Scrubs (TV series) Quotes

Scrubs is a Sitcom that appeared on TV in 2001 on NBC . Scrubs stopped airing in 2010.

Scrubs lasted 9 seasons and 182 episodes. It features Chad Fischer as theme composer, and Jan Stevens as composer. Scrubs is executive produced by Bill Lawrence (producer). Scrubs is created by Bill Lawrence (producer).

Scrubs is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Scrubs is 20-23 minutes long. Scrubs is produced by Doozer (company) and distributed by Disney-ABC Domestic Television.

The cast includes: Donald Faison as Turk, Zach Braff as J.D., Sarah Chalke as Elliot, Judy Reyes as Carla, Ken Jenkins as Dr. Kelso, Donald Faison as Chris Turk, Kerry Bishé as Ben, Eliza Coupe as Nurse, Kerry Bishé as Bonnie, and Eliza Coupe as Dan.

Scrubs Quotes

Ken Jenkins as Dr. Kelso

(Ken Jenkins) "Ted have you noticed how happy all the minions are lately?"
(Ted) "I wish I was dead"

(Dr. Cox) "They hate you Bob. They hate from the bottom of your hooves to the top of your pitchfork. They hate you. By God, they hate you good."
(Ken Jenkins) "What is so funny?"
(Nurse Roberts) "Oh just the hooves and pitchfork part."
(Nurse Roberts) "Why?"
(Ken Jenkins) "Uh, no reason."

(Ken Jenkins) "Dr. Dorian, I owe you an apology. Obviously I was unclear when I said, "Stay in the MRI room with that patient", it must have sounded like, "Leave and do other things"."

(Ken Jenkins) "She likes to joke that I choked the last breath of life out of her long ago, and now she's just a shell of a woman. I think that's so cute -- I called her Shelley. You know, when I call her that, sometimes she laughs so hard she cries."

(Ken Jenkins) "Dr. Cox, could I talk to you for a second?"
(Dr. Cox) "Okay, Bobbo. But you're just gonna have to put your hand up like the other interns."
(Ken Jenkins) "Please?"
(Dr. Cox) "Come on now, Bobbo. You've got five good ones right there. Just put 'em in the air like you just don't care."
(Ken Jenkins) "Get here right now."

(Ken Jenkins) "Hey Ace, your TTP patient coded, I pronounced it."
(Zach Braff) "He died?"
(Ken Jenkins) "I certainly hope so otherwise that autopsy is going to be a bitch."

(Ken Jenkins) "Nothing worth having comes easy."

(Ted) "You want to quit? Then quit. But you, sir, are a worthless peon and you will always be a worthless peon."
(Ted) "Sir, you know my band, The Worthless Peons? Well, Chris from Shipping & Receiving wants to go solo. If we lose him, we'll lose our sex appeal. He's the only one with hair. What do you think I should do?"
(Ken Jenkins) "Ted, you know my rule about personal problems; I'm not interested unless it involves my loved ones. Or possibly my wife."
(Ken Jenkins) "Do lawyer stuff to that."

(Ted) "And you know what else? I quit."
(Ken Jenkins) "No you don't."
(Ted) "Well I'm leaving early today."
(Ken Jenkins) "No, you're not. You're coming back to my office to do busy work."
(Ted) "Fine, but I'm getting a soda first."
(Ken Jenkins) "Whatever."

(Ken Jenkins) "I'm going to tell you the same thing I told the comedian at that strip joint in Reno -- I'm not here for the jokes."

(Ken Jenkins) "And Johnny's got a tattoo on his left cheek that says 'Bobbie'."
(Unnamed) "-- I bet he doesn't regret that at all."

(Ken Jenkins) "And I'll be damned if he doesn't disagree with everything I say just because I said it."
(Zach Braff) "Sir, I don't think that's true."
(Ken Jenkins) "It's hotter than hell in here, Perry."
(Dr. Cox) "Freezing."
(Ken Jenkins) "Great coffee, though."
(Dr. Cox) "Rat piss."
(Ken Jenkins) "Dr. Murphy here is an incompetent suck-up."
(Dr. Cox) "No, Bob, in fact he's one of the finest young doctors I ever had the good fortune of working with."
(Ken Jenkins) "Your witness."

(Ken Jenkins) "I am considering offering full body scans here at Sacred Hearts. What do you think?"
(Dr. Cox) "I think showing perfectly healthy people every harmless imperfection in their body just to scare them into taking an invasive and often pointless test is an -- unholy sin."
(Ken Jenkins) "Yeah, sounds a little sketchy ethically."

(Ken Jenkins) "I know it was you."
(Donald Faison) "You mean this right here? It's mine from home."
(Ken Jenkins) "Forty Million, Son. You have any idea how many patients I had to ignore to get that high-score? People died."

(Ken Jenkins) "Are my new boxers made of wool? Cause my weasel's getting heat stroke."

(Ken Jenkins) "Are you an idiot?"
(Zach Braff) "No, sir, I'm a dreamer."

(Ken Jenkins) "Perry, what's our plan of attack?"
(Dr. Cox) "When I crush a person's spirit, I like to use a combination of intimidation and degradation."
(Ken Jenkins) "I prefer to create an environment in which the subjects end up crushing themselves."
(Dr. Cox) "Uh-huh."
(Janitor) "I like to pick one person and torment them relentlessly for no reason. If I could find them, I'd show you."
(Janitor) "He's near --"

(Ken Jenkins) "Dr. Cox, did you get my memo stating that residents should wear their lab coats at all times?"
(Dr. Cox) "Yes I did. At first I just threw it away, but then I thought, that's not grand enough a gesture; so I made a model of you out of straw, put my lab coat on it; with your memo in the pocket; and invited the neighborhood kids to set fire to it and beat it with sticks."

(Ken Jenkins) "Hey, guess what has two thumbs and still doesn't give a crap?"
(Ken Jenkins) "Bob Kelso. I think we've met --"

(Ken Jenkins) "I'm being honored tonight by the Board of Trustees, and they asked me to say a few words."
(Dr. Cox) "Oh. Yawn."
(Ken Jenkins) "Anyway, I would like you to be the one who introduces me."
(Dr. Cox) "Wow. Seriously?"
(Ken Jenkins) "Yeah."
(Dr. Cox) "Not interested."
(Ken Jenkins) "I didn't ask if you were interested."
(Dr. Cox) "Bob, I deeply dislike you. Honestly, it keeps me up at night."
(Ken Jenkins) "Well, then, use that passion. Put that rage on the page."
(Dr. Cox) "Here's an idea: Why not use Big Chief Flop-Sweat, here?"
(Ken Jenkins) "Ted's not an impressive man."
(Ted) "Hey --. That; Ah, he's right."

