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Ruthless People Quotes

Ruthless People is a TV show that first aired in 1970 . Ruthless People ended in 1970.

It features Michael Peyser as producer, Michel Colombier in charge of musical score, and Jan de Bont as head of cinematography.

Ruthless People is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Ruthless People is 93 minutes long. Ruthless People is distributed by Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures.

The cast includes: Art Evans as Lt. Bender, Bill Pullman as Earl Mott, Clarence Felder as Lt. Walters, Bette Midler as Barbara, Helen Slater as Sandy, Danny DeVito as Sam Stone, Judge Reinhold as Ken Kessler, Anita Morris as Carol, Clarence Felder as Waiter, and Gary Riley as Heavy Metal Kid.

Ruthless People Quotes

Bette Midler as Barbara

  • (Bette Midler) "He said I looked like his mother. He hates his mother. So, if I look like his mother and you look like his father -- this is what our son would look like. Pretty strong argument for birth control."
  • (Bette Midler) "YOU'VE f***ED WITH THE WRONG PERSON. My husband does business with the Mafia. When they track you down, you, your entire family, everyone you ever KNEW will all get chainsaw enemas."
  • (Bette Midler) "My husband worships the ground I walk on. When he hears about this, he will explode."
  • (Danny DeVito) "Bye-bye, Barbara."
  • (Bette Midler) "I've got it, I tell you, I've got it. Okay, Sam arrives at noon on a motorcycle, wearing shorts. No shoes, no shirt, nothing -- maybe we'll just put him in a jock strap. Then he has to drive all over town. Sam burns really easily, he'll be bright red in no time."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "I can't believe this is happening --"
  • (Bette Midler) "Then he has to cover himself with honey, and go to a bee farm. We'll make him dance around, so the bees go absolutely nuts."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "I don't think she really means it --"
  • (Bette Midler) "Then we all watch, while they sting him to death. YEAH."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "Barbara, don't we want something that'll last, something that'll keep stinging him for the rest of his life?"
  • (Helen Slater) "My God, he must have been seeing this woman for years --"
  • (Bette Midler) "CASTRATE HIM. I want to castrate him."
  • (Bette Midler) "Jeeeeeesus CHRIST. IT SMELLS LIKE A TOILET IN HERE."
  • (Bette Midler) "Help, operator, I've been kidnapped."
  • (Bette Midler) "Well, how the hell do I know where I am?"
  • (Bette Midler) "Nice butt. That's what they'll say."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "I beg your pardon?"
  • (Bette Midler) "Nice butt. That's what they'll say on your first day, in the men's club."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "The men's club?"
  • (Bette Midler) "Mmm. The San Quentin Country Club. With a cute little rear end like that, you'll be the belle of the ball. Your dance card'll be filled every day. You'll be so popular, making all kinds of new, close friends. Big, ugly, hairy friends. Not that you'll ever see what they look like, 'cause you'll be facing the other way."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "You're very good at this. You should write children's books."
  • (Bette Midler) "So, when do I get out of here?"
  • (Helen Slater) "As soon as Mr. Stone pays the ransom."
  • (Bette Midler) "Well what's the problem? What is the ransom?"
  • (Helen Slater) "It -- it was $500,000."
  • (Bette Midler) "That shouldn't be a problem."
  • (Helen Slater) "He complained"
  • (Bette Midler) "He complained?"
  • (Helen Slater) "And then we dropped our price to $50,000."
  • (Bette Midler) "Yeah?"
  • (Helen Slater) "He didn't pay."
  • (Bette Midler) "He didn't pay? So now what?"
  • (Helen Slater) "So now we're dropping our price again to $10,000."
  • (Bette Midler) "Do I understand this correctly? I'm being marked down? What is this? The Bargain Basement?"
  • (Bette Midler) "I've been kidnapped by K-Mart."
  • (Bette Midler) "It could mean the difference between life -- and the chair."
  • (Bette Midler) "Or the gas chamber."
  • (Bette Midler) "Sometimes it's the firing squad. They miss all the major arteries -- BANG."
  • (Bette Midler) "And you don't die right away, you just lie there bleeding -- and bleeding -- and bleeding --"
  • (Bette Midler) "Do you have it all? 2.2 million dollars in unmarked, non-sequential bills?"
  • (Bette Midler) "You miserable, scum-sucking pig."
  • (Bette Midler) "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. They made me say that."
  • (Danny DeVito) "Yeah, it's all here."
  • (Bette Midler) "And you have it all in a briefcase?"
  • (Bette Midler) "You scumbag, you low-life motherf***er."
  • (Bette Midler) "Oh, dear. They made me say that too."

