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Romancing the Stone Quotes

Romancing the Stone is a television program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Romancing the Stone completed its run in 1970.

It features Michael Douglas as producer, Alan Silvestri in charge of musical score, and Dean Cundey as head of cinematography.

Romancing the Stone is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Romancing the Stone is 106 minutes long. Romancing the Stone is distributed by 20th Century Fox.

The cast includes: Michael Douglas as Jack Colton, Kathleen Turner as Joan Wilder, Manuel Ojeda as Zolo, Danny DeVito as Ralph, Ted White as Grogan, Eve Smith as Mrs. Irwin, Holland Taylor as Gloria, Zack Norman as Ira, Alfonso Arau as Juan, and Rodrigo Puebla as Bad Hombre.

Romancing the Stone Quotes

Manuel Ojeda as Zolo

  • (Manuel Ojeda) "How will you die, Joan Wilder? Slow, like -- a snail? Or fast, like a shooting star?"
  • (Manuel Ojeda) "There are schedules to be maintained, even in Colombia."
  • (Manuel Ojeda) "Crocodiles shed tears when they eat their prey. You have heard of these tears I am sure. But have you seen them?"

Michael Douglas as Jack Colton

  • (Michael Douglas) "The cops? What do they want? I haven't done anything lately."
  • (Michael Douglas) "Jesus Christ, we're in a lot of trouble."
  • (Danny DeVito) "Understatement of the year, asshole."
  • (Michael Douglas) "Is there anybody who isn't following you?"
  • (Danny DeVito) "Put the goods in the bag."
  • (Danny DeVito) "Now move it, before Batman comes home."
  • (Michael Douglas) "god**** it, I knew I should've listened to my mother. I could've been a cosmetic surgeon, five hundred thou a year, up to my neck in tits and ass."
  • (Michael Douglas) "What did you do, wake up this morning and say, "Today, I'm going to ruin a man's life"?"
  • (Michael Douglas) "Someday if I had the money, I'd take you -- we'd sail away -- around the world and back again. I promise you. I promise you we'll do that."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "Why haven't you taken the map away from me?"
  • (Michael Douglas) "What are you talking about?"
  • (Kathleen Turner) "I saw that tree today, the Devil's Fork, it's on the map. You know how close we are?"
  • (Michael Douglas) "Yeah sure I do. What's that got to do with it?"
  • (Kathleen Turner) "I was thinking about something you said -- about having more to bargain with."
  • (Michael Douglas) "Yeah. The best way to help your sister is to get that treasure and if you waltz into Cartagena you're holding all the cards."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "I'd love to see you on that boat. But Jack if we have to give it up -- to save Elaine?"
  • (Michael Douglas) "Then we give it up. I mean it's your sister. Hell yeah. Of course we give it up. That's the point. At least we've got the leverage to do it."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "OK. OK. Let's got for it."
  • (Michael Douglas) "One hell of a morning has turned into a bitch of a day."
  • (Michael Douglas) "Now I ain't cheap, but I can be had."
  • (Michael Douglas) "My minimum price for taking a stranded lady to a telephone is 400 dollars."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "Will you take 375 in traveler's checks?"
  • (Michael Douglas) "American Express?"
  • (Kathleen Turner) "Of course."
  • (Michael Douglas) "You've got a deal."
  • (Michael Douglas) "I understand you have a car. We would like to buy it or rent it, we need to get to a town."
  • (Alfonso Arau) "What do you call this I'm living in, a pigsty?"
  • (Michael Douglas) "Oh, no this is great --"
  • (Michael Douglas) "Hit the road."
  • (Michael Douglas) "No, senor, see we --"
  • (Alfonso Arau) "Hit-the-road."
  • (Michael Douglas) "But we --"
  • (Alfonso Arau) "Vaya con Dios, gringo."
  • (Michael Douglas) "Okay, Joan Wilder, write us out of this one."
  • (Alfonso Arau) "Joan Wilder -- Joan Wilder? The Joan Wilder?"
  • (Alfonso Arau) "You are Joan Wilder, the novelist?"
  • (Kathleen Turner) "Well, yes, I am."
  • (Alfonso Arau) "I read your books. I read all your books."
  • (Alfonso Arau) "This is Joan Wilder, who writes the books I read to you on Saturdays."
  • (Rodrigo Puebla) "Juanita -- Juanita, it's Juanita."
  • (Michael Douglas) "Wait a minute, he's after you. Who the hell are you?"
  • (Kathleen Turner) "Well, I'm a romance novelist."
  • (Michael Douglas) "You're what? What are you doing here?"
  • (Kathleen Turner) "I told you, my sister's life depends on me."
  • (Michael Douglas) "Ah, don't give me that s***. I thought you were donating a kidney or something."
  • (Michael Douglas) "Dammit man, the Doobie Brothers broke up. s***. When did that happen?"
  • (Kathleen Turner) "How long have you been down here?"
  • (Michael Douglas) "Forever."

