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Speed Zone Quotes

Speed Zone is a television show that debuted in 1970 . Speed Zone completed its run in 1970.

It features Murray Shostak as producer, David Wheatley in charge of musical score, and Michael Condro as head of cinematography.

Each episode of Speed Zone is 90 minutes long. Speed Zone is distributed by Orion Pictures.

The cast includes: Peter Boyle as Police Chief Spiro T. Edsel, Joe Flaherty as Vic DeRubis, Matt Frewer as Alec Stewart, Mimi Kuzyk as Both, Eugene Levy as Leo Ross, Donna Dixon as Tiffany, John Candy as Charlie Cronin, Matt Frewer as Alec, Louis Del Grande as Mr. Benson, Shari Belafonte as Margaret, Harvey Atkin as Gus Gold, Melody Anderson as Lea Roberts, Art Hindle as Flash, Brian George as Valentino Rosatti, Tom Smothers as Randolph van Sloan, Dick Smothers as Nelson van Sloan, Mimi Kuzyk as Heather Scott, and Tim Matheson as Jack O'Neill.

Speed Zone Quotes

Shari Belafonte as Margaret

  • (Shari Belafonte) "That's strange. That only happens when there's cops around. Say, sugar, whatcha got under there?"
  • (Harvey Atkin) "Nothing."
  • (Melody Anderson) "You're right about that."
  • (Shari Belafonte) "Oh, Todd."
  • (Melody Anderson) "You know him?"
  • (Shari Belafonte) "No, but one them's always named Todd."

Joe Flaherty as Vic DeRubis

  • (Joe Flaherty) "Get in the car, Alec."
  • (Matt Frewer) "What?"
  • (Joe Flaherty) "Get in the car, Alec. I'm gonna drive."
  • (Matt Frewer) "Vic, you turn that frown upside-down right now."
  • (Joe Flaherty) "I'll turn YOU upside-down right now."
  • (Joe Flaherty) "Open it, Alec. There ain't no race, so I gotta kill you."
  • (Matt Frewer) "I can't let you do it, Vic. You'll hate yourself in the morning."
  • (Joe Flaherty) "Alec?"
  • (Matt Frewer) "Did you talk to Big Wally?"
  • (Joe Flaherty) "Yeah, yeah. I told him you got away on me. He was very -- unhappy."
  • (Matt Frewer) "Trust me. It's the BRIGHTEST move you ever made."
  • (Joe Flaherty) "Yeah, well, meanwhile, my reputation as an enforcer has been permanently -- soiled."
  • (Matt Frewer) "But when we win, you just say you caught up with me and I gave you the 50 grand, then we SPLIT the other 50 grand and everyones happy."
  • (Joe Flaherty) "Right. Hey. (Grabs Alec) WAIT A MINUTE. The deal is: I get 35, YOU get 15."
  • (Matt Frewer) "Isn't that what I said?"
  • (Joe Flaherty) "You just said we'd split it."
  • (Matt Frewer) "But I didn't say we'd split it EVENLY. YOU get 15, and I get 35."
  • (Mimi Kuzyk) "Right."
  • (Joe Flaherty) "And if we don't win?"
  • (Matt Frewer) "Then you kill me."

Art Hindle as Flash

  • (Art Hindle) "Move over."
  • (Brian George) "Huh?"
  • (Art Hindle) "Move over."
  • (Brian George) "Please, mister, it's not my fault. My brother Donato, he make me do this. Please, sir. Don't put me in jail with the Manson family."
  • (Art Hindle) "Get your seatbelt on and put your hands on the dashboard. Come on. We've got some catching up to do."

Peter Boyle as Police Chief Spiro T. Edsel

  • (Peter Boyle) "Whoever it is with that signal mirror, I want his badge number. I'll personally crack that signal mirror over his head."
  • (Peter Boyle) "Use unnecessary force, if necessary."

Melody Anderson as Lea Roberts

  • (Melody Anderson) "Okay, baby, let's go to work."
  • (Shari Belafonte) "How about we start with a few green lights?"
  • (Shari Belafonte) "Time to separate the men from the girls."