Danny DeVito as Sam Stone

  • (Danny DeVito) "Muffy, meet Adolph. Adolph, EAT MUFFY."
  • (Danny DeVito) "Hello?"
  • (Judge Reinhold) "Mr. Stone, listen very carefully. We have kidnapped your wife. We have no qualms about killing her and we'll do so at the slightest provocation. Do you understand?"
  • (Danny DeVito) "Who the hell is this? Is this some kind of a joke?"
  • (Judge Reinhold) "I have no patience for stupid questions, Mr. Stone, and I don't like repeating myself. Do you understand?"
  • (Danny DeVito) "All right. I'm sorry, please continue."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "You are to obtain a new, black, American Tourister briefcase, Model Number 8-1-0-4. Do you understand?"
  • (Danny DeVito) "Yes."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "In it, you will place $500,000 in unmarked, non-sequentially numbered $100 bills. Do you understand?"
  • (Danny DeVito) "Sure."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "Monday morning at 11:00 a.m., you will proceed with case in hand to Hope Street Plaza, and wait for a phone to ring. You will receive further instructions then. Do you understand?"
  • (Danny DeVito) "Yes, I do."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "You will be watched at all phases of execution. If you fail to appear at the designated time, or if any phase is not carried out to our complete satisfaction, it will be considered an infraction of the rules, and your wife will be killed. Do you understand?"
  • (Danny DeVito) "I believe so."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "If you notify the police, your wife will be killed. If you notify the media, she will be killed. If you deviate from our instructions in any way whatsoever, she will be killed. Do you understand?"
  • (Danny DeVito) "Perfectly."
  • (Danny DeVito) "What's this phone call about?"
  • (Judge Reinhold) "We call to make you an offer. An offer you can't refuse."
  • (Danny DeVito) "Low?"
  • (Judge Reinhold) "Yeah, $10,000."
  • (Danny DeVito) "Fat chance."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "Mr. Stone, this is no joke. We're desperate people. We --"
  • (Danny DeVito) "Time out. I believe this is a joke pal and you're it. The last time we spoke you said my wife would be in the morgue if I didn't pay. Well, I didn't pay and just today I was at the morgue and she wasn't there. You lied to me. You know what I think?"
  • (Judge Reinhold) "No."
  • (Danny DeVito) "You got no nuts. What do I have to do? Put a gun in your hand, aim and pull your finger down you spineless wimp. I dare you to kill her."
  • (Danny DeVito) "Now that oughta do it."
  • (Danny DeVito) "You can't do that. That's not your money. That's my money."
  • (Danny DeVito) "STOP 'EM."
  • (Danny DeVito) "Carol, did I ever tell you why I married her?"
  • (Anita Morris) "Yes, Sam, you told me many, many --"
  • (Danny DeVito) "Her father was very, very rich, and very, very sick. The doctors assured me he'd be dead any minute. There wasn't a second to lose. I rushed right out and married the boss's daughter. He was so sick, it was like the Angel of Death was sitting in the room with him, watching the clock. They pulled the plug on him -- he wheezed and shook for about an hour -- and then -- he stabilized. The son-of-a-bitch just got older and sicker. And older, and sicker, and older and sicker --."
  • (Clarence Felder) "More coffee, sir?"
  • (Danny DeVito) "No."
  • (Danny DeVito) "I couldn't wait any longer, so I went out and made my own fortune. The old fart hung in there for 15 years. Finally died of natural causes. I want the rest of that money. His money, her money, it's my money."
  • (Danny DeVito) "I had to live with that squealing, corpulent little toad all these years. God, I hate that woman. I; I; I hate the way she licks stamps. I hate her furniture. And I hate that little sound she makes when she sleeps."
  • (Danny DeVito) "Ugh. And that filthy little s***bag dog of hers -- "Muffy"."
  • (Anita Morris) "Aren't you scared?"
  • (Danny DeVito) "Scared? Hell, no. I'm looking FORWARD to it. My only regret, Carol, is that the plan isn't more violent."
  • (Danny DeVito) "My tux. My silk tux. Et tu, Adolf? Et tu?"
  • (Danny DeVito) "Hello? Debbie? Yeah, Debbie's here, who's this? Well, Ralph, uh, Debbie can't talk right now, my dick's in her mouth. How about if I have her call you back later when I'm done?"
  • (Danny DeVito) "I love wrong numbers."
  • (Danny DeVito) "I'm not asking you to screw the dog, Carol. It's for me."
  • (Danny DeVito) "A bad salesman will automatically drop his price. Bad salesmen make me sick."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "Well, what about -- less?"
  • (Danny DeVito) "You make me sick."
  • (Danny DeVito) "Gimme back my money."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "What are you doing? Let go."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "Tell him to let go. If he doesn't let go I give the order to kill Mrs. Stone."
  • (Danny DeVito) "Go ahead. Give the order."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "She's a dead woman if he doesn't."
  • (Danny DeVito) "All right -- drop it. Punk."
  • (Danny DeVito) "Hello?"
  • (Art Evans) "This is Lieutenant Bender. What are you doing?"
  • (Danny DeVito) "What does it look like? I'm taking back my money. You've got your man. The rest is your problem."
  • (Art Evans) "Mr. Stone, you may be guilty of obstruction of justice, aiding and abetting a known felon, accomplished a kidnapping and possibly murder. If you really want to clear yourself, my advice to you is to drop your gun and give him back the bag. We have 140 police officers, 75 police cars and two helicopters. I promise you, he WON'T get away."
  • (Danny DeVito) "Yes, your attack dogs. Do they just attack people or can you get them to attack little dogs?"
  • (Danny DeVito) "Well, what if you starve them for a while?"
  • (Danny DeVito) "It's the dog. She's not properly house-trained."
  • (Clarence Felder) "No. It's sweet."
  • (Danny DeVito) "The dog's a little diabetic."