(Ken Jenkins) "Do you people have any idea how long I've been waiting on you? Next time, if you're not here in thirty minutes or less, I expect a free dead body -- or at least some garlic knots."
(Donald Faison) "Dr. Kelso, I think that's extremely insensitive."
(Ken Jenkins) "I don't think so."
(Ken Jenkins) "Miss Parker, you care to weigh in?"
(Ken Jenkins) "Nope, she's fine with it. And she knows a thing or two -- except of course that a yellow light means to slow down."

(Ken Jenkins) "Come here, Tom."
(Ted) "Actually, it's Ted. But hey, it's only been twelve years."

(Ken Jenkins) "Sweet dancing Jehovah. I've punctured my brain."

(Dr. Cox) "You know, Bob, I've been thinking of all the times you manipulated me and toyed with me and I can't help but recall that children's fable about that race between the tortoise and the pain-in-the-ass-chief-of-medicine-that-everybody-hates. You see, Bob, the pain-in-the-ass-chief-of-medicine-that-everybody-hates kept running out in front of the tortoise and taunting him, but right at the end -- oh, gosh I'm sure you remember what happened Bob, the tortoise bit clean through the Chief of Medicine's calf muscle, dragged him to the ground, where he and all the other turtles devoured him alive right there on the racetrack. It's a disturbing children's book, Bob, I know, but it's one that stuck with me nonetheless."
(Ken Jenkins) "Buzzy, buzz, buzz --"
(Dr. Cox) "I -- beg your pardon?"
(Ken Jenkins) "Oh, uh, that's the sound of all the bees in your bonnet. And, Perry, even though I could give a rat's ass, I still think it's a pretty sound."

(Ken Jenkins) "Yes, Enid, I hear Baxter growling, but the fact is, you ventured into his side of the house."
(Ken Jenkins) "Baring his teeth, huh? -- OK, now here's whatcha do -- Are you ready?"
(Ken Jenkins) "Make a sudden move."
(Ken Jenkins) "Ahh, those two."

(Ken Jenkins) "Do you want me to order you a clown?"
(Zach Braff) "A drunk clown hurt me once."

(Dr. Cox) "Boy oh boy, you are really digging the heck out of this "secret friendship" thing."
(Ken Jenkins) "Well, it has all the thrills of an affair without all that exhausting sex."

(Ken Jenkins) "Son, do you think I got to be Chief of Medicine by being late?"
(Dr. Cox) "Noooo, Bobbo, you got there by backstabbing and ass-kissing."
(Ken Jenkins) "Maybe so, but I started those things properly at eight."

(Ken Jenkins) "Ahh, Dr. Turkleton."
(Donald Faison) "Actually, sir, it's Turk."
(Ken Jenkins) "That's your first name."
(Donald Faison) "You think my name is Turk Turkleton?"
(Ken Jenkins) "-- and Mrs. Turkleton. The Turkletons. Hehehe --"
(Ken Jenkins) "Give me a scotch."

(Ken Jenkins) "Ketchup is for winners, Ted."

(Ken Jenkins) "Here at Sacred Heart, I like to think that our patients choose our hospital not only because I leak vicious rumors about competing hospitals to the press, but also because when they see one of our doctors they think, Now that's a professional."
(Sarah Chalke) "Um, Sir I don't think I look unprofessional."
(Ken Jenkins) "I've let this whole new look thing slide the last few months, but now that your colleagues are beginning to complain I'm going to give you the same advice I give my son every morning. Lose the makeup. Get a haircut. And stop using my razor to shave your fun zone."

Sarah Chalke as Elliot

(Sarah Chalke) "And if you lay one finger on me, I'm blowing my rape whistle."

(Dr. Cox) "I'm invisible, I'm invisible, I'm invisible --"
(Sarah Chalke) "Oh, Dr. Cox?"
(Dr. Cox) "Awww, dammmit."

(Sarah Chalke) "J.D., I really don't wanna do this. Can't we just go home, and put on our PJ's, and watch "Grey's Anatomy"?"
(Zach Braff) "Oh, I do love that show. It's like they've been watching our lives and then just put it on TV."

(Sarah Chalke) "Dr. Cox."
(Dr. Cox) "I'm hoping for your sake there's another Dr. Cox sitting right behind me."
(Sarah Chalke) "I'm not sure what you were trying to teach me by sending me to Dr. Kelso."
(Dr. Cox) "The value, and this is important, of leaving me alone."
(Sarah Chalke) "I think we both know there's a little more to it than that."
(Dr. Cox) "No, trust me, there's not. Listen, missie, I want you to spread the word. I've -- had -- enough. The next whiney intern coming to me for a cookie and a hug, I swear to Aïsha, I'm going to hurt."
(Dr. Cox) "And you, you one-man freakshow, take your blah-blah to the blah-blah-psychologist, because if you are so stupid to confront the chief of medicine over some quasi-offensive endearment, then you've just gotta go ahead and change the captain of your brainship, because he's drunk at the wheel."
(Sarah Chalke) "You're right, you're absolutely right. I have to learn to pick my battles. Thank you so much."
(Dr. Cox) "Y -- you're welcome."

(Sarah Chalke) "What are you doing in here?"
(Janitor) "It's -- the men's room."
(Sarah Chalke) "I know. I mean, it's not like I thought those were some kind of new female urinals, and then -- tried them, and found them -- oddly comfortable --"

(Sarah Chalke) "Thanks again for helping me look for Carla."
(Janitor) "No problem. I'll check the dumpster."
(Sarah Chalke) "-- We're not looking for dead Carla."
(Janitor) "Atta girl. You stay optimistic."

(Sarah Chalke) "Come on, what's the worst that could happen?"
(Zach Braff) "We could die."

(Sarah Chalke) "If there's one thing I've learned at this hospital, it's to never antagonize your boss or the people who makes the food, because you end up eating poo."

(Todd) "So, what are her breasts like?"
(Sarah Chalke) "Todd, I'm right here."
(Todd) "Oh, sorry -- So, what are your breast like?"

