Scrubs (season 8) Quotes

Scrubs (season 8) is a TV show that appeared on TV in 2009 on American Broadcasting Company. Scrubs ended in 2009.

Scrubs (season 8) aired for 19 episodes.

The cast includes: Courteney Cox as Dr. Cox, Donald Faison as Turk, Zach Braff as J.D., Sarah Chalke as Elliot, Neil Flynn as Janitor, Judy Reyes as Carla, Sam Lloyd as Ted, Ken Jenkins as Dr. Kelso, Donald Faison as Chris Turk, Aloma Wright as Nurse Roberts, Robert Maschio as Todd, Christa Miller as Jordan, Eliza Coupe as Ben, Johnny Kastl as Doug, Kit Pongetti as Lisa, and Christa Miller as Dan.

Scrubs (season 8) Quotes

Zach Braff as J.D.

(Mikey) "Eeeeeeeeehhhhh. I'm a pretty airplane. Board me. Eeeeeeeeehhhhh."
(Murray Marks) "He's a little off."
(Zach Braff) "He smells like fuel."
(Murray Marks) "He's an airplane."

(Zach Braff) "Why don't I ever listen to me?"

(Zach Braff) "Who put this up?"
(Neil Flynn) "I did. I drove around the whole city before my 5 AM shift, just looking for that. Trying to add a little cheer. You will not ruin my Christmas. Not again. Not this year."
(Zach Braff) "But I've only worked here for three months."

(Zach Braff) "What do I know about good relationships? Yesterday I had funeral sex."

(Dr. Kevin Casey) "It's been four hours since my last surgery, I just can't stop washing my hands --"
(Dr. Kevin Casey) "This is a secret -- no one is suppose to know about this. Ok?"
(Zach Braff) "Okay, no problem."
(Dr. Kevin Casey) "I just don't want to tell anyone, this is my problem, no one should ever burden it on someone else --"
(Zach Braff) "He was right, I couldn't do it --"
(Dr. Kevin Casey) "You need help JD?"
(Zach Braff) "No, nothing --"
(Zach Braff) "None of us needed help --"

(Zach Braff) "Hey there, research buddy."
(Courteney Cox) "We're only four seconds in and I'm already regretting my decision."
(Zach Braff) "Things Jordan says during sex."
(Zach Braff) "-- there's a good chance I'm gonna kill someone."
(Courteney Cox) "Things you say when you talk to your patients."

(Zach Braff) "Ben -- you have leukaemia."
(Eliza Coupe) "That sucks."
(Zach Braff) "Yeah."

(Zach Braff) "Uh-oh."
(Courteney Cox) "First off, let me just say, thank you. For the last couple of months I have been adrift in a sea of puppy dogs, lollypops, and lets face it, mediocre metaphors. Luckily, you people were kind enough to piss all over learning a procedure that could determine whether some poor sucker lives or dies, and that reminded me of something that I wanted to remind you of. Because you see I"
(Courteney Cox) "am accountable. I am accountable for the continuous, crashing, undeniable amateurism that you people drag into this hospital day in and day out. And believe you me when I tell you that the next time one of you perpetual disappointments doesn't even have the common decency to try and do better at something you supposedly do, I will go ahead and toss your sorry ass outa here in about ten seconds and then I will forget you forever in the next five."

(Zach Braff) "I think childbirth has been way too romanticized."
(Zach Braff) "You'll fart, poop, pee, and scream, all in front of ten complete strangers, all of whom are staring intently at your vagina, which, by the way, has an 80 per cent chance of tearing."
(Pregnant Wife) "You do it."

(Zach Braff) "But in the end, the most important thing to accept is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be, with the help of those around you, you'll get through this too."

(Zach Braff) "Oh my God, do not say splotchy."
(Zach Braff) "Good splotchy Dr. Splotchy."

(Zach Braff) "Oh no. If Jordan finds out it was me who screwed up her date she'll give me the evil eye and twist my nipples off."
(Zach Braff) "Oh no, she knows."

(Zach Braff) "Now -- that tumor's looking so big -- it's beginning to look like a threemor --"

(Zach Braff) "Okay, just act natural. (out loud) Hey, Dr. Cox. Takin' a whiz?"

(Zach Braff) "Ooh, Dr. Cox, can I ask you something?"
(Courteney Cox) "The answer is yes, it was me who saw you doing leg lifts in the gym on that inflatable ball. It was quite the display of girl power."

(Zach Braff) "Why do you have to jump out and scare me all the time?"
(Neil Flynn) "I don't jump out and scare you. I follow you around all day. I only got about an hour and a half of work around here, and the rest of the time I track you, like an animal."

(Zach Braff) "Oh my God, the janitor's afraid of Carla. How can I use this to my advantage?"
(Judy Reyes) "Listen, I want you to lay off J.D.. Stop accusing him of things he didn't do. And bring him a fruit smoothie every day."
(Neil Flynn) "Would he like strawberry or banana?"
(Judy Reyes) "-- Purple tree car with cheese."
(Neil Flynn) "LIAR."
(Zach Braff) "Feliz Navidad --"
(Zach Braff) "I'd have to learn Spanish."

(Zach Braff) "I was running late, but that's okay, because I've been working with Dr. Casey these last few weeks and he likes to start every day the same way; by touching everything in his first patient's room."
(Dr. Kevin Casey) "Bink, Bink, Bink, Bink, Bink --"
(Zach Braff) "Everything."
(Ken Jenkins) "Oh, well I suppose that's how they say hello in Cuckoo town. The patients on this wing have been complaining about hearing strange noises."
(Dr. Kevin Casey) "If it's bink I can explain."
(Ken Jenkins) "It's not bink."
(Zach Braff) "Is it I come from the land down under, where women glow and men plunder? That wasn't me."
(Ken Jenkins) "Just figure it out, dammit."
(Dr. Kevin Casey) "Do you plunder?"
(Zach Braff) "I have been known to."

(Zach Braff) "You think Turk would like it if I started calling him 'my brother'?"
(Judy Reyes) "I don't know."
(Zach Braff) "Catch you later -- my brutha."
(Donald Faison) "I'll holla."
(Zach Braff) "He said, he'll holler --"

(Zach Braff) "Hey, Perry --"
(Courteney Cox) "Perry?"
(Zach Braff) "Yeah, it's a new thing I'm trying. So, Perry, I was wondering if you knew that I have a date this weekend?"
(Courteney Cox) "Really? Well, newbie, I'm glad that you finally found a woman who enjoys the benefits of a same sex relationship."