Helen Slater as Sandy

  • (Helen Slater) "I feel terrible about this. Do you feel as guilty as I do?"
  • (Judge Reinhold) "Guilty? Are you kidding me? He takes our money, steals your idea, goes out and makes a million dollars and you feel guilty? I can't believe this. How many times have we been over this?"
  • (Helen Slater) "Honey, not again --"
  • (Judge Reinhold) "Let me remind you of something. YOU are the spandex mini-skirt king. Not him. He is the spandex mini-skirt thief. He's the one that should feel guilty."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "Look at this. Do you remember this? You cried for a week when you saw this. Look at the smile on that asshole."
  • (Helen Slater) "I know he stole it. But she didn't do anything."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "She was his partner. Damn it, Sandy. Do you enjoy being stepped on? Do you? Because I don't, and I don't feel guilty."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "I take it back. I do feel guilty. I feel very guilty because I trusted a sleazeball named Sam Stone with our life savings on a handshake deal, and then just sat there and watched him take it all away from us."
  • (Helen Slater) "I don't think he loves her."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "Well, let's face it, she's not Mother Teresa. Gandhi would have strangled her."
  • (Helen Slater) "Kenny, she really, truly loves us now. She can be trusted, she's changed."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "Changed? What did you do, perform an exorcism?"
  • (Helen Slater) "Kenny, she lost nearly twenty pounds."
  • (Helen Slater) "Well, you should have been here. It was a very special moment."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "I'm surprised they knocked."
  • (Cop with Killer Picture) "Good afternoon. I was wondering if you've seen this man. He was sighted in the area a few weeks ago, and again earlier today. He's psychotic, extremely dangerous, and extremely violent. He's killed half a dozen people --"
  • (Helen Slater) "Oh no, oh no -- I've gotta get out of here."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "My wife -- she's late for work."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "Doesn't look familiar."
  • (Cop with Killer Picture) "Well, keep this and give us a call at that number if you do see him. And under no conditions should you try to subdue him yourself. Like I said, he's extremely violent."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "He looks it. Thank you very much, Officer."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "Sandy. It's okay, it's okay. They're looking for somebody else."
  • (Helen Slater) "No matter what I do, there's nothing I can say -- she just tears into me. She hates me."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "Sandy, you're her kidnapper. She's supposed to hate you."