(Sarah Chalke) "Do you want to be alone?"
(Zach Braff) "No."
(Sarah Chalke) "Do you want to cry a little?"
(Zach Braff) "No."
(Sarah Chalke) "Wanna go throw stuff off the roof like Letterman used to do?"

(Sarah Chalke) "Laverne, did you ever notice that in hospitals, even though you're surrounded by like hundreds of people, it's still so easy to get lost in your own thoughts?"
(Nurse Roberts) "Have you been drinkin'?"

(Sarah Chalke) "I have a huge bunion. Sean's coming back in, like, a few weeks what am I supposed to do?"
(Zach Braff) "Well, I think the obvious answer is to draw Sean's face on it and tell him you grew it because you missed him."
(Donald Faison) "Or, it's a simple surgery."
(Zach Braff) "Uhhh, Turk, I think we've already decided on bunion-face."
(Sarah Chalke) "Cut me the hell up."
(Zach Braff) "Dammit."

(Sarah Chalke) "I put all those flyers up and no one wants me to live with them."
(Zach Braff) "Oh, c'mon, Elliot, I'm sure you'll eventually find a roommate who's a clean non-smoking vegetarian that rinses the shower thoroughly after each usage."
(Sarah Chalke) "Well, if you don't it gets mildewy."
(Zach Braff) "You should live with my friend, Anal McLooney."

(Paul Flowers) "Sometimes it feels like you're holding back."
(Sarah Chalke) "Of course I'm holding back, I'm insane you idiot. Remember the other day when you told me I had pit-stains, well I have cried every fifteen minutes on the half-hour since you told me that. I am racked with self-doubt, I have panic attacks, I'm claustrophobic, germ-phobic, phobia-phobic. I talk to myself, I talk to my cats, I talk to three separate shrinks about the fact that often my cats respond to me in my mother's voice and, yesterday, when that stupid, pretty surgical nurse handed you a pair of latex gloves I almost killed the guy who's leg I was stitching up because I couldn't stop thinking about the two of you having sex on a box of steaks. Why a box of steaks? 'Cos my Dad had an affair with a female butcher and, as I mentioned before, I am insane. There, I opened up, are you happy?"

(Sarah Chalke) "Do you speak french?"
(Donald Faison) "You know, I did learn a little when my high school class went to France, but that was just stuff to pick up chicks."
(Sarah Chalke) "I really think it would make Tyler feel better if he could watch, ok?"
(Donald Faison) "I have -- an -- Eiffel Tower -- in my pants."
(Sarah Chalke) "What?"
(Donald Faison) "Grapefruit."

(Sarah Chalke) "Well isn't that just the pickle on the giant crap sandwich that is my day."

(Dr. Cox) "Ah, damn. I missed the annual sleep-over, didn't I? That wonderful time of the year when you two crazy kids throw all caution to the wind and make sweet, ellbowy love to each other. Don't you be shy. You can tell Uncle Coxy about the naughtay."
(Sarah Chalke) "Dr. Cox, I lost my apartment and I was just needing a place to stay --"
(Dr. Cox) "-- so you went over to your friend's house and cried on his shoulder; boo-hoo-wah; and you of course comforted her because she was weak and vulnerable and blah, blah, blah, nerdy sex, the end. Dear lord, Laverne, how in God's name do you listen to this crap all day long?"
(Nurse Roberts) "Are you kidding? If he turns out to be her brother, this is better than my stories."

(Sarah Chalke) "But if the ceremony's in spanish, how will I know when you guys are married?"
(Judy Reyes) "We all shoot off our guns and throw tortillas in the air."
(Sarah Chalke) "Really? Oh, I wish I was was ethnic."

(Sarah Chalke) "I doubt sex for you is about making babies, because you'd probably just eat them anyway, and driving over to Dr. Cox's place and pleasuring him while he watches sports hardly counts as revenge."

(Sarah Chalke) "Mr. Bragen, it is so great to see you back in the hospital."
(Mr. Bragen) "Woo-hoo. I've got a tube in my penis."

(Sarah Chalke) "Oh, Dr. Cox, does this lipstick make me look like a clown?"
(Dr. Cox) "No, Barbie, no -- it makes you look like a prostitute who caters exclusively to clowns."
(Sarah Chalke) "I'm sorry, that was my mistake, I keep forgetting that you're a horrible, horrible person."
(Dr. Cox) "Ooh, Backbone Barbie."

(Sarah Chalke) "Dr. Cox."
(Dr. Cox) "And there you are."
(Sarah Chalke) "Huh?"
(Dr. Cox) "I was just now wondering if there was anything that could actually push my headache into a full blown migraine -- and there you are."

(Sarah Chalke) "I have magic breasts."

(Sarah Chalke) "I heard you're telling everyone I violated you."
(Zach Braff) "Not everyone. Just the people that work here. Oh, and my parents."

Zach Braff as J.D.

(Dr. Cox) "I went ahead and took the liberty of making you five Man Cards. Hold them very dear, because every time you drop the ball, man-wise, I'm going to take one from you."
(Zach Braff) "I don't need your approval, or your stupid Man Cards. Although the lettering is darling. Have you ever done calligraphy?"
(Dr. Cox) "Thank you."
(Zach Braff) "Dammit."

(Zach Braff) "It's hard to take positive steps, when you've burned the bridge you got to walk across."

(Zach Braff) "You're an actor."
(Janitor) "You're a fireman -- What are we doing?"

(Zach Braff) "Elliot, come on. You're living out of a van like a homeless person -- or Jewel."

(Zach Braff) "Look, Dr. Cox, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I honestly think the only reason that you're not down at that hospital right now is that -- you're afraid."
(Dr. Cox) "I think you're right, I do. It's partly because you've gotten to know me this year, but mostly it's that well -- I told you I was afraid earlier today -- so please don't tell me you've come to reiterate things that I've already said, because I know the things that I've already said, in fact -- I'm the one who said them."

(Todd) "Show Todd some love."
(Zach Braff) "I hate showing Todd love."

(Zach Braff) "Sticks and stones may break my bones --"
(Zach Braff) "but words will hurt me forever."

(Zach Braff) "Ooh, Dr. Cox, can I ask you something?"
(Dr. Cox) "The answer is yes, it was me who saw you doing leg lifts in the gym on that inflatable ball. It was quite the display of girl power."

(Zach Braff) "I can't believe you lost our bottle opener."
(Donald Faison) "Yeah, I know."
(Donald Faison) "I miss it so much, it hurts sometimes."
(Zach Braff) "You're a bad person."