(Zach Braff) "What the hell are we supposed to do?"
(Courteney Cox) "Loretta, relax. I've been involved in every ridiculous TV induced panic there is; poison pills, SARS, West Nile, North Face, South Fork, East River, Monkeypox, pop rocks, toilet snakes, Mad Cow, Bird Flu, Swine Flu, and quite frankly every other flu that you could really only catch if you actually fornicated with the animal it's named for. And as a parting gift, I will tell you this; narrow it down to two symptoms; vomiting and diarrhea. Cause it's just not E.coli unless"
(Courteney Cox) "it's firing out of both exits."
(Zach Braff) "Certainly hope I don't have Dog Flu."

(Zach Braff) "Time to take the GR off my Gratitude and give that old bastard some Attitude, J.D. style."
(Judy Reyes) "His office is that way."
(Zach Braff) "Yeah, I have to throw up first."

(Zach Braff) "Oh, my God, I just said slave to my black girlfriend."

(Zach Braff) "I can't believe you lost our bottle opener."
(Donald Faison) "Yeah, I know."
(Donald Faison) "I miss it so much, it hurts sometimes."
(Zach Braff) "You're a bad person."

(Zach Braff) "Just tell him how you feel without sounding like a girl for once."
(Zach Braff) "I miss you so much it hurts sometimes."

(Zach Braff) "Ahh. Uncomfortable silences and alcohol. Just like thanksgiving at home --"

(Bouncer) "Okay, you're in."
(Zach Braff) "Word."
(Bouncer) "Uh. You're out."
(Donald Faison) "Let me handle this. Look man, homie here is a little out of his mizzle, so I'm just saying for just a little dizzle, if you let him up in this pizzle, he'll be all chizzle."
(Bouncer) "You out, too."

(Zach Braff) "Okay, fine. Let's just play -- Tip Over the Trashcan."
(Zach Braff) "Okay, I win."
(Neil Flynn) "Can I play?"
(Neil Flynn) "This is fun."
(Zach Braff) "Yeah."

(Zach Braff) "What an odd-sized explosion --"

(Zach Braff) "Sticks and stones may break my bones --"
(Zach Braff) "but words will hurt me forever."

(Zach Braff) "Hey, where's my fuzzy for my 3 wood?"
(Donald Faison) "It's on my 9 wood."

(Zach Braff) "What are you doing?"
(Johnny Kastl) "I'm calling my dad."

(Zach Braff) "Dr. Cox, can I ask you something?"
(Courteney Cox) "I'd say you're about a B-cup, Susan."

(Zach Braff) "It's hard to take positive steps, when you've burned the bridge you got to walk across."

(Zach Braff) "Ahh. I can't believe it's over."
(Donald Faison) "Dude, it might not be that serious. There might be a window, but you have to get in there and fish for information."
(Donald Faison) "Okay, you do not want to lose this hottie. She is a slamming hottie. And you do not --"
(Judy Reyes) "Turk --"
(Donald Faison) "Sorry."
(Zach Braff) "I got this. Baby, you know you're his world."

(Zach Braff) "I have a quick legal question. What if -- hypothetically --"
(Sam Lloyd) "Oh, God, you killed someone."
(Zach Braff) "No."
(Sam Lloyd) "Someone else did?"

(Zach Braff) "Wait, is she into me? Quick, make a bad joke and see if she laughs."
(Zach Braff) "You hear about the skeleton who couldn't go to the party? He had noBODY to go with."
(Neena) "A ha ha ha. That's really funny."
(Zach Braff) "Oh that's not a fair test, that joke's hilarious."

(Zach Braff) "I just Marcia Brady'd your ass."
(Donald Faison) "What the hell are you talking about?"
(Zach Braff) "Like in the episode of the Brady Bunch where Marcia gets Jan a job, then Marcia gets fired cos they like Jan better --"
(Donald Faison) "Season 5, Episode 3, Marcia gets creamed. Don't ever question me on the Bunch."

(Zach Braff) "Elliot, come on. You're living out of a van like a homeless person -- or Jewel."

(Zach Braff) "Oh, Mrs. Grodberg, JZILBEK is not a word"
(Mrs. Grodberg) "But I'm still beating you --"
(Zach Braff) "Well, I'm just glad your surgery went okay and you still have your A game. I don't really care who wins."
(Zach Braff) "Half a brain, dammit."

(Zach Braff) "It's funny, I guess sometimes when you do nothing at all, things just have a way of fixing themselves."

(Zach Braff) "Dr. Kelso. The doc here has been telling me that you have some great stories. I wouldn't mind hearing one sometime."
(Ken Jenkins) "Oh what the hell. Back in '68 I don't like you. The end."

(Zach Braff) "Then he said something I never expected to hear."
(Neil Flynn) "I don't like you."
(Zach Braff) "Not that I totally expected that."

(Zach Braff) "Why aren't you using the mop I bought you?"
(Neil Flynn) "I didn't like it."
(Zach Braff) "But you cried."
(Neil Flynn) "No, that was you."

(Zach Braff) "Because nothing sucks worse than feeling alone, no matter how many people are around."

(Zach Braff) "Can you get that for me? I can't reach it."
(Neil Flynn) "Is this some kind of trick to get me off your back? I mean, I owe you one."
(Zach Braff) "No, I really need it."
(Neil Flynn) "OK, here you go. You know, you could have just asked me to stop harassing you for about a year."
(Zach Braff) "OK, I want that."
(Neil Flynn) "Too late."

(Zach Braff) "Shut up, shut up, shut up and shut up, okay? Who are you people to give me advice about anything? All you do is bitch about your relationships all day long."
(Zach Braff) "And you know what glare all you want Big Dog, okay, because I'm not afraid of you. 'Oh no, Jordan's only paying attention to the baby. That must be so hard for Dr. Look-At-Me, isn't it? LOOK-AT-MEEEE."
(Zach Braff) "And you two, you're arguing ever since you got engaged, wow you're probably the first couple that's ever done that EVER. It can't be that you're just scared is it?"
(Zach Braff) "And you, you know what, let's just forget for one second that a month ago you told me you couldn't be in a relationship with anyone, because for me, it's actually fun to watch you sabotage a relationship from the outside, it really is. Honestly, the only thing that gives me comfort you guys is while I'm sitting at home staring at the ceiling just wishing that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that none of you idiots realize how lucky you are."
(Aloma Wright) "Did I miss something good?"

(Zach Braff) "Look, Dr. Cox, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I honestly think the only reason that you're not down at that hospital right now is that -- you're afraid."
(Courteney Cox) "I think you're right, I do. It's partly because you've gotten to know me this year, but mostly it's that well -- I told you I was afraid earlier today -- so please don't tell me you've come to reiterate things that I've already said, because I know the things that I've already said, in fact -- I'm the one who said them."