Judge Reinhold as Ken Kessler

  • (Judge Reinhold) "Hey -- no dinner for you then."
  • (Bette Midler) "Aw gee whiz, that really sucks. I'm a real aficionado of death camp cuisine."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "I mean, what the hell's the point of being a decent person when no-one is? Let's be assholes and get rich."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "She's in bad shape, Sam. We've been torturing her."
  • (Bette Midler) "AAAAAH."
  • (Danny DeVito) "Don't kill her. Don't kill her. I'll pay the ransom."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "Good, because not only we heard about your legal troubles, we also just found out your wife is worth quite a bit more than ten thousand."
  • (Danny DeVito) "What do you mean?"
  • (Judge Reinhold) "We just changed our minds since you really now want your wife back, so we've upped the ransom."
  • (Danny DeVito) "To what?"
  • (Judge Reinhold) "We're up to two million dollars."
  • (Danny DeVito) "TWO MILLION DOLLARS? Are you out of your f***ing mind? Where'd you get an incredible figure like that?"
  • (Judge Reinhold) "Oh, you'd be surprised at the quality and quantity of information a lit cigarette can provide."
  • (Bette Midler) "AAAAAH."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "WHAT ELSE?"
  • (Danny DeVito) "Shh. Shh. Shh."
  • (Bette Midler) "Gems. He's got rare gems in a safe --"
  • (Bette Midler) "Oh Sam, forgive me."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "WHAT KIND OF GEMS? HOW MANY?"
  • (Bette Midler) "I don't know."
  • (Bette Midler) "AAAAH. AAAAH. AAAAAAAAAHHH."
  • (Bette Midler) "Four flawless one-carat diamonds."
  • (Danny DeVito) "The bitch blabbed."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "Wouldn't it be better if we were to strike at the core of Sam's being? His reason for living?"
  • (Helen Slater) "Well, what would that be?"
  • (Bette Midler) "HIS TESTICLES."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "Sandy, it's over. Sam isn't going to pay the ransom, he couldn't care less. I'm no criminal. I can't even sell retail, and that's legal."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "Check it out, my man. This is the Dominator X-10. Thirty inches of thigh-slapping, blood-pumping, nuclear brain damage."
  • (Gary Riley) "Bitchin'. Hey, what's it f***ing cost?"
  • (Judge Reinhold) "That's the bitchin' part about it. It don't matter. If you can't afford it, f***ING FINANCE IT."
  • (Judge Reinhold) "So what if it's as big as a Subaru and costs as much? You'll never have to trade this in. This is gonna be with you for the rest of your life. And when you die, they can BURY you in it."

Bill Pullman as Earl Mott

  • (Bill Pullman) "Crockett and Tubbs -- they're floatin'."

Anita Morris as Carol

  • (Anita Morris) "You get that tape of Sam Stone finishing off his wife, and that man will give us anything we want for the rest of his life."
  • (Bill Pullman) "Yeah. Then we're off to Haiti."
  • (Anita Morris) "Not Haiti, Tahiti."
  • (Bill Pullman) "Oh -- I knew that."

Art Evans as Lt. Bender

  • (Art Evans) "GIVE THE BAG TO BOZO, DROP THE GUN, AND PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR."
  • (Bill Pullman) "Who said that?"
  • (Clarence Felder) "This could very well be the stupidest person on the face of the earth. Perhaps we should shoot him."
  • (Art Evans) "IT'S THE POLICE DEPARTMENT."
  • (Bill Pullman) "Really?"
  • (Art Evans) "NO. WE'RE THE NATIONAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION."

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