Shrek Quotes

Shrek is a television program that debuted in 1970 . Shrek stopped airing in 1970.

It features Aron Warner; John H. Williams; Jeffrey Katzenberg as producer, and Harry Gregson-Williams; John Powell in charge of musical score.

Shrek is distributed by DreamWorks.

The cast includes: John Lithgow as Lord Farquaad, Mike Myers as Shrek, Eddie Murphy as Donkey, Cameron Diaz as Princess Fiona, Cody Cameron as Pinocchio, Conrad Vernon as Gingerbread Man, Vincent Cassel as Monsieur Hood, Aron Warner as Big Bad Wolf, and Kathleen Freeman as Old Woman.

Shrek Quotes

Mike Myers as Shrek

• (Mike Myers) "-- and that one, that's Throwback, the only ogre to spit over three wheat fields."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Okay, I see it. Hey, Shrek, can you tell my future from these stars?"
• (Mike Myers) "Well, the stars don't tell the future, Donkey, they tell stories. That one is Bloodnok, the Flatulent. You can guess what HE's famous for --"
• (Eddie Murphy) "Okay, now I know you're making that up."
• (Mike Myers) "No. See, that's him, and this is the group of hunters running away from his stench."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Man, that ain't nothing but a bunch of little dots."
• (Mike Myers) "You know, Donkey, things are more than what they seem, hmm? -- Forget it."

• (Mike Myers) "All right, you're going the right way for a smacked bottom."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Sorry 'bout that."

• (Mike Myers) "Listen, little donkey, take a look at me. What am I?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "Ah -- really tall?"
• (Mike Myers) "No. I'm an OGRE. You know, "grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "Nope."
• (Mike Myers) "Really?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "Really, really."
• (Mike Myers) "Oh."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Man, I like you. What's your name?"
• (Mike Myers) "Er -- Shrek."

• (Mike Myers) "That'll do, Donkey. That'll do."

• (Mike Myers) "Sure, it's big enough -- but look at the location."

• (The Donkey) "So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?"
• (Mike Myers) "Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying."
• (The Donkey) "Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there?"
• (Mike Myers) "That's the moon."
• (The Donkey) "Oh, okay."

• (Unnamed) "I found some cheese."
• (Mike Myers) "Ow."
• (Unnamed) "Ugh. Awful stuff."

• (Mike Myers) "Thank you, thank you very much. I'm here 'til Thursday. Try the veal."

• (Mike Myers) "That must be Lord Farquaad's castle -- Do you think he's maybe compensating for something?"

• (Captain of Guards) "You there. Ogre."
• (Mike Myers) "Aye?"
• (Captain of Guards) "By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement; facility."
• (Mike Myers) "Oh, really? You and what army?"

• (Mike Myers) "For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Example?"
• (Mike Myers) "Example -- uh -- ogres are like onions."
• (Eddie Murphy) "They stink?"
• (Mike Myers) "Yes -- No."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Oh, they make you cry?"
• (Mike Myers) "No."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Oh, you leave 'em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs --"
• (Mike Myers) "NO. Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers -- You get it? We both have layers."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Oh, you both have LAYERS. Oh. You know, not everybody like onions. CAKE. Everybody loves cake. Cakes have layers."
• (Mike Myers) "I don't care what everyone likes. Ogres are not like cakes."
• (Eddie Murphy) "You know what ELSE everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait."? Parfaits are delicious."
• (Mike Myers) "NO. You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden. Ogres are like onions. End of story. Bye-bye. See ya later."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Parfait's may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet."

• (Mike Myers) "Um -- Fiona?"
• (Cameron Diaz) "Yes, Shrek?"
• (Mike Myers) "I -- I love you."
• (Cameron Diaz) "Really?"
• (Mike Myers) "Really, really."
• (Cameron Diaz) "Mmmm -- I love you too."

• (Mike Myers) "WHY are you following me?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "Oh, I'll tell you why."
• (Eddie Murphy) "'Cause I'm all alone / There's no one here beside me / My problems have all gone / There's no one to deride me. / But ya gotta have friends --"
• (Mike Myers) "STOP SINGING. Well, it's no wonder you don't have any friends."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Wow. Only a TRUE friend would be that cruelly honest."

• (Mike Myers) "Back off."
• (Eddie Murphy) "YOU back off."
• (Mike Myers) "This is MY swamp."
• (Eddie Murphy) "OUR swamp."
• (Mike Myers) "Let go, Donkey."
• (Eddie Murphy) "YOU let go."
• (Mike Myers) "Stubborn jackass."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Smelly ogre."
• (Mike Myers) "-- Fine."

