Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian Quotes

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian is a television program that was first aired in 1970 . Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian ended its run in 1970.

It features Shawn Levy, and Chris Columbus; Michael Barnathan as producer, Alan Silvestri in charge of musical score, and John Schwartzman as head of cinematography.

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian is 104 minutes long. Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian is distributed by 20th Century Fox.

The cast includes: Hank Azaria as Kah Mun Rah, Keith Powell as Tuskegee Airman #2, Amy Adams as Amelia Earhart, Jon Bernthal as Al Capone, Keith Powell as Tuskegee Airman #1, Ben Stiller as Larry Daley, Owen Wilson as Jedediah, Steve Coogan as Octavius, Bill Hader as General George Armstrong Custer, Mizuo Peck as Sacajawea, Robin Williams as Teddy Roosevelt, Hank Azaria as The Thinker, Jake Cherry as Nick Daley, Eugene Levy as Albert Einstein, Jonah Hill as Brandon, Rami Malek as Ahkmenrah, Jake Cherry as Nicky, Keith Powell as Birdmen, and Alain Chabat as Napoleon.

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian Quotes

Hank Azaria as Kah Mun Rah

• (Hank Azaria) "Why, they're no bigger than a tiny grain of couscous. Aren't you?"
• (Owen Wilson) "You know, two words come to mind when I hear you talk. "Delusional" and "weirdo". And if I had to say a third, "goofy." Just goofy."

• (Hank Azaria) "I am Kah Mun Rah, half god, once removed on my mother's side."

• (Hank Azaria) "Are there any questions?"
• (Jon Bernthal) "Yeah, I got one. How come you're wearin' a dress?"
• (Hank Azaria) "This is not a dress. This is a tunic. It was the height of fashion 3,000 years ago, I assure you. Are there any other questions?"
• (Ivan The Terrible) "Da. This-a dress you're wearing, do we have to wear one of these, too?"
• (Hank Azaria) "Were you not listening? I just told Mr. Capone here that this not a dress. It is, in fact, a tunic. Very big difference. Are there any other questions?"
• (Hank Azaria) "Are there any questions not about the dress?"
• (Hank Azaria) "Tunic?"
• (Hank Azaria) "Good."

• (Oscar the Grouch) "Oh, come on. I'm bad. Everyone, look at how bad I am. Raaar, Raaar, fear me. Raaaaaaraaarr --"
• (Hank Azaria) "I'm sorry, I'm just not buying it. You don't seem bad. You just seem -- vaguely grouchy."

• (Hank Azaria) "Ah -- you know what that sound is?"
• (Hank Azaria) "It's rhetorical. That is the sound of the end."

• (Hank Azaria) "Oh, you're just so adorable, even when you're threatening me. I can't take you seriously. I mean, is it just me?"

• (Hank Azaria) "You don't seem to be evil, you seem to be more of a grouch."

• (Hank Azaria) "What is that? What is that? What does it mean? I don't know -- you've lost me. Is that your breathing? Because I can't hear myself think."
• (Hank Azaria) "Let me tell you kindly, just simplify. There's too much going on. You're not evil, you're asthmatic, and what's with the cape? Are we going to the opera? I don't think so. Goodbye."

• (Hank Azaria) "Makhta. Makhta."
• (Hank Azaria) "Arrh. Arrh."

• (Hank Azaria) "Whoever you are, Archie Bunker, you have a very comfortable throne."

• (Hank Azaria) "I'm thinkin' --"
• (Ben Stiller) "This is hopeless."

Ben Stiller as Larry Daley

• (Ben Stiller) "Great, well, I'll give you the combination after you give him back."
• (Hank Azaria) "How dare you. If you touch that again I shall kill you right now. Do not touch this."
• (Hank Azaria) "This is a 'No-Touching' zone."
• (Ben Stiller) "Good, well, then --"
• (Hank Azaria) "Oh my GOD. I can't believe you reached across like that again. I can't even believe it. Oh, God. I want to kill you right now. If you didn't know this combination, you would be so dead right now, it would be unbelievable."
• (Ben Stiller) "Great, well, I do know the combination --"
• (Hank Azaria) "DON't CROSS THIS LINE with your hand."
• (Hank Azaria) "How dare you. If you speak again, if you SPEAK AGAIN, I'm going to kill you. Do you understand this? Don't say it. Oh, God I see you getting ready. Oh, my GOD. Don't say anything. Now, give me that Tablet and tell me the combination."
• (Ben Stiller) "Alright, after you give me Jed and release my friends."
• (Hank Azaria) "You did all three. You spoke and you reached your hand across."
• (Ben Stiller) "Look, I can talk to you about this all night."
• (Hank Azaria) "How about this? How about I DON'T kill you, like I really, really want to, and I give you precisely five seconds to hand over that Tablet and tell me the combination?"
• (Jon Bernthal) "We already got the combination. It's pi. 3.14159265. This little guy sang. Oh did he sing? Like a canary."

