Observe and Report Quotes

Observe and Report is a TV show that debuted in 1970 . Observe and Report ended its run in 1970.

It features Donald De Line as producer, Joseph Stephens in charge of musical score, and Tim Orr as head of cinematography.

Observe and Report is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Observe and Report is 86 minutes long. Observe and Report is distributed by Warner Bros..

The cast includes: Seth Rogen as Ronnie Barnhardt, Anna Faris as Brandi, Aziz Ansari as Saddamn, Matthew Yuan as Matt Yuen, John Yuan as John Yuen, Michael Peña as Dennis, Jesse Plemons as Charles, Celia Weston as Mom, Ray Liotta as Detective Harrison, and Collette Wolfe as Nell.

Observe and Report Quotes

Anna Faris as Brandi

• (Anna Faris) "It's like my mom always said: you can polish a turd, but it's still a piece of s***."

• (Anna Faris) "Why did you stop, motherf***er?"

Michael Peña as Dennis

• (Michael Peña) "Y'all hurt Ronnie, and nobody hurt's Ronnie."

• (Michael Peña) "Whatsup mo Freckle? How's your dick hanging? Low I hope. I just wanted to write you and say that, you know I really am sorry for the way s*** like went down and stuff, my bad, my blunder. I just wanted you to know that you really are my best man, problem is I'm a criminal man who doesn't care and your crime is -- you care too much. Regardless of our differences, I hope you know that I always respected you, it's not every day you that you meet someone who stands for something in this world, anyway, no hard feelings okay, but if you ever want to party, get your ass to mexico, the beers are cool and the girls are wet. Sincerely, your right hand man, Dennis."

• (Michael Peña) "I ain't going to lie to you Ronnie, there is nothing good about this at all."

• (Michael Peña) "My bad, my blunder."

Collette Wolfe as Nell

• (Collette Wolfe) "Is there really a pervert here?"
• (Seth Rogen) "Yes. Yes, ma'am, there is."
• (Collette Wolfe) "That's scary."
• (Seth Rogen) "Not for me so much, you know, it's actually kind of my job, to put myself in harm's way, to protect weaker people such as yourself who are crippled in the leg and whatnot."
• (Collette Wolfe) "Oh, my cast is coming off in like a month."
• (Seth Rogen) "I do it, so other people can sleep well at night, meanwhile, I'm up all night fighting demons, just screaming bloody murder, waking up with nosebleeds, night terrors, finding myself a mile from home with bloody feet and a gun in my hand I have no idea how I got there, but pound for pound, I'd say there's not one human being in this mall that deserves this coffee as much as myself."
• (Collette Wolfe) "Wow."

Celia Weston as Mom

• (Celia Weston) "When Ronnie was in high school, I used to f*** all of his friends."

• (Celia Weston) "I just want you to know, I'm ready to make a change."
• (Seth Rogen) "You gonna stop drinking?"
• (Celia Weston) "I'm switching to beer."

• (Celia Weston) "I know it's hard, but try to look on the bright side. You may not be the smartest person in the world, but you're -- handsome from certain angles and you're -- More importantly, you've got dreams inside of you and dreams make you special. And no matter what the world, um, throws at you, uh, they; it can never take your dreams away."
• (Seth Rogen) "What are you talking about, Mom?"
• (Celia Weston) "I don't know, I'm drunk."

Seth Rogen as Ronnie Barnhardt

• (Seth Rogen) "Yuens, you guys are my infantry. One of you dies, God gave me another one."
• (Matthew Yuan) "Okay."
• (John Yuan) "Awesome."

• (Seth Rogen) "Are you all right?"
• (Anna Faris) "Physically yes, but psychologically? No."

• (Seth Rogen) "I have a dream most nights. It starts on a playground. There's kids swinging, laughing, dogs barking, butterflies just flapping their little wings. And then you hear a rumbling, and over the horizon comes a black cloud and it's made of cancer and pus. And it starts sweeping over the playground and everyone starts screaming and clawing their eyes and pulling at their hair, and saying "Help. What do we do?" And you know what happens next? Out steps me wielding the biggest f***ing shotgun you've ever seen in your whole life. And you know what I do? I blow every f***ing thing away. And I am getting God's work done. When it's all over and the dust has settled, the whole world gathers below me and they say, "Thank you, Ronnie, thank you for helping, being a great man and doing this for us." And you know what I say? "You don't need to thank me. I'm just a guy with a gun. I'm just a cop.""

• (Female Reporter) "I'm standing here at Forest Ridge Mall where earlier today a man exposed himself to several women before fleeing the scene. I'm here with Ronnie Barnhardt, one of the security guards here at the mall, who can hopefully --"
• (Seth Rogen) "Cut. Uh, you f***ed up ma'am. I'm, I'm the head of mall security. You should do that again and say it right."
• (Female Reporter) "Ah, well, Officer Bardhardt --"
• (Seth Rogen) "Action."
• (Female Reporter) "Right. Uh, is there any information you can shed on this situation?"
• (Seth Rogen) "You're just going to keep going when you f***ed up my title? Ok, uh, well I'm standing here with this doctor --"

Aziz Ansari as Saddamn

• (Aziz Ansari) "My dick is brown, you dumb motherf***er."

• (Aziz Ansari) "You wanna cover them little breasts with some bubbles?"

• (Aziz Ansari) "Why the f*** would I want to blow up the Chick-fil-A? It's f***ing delicious."

• (Aziz Ansari) "f*** you, Ronnie."
• (Seth Rogen) "f*** you."
• (Aziz Ansari) "f*** you."
• (Seth Rogen) "f*** you."
• (Aziz Ansari) "f*** you."
• (Seth Rogen) "f*** you."
• (Aziz Ansari) "f*** you."
• (Seth Rogen) "f*** you."
• (Aziz Ansari) "f*** you, Ronnie."
• (Seth Rogen) "f*** you."
• (Aziz Ansari) "f*** you, Ronnie."
• (Seth Rogen) "f*** you, Saddam Hussein of Iraq."
• (Aziz Ansari) "f*** you."
• (Seth Rogen) "f*** you."
• (Aziz Ansari) "Fuuuck you."
• (Seth Rogen) "f*** you."
• (Aziz Ansari) "f*** you."
• (Seth Rogen) "f*** you, f*** you, f*** you."
• (Aziz Ansari) "f*** you."
• (Seth Rogen) "f*** you."
• (Aziz Ansari) "f*** you."
• (Seth Rogen) "f*** you."
• (Aziz Ansari) "Fuuuuck yooou."

Ray Liotta as Detective Harrison

• (Ray Liotta) "You wanna get hurt?"
• (Seth Rogen) "You didn't bring enough pigs to hurt me."

Jesse Plemons as Charles

• (Jesse Plemons) "Wait a minute, are we getting paid extra for this? Because it seems like --"
• (Seth Rogen) "Let me ask you something; how much did they get paid to storm Normandy, how much did King Arthur get paid to kill Merlin, how much did they get paid to invent Television? Nothing. They did it because they knew it was right."

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