(Zach Braff) "Elliot, come on, I have never heard a woman make sounds like "that"."
(Sarah Chalke) "Oh, I'm sure "you" haven't."
(Donald Faison) "See, it's funny because you never really satisfied a woman."

(Zach Braff) "Mr. Daniels, some fluid has gathered in your heart, so I'm going to schedule a pericardial centesis and drain it with a needle."
(Unnamed) "Someone's going to stick a needle in my chest?"
(Zach Braff) "Not just someone; Dr. Daman"
(Unnamed) "Who's Dr. Daman?"
(Zach Braff) "-- Say it; -say it without the Dr."
(Unnamed) "Who's Mr. Daman"
(Zach Braff) "No, just say the last name."
(Unnamed) "Who's Da Man?"
(Zach Braff) "I'M THE MAN."
(Zach Braff) "It was awesome; it was fun doing that with you."

Sarah Chalke as Elliot

(Sarah Chalke) "I doubt sex for you is about making babies, because you'd probably just eat them anyway, and driving over to Dr. Cox's place and pleasuring him while he watches sports hardly counts as revenge."

(Sarah Chalke) "Thanks again for helping me look for Carla."
(Neil Flynn) "No problem. I'll check the dumpster."
(Sarah Chalke) "-- We're not looking for dead Carla."
(Neil Flynn) "Atta girl. You stay optimistic."

(Sarah Chalke) "Hm. Can't believe Chuck gave up stripping to become a city councilman."
(Judy Reyes) "Same job, different outfit."

(Sarah Chalke) "A person doesn't have to be perfect to be exactly what you need."

(Sarah Chalke) "Oh, Dr. Cox, does this lipstick make me look like a clown?"
(Courteney Cox) "No, Barbie, no -- it makes you look like a prostitute who caters exclusively to clowns."
(Sarah Chalke) "I'm sorry, that was my mistake, I keep forgetting that you're a horrible, horrible person."
(Courteney Cox) "Ooh, Backbone Barbie."

(Sarah Chalke) "Frick on a stick with a brick."

(Sarah Chalke) "Well isn't that just the pickle on the giant crap sandwich that is my day."

(Sarah Chalke) "Mr. Bragen, it is so great to see you back in the hospital."
(Mr. Bragen) "Woo-hoo. I've got a tube in my penis."

(Sarah Chalke) "But if the ceremony's in spanish, how will I know when you guys are married?"
(Judy Reyes) "We all shoot off our guns and throw tortillas in the air."
(Sarah Chalke) "Really? Oh, I wish I was was ethnic."

(Sarah Chalke) "Dr. Cox."
(Courteney Cox) "And there you are."
(Sarah Chalke) "Huh?"
(Courteney Cox) "I was just now wondering if there was anything that could actually push my headache into a full blown migraine -- and there you are."

(Sarah Chalke) "What are you doing in here?"
(Neil Flynn) "It's -- the men's room."
(Sarah Chalke) "I know. I mean, it's not like I thought those were some kind of new female urinals, and then -- tried them, and found them -- oddly comfortable --"

(Sarah Chalke) "I have a huge bunion. Sean's coming back in, like, a few weeks what am I supposed to do?"
(Zach Braff) "Well, I think the obvious answer is to draw Sean's face on it and tell him you grew it because you missed him."
(Donald Faison) "Or, it's a simple surgery."
(Zach Braff) "Uhhh, Turk, I think we've already decided on bunion-face."
(Sarah Chalke) "Cut me the hell up."
(Zach Braff) "Dammit."

(Sarah Chalke) "Dr. Cox."
(Courteney Cox) "I'm hoping for your sake there's another Dr. Cox sitting right behind me."
(Sarah Chalke) "I'm not sure what you were trying to teach me by sending me to Dr. Kelso."
(Courteney Cox) "The value, and this is important, of leaving me alone."
(Sarah Chalke) "I think we both know there's a little more to it than that."
(Courteney Cox) "No, trust me, there's not. Listen, missie, I want you to spread the word. I've -- had -- enough. The next whiney intern coming to me for a cookie and a hug, I swear to Aïsha, I'm going to hurt."
(Courteney Cox) "And you, you one-man freakshow, take your blah-blah to the blah-blah-psychologist, because if you are so stupid to confront the chief of medicine over some quasi-offensive endearment, then you've just gotta go ahead and change the captain of your brainship, because he's drunk at the wheel."
(Sarah Chalke) "You're right, you're absolutely right. I have to learn to pick my battles. Thank you so much."
(Courteney Cox) "Y -- you're welcome."

(Sarah Chalke) "J.D., I really don't wanna do this. Can't we just go home, and put on our PJ's, and watch "Grey's Anatomy"?"
(Zach Braff) "Oh, I do love that show. It's like they've been watching our lives and then just put it on TV."

(Sarah Chalke) "I heard you're telling everyone I violated you."
(Zach Braff) "Not everyone. Just the people that work here. Oh, and my parents."

(Nurse) "Did somebody here buzz for a nurse?"
(Sarah Chalke) "No."
(Nurse) "It looks like his eyes are screaming --"

(Sarah Chalke) "And if you lay one finger on me, I'm blowing my rape whistle."

(Sarah Chalke) "Position one, two or three?"
(Zach Braff) "We only had two."
(Sarah Chalke) "Oh yeah. Then I have to show you something later."

(Sarah Chalke) "If there's one thing I've learned at this hospital, it's to never antagonize your boss or the people who makes the food, because you end up eating poo."

(Sarah Chalke) "Do you speak french?"
(Donald Faison) "You know, I did learn a little when my high school class went to France, but that was just stuff to pick up chicks."
(Sarah Chalke) "I really think it would make Tyler feel better if he could watch, ok?"
(Donald Faison) "I have -- an -- Eiffel Tower -- in my pants."
(Sarah Chalke) "What?"
(Donald Faison) "Grapefruit."

(Sarah Chalke) "I put all those flyers up and no one wants me to live with them."
(Zach Braff) "Oh, c'mon, Elliot, I'm sure you'll eventually find a roommate who's a clean non-smoking vegetarian that rinses the shower thoroughly after each usage."
(Sarah Chalke) "Well, if you don't it gets mildewy."
(Zach Braff) "You should live with my friend, Anal McLooney."

(Sarah Chalke) "Do you want to be alone?"
(Zach Braff) "No."
(Sarah Chalke) "Do you want to cry a little?"
(Zach Braff) "No."
(Sarah Chalke) "Wanna go throw stuff off the roof like Letterman used to do?"