(Zach Braff) "Okay, just act natural. (out loud) Hey, Dr. Cox. Takin' a whiz?"

(Zach Braff) "Ring around the janitor, pocket full of --"
(Janitor) "Pocket full of what"
(Zach Braff) "ZANitor"
(Janitor) "That's not a word"

(Bouncer) "Okay, you're in."
(Zach Braff) "Word."
(Bouncer) "Uh. You're out."
(Donald Faison) "Let me handle this. Look man, homie here is a little out of his mizzle, so I'm just saying for just a little dizzle, if you let him up in this pizzle, he'll be all chizzle."
(Bouncer) "You out, too."

(Zach Braff) "I have a quick legal question. What if -- hypothetically --"
(Ted) "Oh, God, you killed someone."
(Zach Braff) "No."
(Ted) "Someone else did?"

(Zach Braff) "Hmm -- it looks benign."
(Janitor) "Yeah, 'bout nine, nine and half."

(Zach Braff) "Ahh. Uncomfortable silences and alcohol. Just like thanksgiving at home --"

(Zach Braff) "Oh, my God, I just said slave to my black girlfriend."

(Zach Braff) "Here's the deal, Eleonore. We're gonna go ahead and get a full work-up on this guy. So while drop an NG2 and do a gastric lavage, why don't you go ahead and get an order order on EKG with cardio-bio-markers? If you need to know where those are, they are on page 37 of the Ann Teller catalogue, right next to that salmon cable-knit sweater you wanted for so long but haven't had the courage to order, because you worried the weave is so thin, your nipples just might go ahead and peak their pink selves through. Isn't that right, Dr. Cox? Dr. Cooox."
(Dr. Cox) "Uhm, I'm sorry. Here I was in my own little world, talking to myself, dreaming about candy bracelets."

(Lisa) "Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket or are you having a good time?"
(Zach Braff) "Actually, it's a roll of quarters."
(Zach Braff) "Laundry day."

(Zach Braff) "Hey, where's my fuzzy for my 3 wood?"
(Donald Faison) "It's on my 9 wood."

(Jordan) "I don't dislike you, I nothing you."
(Zach Braff) "That's special."

(Zach Braff) "I just Marcia Brady'd your ass."
(Donald Faison) "What the hell are you talking about?"
(Zach Braff) "Like in the episode of the Brady Bunch where Marcia gets Jan a job, then Marcia gets fired cos they like Jan better --"
(Donald Faison) "Season 5, Episode 3, Marcia gets creamed. Don't ever question me on the Bunch."

(Zach Braff) "Why do you have to jump out and scare me all the time?"
(Janitor) "I don't jump out and scare you. I follow you around all day. I only got about an hour and a half of work around here, and the rest of the time I track you, like an animal."

(Dr. Cox) "You are, in fact, a perfectly healthy 26-year-old doctor who keeps whining about how horrible his father was."
(Zach Braff) "Well, he did some considerable emotional damage, so --"
(Dr. Cox) "Every one of our parents does considerable emotional damage, and from what I've heard, it just might be the best part of being a parent. Now, if some guy ever does put a ring on your finger and you're lucky enough to pop out a youngster, I'm sure you'll understand. But for now, believe me when I tell you I wouldn't care if this was the first time you ever met your daddy. Because, in reality -- well, he could have done a much, much worse job."

(Zach Braff) "What the hell are we supposed to do?"
(Dr. Cox) "Loretta, relax. I've been involved in every ridiculous TV induced panic there is; poison pills, SARS, West Nile, North Face, South Fork, East River, Monkeypox, pop rocks, toilet snakes, Mad Cow, Bird Flu, Swine Flu, and quite frankly every other flu that you could really only catch if you actually fornicated with the animal it's named for. And as a parting gift, I will tell you this; narrow it down to two symptoms; vomiting and diarrhea. Cause it's just not E.coli unless"
(Dr. Cox) "it's firing out of both exits."
(Zach Braff) "Certainly hope I don't have Dog Flu."

(Dr. Cox) "Hey, newbie. What's up?"
(Zach Braff) "Everything. Everything's up."
(Ken Jenkins) "Rise and shine, Dr. Dorian."
(Todd) "Hey, how's your penis?"
(Zach Braff) "Don't worry, he says that to everybody."
(Todd) "Hey, how's your penis?"

(Dr. Cox) "Oh, gosh, Shannon, thank you so much for clarifying my point by repeating it word for word. And now, in a reciprocal gesture, can I be included in the planning of your coming-out party?"
(Zach Braff) "Is that a gay joke?"
(Dr. Cox) "No, it's a cotillion joke. My God, Newbie, it's been two furiously frustrating years; how is it possible that you still don't get me? I would never compare you to the gays. I like the gays; I like their music, I like their sense of style, I especially like what they've done with Halloween; but our thing is that you are a little girl. That's who you are. But that's really not fair --"
(Zach Braff) "Man, once Dr. Cox gets on a roll, there's nothing that can derail him."
(Judy Reyes) "My mom died."
(Zach Braff) "Except that."

(Zach Braff) "What are you doing?"
(Doug) "I'm calling my dad."

(Zach Braff) "Hey, Perry --"
(Dr. Cox) "Perry?"
(Zach Braff) "Yeah, it's a new thing I'm trying. So, Perry, I was wondering if you knew that I have a date this weekend?"
(Dr. Cox) "Really? Well, newbie, I'm glad that you finally found a woman who enjoys the benefits of a same sex relationship."

(Zach Braff) "But in the end, the most important thing to accept is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be, with the help of those around you, you'll get through this too."

(Zach Braff) "Time to take the GR off my Gratitude and give that old bastard some Attitude, J.D. style."
(Judy Reyes) "His office is that way."
(Zach Braff) "Yeah, I have to throw up first."

(Zach Braff) "Then he said something I never expected to hear."
(Janitor) "I don't like you."
(Zach Braff) "Not that I totally expected that."

(Zach Braff) "Elliot, come on, I have never heard a woman make sounds like "that"."
(Sarah Chalke) "Oh, I'm sure "you" haven't."
(Donald Faison) "See, it's funny because you never really satisfied a woman."

(Zach Braff) "Because nothing sucks worse than feeling alone, no matter how many people are around."