• (Mike Myers) "Hey, that's my princess. Go find your own."

• (Mike Myers) "Princess, I was SENT to rescue you by Lord Farquad, okay? HE's the one that wants to marry you."
• (Cameron Diaz) "Well, why didn't he come to rescue me?"
• (Mike Myers) "Good question. You can ask him that when we get there --"
• (Cameron Diaz) "But I'm supposed to be rescued by my true love, not by some ogre a-a-and his PET."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Well, so much for noble steed."
• (Mike Myers) "Look, Princess, you're not making my job any easier --"
• (Cameron Diaz) "Well, I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You tell Lord "Far-Quad" that if he wants to rescue me PROPERLY, I'll be waiting for him right here."
• (Mike Myers) "Hey. I'm nobody's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy."
• (Cameron Diaz) "You wouldn't dare --."
• (Mike Myers) "You coming, Donkey?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "Yeah, I'm right behind you."

• (Mike Myers) "Fiona? Are you all right?"
• (Cameron Diaz) "Yes. But, I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful."
• (Mike Myers) "But you are beautiful."
• (Eddie Murphy) "I was hoping this would be a happy ending --"

• (Mike Myers) "Well, at least we know where the Princess is. But where's the?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "DRAGON."

• (Mike Myers) "Oh, no no no no. Dead broad OFF the table."
• (Unnamed) "Well, where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken."
• (Mike Myers) "Huh?"
• (Aron Warner) "What?"

• (Mike Myers) "Go over there and see if you can find any stairs."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the Princess."
• (Mike Myers) "The Princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower."
• (Eddie Murphy) "How do you know that?"
• (Mike Myers) "I read it in a book once."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Cool. You handle the dragon, I'll handle the stairs."

• (Unnamed) "There's his lair -- let's get him."
• (Unnamed) "Do you know what that thing could do? It'll grind your bones for its bread."
• (Mike Myers) "Well, actually, that would be a giant. Now ogres, oh, they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin; they'll shave your liver; squeeze the jelly from your eyes. Actually, it's quite good on toast."
• (Unnamed) "BACK. Back, ya beast. Back. I warn ya."
• (Unnamed) "Right."
• (Mike Myers) "This is the part where you run away."
• (Mike Myers) "And stay out."

• (Mike Myers) "If I treat you so badly, then why did you come back, huh?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "Because that's what friends do, they FORGIVE EACH OTHER."
• (Mike Myers) "Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you; for stabbing me in the back."

• (Mike Myers) "I already told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone. MY swamp. ME. Nobody else, understand? NOBODY. Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, TALKING DONKEYS."
• (Eddie Murphy) "But -- I thought --"
• (Mike Myers) "Yeah, well, you know what? You thought wrong."

• (The Donkey) "Shrek."
• (Mike Myers) "What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say."
• (The Donkey) "But that's no way to behave in front of a princess."
• (Cameron Diaz) "Thanks."
• (The Donkey) "She's as nasty as you are."

• (Mike Myers) "Donkey, two things okay? Shut -- up."

Eddie Murphy as Donkey

• (Eddie Murphy) "Hey, don't look at me, I didn't invite them."
• (Cody Cameron) "Oh, gosh, no one invited us."
• (Mike Myers) "What?"
• (Cody Cameron) "We were forced to come here."
• (Mike Myers) "By who?"
• (Little Pig) "Lord Farquaad. He huffed, and he puffed -- and he signed an eviction notice."

• (Eddie Murphy) "Hi, Princess."
• (Cameron Diaz) "It talks."
• (Mike Myers) "Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick."

• (Eddie Murphy) "Hey, look at this."
• (Clockwork Chorus) "Welcome to Duloc, such a perfect town / Here we have some rules, let us lay them down: / Don't make waves, stay in line / And we'll get along fine / Duloc is a perfect place."
• (Clockwork Chorus) "Please keep off of the grass / Shine your shoes, wipe your -- FACE. / Duloc is, Duloc is / Duloc is a perfect -- place."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Wow. Let's do that again."
• (Mike Myers) "No. No, no no no. No."

• (Eddie Murphy) "So where is this fire-breathin' pain in the neck, anyway?"
• (Mike Myers) "Inside, waiting for us to rescue her."
• (Eddie Murphy) "I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek."

• (Eddie Murphy) "-- And then one time I ate some rotten berries. Man, there were some strong gases seepin' outta my butt that day."