(Sarah Chalke) "Kevin left. Didn't even say goodbye."
(Zach Braff) "Elliot, he didn't say goodbye to a lot of people. Just me, Dr. Cox, Carla, Doug, Snoop Dogg Intern --"
(Snoop Dogg Intern) "Where my hoes at?"
(Zach Braff) "I haven't seen them."

(Sarah Chalke) "I have magic breasts."

(Paul Flowers) "Sometimes it feels like you're holding back."
(Sarah Chalke) "Of course I'm holding back, I'm insane you idiot. Remember the other day when you told me I had pit-stains, well I have cried every fifteen minutes on the half-hour since you told me that. I am racked with self-doubt, I have panic attacks, I'm claustrophobic, germ-phobic, phobia-phobic. I talk to myself, I talk to my cats, I talk to three separate shrinks about the fact that often my cats respond to me in my mother's voice and, yesterday, when that stupid, pretty surgical nurse handed you a pair of latex gloves I almost killed the guy who's leg I was stitching up because I couldn't stop thinking about the two of you having sex on a box of steaks. Why a box of steaks? 'Cos my Dad had an affair with a female butcher and, as I mentioned before, I am insane. There, I opened up, are you happy?"

(Sarah Chalke) "Come on, what's the worst that could happen?"
(Zach Braff) "We could die."

(Sarah Chalke) "Laverne, did you ever notice that in hospitals, even though you're surrounded by like hundreds of people, it's still so easy to get lost in your own thoughts?"
(Aloma Wright) "Have you been drinkin'?"

Ken Jenkins as Dr. Kelso

(Ken Jenkins) "Are you an idiot?"
(Zach Braff) "No, sir, I'm a dreamer."

(Ken Jenkins) "Dr. Dorian, I owe you an apology. Obviously I was unclear when I said, "Stay in the MRI room with that patient", it must have sounded like, "Leave and do other things"."

(Ken Jenkins) "Son, do you think I got to be Chief of Medicine by being late?"
(Courteney Cox) "Noooo, Bobbo, you got there by backstabbing and ass-kissing."
(Ken Jenkins) "Maybe so, but I started those things properly at eight."

(Ken Jenkins) "I know it was you."
(Donald Faison) "You mean this right here? It's mine from home."
(Ken Jenkins) "Forty Million, Son. You have any idea how many patients I had to ignore to get that high-score? People died."

(Ken Jenkins) "Hey Ace, your TTP patient coded, I pronounced it."
(Zach Braff) "He died?"
(Ken Jenkins) "I certainly hope so otherwise that autopsy is going to be a bitch."

(Ken Jenkins) "Ahh, Dr. Turkleton."
(Donald Faison) "Actually, sir, it's Turk."
(Ken Jenkins) "That's your first name."
(Donald Faison) "You think my name is Turk Turkleton?"
(Ken Jenkins) "-- and Mrs. Turkleton. The Turkletons. Hehehe --"
(Ken Jenkins) "Give me a scotch."

(Ken Jenkins) "I got you a present for your trip to Mexico. It's my old Spanish to English dictionary. I don't need it anymore, I've mastered the language."
(Dr. Clock) "Gracias, Señor."
(Ken Jenkins) "You're welcomo."

(Ken Jenkins) "Dr. Cox, did you get my memo stating that residents should wear their lab coats at all times?"
(Courteney Cox) "Yes I did. At first I just threw it away, but then I thought, that's not grand enough a gesture; so I made a model of you out of straw, put my lab coat on it; with your memo in the pocket; and invited the neighborhood kids to set fire to it and beat it with sticks."

(Ken Jenkins) "Do you want me to order you a clown?"
(Zach Braff) "A drunk clown hurt me once."

(Ken Jenkins) "Interesting tidbit: Back during the gold rush, when a man staked a claim, if he came upon another man panning his spot -- why, he could shoot that fella dead without even asking any questions."
(Donald Faison) "You don't say."
(Ken Jenkins) "Simpler times."

(Ken Jenkins) "Come here, Tom."
(Sam Lloyd) "Actually, it's Ted. But hey, it's only been twelve years."

(Ken Jenkins) "Here at Sacred Heart, I like to think that our patients choose our hospital not only because I leak vicious rumors about competing hospitals to the press, but also because when they see one of our doctors they think, Now that's a professional."
(Sarah Chalke) "Um, Sir I don't think I look unprofessional."
(Ken Jenkins) "I've let this whole new look thing slide the last few months, but now that your colleagues are beginning to complain I'm going to give you the same advice I give my son every morning. Lose the makeup. Get a haircut. And stop using my razor to shave your fun zone."

(Ken Jenkins) "And Johnny's got a tattoo on his left cheek that says 'Bobbie'."
(Unnamed) "-- I bet he doesn't regret that at all."

(Ken Jenkins) "Perry, what's our plan of attack?"
(Courteney Cox) "When I crush a person's spirit, I like to use a combination of intimidation and degradation."
(Ken Jenkins) "I prefer to create an environment in which the subjects end up crushing themselves."
(Courteney Cox) "Uh-huh."
(Neil Flynn) "I like to pick one person and torment them relentlessly for no reason. If I could find them, I'd show you."
(Neil Flynn) "He's near --"

(Ken Jenkins) "Hey, guess what has two thumbs and still doesn't give a crap?"
(Ken Jenkins) "Bob Kelso. I think we've met --"

(Ken Jenkins) "Perry."
(Courteney Cox) "BeelzeBob."

(Ken Jenkins) "Ketchup is for winners, Ted."

(Ken Jenkins) "Sweet dancing Jehovah. I've punctured my brain."

(Ken Jenkins) "Do you people have any idea how long I've been waiting on you? Next time, if you're not here in thirty minutes or less, I expect a free dead body -- or at least some garlic knots."
(Donald Faison) "Dr. Kelso, I think that's extremely insensitive."
(Ken Jenkins) "I don't think so."
(Ken Jenkins) "Miss Parker, you care to weigh in?"
(Ken Jenkins) "Nope, she's fine with it. And she knows a thing or two -- except of course that a yellow light means to slow down."

(Ken Jenkins) "Yes, Enid, I hear Baxter growling, but the fact is, you ventured into his side of the house."
(Ken Jenkins) "Baring his teeth, huh? -- OK, now here's whatcha do -- Are you ready?"
(Ken Jenkins) "Make a sudden move."
(Ken Jenkins) "Ahh, those two."

(Ken Jenkins) "And I need you to crunch the numbers on next year's budget."
(Sam Lloyd) "Sir, that would be a job for the accounting department. I'm an attorney."
(Ken Jenkins) "Uh-huh, and speaking of crunching, I have been jonesing for some Double-Stuf Oreos all day. Why don't you see if you can't hook me up?"