• (Ben Stiller) "Wow, four bars in 1945."

• (Ben Stiller) "Oh, Love Theme from Titanic, good but not really appropriate --"

• (Ben Stiller) "This is the Smithsonian. This is the big leagues."

• (Ben Stiller) "You know, a good place to check out is the miniatures."
• (Woman) "Can you take me there? I always get lost."
• (Ben Stiller) "Yeah, no, sure. Yeah, come on --"

• (Ben Stiller) "What, did they run out of U's on your name plate?"
• (Jonah Hill) "I dunno, did they run out of jokes at the Interesting Joke Store that you shop at?"

• (Ben Stiller) "You know how you were telling me that the key to happiness was something but then the sun came up? I think I figured it out. It's doing what you love."
• (Robin Williams) "I was going to say diet and exercise, but the love thing's good too."

• (Eugene Levy) "Don't touch the hair."

• (Ben Stiller) "I am an inventor, I invent things."
• (Amy Adams) "Oh, like the rocket ship?"
• (Ben Stiller) "No."
• (Amy Adams) "The sea plane?"
• (Ben Stiller) "No."
• (Amy Adams) "The dirigible?"
• (Ben Stiller) "No."

• (Ben Stiller) "Sorry. Last time I checked, I thought we lived in a free country, so --"
• (Jonah Hill) "No, we don't."
• (Ben Stiller) "No?"
• (Jonah Hill) "It's the United States of "Don't Touch That Thing Right in Front of You.""

• (Ben Stiller) "What are you staring at?"
• (Amy Adams) "I don't want to miss a moment."

Bill Hader as General George Armstrong Custer

• (Bill Hader) "The battle of the Smithsonian. The greatest battle the world will never know."
• (Ben Stiller) "We'll know."

• (Bill Hader) "Any questions"
• (Mizuo Peck) "That is not my name."
• (Bill Hader) "Sacajamea?"
• (Mizuo Peck) "No."
• (Bill Hader) "Sac, Sack-in-a-box?"
• (Mizuo Peck) "No."
• (Bill Hader) "Cinco De Mayo. Mission Accomplished"

• (Bill Hader) "We're Americans, we don't plan, we do."

• (Bill Hader) "My hair is considered currency in certain parts of Europe."

• (Bill Hader) "I'm a failure."
• (Ben Stiller) "No, you're not."
• (Bill Hader) "Did you lead 208 Americans to their deaths in the Battle of Little Bighorn?"
• (Ben Stiller) "No."
• (Bill Hader) "No not good, not good at all."
• (Ben Stiller) "that's not good."
• (Bill Hader) "Sure, i talk in a good game. But the truth of matter is i don't deserve these stars. I will always be famous for my biggest failure."

Rami Malek as Ahkmenrah

• (Rami Malek) "My parents gave me this tablet some 3,000 years ago. Entrusting me with one of my people's most prized possesions."
• (Unnamed) "Does it do anything?"
• (Rami Malek) "'Do anything'?"
• (Unnamed) "Yeah, what's the point if it doesn't do anything?"
• (Rami Malek) "Actualy, it has a magical power to bring all of the exhibits to life."
• (Unnamed) "No, really, what's it do?"
• (Rami Malek) "Nothing, it's just for decoration --"
• (Unnamed) "I knew it."
• (Unnamed) "Mmm-hmm."

Eugene Levy as Albert Einstein

• (Eugene Levy) "You smack, you kick, you smack, you kick, you smack, you kick. Team work, fellas, wunderbar."

Alain Chabat as Napoleon

• (Alain Chabat) "Were you guys like friends in college and now just afraid to ruin your relationship with each other by telling the other person that you want to be more then friends, that you like-like each other?"
• (Ben Stiller) "One more time -- I'm sorry --"
• (Alain Chabat) "Were you guys like friends in college and now just afraid to ruin your relationship with each other by telling the other person that you want to be more then friends, that you like-like each other?"
• (Ben Stiller) "Oh, no --"
• (Alain Chabat) "Oh, just friends?"

Amy Adams as Amelia Earhart

• (Amy Adams) "You haven't been able to take your cheaters off my chassis since we met."
• (Ben Stiller) "I literally didn't understand a word you just said."

