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Porridge (TV series) Quotes

Porridge is a television program that appeared on TV in 1970 on BBC One. Porridge stopped airing in 1977.

Porridge aired for 21 episodes. It features Sydney Lotterby as producer. Porridge is created by Dick Clement.

Porridge is recorded in English and originally aired in United Kingdom. Each episode of Porridge is 19 × 30 mins long. Porridge is produced by BBC and distributed by BBC Worldwide. Spinoffs for this show include Going Straight.

The cast includes: Richard Beckinsale as Godber, Patricia Brake as Fletch, Madge Hindle as Mrs Heskith, Michael Barrington as Governor Venables, Peter Jeffrey as Wainwright, Sam Kelly as Warren, David Jason as Blanco, and Peter Vaughan as 'Genial' Harry Grout.

Porridge Quotes

Patricia Brake as Fletch

  • (Patricia Brake) "So, what happened to it when you were transferred?"
  • (Peter Vaughan) "I ate it."
  • (Patricia Brake) "When Harry Grout asks a favour of you, it is on the express understanding that favour gets done. Otherwise he takes it as a personal insult, and send round a henchman to mete out dire retribution. From Crusher With Love."
  • (Barrowclough) "I'm Scots on my mother's side, well, a bit of everything really. Scots, Irish, Polish --"
  • (Patricia Brake) "Got about a bit, your mother."
  • (Patricia Brake) "One can't help noticing a change in your old lady's attitude of late."
  • (Barrowclough) "How can you tell that?"
  • (Patricia Brake) "Oh, little things, like the certain smile that plays around your lips when you're telling us to slop out."
  • (Barrowclough) "What sort of smile?"
  • (Patricia Brake) "The smile of a man who's getting his oats."
  • (Patricia Brake) "If you want the system to do something for us, give us more freedom, better grub, conjugal visits."
  • (Mr Barrowclough) "Conjugal visits?"
  • (Patricia Brake) "With our old lady, like, all above board, all ship-shape and Bristol Fashion."
  • (Mr Barrowclough) "I'm not aware of any prison that does that."
  • (Patricia Brake) "Well, maybe not here, but certainly in Holland, and also in America, I believe, where they have a more enlightened penal system anyway. They have these special apartments, where the wife comes to stay and they can manifest their long-felt want for each other."
  • (Mr Barrowclough) "You mean they spend the entire time?"
  • (Patricia Brake) "Conjugating, yeah."
  • (Mr Barrowclough) "That's more than I'm allowed at home."
  • (Barrowclough) "You're writing a book?"
  • (Patricia Brake) "Yeah; a sort of inside guide to prison life. But don't worry, I've not overlooked your boys in blue; I will be dealing just as much with your issues as those of our fellow felons."
  • (Barrowclough) "Oh, good. And what are you going to call this book?"
  • (Patricia Brake) "Don't Let The Bastards Grind You Down."
  • (Patricia Brake) "He's got stripes; we'll have to hope success has mellowed him."
  • (Peter Jeffrey) "Something to say to me, have you? Well my name's Wainwright; you will address me as Mr Wainwright or Sir."
  • (Patricia Brake) "It has."
  • (Patricia Brake) "Put the word about that I am incommunicado."
  • (David Jason) "You're in the where?"
  • (Patricia Brake) "I do not wish to be disturbed."
  • (Patricia Brake) "Didn't one governor let you grow grapes?"
  • (David Jason) "Aye, that's right; they were over there. I'd read all about them and I knew I could grow grapes. Bloomin' marvel, they were. Course they made me pack it in."
  • (Patricia Brake) "How come?"
  • (David Jason) "Grapes make wine, don't they?"
  • (Patricia Brake) "Oh, really? I always used potato peelings and anti-freeze myself."
  • (David Jason) "We managed to put down a dozen bottles before they tumbled us."
  • (Patricia Brake) "Good drop was it?"
  • (David Jason) "Well, in the wine stakes, I don't suppose it were a classic, but to a man who hadn't had a drink in eleven years, Chateau Slade was the finest drop in the land --"
  • (Patricia Brake) "Advice to the lovelorn, you want, is it, Warren? Compose an appropriate reply?"
  • (Sam Kelly) "No, it's simpler than that, Fletch. I just want you to read it to me."
  • (Mackay) "What are you doing, Fletcher?"
  • (Patricia Brake) "Just adjusting the television, Mr Mackay."
  • (Mackay) "With the set above your head?"
  • (Patricia Brake) "Yes, it's the vertical hold."
  • (Sam Kelly) "Look. We've got a picture."

Madge Hindle as Mrs Heskith

  • (Madge Hindle) "You're only supposed to take two before retiring."
  • (Michael Barrington) "If we don't put a stop to this riot soon, that could be tomorrow."

Richard Beckinsale as Godber

  • (Richard Beckinsale) "What did he originally get sent down for?"
  • (Patricia Brake) "Now you know you don't ask that. It's not what a man was that's important, it's what he is now."
  • (Richard Beckinsale) "There's nothing you can say that would turn me against him; he's one of the nicest blokes in here."
  • (Patricia Brake) "Done his wife."
  • (Richard Beckinsale) "What?"
  • (Patricia Brake) "Done her in. Locked her in the deep freeze."
  • (Richard Beckinsale) "And we hang around with a horrible old scrote like that?"
  • (Patricia Brake) "That's why you don't ask, see?"

Sam Kelly as Warren

  • (Sam Kelly) "Fletch --"
  • (Patricia Brake) "I'm thinking, naff off."
  • (Sam Kelly) "Thinking?"
  • (Patricia Brake) "Yes. I know that to some of you nurks in here, it's an alien pastime, but those of us endowed with a bit of grey matter where it matters, namely up here, preserve our identity and our sanity in this nick by thinking."
  • (Sam Kelly) "But what are you thinking?"
  • (Patricia Brake) "At the moment, I'm thinking why doesn't this bloke Warren naff off and leave me alone."
  • (Sam Kelly) "I've got this letter, like."
  • (Patricia Brake) "From a woman, it looks like, and, judging by the handwriting and stationery, a woman of low standards."
  • (Sam Kelly) "That's right. It's from the wife."

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