(Ken Jenkins) "Dr. Cox, could I talk to you for a second?"
(Courteney Cox) "Okay, Bobbo. But you're just gonna have to put your hand up like the other interns."
(Ken Jenkins) "Please?"
(Courteney Cox) "Come on now, Bobbo. You've got five good ones right there. Just put 'em in the air like you just don't care."
(Ken Jenkins) "Get here right now."

(Ken Jenkins) "Ted have you noticed how happy all the minions are lately?"
(Sam Lloyd) "I wish I was dead"

(Ken Jenkins) "Are my new boxers made of wool? Cause my weasel's getting heat stroke."

(Ken Jenkins) "She likes to joke that I choked the last breath of life out of her long ago, and now she's just a shell of a woman. I think that's so cute -- I called her Shelley. You know, when I call her that, sometimes she laughs so hard she cries."

(Ken Jenkins) "I'm going to tell you the same thing I told the comedian at that strip joint in Reno -- I'm not here for the jokes."

Courteney Cox as Dr. Cox

(Courteney Cox) "I -- I'm sorry. Um -- crazy person says what?"
(Christa Miller) "What?"
(Courteney Cox) "Atta girl."

(Courteney Cox) "Who're you?"
(Neil Flynn) "Just a man with a saw."

(Courteney Cox) "Oh, and Ginger, by the way; just a real smooth move runnin' to your mommy."
(Zach Braff) "Excuse me?"
(Courteney Cox) "Yeah, your mommy cah-rushed me today. I'm serious."
(Courteney Cox) "Uh, I'd like to issue a warning to everybody, and I'm dead serious. FYI, JD's mommy has made it perfectly clear she doesn't want her daughter picked on. Nothing mean, she's a precious flower, and we should all be super-nice to her."

(Courteney Cox) "Newbie, I know your ovaries are ahab-solutely tingling at the very sight of this little fella but you gotta snap out of it."
(Zach Braff) "Oh, I have to get to the funeral."
(Courteney Cox) "Well, raise my rent if you're not off to see Tasty Coma Wife, aren't you?"
(Courteney Cox) "Her husband was in a coma so long that she actually forgot what an attractive male looks like. Enter Errol Flynn here, whose conscience will not allow him to either swash or buckle her, but since hubby is now worm food, I'm guessing all bets are off, mmmmhmmmm?"

(Dr. Miller) "Listen, if Dr. Kelso had asked me to go somewhere that I thought was actually good for my career, I'd be gone so fast you'd be left staring at an imaginary woman's chest as she was trying to make a point."
(Courteney Cox) "Oh I'm, I'm sorry, it's my fault. That dress just screams, Respect me as a doctor."

(Courteney Cox) "I love this moment so much, I want to have sex with it."

(Courteney Cox) "I don't have any answers for any of you; now please leave me alone."
(Gloria) "But my boyfriend is bi-curious and wants me to pick his lovers for him."
(Courteney Cox) "Okay, I do have an answer for that -- Eww?"

(Courteney Cox) "Let's go, field trip."
(Donald Faison) "I got things to do, you know."
(Courteney Cox) "Let me guess, you're off to another funeral. I'll make you a deal: you come with me right now, and if you're still late for the graveyard, I will personally scour the obituaries with you this weekend and you can just go nuts."
(Donald Faison) "Carla put you up to this?"
(Courteney Cox) "No, it was my idea. I desperately want to be close with you, I just can't figure out how to connect. Turn around."
(Courteney Cox) "Turn around."
(Courteney Cox) "You see Dr. Wen in there? He's explaining to that family that something went wrong, and that patient died. He's gonna tell them what happened, he's gonna say he's sorry; and then he's going back to work. Do you think anybody else in that room's going back to work today? That is why we distance ourselves; that's why we make jokes. We don't do it because it's fun. We do it so we can get by. And -- sometimes because it's fun. But mostly it's the getting by thing."

(Courteney Cox) "You know, the only way you could be more useless right now is if you actually were the wall. Now, it certainly is true that you'd at least be serving a purpose; specifically a surface for a jackass to lean against; but it could be argued that this is more useless than doing nothing."
(Courteney Cox) "I know, it's a conundrum but don't you worry, I'll noodle it for you right here. Meanwhile, you just skip along, all right Shirley?"

(Woman) "Hi, cutie. Since you have so many balls, and too many toys can be overstimulating for an infant, Brantley here was wondering if he could borrow one to play with."
(Courteney Cox) "Oh, that's funny, because Jack here was just wondering why the crazy lady who just spent the last hour chain-smoking and talking on her cell phone while her kid ate sand, would come over to two complete strangers and give them parenting advice."
(Christa Miller) "Oh, he also thanked me for not naming him Brantley."
(Courteney Cox) "Yeah."

(Courteney Cox) "Hey, Betty. Hey, Wilma. Oh, what the hell, you're only forty minutes late. Do I -- do I smell beer?"
(Zach Braff) "Uh, we -- we, uh, we had a few."
(Courteney Cox) "Newsflash, you can't drink and then come to work. You're not airline pilots."

(Courteney Cox) "Jordan. Get out of bed. We have a wedding to go to."
(Christa Miller) "Perry, Jack is at my mom's, the apartment is empty. It's just you and me -- let's take a nap, we'll sleep through the ceremony and then go to the reception."
(Courteney Cox) "Can we at least have sex?"
(Christa Miller) "Do what you have to, don't wake me."

(Courteney Cox) "Is that a cat being gutted by a fishing knife? No. That's my son. He's hungry and he's got a load in his pants so big I'm actually considering hiring a stable boy."

(Courteney Cox) "The man's 92 years old, he has full dementia, he doesn't even know we're here. He is inches from Carla's rack and he hasn't even flinched."
(Judy Reyes) "Aw, that is so sweet."
(Courteney Cox) "Yeah, it is --"
(Zach Braff) "What about his subconscious?"
(Courteney Cox) "Eisenhower -- was a sissy."
(Courteney Cox) "I think, by the grace of God, we're gonna be okay. Oh, and from now on, whenever I'm in the room, you're definitely not allowed to talk."

(Courteney Cox) "You are, in fact, a perfectly healthy 26-year-old doctor who keeps whining about how horrible his father was."
(Zach Braff) "Well, he did some considerable emotional damage, so --"
(Courteney Cox) "Every one of our parents does considerable emotional damage, and from what I've heard, it just might be the best part of being a parent. Now, if some guy ever does put a ring on your finger and you're lucky enough to pop out a youngster, I'm sure you'll understand. But for now, believe me when I tell you I wouldn't care if this was the first time you ever met your daddy. Because, in reality -- well, he could have done a much, much worse job."