• (Amy Adams) "Crimey, we're jimmy-jacked."
• (Ben Stiller) "Jimmy-jacked?"
• (Amy Adams) "It's the way I speak."
• (Ben Stiller) "Yeah, but that sounds made-up, even for you --"
• (Amy Adams) "'Oh no, our path has been blocked by bad people' what's the fun in that? The point is, we're not getting into 'Air and Space' right now."
• (Ben Stiller) "Yeah, you're right. We are --"
• (Unnamed) "Jimmy-jacked --"

• (Amy Adams) "I just feel as if I've been asleep for along time and now suddenly I'm awake."
• (Ben Stiller) "I can explain that."

• (Amy Adams) "You've got moxie, kid."

• (Amy Adams) "It's a matter of life and death."
• (Hank Azaria) "I'll tell you what's a matter of life and death, that beautiful lady over there."
• (Hank Azaria) "Hey baby, check out the gun show goin' on over here."
• (Hank Azaria) "BOOM, BOOM. Firepower."

• (Amy Adams) "Do you know why I became a pilot?"
• (Ben Stiller) "I have no idea."
• (Amy Adams) "For the fun of it. Why else would anyone do anything?"

Owen Wilson as Jedediah

• (Owen Wilson) "That fancy suit you've been paradin' around in these last couple years, that there's a hangin' suit. All gussied up and dead inside, that ain't you. And I'll tell you another thing; this night ain't over yet. This midnight cowboy's got some fight left in him, and somethin' tells me you do too. Ho, now."

• (Owen Wilson) "Well, lookee here. If it ain't Mr. Big-in-the-Britches himself, come back in time to see us off?"
• (Ben Stiller) "Yeah, Jed, I heard. Look, I don't even know how this happened."
• (Owen Wilson) "Yeah. Yeah, real mystery how this happened. Maybe the answer's on that magic buzzin' box there in your hand. You weren't here, Gigantor. That's how it happened. Ain't no mystery."
• (Steve Coogan) "The fact is, Larry, there's no one else here to speak on our behalf during business hours."
• (Easter Island Head) "None, none, dum, dum."

• (Owen Wilson) "I didn't call you because we were in trouble -- okay, we were in a pickle. But it wouldn't be the first time I had to fast talk my way out of a jam. I called you because you needed us."

• (Owen Wilson) "I wanna get to the story of our relationship, the evolution from enemy to friends."
• (Steve Coogan) "No."
• (Owen Wilson) "It'll make you cry."
• (Steve Coogan) "No. Because you are going to live."

• (Owen Wilson) "You're crazier than a road lizard."

• (Owen Wilson) "He is not a friendly; I repeat, not a friendly."

Keith Powell as Birdmen

• (Keith Powell) "The Tuskegee Airmen are headed down the runway."
• (Keith Powell) "Would you stop narrating everything we do? Just live in the moment."
• (Keith Powell) "The Tuskegee Airmen are living in the moment."

• (Keith Powell) "Ma'am, I'd just like to thank you --"
• (Amy Adams) "For what?"
• (Keith Powell) "Well, a lot of people didn't think we could fly, either. Thanks for clearing the runway."

• (Keith Powell) "The Tuskegee Air Men are enjoying their freedom."

Jon Bernthal as Al Capone

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Jonah Hill as Brandon

• (Jonah Hill) "I stand there and I wait all day for a little girl like you to come in and put her precious nail polished nails all over the exhibit."

• (Jonah Hill) "It's Brundon."

Jake Cherry as Nicky

• (Jake Cherry) "The biggest museum in the world is coming alive tonight."

• (Jake Cherry) "So you're working tonight?"
• (Ben Stiller) "Used to work every night, remember?"
• (Jake Cherry) "Yeah, that was back when you had, like, the coolest job in the world."
• (Ben Stiller) "Well, cool doesn't pay for your Guitar God 6 or whatever."

Steve Coogan as Octavius

• (Steve Coogan) "Do you wish to surrender honorably, or must this end with the spilling of your blood?"
• (Hank Azaria) "This? This is your big rescue?"
• (Steve Coogan) "Oh no -- this is."
• (Hank Azaria) "What -- is that thing?"
• (Abraham Lincoln) "The name is Abraham Lincoln, and you sir, are in a heap of trouble."

• (Steve Coogan) "I see that you're genuinely slightly bothered."

• (Steve Coogan) "What's a flapjack?"
• (Owen Wilson) "It's like a biscuit -- or a scone."

Robin Williams as Teddy Roosevelt

• (Robin Williams) "I am Theodore Roosevelt, 26th president of these United States."

• (Robin Williams) "Some are born great, others have greatness thrust upon them."

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