• (Eddie Murphy) "All right, nobody move. I've got a dragon and I'm not afraid to use it. I'm a donkey on the edge."

• (Eddie Murphy) "Whoa. Look at that. Who'd wanna live in a place like that?"
• (Mike Myers) "That, would be my home."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Oh -- and it is LOVELY. You know, you're really quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a NICE boulder."

• (Eddie Murphy) "Shrek, remember when you said that ogres have layers?"
• (Mike Myers) "Oh, aye?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "Well, I have a bit of a confession to make: donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right there on our sleeves."
• (Mike Myers) "Wait a second, donkeys don't have sleeves."
• (Eddie Murphy) "You know what I mean."
• (Mike Myers) "Oh, you can't tell me you're afraid of heights?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "No, I'm just uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling lake of lava."

• (Eddie Murphy) "Huh, celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "Good evening, people."

• (Eddie Murphy) "I don't get it, Shrek. Why didn't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? You know, throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grind his bones to make your bread? You know, the whole ogre trip."
• (Mike Myers) "Oh, I know. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village, put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleens and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "Uh -- no, not really, no."

• (Eddie Murphy) "Mother Fletcher, he already said it."
• (Mike Myers) "Oh, for the love of Pete."

• (Captain of Guards) "He can talk."
• (Eddie Murphy) "That's right, fool. Now I'm a flying talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkeyfly. Ha, ha."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Uh-oh."

• (Eddie Murphy) "Okay, so here's another question: Say there's a woman who digs you, right, but you really don't like her THAT quick; now how do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? How do you do that?"
• (Cameron Diaz) "Just tell her she's not your true love."

• (Eddie Murphy) "We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I'm making waffles."

• (Eddie Murphy) "Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Man, this would be so much easier if I wasn't COLOR-BLIND."

• (Eddie Murphy) "Princess? -- You look -- uh -- different."
• (Cameron Diaz) "I'm UGLY. Okay?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "Yeah. What was it, something you ate? I told Shrek those weedrats were a bad idea."
• (Cameron Diaz) "No. it's -- it's been this way as long as I can remember."
• (Eddie Murphy) "What d'you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before."
• (Cameron Diaz) "It only happens when the sun goes down."
• (Cameron Diaz) ""By night one way, by day another / Thus shall be the norm / Till you receive true love's kiss / then, take love's true form.""
• (Eddie Murphy) "Oh, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry."
• (Cameron Diaz) "It's a spell. When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this, this horrible ugly beast. I was placed in the tower to await the day when my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad before the sun sets, and he sees me -- like this."
• (Eddie Murphy) "All right, all right, calm down. It's not so bad. You're not that ugly -- well, you are. I ain't gonna lie, you ARE ugly. But you only look like this at night, Shrek's ugly 24/7."
• (Cameron Diaz) "But Donkey, I'm a princess. And this is not how a princess is supposed to look."
• (Eddie Murphy) "How about you don't marry Farquaad?"
• (Cameron Diaz) "I have to. Only the true love's kiss can break the spell."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Well, you're kind of an ogre. And you and Shrek, well, you got a lot in common."
• (Cameron Diaz) "Shrek?"

• (Eddie Murphy) "Don't look down, don't look down, don't look down, keep on moving, don't look down --"
• (Eddie Murphy) "Shrek, I'm looking down."

• (Eddie Murphy) "I just know, before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'."

• (Eddie Murphy) "Shrek. Hold up, Shrek. You got to wait for the line."
• (Mike Myers) "What are you talking about?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "The line, the line you gotta wait for: the priest's gonna say "Speak now or forever hold your piece", and you rush in and say "I object.""
• (Mike Myers) "I don't have time for all that."
• (Eddie Murphy) "You love this woman, don't ya?"
• (Mike Myers) "Yes."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Do you wanna hold her?"
• (Mike Myers) "Yes."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Please her?"
• (Mike Myers) "YES."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Then ya gotta, gotta try a little TENDERNESS. Chicks love that romantic crap."
• (Mike Myers) "All right, cut it out. When does this guy say the line?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "-- We gotta check that out."

• (Eddie Murphy) "I guess you don't, uh -- entertain much."
• (Mike Myers) "I like my privacy."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Y'know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. I hate it when you've got someone in your face, you try to give someone a hint and they won't leave, and then there's that big awkward silence --"
• (Eddie Murphy) "-- Can I stay with you?"
• (Mike Myers) "What?"
• (Eddie Murphy) "Can I stay with you? Please?"
• (Mike Myers) "Of course."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Really?"
• (Mike Myers) "No."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Please. I don't wanna go back there, you don't know what it's like to be treated as a freak --. Well, maybe you do -- but that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay. Please. PLEASE."