(Courteney Cox) "Uh, Carla. Carla, have you, uh, have you seen Newbie?"
(Judy Reyes) "Oh, he got off your leash?"
(Courteney Cox) "Give me a break. The kid's like -- he's like a -- have you ever seen a drunk baby?"
(Courteney Cox) "Eh, it's a long story involving my son, a rum cake, and a low counter. Suffice to say, it turns out that, at first, it's -- it's endearing to watch them bounce off of the walls, but man -- you take your eyes off them for one second --"

(Courteney Cox) "Sorry, girls, I seemed to have dropped my computer -- meh-ya."

(Courteney Cox) "Oh and"
(Courteney Cox) "Lassie, in response to the bestiality rumors circulating about you, I have decided to forgo calling you by the usual girl's name, and instead I am going to refer to you as whatever famous dog I can think of. I have gone with Lassie because of course it satisfies the criteria of being both a girl's and a dog's name, thus helping you to ease into the transition"
(Zach Braff) "I was just running kissing drills."
(Courteney Cox) "Oh, that is completely normal then."

(Courteney Cox) "Ah, sorry to interrupt you there, Bobbo, but I gotta ask you a quick question. Now, when you were born, nay, spawned by the Dark Prince himself, did that rat bastard forget to give you a hug before he sent you along your way? Because you can't just let two good nurses go on account of feeling small and insignificant. And besides, with your money, you ought to be able to keep a little man tucked away in the closet, and bring him out whenever you wanna knock him around, huh?"
(Courteney Cox) "As you were."

(Courteney Cox) "I'm not angry. So my girlfriend serviced most of the staff? I'm proud of her commitment to medicine."
(Judy Reyes) "Please. What about all the women you've slept with? Your ex-wife, that med student, your ex-wife, the cute nurse from radiology, your ex-wife --"
(Courteney Cox) "Would you please get off my ex-wife?"
(Judy Reyes) "I will if you will."
(Courteney Cox) "Well -- dammit. Gosh, now I'm too proud of you to be mad at you."

(Courteney Cox) "Shower shorts, newbie?"
(Zach Braff) "For the man who has nothing to hide, but still wants to."

(Courteney Cox) "Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present, Man Not Caring."

(Courteney Cox) "Newbie, stay. Stay. Bad newbie. That's a very bad newbie."

(Courteney Cox) "Oh, gosh, Shannon, thank you so much for clarifying my point by repeating it word for word. And now, in a reciprocal gesture, can I be included in the planning of your coming-out party?"
(Zach Braff) "Is that a gay joke?"
(Courteney Cox) "No, it's a cotillion joke. My God, Newbie, it's been two furiously frustrating years; how is it possible that you still don't get me? I would never compare you to the gays. I like the gays; I like their music, I like their sense of style, I especially like what they've done with Halloween; but our thing is that you are a little girl. That's who you are. But that's really not fair --"
(Zach Braff) "Man, once Dr. Cox gets on a roll, there's nothing that can derail him."
(Judy Reyes) "My mom died."
(Zach Braff) "Except that."

(Courteney Cox) "So what you're saying is you have a problem that is totally your problem but you'd like to find a way to make that problem my problem, but here's the problem, newbie, it ain't my problem."

(Courteney Cox) "Oh, I am so very angry that I'm going to find someone to kill just to prove her wrong."

(Courteney Cox) "I swear, that young man has killed so many people, I'm starting to think he just might be a government agent."

(Courteney Cox) "I don't know what the hell she wants."
(Donald Faison) "I don't know if I'm what Carla really wants."
(Zach Braff) "My peeps are on the frits."
(Courteney Cox) "What?"
(Donald Faison) "Whoa."
(Zach Braff) "No, I mean you're me peeps, and you're on the frits --"
(Donald Faison) "Yeah, right."
(Courteney Cox) "God bless you newbie. You helped me get a new perspective on everything."
(Donald Faison) "Dude --"
(Neil Flynn) "Thanks for the coffee. Here's your dollar."
(Neil Flynn) "Oh, and by the way, your new nickname is Pepe LeFrits."

(Courteney Cox) "By the by, this moment is so great that I would cheat on that other moment with it, marry it, and raise a family of tiny little moments."

(Courteney Cox) "Boy oh boy, does it look like you pissed off the wrong guy there, crunchy. And trust me, he'll make ya pay."
(Dr. Clock) "Oh, Dr. Kelso's all bluster. Underneath it all, I'll bet he's a sweetheart."
(Courteney Cox) "No no, underneath it all, he is pure evil."
(Dr. Clock) "Perry, no one's pure evil. I mean, yes, some people have a hard outer shell, but inside, everybody has a creamy center."
(Courteney Cox) "There are plenty of people, here, on this particular planet who are hard on the outside and on the inside."
(Dr. Clock) "So they'd have more of a nougaty center?"
(Courteney Cox) "Lady, people aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard fillings. But I don't find them half as annoying as I find naive bubble-headed optimists who walk around vomiting sunshine."
(Dr. Clock) "I'm touching your creamy center."

(Courteney Cox) "I can't believe Kelso really asked my opinion, you know?"
(Neil Flynn) "Look, pal, if I wanted to sit and listen to someone jam around about their lifes, I'd be at my AA meeting now."
(Courteney Cox) "Listen there, scrub-brush. It just so happens that this was the only empty seat in the whole joint and besides, as a fellow abusive drinker you are honor bound by barstool protocol to listen to every last word out of my mouth."

(Courteney Cox) "Honestly, I haven't been this happy since Christmas when I was seven years old and my father showed me how to make a snow angel. Actually, he was passed out drunk in the yard -- But I did take his arms and his legs and move them back and forth -- And -- th-the paramedics said it was one of the finest snow angels that they'd ever seen. So, maybe the fact that I am the kinder, gentler Cox is every last bit of okay. Maybe it's a -- a natural progression. It's not like there's any real ramifications --"
(Courteney Cox) "-- right?"

(Courteney Cox) "I'm invisible, I'm invisible, I'm invisible --"
(Sarah Chalke) "Oh, Dr. Cox?"
(Courteney Cox) "Awww, dammmit."

(Courteney Cox) "You'd better go ahead and enjoy this while you can, Bob, because if your evil genie goes ahead and grants your wish and I'm gone forever, then the only one you're going to be able to contend with around here is yourself. And when you really get to know that person, oh, dear God, you'll scream so loud that Satan will want to tear up that contract he made with you at birth just so he can get some sleep."

(Courteney Cox) "They hate you Bob. They hate from the bottom of your hooves to the top of your pitchfork. They hate you. By God, they hate you good."
(Ken Jenkins) "What is so funny?"
(Aloma Wright) "Oh just the hooves and pitchfork part."
(Aloma Wright) "Why?"
(Ken Jenkins) "Uh, no reason."

