Only Two Can Play Quotes

Only Two Can Play is a television show that was first aired in 1970 . Only Two Can Play stopped airing in 1970.

It features Leslie Gilliat as producer, Richard Rodney Bennett in charge of musical score, and John Wilcox (cinematographer) as head of cinematography.

Only Two Can Play is recorded in English and originally aired in United Kingdom. Each episode of Only Two Can Play is 106 minutes long. Only Two Can Play is distributed by British Lion Films (UK).

The cast includes: Peter Sellers as John Lewis, Richard Attenborough as Probert, John Arnatt as Bill, John Le Mesurier as Salter, and Virginia Maskell as Jean.

Only Two Can Play Quotes

Virginia Maskell as Jean

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Richard Attenborough as Probert

• (Richard Attenborough) "How are you, Lewis? Still peddling trash to the masses?"
• (Peter Sellers) "Yes, that's true, yes -- How 'bout you, still writing it?"

Peter Sellers as John Lewis

• (Peter Sellers) "Hello, Bill. How's it been going? I hope the children didn't give you too much trouble."
• (John Arnatt) "No, no -- Those two were fine -- That Bolk -- I had to take him to the lavatory seven times."

• (Unnamed) "Good morning. Have you "Conditioned Reflexes"?"
• (Peter Sellers) "Uh --"
• (Unnamed) "It's by Pavlov."
• (Peter Sellers) "Yes -- It's out at the moment but if you'd like to leave your name, I could reserve it for you."

• (Man with salt-obsessed friend) "Something to do with his blood, you know. He got to get it into his bloodstream."
• (Peter Sellers) "Uh, the Pygmies have the same problem. Yes, I quite understand. Well, tell your friend not to worry because relief is on the way."

• (Peter Sellers) "You know what you're asking for, don't you?"
• (Richard Attenborough) "I always thought you were crude, Lewis, but right now you're surpassing even yourself."
• (Peter Sellers) "-- and you're going to get it in a moment, boy-o, and not in blank verse either."

• (Peter Sellers) "Excuse me. Where do they keep the thunder box in this place?"
• (Party guest) "I beg your pardon?"
• (Peter Sellers) "Where does one go if one wants to wash one's hands?"

John Le Mesurier as Salter

• (John Le Mesurier) "Am I to take it then that none of your family have ever been involved with plumbing?"
• (Peter Sellers) "Well, as a matter of fact, my father once had an unfortunate experience on Euston station during the blackout. Uh, what happened was -- You see, it was dark at the time and he didn't realize that the train was actually standing at the station at the time -- Apart from that, no."

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.