• (Eddie Murphy) "Whoa, Shrek, did you do that? Man, you gotta warn somebody before you crack one like that, my mouth was open and everything."
• (Mike Myers) "Donkey, if that was me, you'd be dead."
• (Mike Myers) "That's brimstone -- we must be getting close."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about no brimstone. I know what I smelled, it wasn't no brim and it didn't come off no stone neither --"

• (Eddie Murphy) "Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. I can't breathe. I can't breathe."

Cameron Diaz as Princess Fiona

• (Cameron Diaz) "Fare thee well, ogre."

• (Cameron Diaz) "The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight."
• (Mike Myers) "Uh, no --"
• (Cameron Diaz) "Why not?"
• (Mike Myers) "I -- have helmet hair."
• (Cameron Diaz) "Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer."
• (Mike Myers) "Oh, no, you wouldn't -- tst."
• (Cameron Diaz) "But -- how will you kiss me?"
• (Mike Myers) "What? That wasn't in the job description."
• (The Donkey) "Maybe it's a perk."
• (Cameron Diaz) "No, it's destiny. You must know how it goes. The Knight rescues the Princess, and then they share true love's first kiss --"
• (The Donkey) "With Shrek? Whoa, whoa, whoa -- you think, you think that Shrek is your true love?"
• (Cameron Diaz) "Well, yes."
• (Cameron Diaz) "What is so funny?"
• (Mike Myers) "Let's just say, I'm not your type, all right?"

• (Cameron Diaz) "Well, when one lives alone, one has to learns these things in case there's --"
• (Cameron Diaz) "There's an arrow in your butt."
• (Mike Myers) "What?"
• (Mike Myers) "Oh, would you look at that?"

• (Cameron Diaz) "The sooner we get to Duloc, the better."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Oh, you gonna love it there, Princess, it's beautiful."
• (Cameron Diaz) "And my groom-to-be Lord Farquaad, what's he like?"
• (Mike Myers) "Well, let me put it this way, Princess: men of his stature are in SHORT supply."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Yeah. Though there are those who think LITTLE of him."

• (Cameron Diaz) "What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed."
• (Mike Myers) "You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?"
• (Cameron Diaz) "Mmmh-hmm"

• (Cameron Diaz) "You didn't slay the dragon?"
• (Mike Myers) "It's on my to-do list, now come on."
• (Cameron Diaz) "But this isn't right. You're meant to charge in, sword drawn, banners flying. That's what all the other knights did."
• (Mike Myers) "Yeah, right before they burst into flame."
• (Cameron Diaz) "That's not the point --."

• (Cameron Diaz) "Shouldn't we stop to make camp?"
• (Mike Myers) "No, that'll take longer. We can keep going."
• (Cameron Diaz) "But, there's -- ROBBERS, in the woods."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Whoa. Time out, Shrek. Camp is definitely starting to sound good."
• (Mike Myers) "Hey, come on, I'm scarier than anything we're gonna meet in this forest --"
• (Cameron Diaz) "Find me somewhere to make camp NOW."

• (Cameron Diaz) "Oh --. oh, this is all my fault --"
• (Eddie Murphy) "Why, what's wrong?"
• (Cameron Diaz) "Shrek's hurt."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Shrek's hurt? Shrek's HURT? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die."
• (Mike Myers) "Donkey, I'm okay."
• (Eddie Murphy) "You can't do this to me, Shrek, I'm too young for you to die. Keep your feet elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anybody know the Heimlich?"
• (Cameron Diaz) "Donkey, calm down. If you want to help Shrek, go into the forest and look for a blue flower with red thorns."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I got it. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die, Shrek, and if you see any long tunnels, stay away from the light."
• (Mike Myers) "DONKEY."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Okay, okay. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns."
• (Mike Myers) "What're the flowers for?"
• (Cameron Diaz) "For getting rid of Donkey."

