Not the Nine O'Clock News Quotes

Not the Nine O'Clock News is a TV program that first aired in 1979 on BBC Two. Not the Nine O'Clock News stopped airing in 1982.

Not the Nine O'Clock News was on for 27 episodes. It features John Lloyd, and Sean Hardie as producer, and Howard Goodall as composer. Not the Nine O'Clock News is created by John Lloyd (producer).

Each episode of Not the Nine O'Clock News is 25 minutes long. Spinoffs for this show include Alas Smith and Jones (1984-1998).

Not the Nine O'Clock News Quotes

• (Doctor) "I've got your results back from the lab, and you have the highest level of cholesterol they've ever seen."
• (Man) "Oh."
• (Doctor) "I know this is premature, but when you die, would you consider leaving your body to me?"
• (Man) "Well, obviously, if I can be of any help. For research purposes?"
• (Doctor) "No, I want to hang you in the garden so the blue-tits can peck at you."

• (Ronnie Barker) "This is a family show, and I will not allow smut into your home."

• (Various roles) "Doctor. I can't feel my legs."
• (Various roles) "Yes. We've had to amputate your arms."

• (Unnamed) "Psst -- here -- want a couple of tickets for the Osmonds concert tonight?"
• (Man) "Osmonds concert? No."
• (Unnamed) "Yeah --. Best seats, no rubbish, front stalls."
• (Man) "How much?"
• (Unnamed) "Fiver each?"
• (Man) "Alright."
• (Unnamed) "Two front stalls --"
• (Unnamed) "and five and five --"

• (Various roles) "Why don't you grow up, you little bastards?"
• (Various roles) "What's the matter, dear?"
• (Various roles) "Nothing, I'm just talking to the plants."

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.