Eugene Levy as Leo Ross

  • (Eugene Levy) "Tiffany, sweetie. You remember Charlie, our driver?"
  • (Donna Dixon) "Hello again, Mr. Cronin."
  • (John Candy) "Hello. Hello, hello?"
  • (Eugene Levy) "Charlie, you remember Tiffany, don't you?"
  • (John Candy) "Yes. Yes. Oatmeal, I forgot to add the water."

Donna Dixon as Tiffany

  • (Donna Dixon) "You really want to win this thing, don't you?"
  • (John Candy) "Oh, absolutely. I mean winning the Cannonball. That's something you tell your grandkids about."
  • (Donna Dixon) "You're a grandfather? You look so young."
  • (John Candy) "Oh no, I'm not a grandfather yet. I hope to have grandkids someday, but I'm not a grandfather yet."
  • (Donna Dixon) "Oh, I see what you mean. It's nice to have things in your life that are important. But to do the things you want to do, you have to do things you don't want to do."

Mimi Kuzyk as Heather Scott

  • (Mimi Kuzyk) "Jack, what are you doing?"
  • (Tim Matheson) "There's something screwy here. I just know it."
  • (Mimi Kuzyk) "Oh, right. A cop is going to stand in the middle of Armpit, Kansas just to lie to you."

Tom Smothers as Randolph van Sloan

  • (Tom Smothers) "I wonder if they're gonna feed us on this flight."
  • (Unnamed) "I -- do not speak English -- too good."
  • (Tom Smothers) "Francois?"
  • (Unnamed) "Oui, oui. Francais."
  • (Tom Smothers) "Je ne parla -- uh, je ne par -- je ne parl -- no speaka French."
  • (Unnamed) "You would like my penis?"
  • (Tom Smothers) "Hmmm?"
  • (Unnamed) "You would like my penis?"
  • (Tom Smothers) "Uh, I'm on my way to L.A. to meet with my wife and two kids -- uh, three kids. We're gonna have a nice little family reunion."
  • (Unnamed) "You would like my penis?"
  • (Tom Smothers) "Look, I don't have a problem with it. It's just not my thing, alright?"
  • (Unnamed) "You wouldn't like?"
  • (Tom Smothers) "Peanuts. Peanuts. Oh, thank you. Sorry, I thought you were talking about something else."
  • (Tom Smothers) "Uh, what do you think you're doing? What, are you crazy?"
  • (Dick Smothers) "Relax. I've got a brilliant idea."
  • (Tom Smothers) "Yeah, well, so far I don't like it."
  • (Dick Smothers) "So far, you haven't even heard it."
  • (Tom Smothers) "Alright, what is it?"
  • (Dick Smothers) "I'll tell you once we get to the airport."
  • (Tom Smothers) "Airport? What airport?"
  • (Dick Smothers) "The Dulles Airport."
  • (Tom Smothers) "Are we going to Fresno?"
  • (Dick Smothers) "Fresno? Who said anything about Fresno? Did I say anything about Fresno?"
  • (Tom Smothers) "Well, you said the dullest airport and the dullest airport I know of is in Fresno."
  • (Dick Smothers) "I didn't say dullEST. I said Dulles. Dulles. Read my lips."

Matt Frewer as Alec Stewart

  • (Matt Frewer) "So, Vic. What do you think of my idea of writing down the license numbers now?"
  • (Joe Flaherty) "Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a great idea. How many times you gotta bring it up?"
  • (Joe Flaherty) "Uh, the license is as follows: R-I-C-H -- Uh, I think that spells "Rich" -- Kids -- with a "k" -- for "kids"."
  • (Matt Frewer) "Four to one, Vic. The Jag wins."
  • (Joe Flaherty) "Yeah, but we're not in the Jag."
  • (Matt Frewer) "It doesn't matter, Vic. The Jag wins, we win."
  • (Matt Frewer) "But more, much more than this, I did it my way."

Louis Del Grande as Mr. Benson

  • (Louis Del Grande) "What's this? A Volvo? A Volvo. Pass it. Pass it, pass it."
  • (Louis Del Grande) "Why don't you go back to Sweden, ya bunch of yodellers."

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