Semi-Pro Quotes

Semi-Pro is a TV show that first aired in 1970 . Semi-Pro ended its run in 1970.

It features Jimmy Miller as producer, Theodore Shapiro (composer) in charge of musical score, and Shane Hurlbut as head of cinematography.

Semi-Pro is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Semi-Pro is 92 minutes long. Semi-Pro is distributed by New Line Cinema.

The cast includes: Will Ferrell as Jackie Moon, Andrew Daly as Dick Pepperfield, Will Arnett as Lou Redwood, Tim Meadows as Cornelius Banks, Andy Richter as Bobby Dee, Pat Kilbane as Petrelli, DeRay Davis as Bee Bee Ellis, Woody Harrelson as Monix, Peter Cornell as Vakidis, and Maura Tierney as Lynn.

Semi-Pro Quotes

Will Ferrell as Jackie Moon

• (Will Ferrell) "There'll be a lotta television cameras out there so we just gotta be tip top."
• (Clarence 'Coffee' Black) "So what's the plan?"
• (Will Ferrell) "Brought a secret weapon. It's going to make us look extra cool on Tv."
• (DeRay Davis) "What the hell is that?"
• (Will Ferrell) "It's eyeliner dummy. Now who's first? Monix?"
• (Woody Harrelson) "Oh yeah -- Let me get a fresh Maxi-Pad outta my purse."

• (Will Ferrell) "It's like Titanic with bears."

• (Will Ferrell) "Everybody panic. Oh my God, there's a bear loose in the coliseum. There will be no refunds. Your refund will be escaping this deathtrap with your life. If you have a small child, use it as a shield. They love the tender meat. Cover your sodas. Dewie loves sugar."

• (Will Ferrell) "Damnit, Vakidis. Learn f***ing English."

• (Will Ferrell) "In the anals of history people are going to be talking about three things: the discovery of fire, invention of the submarine, and the Flint, Michigan Mega Bowl."

• (Will Ferrell) "It feels like I got cat piss in my eyes."

• (Will Ferrell) "Cock sandwich, that hurts."

• (Will Ferrell) "Everyone can eat s***. A big bag of s***."

• (Will Ferrell) "f*** you Clarence. Spumoni."

• (Will Ferrell) "Everybody panic. It's just like the Titanic but it's full of bears."

• (Will Ferrell) "I'm so excited I can't feel my arms."

• (Will Ferrell) "Use small children as shields, bears like soft tender meat."

• (Will Ferrell) "If you see a possum, try to kill it. It's not a pet."

• (Will Ferrell) "Suck my cock. I'll murder your family."

• (Will Ferrell) "I wish you were still a washing machine."

• (Will Ferrell) "I'll burn your house down."

• (Will Ferrell) "No refunds, consider your refund escaping this death trap with your lives."

• (Will Ferrell) "Crazy fists. I'm coming in with crazy fists."

• (Will Ferrell) "Oh f*** that s***. Spumoni."

Tim Meadows as Cornelius Banks

• (Tim Meadows) "You were never in 'Nam, you jive turkey."
• (Will Arnett) "Did you just call me a jive turkey?"
• (Will Ferrell) "No. No, he did not, he uh -- he called you cocksucker. Right Cornelius?"
• (Tim Meadows) "Yeah, I just called you cocksucker."
• (Will Arnett) "Pretty sure you called me a jive turkey."
• (Andrew Daly) "No, no, now Lou, nobody called anyone a J.T."
• (Will Arnett) "Jive turkey is a little over the line, my man."
• (Will Ferrell) "Look. We were all here, we all heard what was said, and we're in agreement, Cornelius said cocksucker. Right?"
• (Andy Richter) "He just said you suck cock."
• (Andrew Daly) "That's all he said about you."
• (Will Ferrell) "Come on. Dig into that fondue -- little cocksucker."
• (Will Arnett) "We like playing games, don't we?"
• (Will Ferrell) "It's true, we're playing one right now."
• (Will Arnett) "I'm gonna show you guys this game I learned when I was in f***IN' NAM."
• (Will Arnett) "Who's the jive turkey now?"

Andrew Daly as Dick Pepperfield

• (Andrew Daly) "Lou, would you mind putting out that cigarette? It's very unprofessional."
• (Will Arnett) "No. I like to smoke when I drink."

• (Andrew Daly) "Jackie's teammates doing just an awful job of stabilizing his spine off the court."

• (Andrew Daly) "Well, we've got an especially dirty hippy here down on the court trying to sink an impossible shot."

• (Andrew Daly) "Here comes the Alley -- and there goes the Oop."

Will Arnett as Lou Redwood

• (Will Arnett) "Jackie Moon is Flint's favorite son. And he has done more for this city than any human being who's ever lived on this planet."
• (Andrew Daly) "With the possible exception of eh, Henry Ford -- Jackie Moon has done a lot for this city, you're right about that."

Maura Tierney as Lynn

• (Maura Tierney) "You think I've forgotten that you cheated on me twice?"
• (Woody Harrelson) "I only cheated on you once. There just had to be two women."

Woody Harrelson as Monix

• (Woody Harrelson) "Vakidis, open the window will ya?"
• (Peter Cornell) "Yes, right on."
• (Woody Harrelson) "Did you give Bobby Dee a handjob?"
• (Peter Cornell) "Yes, right on."

Pat Kilbane as Petrelli

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