(Mikey) "Eeeeeeeeehhhhh. I'm a pretty airplane. Board me. Eeeeeeeeehhhhh."
(Murray Marks) "He's a little off."
(Zach Braff) "He smells like fuel."
(Murray Marks) "He's an airplane."

(Zach Braff) "You know, when you stop being frightened, time really is on your side. And you can just go on being you."

(Zach Braff) "It's the kid inside of us that keeps us all from going crazy."

(Zach Braff) "What the hell, he deserves it."
(Zach Braff) "Mother-f"

(Zach Braff) "Who put this up?"
(Janitor) "I did. I drove around the whole city before my 5 AM shift, just looking for that. Trying to add a little cheer. You will not ruin my Christmas. Not again. Not this year."
(Zach Braff) "But I've only worked here for three months."

(Zach Braff) "I was running late, but that's okay, because I've been working with Dr. Casey these last few weeks and he likes to start every day the same way; by touching everything in his first patient's room."
(Dr. Kevin Casey) "Bink, Bink, Bink, Bink, Bink --"
(Zach Braff) "Everything."
(Ken Jenkins) "Oh, well I suppose that's how they say hello in Cuckoo town. The patients on this wing have been complaining about hearing strange noises."
(Dr. Kevin Casey) "If it's bink I can explain."
(Ken Jenkins) "It's not bink."
(Zach Braff) "Is it I come from the land down under, where women glow and men plunder? That wasn't me."
(Ken Jenkins) "Just figure it out, dammit."
(Dr. Kevin Casey) "Do you plunder?"
(Zach Braff) "I have been known to."

(Zach Braff) "Uh-oh."
(Dr. Cox) "First off, let me just say, thank you. For the last couple of months I have been adrift in a sea of puppy dogs, lollypops, and lets face it, mediocre metaphors. Luckily, you people were kind enough to piss all over learning a procedure that could determine whether some poor sucker lives or dies, and that reminded me of something that I wanted to remind you of. Because you see I"
(Dr. Cox) "am accountable. I am accountable for the continuous, crashing, undeniable amateurism that you people drag into this hospital day in and day out. And believe you me when I tell you that the next time one of you perpetual disappointments doesn't even have the common decency to try and do better at something you supposedly do, I will go ahead and toss your sorry ass outa here in about ten seconds and then I will forget you forever in the next five."

(Zach Braff) "Mr. Daniels, some fluid has gathered in your heart, so I'm going to schedule a pericardial centesis and drain it with a needle."
(Unnamed) "Someone's going to stick a needle in my chest?"
(Zach Braff) "Not just someone; Dr. Daman"
(Unnamed) "Who's Dr. Daman?"
(Zach Braff) "-- Say it; -say it without the Dr."
(Unnamed) "Who's Mr. Daman"
(Zach Braff) "No, just say the last name."
(Unnamed) "Who's Da Man?"
(Zach Braff) "I'M THE MAN."
(Zach Braff) "It was awesome; it was fun doing that with you."

(Zach Braff) "I guess what they say is true the people you work with really do become your family. Like your brother, and your sister in law,"
(Zach Braff) "or that cousin you have funny feelings for"
(Zach Braff) ", and the crazy angry uncle everyone sort of hopes isn't coming this year."
(Zach Braff) "Dr. Cox, If you want you can come down here and hang out with --"
(Dr. Cox) "Nobody talk, just drink."
(Zach Braff) "Ah uncomfortable silences and alcohol -- just like Thanksgiving at home."

(Dr. Cox) "Shower shorts, newbie?"
(Zach Braff) "For the man who has nothing to hide, but still wants to."

(Zach Braff) "One thing I've learned is to never play Operation against a surgeon for money."
(Donald Faison) "Eight seconds. Is that a new record, baby?"
(Judy Reyes) "That depends, what are we talking about?"

(Dr. Cox) "No matter where you go in life, always keep an eye out for Johnny, the tackling Alzheimer's patient."
(Zach Braff) "Now what's that supposed to mean?"
(Unnamed) "Who am I?"

(Zach Braff) "Ben -- you have leukaemia."
(Kerry Bishé) "That sucks."
(Zach Braff) "Yeah."

(Zach Braff) "I am not addicted to Journey"
(Donald Faison) "She's just a small-town girl --"
(Zach Braff) "Livin' in a lonely wor-rld, she took the midnight train, going a-n-y-whe-ere."

(Zach Braff) "Dr. Cox, can I ask you something?"
(Dr. Cox) "I'd say you're about a B-cup, Susan."

(Zach Braff) "Oh my God, do not say splotchy."
(Zach Braff) "Good splotchy Dr. Splotchy."

(Zach Braff) "Hey there, research buddy."
(Dr. Cox) "We're only four seconds in and I'm already regretting my decision."
(Zach Braff) "Things Jordan says during sex."
(Zach Braff) "-- there's a good chance I'm gonna kill someone."
(Dr. Cox) "Things you say when you talk to your patients."

(Zach Braff) "Now -- that tumor's looking so big -- it's beginning to look like a threemor --"

(Zach Braff) "You think Turk would like it if I started calling him 'my brother'?"
(Judy Reyes) "I don't know."
(Zach Braff) "Catch you later -- my brutha."
(Donald Faison) "I'll holla."
(Zach Braff) "He said, he'll holler --"

(Zach Braff) "Oh my God, the janitor's afraid of Carla. How can I use this to my advantage?"
(Judy Reyes) "Listen, I want you to lay off J.D.. Stop accusing him of things he didn't do. And bring him a fruit smoothie every day."
(Janitor) "Would he like strawberry or banana?"
(Judy Reyes) "-- Purple tree car with cheese."
(Janitor) "LIAR."
(Zach Braff) "Feliz Navidad --"
(Zach Braff) "I'd have to learn Spanish."

(Dr. Cox) "I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week. Let's see -- low carb diets, Michael Moore, the Republican National Convention, Kabbalah & all Kabbalah-related products, Hi-Def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hotspots, the OC, the UN, recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys, Jeff that Wiggle that sleeps too darn much, the Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show, everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everythingj every-everything that exists past present & future, in discovered and undiscovered dimensions."
(Dr. Cox) "Oh, and Hugh Jackman."
(Zach Braff) "Hugh Jackman is Wolverine. How dare he."

(Dr. Cox) "Yo, girl's name."
(Zach Braff) "What?"
(Dr. Cox) "Gimme a break, Ellen, I got a lot on my mind, and look at that, I bounced back."