(Courteney Cox) "Oh, my God. I just gagged and vomited at the same time. I gavomited."

(Courteney Cox) "I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week. Let's see -- low carb diets, Michael Moore, the Republican National Convention, Kabbalah & all Kabbalah-related products, Hi-Def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hotspots, the OC, the UN, recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys, Jeff that Wiggle that sleeps too darn much, the Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show, everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everythingj every-everything that exists past present & future, in discovered and undiscovered dimensions."
(Courteney Cox) "Oh, and Hugh Jackman."
(Zach Braff) "Hugh Jackman is Wolverine. How dare he."

(Courteney Cox) "Hey, newbie. What's up?"
(Zach Braff) "Everything. Everything's up."
(Ken Jenkins) "Rise and shine, Dr. Dorian."
(Robert Maschio) "Hey, how's your penis?"
(Zach Braff) "Don't worry, he says that to everybody."
(Robert Maschio) "Hey, how's your penis?"

(Courteney Cox) "You're a wonderful and passionate person, and that's why I can see myself with you when I'm 70 and you're 65 and your face is 40 and your boobs are 29."
(Christa Miller) "My face will never look 40."

(Courteney Cox) "You know, Bob, I've been thinking of all the times you manipulated me and toyed with me and I can't help but recall that children's fable about that race between the tortoise and the pain-in-the-ass-chief-of-medicine-that-everybody-hates. You see, Bob, the pain-in-the-ass-chief-of-medicine-that-everybody-hates kept running out in front of the tortoise and taunting him, but right at the end -- oh, gosh I'm sure you remember what happened Bob, the tortoise bit clean through the Chief of Medicine's calf muscle, dragged him to the ground, where he and all the other turtles devoured him alive right there on the racetrack. It's a disturbing children's book, Bob, I know, but it's one that stuck with me nonetheless."
(Ken Jenkins) "Buzzy, buzz, buzz --"
(Courteney Cox) "I -- beg your pardon?"
(Ken Jenkins) "Oh, uh, that's the sound of all the bees in your bonnet. And, Perry, even though I could give a rat's ass, I still think it's a pretty sound."

(Courteney Cox) "Would you like to know the real dirty, dirty little secret? It's that your drug is so damn good that you guys went and put about a 600% markup on it."
(Courteney Cox) "But hey, the only ones get hurt are the sick people, right? And since your company damn sure doesn't care about them, and you're part of the system, well that just means you don't care either, and that's pretty much what's making me sick, that's all."

(Courteney Cox) "Relationships don't work they way they do on television and in the movies. Will they? Won't they? And then they finally do, and they're happy forever. Gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half of the ones who get married get divorced anyway, and I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff I have not become a cynic. I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate covered candies and, y'know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, because I do believe in it. Bottom line: it's couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time. If it's right, and they're real lucky, one of them will say something."

(Courteney Cox) "Well, gosh; I guess I became a doctor because ever since I was a little boy, I just wanted to help people. I don't tell this story often, but I remember when I was seven years old, one time I found a bird that had fallen out of its nest, and so I picked him up and I brought him home, and I made him a house out of an empty shoebox."
(Courteney Cox) "I became a doctor for the same four reasons that everybody does; chicks, money, power and chicks."

(Courteney Cox) "She's the devil, Newbie. Don't look in her eyes, she might steal your soul."

(Courteney Cox) "You stole my moment -- and you will pay."

(Courteney Cox) "Ah, damn. I missed the annual sleep-over, didn't I? That wonderful time of the year when you two crazy kids throw all caution to the wind and make sweet, ellbowy love to each other. Don't you be shy. You can tell Uncle Coxy about the naughtay."
(Sarah Chalke) "Dr. Cox, I lost my apartment and I was just needing a place to stay --"
(Courteney Cox) "-- so you went over to your friend's house and cried on his shoulder; boo-hoo-wah; and you of course comforted her because she was weak and vulnerable and blah, blah, blah, nerdy sex, the end. Dear lord, Laverne, how in God's name do you listen to this crap all day long?"
(Aloma Wright) "Are you kidding? If he turns out to be her brother, this is better than my stories."

(Courteney Cox) "-- and bam. They got a bucket on their head, and they're plowing right through your brand new flat screen TV."
(Courteney Cox) "God save me, it was barely out of the box."
(Courteney Cox) "The point is -- Newbie is my drunk baby."

(Courteney Cox) "Sure, Jordan, you can take over the master bathroom. Just make sure you leave my sleeping pills out. So that I could, you know, swallow about 300 of them --"

(Courteney Cox) "If this continues, you will be dead. And I'm not talking about the "Oh, my God, if I don't get invited to the prom, I'm going to die" type of dead, I'm talking dead, dead. Is that clear enough for you? Because if it's not, I could of course text you on my Blackberry or my Blueberry or my Chuck Berry -- although technically Chuck Berry is a blackberry -- the point is, you gotta stop wasting everyone's time and grow up. Is that clear to you, sweetheart?"

(Courteney Cox) "No matter where you go in life, always keep an eye out for Johnny, the tackling Alzheimer's patient."
(Zach Braff) "Now what's that supposed to mean?"
(Unnamed) "Who am I?"

(Courteney Cox) "Goodness gracious, suddenly I'm getting the most intense headache. Let me see if this relieves the pain."
(Courteney Cox) "Better."
(Courteney Cox) "Worse."
(Courteney Cox) "Better."
(Courteney Cox) "Worse. Oh, I could do this all day."

(Courteney Cox) "Don't ever be afraid to come to me with stuff like that. The simple fact that you actually seem to give a crap is the reason I took an interest in you to begin with. It's why I trust you as a doctor. Hell, it's -- it's why I trust you as a person."

