know what's going on under this roof. After all, I am the father of this child --"
  • (Judith Ivey) "Walter, if you don't leave, I swear I'll tell you."
  • (Burt Reynolds) "Right."

Scott Grimes as 'Birdie' Burns

  • (Scott Grimes) "How's he doing?"
  • (Terry David Mulligan) "Well, he's a little happy."
  • (Terry David Mulligan) "No, no, easy son."
  • (Ryan Northcott) "I'm okay."
  • (Ryan Northcott) "Birdie. I'm sorry. I didn't even get the condom on. It was 'cause of your sister's breasts. They're perky."
  • (Terry David Mulligan) "Well, he's out again."

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