(Zach Braff) "Ahh. I can't believe it's over."
(Donald Faison) "Dude, it might not be that serious. There might be a window, but you have to get in there and fish for information."
(Donald Faison) "Okay, you do not want to lose this hottie. She is a slamming hottie. And you do not --"
(Judy Reyes) "Turk --"
(Donald Faison) "Sorry."
(Zach Braff) "I got this. Baby, you know you're his world."

(Zach Braff) "Oh no. If Jordan finds out it was me who screwed up her date she'll give me the evil eye and twist my nipples off."
(Zach Braff) "Oh no, she knows."

(Zach Braff) "This is bad. I got to stop this. I got to say something."
(Zach Braff) "Banana Hammock."

(Janitor) "Scooter."
(Zach Braff) "Huh?"
(Janitor) "Your nickname will be scooter."
(Zach Braff) "I don't get it."
(Janitor) "Like Scooter Pies. I hate Scooter Pies."
(Zach Braff) "Oh -- now I get it."

(Dr. Cox) "I'm gonna go ahead and give you back one of these Man Cards. You deserve it."
(Zach Braff) "Wow -- Wanna hug?"
(Dr. Cox) "You held on to it as long as you could, didn't you?"

(Dr. Cox) "Oh and"
(Dr. Cox) "Lassie, in response to the bestiality rumors circulating about you, I have decided to forgo calling you by the usual girl's name, and instead I am going to refer to you as whatever famous dog I can think of. I have gone with Lassie because of course it satisfies the criteria of being both a girl's and a dog's name, thus helping you to ease into the transition"
(Zach Braff) "I was just running kissing drills."
(Dr. Cox) "Oh, that is completely normal then."

(Dr. Cox) "Oh, and Ginger, by the way; just a real smooth move runnin' to your mommy."
(Zach Braff) "Excuse me?"
(Dr. Cox) "Yeah, your mommy cah-rushed me today. I'm serious."
(Dr. Cox) "Uh, I'd like to issue a warning to everybody, and I'm dead serious. FYI, JD's mommy has made it perfectly clear she doesn't want her daughter picked on. Nothing mean, she's a precious flower, and we should all be super-nice to her."

(Janitor) "Door is broke. Fifth time or so it won't open."
(Zach Braff) "Maybe there's a penny stuck in there."
(Janitor) "Why a penny?"
(Zach Braff) "No reason."
(Janitor) "You stick a penny in there?"
(Zach Braff) "No, I was just making small talk."
(Janitor) "If I find a penny in there, I'm taking you down."

(Dr. Cox) "Hey, Betty. Hey, Wilma. Oh, what the hell, you're only forty minutes late. Do I -- do I smell beer?"
(Zach Braff) "Uh, we -- we, uh, we had a few."
(Dr. Cox) "Newsflash, you can't drink and then come to work. You're not airline pilots."

(Zach Braff) "It's funny, I guess sometimes when you do nothing at all, things just have a way of fixing themselves."

(Zach Braff) "Shut up, shut up, shut up and shut up, okay? Who are you people to give me advice about anything? All you do is bitch about your relationships all day long."
(Zach Braff) "And you know what glare all you want Big Dog, okay, because I'm not afraid of you. 'Oh no, Jordan's only paying attention to the baby. That must be so hard for Dr. Look-At-Me, isn't it? LOOK-AT-MEEEE."
(Zach Braff) "And you two, you're arguing ever since you got engaged, wow you're probably the first couple that's ever done that EVER. It can't be that you're just scared is it?"
(Zach Braff) "And you, you know what, let's just forget for one second that a month ago you told me you couldn't be in a relationship with anyone, because for me, it's actually fun to watch you sabotage a relationship from the outside, it really is. Honestly, the only thing that gives me comfort you guys is while I'm sitting at home staring at the ceiling just wishing that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that none of you idiots realize how lucky you are."
(Nurse Roberts) "Did I miss something good?"

(Zach Braff) "There are a lot of ways to grieve, but last time I checked, wheelbarrow style wasn't one of them."

(Zach Braff) "Okay, fine. Let's just play -- Tip Over the Trashcan."
(Zach Braff) "Okay, I win."
(Janitor) "Can I play?"
(Janitor) "This is fun."
(Zach Braff) "Yeah."

(Zach Braff) "Oh, Mrs. Grodberg, JZILBEK is not a word"
(Mrs. Grodberg) "But I'm still beating you --"
(Zach Braff) "Well, I'm just glad your surgery went okay and you still have your A game. I don't really care who wins."
(Zach Braff) "Half a brain, dammit."

Donald Faison as Chris Turk

(Donald Faison) "Babe, you gotta understand. A guy will sleep with any woman he finds attractive, no matter how he feels about her. If Tyra Banks drove her car over my mom and then offered to have sex with me, I'd have to dial 9-1-1 in the nude because my pants would already be off."
(Judy Reyes) "Nice, while your mother lays there dying."
(Donald Faison) "Tell her."
(Zach Braff) "His mother doesn't die. Tyra uses her connections in the super model world to get Turk's mom's brain put into Heidi Klum's body. She falls in love with me, and we all move in together."
(Donald Faison) "Because I love my mom."
(Zach Braff) "Mm, and I would love her too."

(Donald Faison) "Let's play Steak."
(Zach Braff) "What?"
(Donald Faison) "Steak. The first person to finish their steak is the winner of Steak."

(Dr. Cox) "I don't know what the hell she wants."
(Donald Faison) "I don't know if I'm what Carla really wants."
(Zach Braff) "My peeps are on the frits."
(Dr. Cox) "What?"
(Donald Faison) "Whoa."
(Zach Braff) "No, I mean you're me peeps, and you're on the frits --"
(Donald Faison) "Yeah, right."
(Dr. Cox) "God bless you newbie. You helped me get a new perspective on everything."
(Donald Faison) "Dude --"
(Janitor) "Thanks for the coffee. Here's your dollar."
(Janitor) "Oh, and by the way, your new nickname is Pepe LeFrits."

(Todd) "Why won't any women talk to me?"
(Unnamed) "Because you're slimy and you turn everything into a double entendre."
(Todd) "I do not."
(Donald Faison) "Go ahead."
(Todd) "I'd like to double her entendre."

