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Osmosis Jones Quotes

Osmosis Jones is a TV show that was first aired in 1970 . Osmosis Jones stopped airing in 1970.

It features Dennis Edwards as producer, Randy Edelman in charge of musical score, and Mark Irwin as head of cinematography.

Osmosis Jones is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Osmosis Jones is 95 minutes long. Osmosis Jones is distributed by Warner Bros. Pictures.

The cast includes: Chris Rock as Osmosis, David Hyde Pierce as Drix, Brandy Norwood as Leah, Laurence Fishburne as Thrax, Elena Franklin as Shane, William Shatner as Mayor Phlegming, James Arnold Taylor as Cop, Antonio Fargas as Chill, Chris Elliott as Bob, Molly Shannon as Ms. Boyd, and Richard Steven Horvitz as Cell.

Osmosis Jones Quotes

Laurence Fishburne as Thrax

  • (Laurence Fishburne) "This here little DNA bead comes from a little girl in Riverside, California, didn't like to wash her hands. Took me three whole weeks. And this one, nice lady in Detroit, Mowtown; six days flat. And there's this old guy in Philly; I killed him in 72 hours. Yeah, I'm getting better as I go along, baby, but the problem is I never set a record; until my man Frank that is. I'm gonna take him down in 48 hours. Get my own chapter in the medical books."
  • (Laurence Fishburne) "This guy sure was sick before I came here."
  • (Laurence Fishburne) "You know what, Jones? You want this chain so bad, Big Daddy Thrax is gonna let you have it."
  • (Laurence Fishburne) "Looks good on you, Jones. You wear it well. Too bad you had to come this far from home just to die."
  • (Laurence Fishburne) "Who are you?"
  • (Chris Rock) "Who am I? Who am I? Ah, Bad Booty-shaking Pickanosis, yeah. That's who I am."
  • (Laurence Fishburne) "Never heard of ya."
  • (Chris Rock) "That's 'cause you just got here. You ask any of these suckers, when it comes to illin', Bad Booty-shaking Pickanosis stands avove all the rest."
  • (Unnamed) "Bruiser, take this punk up to the face and bury him in a blackhead. When we're done, It'll take a Swedish facialist six steaming washcloths to get you out."
  • (Laurence Fishburne) "Sounds like a gas, baby. Bring it on."
  • (Laurence Fishburne) "Whew -- this cat was sick before I even got here."
  • (Laurence Fishburne) "Ebola is a case of DANDRUFF compared to me."
  • (Laurence Fishburne) "Careful. I'm contagious."
  • (Laurence Fishburne) "What is that nasty smell?"
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "Cherry. Wild cherry. Now let her go."
  • (Laurence Fishburne) "Why? So you can ice me again?"
  • (Chris Rock) "No, so I can."

Chris Rock as Osmosis

  • (Chris Rock) "Man, what you been eatin'?"
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "That's my effervescent propulsion."
  • (Chris Rock) "A'ight. But we're drivin' with the windows open. I don't want none of those fruitybubbles stinking up my ride. You got that?"
  • (Chris Rock) "In the words of the immortal James Brown; GET DOWN."
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "James who?"
  • (Chris Rock) "Don't Be surprised that 99% of that pill is just sugar, you know."
  • (Brandy Norwood) "Yeah, and 99% of you is just stupid"
  • (Chris Rock) "Oo like I never heard that one before"
  • (Chris Rock) "So, where you from, tough stuff?"
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "I was developed at the University of Chicago, where I graduated Phi Beta Capsule."
  • (Chris Rock) "Great, got me a college boy --"
  • (Chris Rock) "Did you know my great-great-grandpappy fought the measles? Yup, there's been a Jones on the force ever since my ancestors came over on the umbilical cord."
  • (Unnamed) "La Muerte, man. Esta aqui. He's gonna kill us dead, hombre."
  • (Chris Rock) "No, no. Talk English, man. We ain't on Telemundo here."
  • (Chris Rock) "Next time, I'll be the bad cop."
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "You ARE a bad cop."
  • (Chris Rock) "Yo, who you calling a bad cop?"
  • (Chris Rock) "I never thought you'd be on MY side."
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "I never thought you'd be right."
  • (Chris Rock) "Nice genes. You got the chromosomes in all the right places."
  • (Chris Rock) "Goodbye, Drips."
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "That's Drix."
  • (Chris Rock) "Whatever."
  • (Chris Rock) "You want Osmosis?"
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "You've got Osmosis."
  • (Chris Rock) "We were so poor, we lived off peanut butter and cellulite sandwiches. You ever try to blow-dry your hair with a fart?"
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "OK, I get it. You were poor."
  • (Chris Rock) "You bet I was. You ever try to make a snowman out of toilet paper cling-ons? Now that's poor."
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "OK, please, you're going to make me vomit."
  • (Chris Rock) "Vomit? We couldn't afford no vomit; that's for rich folk."
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "Excuse me while I wipe my eyes."
  • (Chris Rock) "Oh, you wanna talk about wiping?"
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "NO."
  • (Unnamed) "Brain Memory Library. Can I help you?"
  • (Chris Rock) "You got any information about something called "El Morry Roho"?"
  • (Unnamed) "Stand by. I'll check, but we're really all about sports statistics here."
  • (Chris Rock) "Thrax is alive. Thrax is alive and he's in the brain."
  • (Richard Steven Horvitz) "Oh, sure, pal. Spoil the ending."
  • (Chris Rock) "You up spit creek without a paddle. Don't make me mad, 'cause I will turn into a germicidal maniac."
  • (Chris Rock) "Drix. Yo, Drix. Get your time-released butt off this boat. Thrax is alive. Let's go."
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "I'm sorry, Osmosis, I can't help you."
  • (Chris Rock) "Excuse me?"
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "I wasn't designed to combat a virus. Read my label."
  • (Chris Rock) "You gotta learn to think outside the pill box, man. I've known sugar pills who cured cancer, just because they believed they could."
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "Oh, I don't know, Ozzy. Look at me. I'm cherry flavored."
  • (Unnamed) "Hey, pal. You on or off?"
  • (Chris Rock) "Fine. Flush your life down the toilet."
  • (Unnamed) "The zipper's down. All ashore who's going ashore."