• (Cameron Diaz) "Mmmm -- This is good -- mmm -- this is really good -- what is it?"
• (Mike Myers) "A weed rat, cooked rotisserie style."
• (Cameron Diaz) "No kidding -- Oh, this is delicious."
• (Mike Myers) "Well, they're also great in stews. Now I don't mean to brag, but I make a MEAN weedrat stew."
• (Cameron Diaz) "I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night --"
• (Mike Myers) "Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime -- I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you: swamp toad soup, fish-eye tartar, you name it."
• (Cameron Diaz) "I'd like that --"
• (Mike Myers) "Um -- Princess?"
• (Cameron Diaz) "Yes -- Shrek?"
• (Mike Myers) "I -- um -- I was wondering -- are you -- um -- are you going to eat that?"

• (The Donkey) "Wait a minute, I know what's going on. You're afraid of the dark."
• (Cameron Diaz) "Why -- yes."
• (The Donkey) "Don't worry, princess. I used to be afraid of the dark until -- No, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark."

• (Cameron Diaz) "I wanted to show you before --"
• (Mike Myers) "Well -- er -- THAT explains a lot."
• (John Lithgow) "It's disgusting."

• (Cameron Diaz) "You're an ogre --"
• (Mike Myers) "Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming?"
• (Cameron Diaz) "Well, yes, actually. Oh -- this is wrong. This is all wrong. It's not supposed to be an ogre."

• (Cameron Diaz) "Where are you going? The exit's over there."
• (Mike Myers) "Well, I have to save my ass."
• (Cameron Diaz) "What kind of knight ARE you?"
• (Mike Myers) "One of a kind."

• (Cameron Diaz) "Donkey, shh, shh. It's me -- in this body."
• (Eddie Murphy) "Oh, my God, you ate the princess."

John Lithgow as Lord Farquaad

• (John Lithgow) "The winner of this tournament; no, no, the privilege; will have the honour of rescuing the beautiful Princess Fiona from the fiery pit of that dragon. Should the winner fail to return, the runner-up shall take his place, and so on and so forth -- Some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make."

• (John Lithgow) "Mirror, mirror, on the wall / Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?"
• (Magic Mirror) "Well, technically, you're not a king."
• (John Lithgow) "Ah, Thelonius?"
• (John Lithgow) "You were saying?"
• (Magic Mirror) "Er, I mean you're not a king YET. But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess --"
• (John Lithgow) "Go on --"

• (John Lithgow) "Now really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?"

• (John Lithgow) "What's that? It's hideous."
• (Mike Myers) "Well, that's not very nice."
• (Mike Myers) "It's just a donkey."

• (John Lithgow) "I will have order. I will have perfection. I will have --"

• (John Lithgow) "Princess Fiona -- she's perfect."

• (John Lithgow) "That's enough. He's ready to talk."

• (Captain of Guards) "Shall I give the order, my Lord?"
• (John Lithgow) "No. I have a better idea --"

Kathleen Freeman as Old Woman

• (Kathleen Freeman) "The chair. Give him the chair."

• (Captain of Guards) "What have you got?"
• (Kathleen Freeman) "Well, I have a talking donkey."
• (Captain of Guards) "Really? Well, that's good for ten shillings -- if you can prove it."
• (Kathleen Freeman) "Go ahead, little fella."
• (Captain of Guards) "Well?"
• (Kathleen Freeman) "He's just a little nervous. He's really quite the chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt --"
• (Captain of Guards) "That's it, I've heard enough. Guards?"
• (Kathleen Freeman) "No, no. He talks. He does --"
• (Kathleen Freeman) "I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw."
• (Captain of Guards) "Get her out of my sight."

Conrad Vernon as Gingerbread Man

• (Conrad Vernon) "God bless us, everyone."

Cody Cameron as Pinocchio

• (Cody Cameron) "I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy."
• (Captain of Guards) "Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away."

Vincent Cassel as Monsieur Hood

• (Unnamed) "Ta da, da da da da; whoo."
• (Vincent Cassel) "I steal from the rich and give to the needy --"
• (Merry Man) "He takes a wee percentage --"
• (Vincent Cassel) "But I'm not greedy; I rescue pretty damsels, man I'm good."
• (Unnamed) "What a guy, ha ha, Monsieur Hood."
• (Vincent Cassel) "Break it down --"
• (Vincent Cassel) "I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid --"
• (Unnamed) "What he's basically saying is he likes to get --"
• (Vincent Cassel) "Paid."
• (Vincent Cassel) "So, when an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush, that's bad."
• (Merry Man) "That's bad, that's bad, that's bad."
• (Vincent Cassel) "When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad."
• (Unnamed) "He's mad, he's really, really mad."
• (Vincent Cassel) "Now I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart Keep your eyes on me, boys, 'Cause I'm about to start --"
• (Cameron Diaz) "Man, that was annoying."

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