(Donald Faison) "Who are these guys?"
(Zach Braff) "These are the last eight guys in the hospital that don't realize I suck at basketball. So here's what gonna happen: I finally mastered my running hook shot so when we go to pick teams I'm gonna hit that shot. Then you say I'll pick that guy at which point Carla is gonna page me and I'll say " Crap, I've gotta go." And you'll go " Damn, we just lost the best player out here." And then there will be eight guys in the hospital who think I'm good at sports and word will spread."
(Donald Faison) "When do you find time to see your patients?"
(Zach Braff) "Between these thoughts."

(Donald Faison) "Baby. You've always known about my sleep toots. Hell, you used to imitate the sound they made, remember?"
(Nurse Roberts) "I make Mr. Roberts wear special air-tight boxer shorts."
(Donald Faison) "Laverne, I wrote the guest list for this conversation, and just in case, if you're wondering, you're not on it."

(Donald Faison) "Ya know Elliot, eventually you're gonna have to take off your sock."
(Sarah Chalke) "If I do then from now on whenever you guys look at me all you're going to think is Giant Gross-Foot. It's like that security guard with the hook for the hand, all anybody thinks when they look at him is Big Giant Afro."
(Judy Reyes) "I do think that."

(Todd) "That was really big of you to take the blame for Elliot. Just yesterday I really wanted to spank her."
(Donald Faison) "Why, did she mess up a patient for you, too?"
(Todd) "No."

(Donald Faison) "I don't understand it. This wedding is supposed to be about us; how come I can't be comfortable?"
(Judy Reyes) "And I don't know how many times I have to tell you that you are not wearing sweats."

(Dr. Cox) "Let's go, field trip."
(Donald Faison) "I got things to do, you know."
(Dr. Cox) "Let me guess, you're off to another funeral. I'll make you a deal: you come with me right now, and if you're still late for the graveyard, I will personally scour the obituaries with you this weekend and you can just go nuts."
(Donald Faison) "Carla put you up to this?"
(Dr. Cox) "No, it was my idea. I desperately want to be close with you, I just can't figure out how to connect. Turn around."
(Dr. Cox) "Turn around."
(Dr. Cox) "You see Dr. Wen in there? He's explaining to that family that something went wrong, and that patient died. He's gonna tell them what happened, he's gonna say he's sorry; and then he's going back to work. Do you think anybody else in that room's going back to work today? That is why we distance ourselves; that's why we make jokes. We don't do it because it's fun. We do it so we can get by. And -- sometimes because it's fun. But mostly it's the getting by thing."

(Donald Faison) "Ankles is a simple game. The first one to get embarrassed and pull up their scrubs loses."

(Donald Faison) "So, who'd you side with?"
(Zach Braff) "Neither; I just pretended I was paged, and then when they said they didn't hear anything, I called them both liars and ran away."
(Donald Faison) "Smooth."

(Donald Faison) "It's weird. Just by the simple act of pushing me to do the right thing, I remembered why Carla's the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with."

(Donald Faison) "You know, I love how kids of divorce really have the market cornered on family dysfunction. But let me share with you a typical Thanksgiving at the Turk household: It starts with my mother yelling at my sister for yelling at my grandmother who's yelling at the television screen, which happens to be the microwave. And then my militant brother Jabari; formerly Bob; gives my father attitude for using the word black, even though he's referring to the turkey. Which, by the way, only got burnt because instead of turning the oven off, my bi-polar aunt Leslie tried to shove her head in it. But you know what we do? We kiss -- and we hug -- and we apologize for all the things we said -- 'Cause a month later, we gonna get together and do it again at Christmas."

(Donald Faison) "Bonnie is killing me; I'm telling you, I cannot beat this woman no matter what I try. She's like a ninja but worse."
(Zach Braff) "Nothing's worse than a ninja; they're masters of every style of combat."
(Judy Reyes) "Can we please talk about something other than Bonnie?"
(Sarah Chalke) "I think you should give Bonnie a break. You know, it's really hard being a woman around here -- you can walk through walls and nobody notices you."
(Zach Braff) "Not entirely unlike a -- ninja."

(Donald Faison) "I got that guy."

(Donald Faison) "Scalpel."
(Judy Reyes) "Scalpel what?"
(Donald Faison) "Scalpel, please."
(Judy Reyes) "Here you go, baby. Sorry: Dr. Baby."
(Dr. Wen) "Shall we proceed, Dr. Baby?"

(Dr. Cox) "I need you to come upstairs and talk to a young black girl who will not let me call her mom."
(Donald Faison) "Why would she listen to me?"
(Dr. Cox) "I may have told her you were Kayne West."
(Donald Faison) "I'm actually alright with that."

(Dr. Wen) "I don't know where that smell came from."
(Todd) "Uh, sir?"
(Dr. Wen) "What is it, do you see something?"
(Todd) "Sir, I farted. That smell was from the fart that I made."
(Donald Faison) "Dude."
(Dr. Wen) "Get the Hell out of my O.R.."

(Donald Faison) "I know it wasn't you last night. Look I'm not proud of this but I can pick your puff and stuff out of a line-up"
(Zach Braff) "He changed since the last time you saw him. He got a haircut."

(Donald Faison) "Woman, I was covered in BEES."

(Donald Faison) "Don't you think that's a little sexist, sir?"
(Ken Jenkins) "I don't know. Is it sexist to hold the door for a woman? Is it sexist to keep the attractive nurses and let go of a few ugos? The rules are changing so fast I just can't keep up."

(Donald Faison) "Smurfination, smurfination, and smurf."
(Zach Braff) "Presentation, inspiration, and fear?"

(Todd) "Dr. Wen threatened to sew my butt cheeks together."
(Donald Faison) "And yet you continue to eat chili."
(Todd) "Dude I'm takin' the cheese off."

(Donald Faison) "Awww -- Where's my lucky Tabasco do-rag?"
(Zach Braff) "Why don't you use Power Rangers?"
(Donald Faison) "How are Power Rangers as lucky as Tabasco?"
(Zach Braff) "Do you remember when communications with Zordon went down and the Megazord was destroyed?"
(Donald Faison) "How did I miss that episode? Oh, right. I was making love to a woman."
(Zach Braff) "Power Rangers ho."

(Donald Faison) "Dude, with Danni you just gotta keep your eyes on the prize. Focus in on how great it is to be single. Chasing tail. Hell, I miss it every day."
(Judy Reyes) "Oh, you don't care if you ever have sex again, do you?"