David Hyde Pierce as Drix

  • (David Hyde Pierce) "Virus con Dios."
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "Funny. He doesn't look fluish."
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "I'd like to examine your irritated areas."
  • (Chris Rock) "Wooh, never on the first date, Drips."
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "That's Drix."
  • (Chris Rock) "That's what I said."
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "No, I believe you said Drips, with a P."
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "I don't dance. I -- I have no left feet."
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "My, what big zits he has. How does this happen?"
  • (Chris Rock) "You wash your face with fried chicken, that's how."
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "Attention, germs. You are surrounded. Uh-huh. Uh-huh, uh-huh, surrounded."
  • (Chris Rock) "Yo, Hammer. You can stop dancing now."
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "Where did you study?"
  • (Chris Rock) "Study? When you grow up on the wrong side of the digestive track, you ain't got no money for no fancy schools."
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "Oh --"
  • (Chris Rock) "I'm not kiddin', man. My school was Crack Central."
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "Oh?"
  • (Chris Rock) "No, it was IN the crack. Right in the stanky, puckered center."

William Shatner as Mayor Phlegming

  • (Unnamed) "What do you have to say to all the hair follicles recently laid off form the scalp?"
  • (William Shatner) "There will be plenty of new jobs for everyone on the back."
  • (William Shatner) "Son, do me a favor and read what it says on your arm."
  • (David Hyde Pierce) "'For the temporary relief of symptoms associated with -- '"
  • (William Shatner) "Exactly. Temporary. You're nothing but a wannabe, a placebo, a generic brand. Marked-down, over-the-counter, useless Tic-Tac."
  • (William Shatner) "You keep those ideas inside that mushy little head of yours, or you'll find yourself in our next nosebleed."
  • (William Shatner) "Good evening, citizens of Frank. In the past few weeks of the campaign, my opponent has thrown around a lot of fancy words to try to confuse the issues. Words like "exercise," "low-fat," and "diet"; words designed to scare us into changing what has worked for so many years. Well, I say let's stay the course. Remember, a fat Frank is a happy Frank."

Brandy Norwood as Leah

  • (Brandy Norwood) "Jones, what in the world makes you think I would ever go out with you?"
  • (Chris Rock) "What you talking about? I'm a legend, girl. The chicks line up to divide with me."
  • (Brandy Norwood) "Oh really? 'Cause to me you look like the kind of cell who mostly divides with himself."
  • (Chris Rock) "Whoa. Who turned off the heat? Somebody pay the bill? It's cold in here."
  • (Brandy Norwood) "Mayor, something freaky is going on with the weather."
  • (William Shatner) "We're probably just drinking some hot coffee."
  • (Brandy Norwood) "Sir, look at the maps. What if Jones is right?"
  • (William Shatner) "Jones? Ha ha ha. Funny, funny."
  • (Brandy Norwood) "You care more about your re-election than you care about all our lives. Something is going on, and I'm going to the hypothalamus to check it out."
  • (William Shatner) "Hypowhothewhatisit? Leah, wait. Who's gonna answer the phones?"
  • (Brandy Norwood) "Wow, this is huge."
  • (Chris Rock) "Don't be all impressed, 'cause 99% of that is just sugar you know."
  • (Brandy Norwood) "Yeah, and 99% of you is just stupid."
  • (Chris Rock) "Ooh, like I haven't heard that one before."

Elena Franklin as Shane

  • (Elena Franklin) "Don't you ever think about anyone other than yourself?"
  • (Frank) "I think about you all the time."
  • (Elena Franklin) "Were you thinking about me when you packed me a fried Slim Jim sandwich for lunch?"
  • (Frank) "Yeah, it was a turkey Slim Jim."
  • (Elena Franklin) "Dad."
  • (Frank) "Was that you?"
  • (Elena Franklin) "Uh-uh."
  • (Frank) "Oh, well. Out with the old, in with the new, huh?"

Antonio Fargas as Chill

  • (Antonio Fargas) "Hey, I was injected into this body to rat on influenza only, and this don't sound like influenza to me. Now beat it."
  • (Chris Rock) "I'm sure Johnny Streptacoccus and the Melanoma Brothers would be very interested to know about your flu shot work."
  • (Antonio Fargas) "You can't jack me on that, brother. I'm on the Virus Protection Program."

Molly Shannon as Ms. Boyd

  • (Molly Shannon) "What a zit --. I mean, what is it?"

Chris Elliott as Bob

  • (Chris Elliott) "Hey muscles. You don't look so good."
  • (Frank) "I feel a little fluey."
  • (Chris Elliott) "You know what they say; starve a cold, drown the flu. Your body needs fluids now, lots of 'em."
  • (Frank) "Is beer fluid?"
  • (Chris Elliott) "Of course it's fluid. What about all that wet stuff in it?"
  • (Frank) "I thought that was the beer."

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