(Courteney Cox) "Carla you devil I can't help but notice you love telling jokes. What was it you were saying about your coffee?"
(Judy Reyes) "I said 'It's so good it's like crack'."
(Courteney Cox) "Normally you would hear crickets but they were uncomfortable about just how unfunny that was."
(Judy Reyes) "So what I'm not funny?"
(Courteney Cox) "I think your very funny when your up on your high horse, you know when you stay right in your wheelhouse. Everyone is funny for something. Barbie is an emotional trainwreck, your husband sells with a cocky attitude --"
(Donald Faison) "Well you know I do what I do when I do what I do"
(Courteney Cox) "Alice here sells it with a lost stare, and now that I've said Alice your picturing me as the maid from the Brady Bunch."
(Courteney Cox) "Am I right?"
(Courteney Cox) "Then there are people with funny names -- Dr. Beardface, Dr. Mickhead, Col. Doctor, Snoop Dogg Intern --"
(Snoop Dogg Intern) "Yo."
(Courteney Cox) "Sorry Snoop Dogg Resident. Laverne believes in God which is hilarious to me and Ted is the hospital sad sack."
(Sam Lloyd) "I am?"
(Courteney Cox) "Yes"
(Sam Lloyd) "Awwwww."
(Courteney Cox) "And me well, I'm funny cause I commit. C-O-M-M-I-T-T-T-T-T-T-T -- T"
(Courteney Cox) ". To tell you the truth there is only one person here who is funny no matter what he says."
(Ken Jenkins) "Are my new boxers made of wool? Cause my weasel's gettin heat stroke."
(Courteney Cox) "The point is PLEASE don't tell anymore jokes."
(Sam Lloyd) "I'm not really a sad sack?"
(Judy Reyes) "Ted your pen exploded."
(Sam Lloyd) "Awww."
(Sam Lloyd) "AWWWW MAN."

(Courteney Cox) "I went ahead and took the liberty of making you five Man Cards. Hold them very dear, because every time you drop the ball, man-wise, I'm going to take one from you."
(Zach Braff) "I don't need your approval, or your stupid Man Cards. Although the lettering is darling. Have you ever done calligraphy?"
(Courteney Cox) "Thank you."
(Zach Braff) "Dammit."

Neil Flynn as Janitor

(Neil Flynn) "Gentlemen. Crazy-Eyes Margo. I've called the Brain Trust together for one reason. I have to find a way to make Blonde Doctor mine."
(Randall) "Burn down her apartment."
(Troy) "I have an idea. But we're going to need a tugboat."
(Neil Flynn) "Tugboats and arson, that's all I ever get from you guys."

(Neil Flynn) "Hey, all my pictures were in there. Dead patient with fancy shirt, dead patient without fancy shirt, me in fancy shirt being yelled at by angry family."

(Neil Flynn) "What is it with steel wool? Is it steel? Or is it wool?"

(Neil Flynn) "Scooter."
(Zach Braff) "Huh?"
(Neil Flynn) "Your nickname will be scooter."
(Zach Braff) "I don't get it."
(Neil Flynn) "Like Scooter Pies. I hate Scooter Pies."
(Zach Braff) "Oh -- now I get it."

(Neil Flynn) "Hey, Idiot."
(Neil Flynn) "Heh. I said idiot and you turned around."

(Neil Flynn) "How did you get a girlfriend?"
(Sam Lloyd) "I became friends with her best friend."
(Neil Flynn) "How'd you do that?"
(Sam Lloyd) "I pretended to be her dad and rented her a car."
(Sam Lloyd) "I lost my hair in the 8th grade."

(Neil Flynn) "Sorry guys. We won't be going out tonight."
(Sam Lloyd) "Oh man. I ironed my going out hair."

Judy Reyes as Carla

(Judy Reyes) "How's he doing?"
(Aloma Wright) "The boy's got no biscuits."

(Judy Reyes) "So how far over the creek did you make it?"
(Zach Braff) "I don't know the exact distance in terms of feet and inches but in my own terms I would have to say -- about half way."
(Courteney Cox) "Don't stop paddling, Amy. You are sure in for the Little Girl X-Games."

(Judy Reyes) "Elliot -- Have you been in the supply closet, crying?"
(Sarah Chalke) "Carla, I don't do that anymore."
(Sarah Chalke) "Oh, my God. I look like Alice Cooper."

(Judy Reyes) "Well?"
(Courteney Cox) "I'm sorry, would you please repeat the question?"
(Judy Reyes) "Are you just gonna roll over like that?"
(Christa Miller) "That's weird, I asked him the same thing last night."
(Judy Reyes) "Where's the outrage? The anger? The hate?"
(Christa Miller) "Again, last night."
(Judy Reyes) "You've gone soft."
(Christa Miller) "Okay, now it's getting spooky."

(Judy Reyes) "Dr Cox -- why is your mouth red?"
(Courteney Cox) "Duct tape, two hours in a morgue drawer, don't piss off the janitor. End of story."

(Judy Reyes) "Why is there a pancake in the silverware drawer?"
(Donald Faison) "I think you mean, why is there silverware in the pancake drawer? Wus'UP"

(Judy Reyes) "You have no chance of being normal."

(Judy Reyes) "Yes I'll have an espresso, please and --"
(Judy Reyes) "What kind of scones do you have today?"
(Yuppie) "Ahem."
(Yuppie) "Son of a bitch. Do you mind lady? I am in a rush."
(Judy Reyes) "Oh, my goodness I'm so sorry. What am I doing thinking I can take an extra six seconds to pick my breakfast? I'm gonna have to call my mom and tell her she did a lousy job raising me. Thank you so much."

(Judy Reyes) "You still like her."
(Courteney Cox) "Why, because we had a conversation in an empty room?"
(Judy Reyes) "That room's not empty."

(Judy Reyes) "Christopher."
(Donald Faison) "Christopher? You only call me Christopher when you're mad or when we're having sex -- Baby, are you mad when we're having sex?"
(Judy Reyes) "Sometimes."

(Judy Reyes) "What are you guys talking about?"
(Donald Faison) "Nothing, guy talk."
(Zach Braff) "Bitches and Hoes."

(Judy Reyes) "You know what your problem is?"
(Courteney Cox) "There are times when I put myself into situ --"
(Judy Reyes) "Oh my god, who answers that question? You see, that is your problem. You think you have the answers to everything, but instead you end up throwing gas on the fire, and everyone else has to pay the consequences."
(Courteney Cox) "That's almost exactly what I was going to say."

(Judy Reyes) "Who put my stapler on the floor?"
(Robert Maschio) "Thong."
(Robert Maschio) "Face five. Oh, yeah."

Robert Maschio as Todd

(Robert Maschio) "That was really big of you to take the blame for Elliot. Just yesterday I really wanted to spank her."
(Donald Faison) "Why, did she mess up a patient for you, too?"
(Robert Maschio) "No."

(Robert Maschio) "Oh, Miss Pacman, I would sex that bow right off your head. Eat those dots you naughty, naughty girl."

(Unnamed) "You know doctor, I'm getting a little tired of your sexual innuendo."
(Robert Maschio) "In your endo."

(Robert Maschio) "The Todd appreciates hot, regardless of gender."

(Robert Maschio) "So, what are her breasts like?"
(Sarah Chalke) "Todd, I'm right here."
(Robert Maschio) "Oh, sorry -- So, what are your breast like?"

(Robert Maschio) "Why won't any women talk to me?"
(Unnamed) "Because you're slimy and

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