(Donald Faison) "This guy needs brain work, this guy needs a heart --"
(Zach Braff) "This one needs courage."
(Donald Faison) "Helping or hurting, JD? Helping or hurting?"

(Donald Faison) "I love large groups of white people eating pollen."

(Donald Faison) "It sounds like you're asking me out on a man date."
(Zach Braff) "Turk, why are you so afraid of loving me?"

(Donald Faison) "Let's put Rowdy on top of the TV and see which one of us can throw a hat on him first."

(Donald Faison) "Dr. Kelso, how is it that you had an ambulance take you to your dinner reservation last night just so you didn't lose it?"
(Ken Jenkins) "How do you know that?"
(Donald Faison) "Because I'm the homeboy you screamed at to get my ghetto-mobile of the road."

Judy Reyes as Carla

(Judy Reyes) "Why is there a pancake in the silverware drawer?"
(Donald Faison) "I think you mean, why is there silverware in the pancake drawer? Wus'UP"

(Judy Reyes) "So how far over the creek did you make it?"
(Zach Braff) "I don't know the exact distance in terms of feet and inches but in my own terms I would have to say -- about half way."
(Dr. Cox) "Don't stop paddling, Amy. You are sure in for the Little Girl X-Games."

(Judy Reyes) "You know what your problem is?"
(Dr. Cox) "There are times when I put myself into situ --"
(Judy Reyes) "Oh my god, who answers that question? You see, that is your problem. You think you have the answers to everything, but instead you end up throwing gas on the fire, and everyone else has to pay the consequences."
(Dr. Cox) "That's almost exactly what I was going to say."

(Judy Reyes) "What are you guys talking about?"
(Donald Faison) "Nothing, guy talk."
(Zach Braff) "Bitches and Hoes."

(Judy Reyes) "Well?"
(Dr. Cox) "I'm sorry, would you please repeat the question?"
(Judy Reyes) "Are you just gonna roll over like that?"
(Jordan) "That's weird, I asked him the same thing last night."
(Judy Reyes) "Where's the outrage? The anger? The hate?"
(Jordan) "Again, last night."
(Judy Reyes) "You've gone soft."
(Jordan) "Okay, now it's getting spooky."

(Judy Reyes) "Who put my stapler on the floor?"
(Todd) "Thong."
(Todd) "Face five. Oh, yeah."

(Judy Reyes) "How you doing?"
(Sarah Chalke) "I'm exhausted. I mean, I'm just one person. At least Turk has you to pick up the slack when it gets too bad."
(Judy Reyes) "You'd think so."
(Judy Reyes) "Aren't you gonna answer that?"
(Sarah Chalke) "Nah, that's just Todd. He keeps calling me and asking if I want to move into his pants."

(Judy Reyes) "Dr Cox -- why is your mouth red?"
(Dr. Cox) "Duct tape, two hours in a morgue drawer, don't piss off the janitor. End of story."

(Dr. Cox) "Uh, Carla. Carla, have you, uh, have you seen Newbie?"
(Judy Reyes) "Oh, he got off your leash?"
(Dr. Cox) "Give me a break. The kid's like -- he's like a -- have you ever seen a drunk baby?"
(Dr. Cox) "Eh, it's a long story involving my son, a rum cake, and a low counter. Suffice to say, it turns out that, at first, it's -- it's endearing to watch them bounce off of the walls, but man -- you take your eyes off them for one second --"

(Judy Reyes) "Christopher."
(Donald Faison) "Christopher? You only call me Christopher when you're mad or when we're having sex -- Baby, are you mad when we're having sex?"
(Judy Reyes) "Sometimes."

(Judy Reyes) "You can deny you like her all you want. But, I know for a fact, that every time you guys are done playing racquetball or having a conversation or whatever it is you crazy kids are calling it, you like nothing more than to just lie next to Jordan and watch her sleep."
(Dr. Cox) "It would be impossible for me to lie next to Jordan. She sleeps hanging from a ramp in the ceiling, wrapped in a cocoon of her own wings."

(Dr. Cox) "The man's 92 years old, he has full dementia, he doesn't even know we're here. He is inches from Carla's rack and he hasn't even flinched."
(Judy Reyes) "Aw, that is so sweet."
(Dr. Cox) "Yeah, it is --"
(Zach Braff) "What about his subconscious?"
(Dr. Cox) "Eisenhower -- was a sissy."
(Dr. Cox) "I think, by the grace of God, we're gonna be okay. Oh, and from now on, whenever I'm in the room, you're definitely not allowed to talk."

(Judy Reyes) "You have no chance of being normal."

(Judy Reyes) "Elliot -- Have you been in the supply closet, crying?"
(Sarah Chalke) "Carla, I don't do that anymore."
(Sarah Chalke) "Oh, my God. I look like Alice Cooper."

Eliza Coupe as Dan

(Dr. Cox) "You're still here? I thought you'd be gone off continuing on what ever wayward journey your on."
(Eliza Coupe) "I just wanted to say a few things to you, Perry. I've never been much of a good example to my brother -- Johnny will never look up to me, but when I see you two together he hangs on every word you say as if it's his entire world. If you ever let him down you'll answer to me."

(Eliza Coupe) "Did somebody here buzz for a nurse?"
(Sarah Chalke) "No."
(Eliza Coupe) "It looks like his eyes are screaming --"

Kerry Bishé as Bonnie

(Kerry Bishé) "I think you've got yourself a Christmas card right there."
(Jordan) "Yeah, you're funny. Look, I don't understand why you refuse to put on a hospital gown?"
(Kerry Bishé) "Because I don't like people to see my bum."
(Jordan) "So wear underwear."
(Kerry Bishé) "You know how I feel about underwear."
(Jordan) "Every girl who came to our house in the mid-eighties knows how you feel about underwear."
(Kerry Bishé) "The sweatpants years."
(Zach Braff) "I don't like that much freedom down there. It makes me tingle in my giblets."

(Kerry Bishé) "We're so lost."
(Donald Faison) "We're not lost."
(Kerry Bishé) "Go left, here."
(Donald Faison) "It's a right."
(Kerry Bishé) "You passed his Cooper's ligament three times already. Just stop and ask for directions."
(Donald Faison) "Do you want to drive this thing? 'Cause I will pull; I will pull this thing over and let you drive this thing."

(Kerry Bishé) "Hey, JD, my sister, Danni, is more of a gentle kisser, don't you think? But I find that Jordan is a little bit more on the lines of teeth and tongue and fangs."

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