Kathleen Turner as Joan Wilder

  • (Kathleen Turner) "These were Italian."
  • (Michael Douglas) "Now they're practical."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "What is all this?"
  • (Michael Douglas) "All this? About five to life in the States, a couple of centuries down here."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "Oh, marijuana."
  • (Michael Douglas) "Oh, you smoke it?"
  • (Kathleen Turner) "I went to college."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "You're the best time I've ever had."
  • (Michael Douglas) "I've never been anybody's best time."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "Excuse me, mister. Can you tell where can I get to a telephone?"
  • (Michael Douglas) "No, lady. I don't have any idea. I'm sorry."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "But it's very important that I get to one."
  • (Michael Douglas) "Well, we've all got our problems today. Don't we?"
  • (Kathleen Turner) "Can you tell me where the nearest town is?"
  • (Michael Douglas) "English speaking? How about Miami?"
  • (Kathleen Turner) "Will there be another bus?"
  • (Michael Douglas) "Another bus? This is it."
  • (Michael Douglas) "You've got rush hour."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "I need to get to Cartagena."
  • (Michael Douglas) "Cartagena? Angel, you are hell and gone from Cartagena. Cartagena's over there on the coast."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "But they told me this bus --"
  • (Michael Douglas) "Who told you that? Who told you this bus was going to Cartagena?"
  • (Kathleen Turner) "That man --"
  • (Michael Douglas) "That nice man who pulled a gun on you? What else did he tell you?"
  • (Kathleen Turner) "I like your boots."
  • (Michael Douglas) "Yup, that poor old yellow-tailed guy -- developed a fatal case of indigestion. He died right in my arms."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "I can't blame him. If I were to die there's nowhere on earth I'd rather be."
  • (Michael Douglas) "I couldn't stop thinking about you. I even read one of your books."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "Then you know how they all end."
  • (Michael Douglas) "Yeah. Hi."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "Hi."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "What about the bridge?"
  • (Michael Douglas) "That ain't a bridge. That's god****ed pre-Columbian art."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "Why won't you take the elevator?"
  • (Eve Smith) "Oh, pumpkin, I never get into an elevator alone. You know -- rapists."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "Can we get there in your car?"
  • (Alfonso Arau) "Who told you I had a car?"
  • (Kathleen Turner) "The men in the village."
  • (Alfonso Arau) "They told you I had a car? They are such comedians. They meant my little mule: Pepe."

Danny DeVito as Ralph

  • (Danny DeVito) "Hey Ira, the kid's here with the broad. They're taking her out to the boat."
  • (Zack Norman) "Look at those snappers, will you."
  • (Danny DeVito) "We shoulda just rifled her room."
  • (Zack Norman) "Ralph, how many times do I have to tell you, "It's not in the country"?"
  • (Danny DeVito) "Well this kidnapping stuff makes me real nervous. It's a piss poor idea. It's nothing but trouble. Look, we've stolen enough of these antique trinkets to keep us living comfortably for the rest of our lives. Let's kiss-off this third-world toilet."
  • (Zack Norman) "One last big one, trust me Ralph, trust me. Oh. Did you see that Ralph, that ugly, striped son-of-a-bitch down there."
  • (Danny DeVito) "Someone's gonna get killed, and you're farting around with prehistoric animals. Come on Ira, let's forget about this one. I've got a real bad feeling about it, real bad."
  • (Zack Norman) "Will you stop worrying. Have I ever hurt you? I will never hurt you, I can't hurt you. We've got the same blood. We're not two people, we are one person. Would I hurt me?"
  • (Zack Norman) "Look at those snappers, Ralph."
  • (Danny DeVito) "Not only are we kidnappers, but I'm about to have a close encounter with a cattle prod."
  • (Danny DeVito) "I had it in my hands, Ira. These hands that are going to break every bone in your body."
  • (Danny DeVito) "-- later."

Zack Norman as Ira

  • (Zack Norman) "Do they know who you are?"
  • (Danny DeVito) "Oh, what, do you think I'm going up and introducing myself to every cop in the pueblo?"

Holland Taylor as Gloria

  • (Holland Taylor) "Joanie, you are now a WORLD-CLASS hopeless romantic."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "No, hopeful. Hopeful romantic."

Ted White as Grogan

  • (Ted White) "What's it gonna be, Angelina?"
  • (Kathleen Turner) "It was Grogan: the filthiest, dirtiest, dumbest excuse for a man west of the Missouri River."
  • (Ted White) "So, you can die two ways, angel: quick like the tongue of a snake, or slower than the molasses in January."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "But it was October."
  • (Ted White) "I'll kill you, goddammit, if it's the Fourth of July. Where is it? Uhh. Get over there."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "I told him to get out, now that he had what he came for."
  • (Ted White) "Not quite, angel."
  • (Ted White) "Take 'em off. Do it. Come on."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "That was the end of Grogan -- the man who killed my father, raped and murdered my sister, burned my ranch, shot my dog, and stole my Bible. But if there was one law of the west: Bastards had brothers, who seemed to ride forever."
  • (Ted White) "What's it gonna be, Angelina?"
  • (Kathleen Turner) "It was Grogan, the filthiest, dirtiest, dumbest excuse for a man west of the Missouri River."
  • (Ted White) "You can die two ways, angel: quick like the tongue of a snake, or slower than the molasses in January."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "But it was October."
  • (Ted White) "I'll kill ya, Goddammit, if it's the Fourth of July. Where is it?"

Alfonso Arau as Juan

  • (Alfonso Arau) "This guy who is following you, he is very persistent."

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