(Article is below...)

Stardust Memories Quotes

Stardust Memories is a television program that debuted in 1970 . Stardust Memories ended in 1970.

It features Robert Greenhut as producer, and Gordon Willis as head of cinematography.

Stardust Memories is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Stardust Memories is 88 minutes long. Stardust Memories is distributed by United Artists.

The cast includes: Woody Allen as Sandy Bates, John Rothman as Jack, Helen Hanft as Vivian Orkin, Amy Wright as Shelley, Jessica Harper as Daisy, Woody Allen as Sam, Charlotte Rampling as Dorrie, and Woody Allen as Fan.

Stardust Memories Quotes

Woody Allen as Fan

  • (Question Askers-Screening) "Some people have claimed that your films are narcissistic."
  • (Woody Allen) "Yes, many people have said that about me over the years, but I don't think it's true. If I were to say which Greek God I take after, I would definitely not say Narcissus."
  • (Question Askers-Screening) "Who would you say?"
  • (Woody Allen) "Zeus."
  • (Unnamed) "Can I talk to you about an idea for a film I have?"
  • (Woody Allen) "This is not the place."
  • (Unnamed) "Do you have a moment, please? It's a comedy based on that whole Guyana mass suicide."
  • (Woody Allen) "But shouldn't I stop making movies and do something that counts, like-like helping blind people or becoming a missionary or something?"
  • (Voice of Martian) "Let me tell you, you're not the missionary type. You'd never last. And-and incidentally, you're also not Superman; you're a comedian. You want to do mankind a real service? Tell funnier jokes."
  • (Woody Allen) "I gotta give my one classical-music joke which I put in every single picture and I invariably cut it out."
  • (Jessica Harper) "Yeah?"
  • (Woody Allen) "Um; the, eh, uh -- "I don't know much about classic music. For years I thought the Golberg Variations were something Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg tried on their wedding night.""
  • (Woody Allen) "It's funny, because in my family nobody ever committed suicide, nobody -- this was just not a middle-class alternative, you know? I; my mother was too busy running the boiled chicken through the deflavorizing machine to think about shooting herself or anything."
  • (Woody Allen) "It's crazy. The town is jammed. I don't know, is the Pope in town, or some other show business figure?"
  • (Woody Allen) "Are you Sandy Bates?"
  • (Woody Allen) "Uhhh -- no."
  • (Woody Allen) "Yes, you are."
  • (Woody Allen) "No n-n-n-no, I'm not."
  • (Woody Allen) "My mother buys meat in the same butcher shop your mother does."
  • (Woody Allen) "Oh, great."
  • (Woody Allen) "Can I have your autograph?"
  • (Woody Allen) "Oh, jeez."
  • (Woody Allen) "Could you just write: "To Phyllis Weinstein, you unfaithful, lying bitch.""
  • (Woody Allen) "I'm a psychoanalyst. This is my pipe."
  • (Woody Allen) "I had two heart attacks before I got the bicycle."
  • (Woody Allen) "And since then?"
  • (Woody Allen) "I also had two."
  • (Sandy's Sister) "Mom's blind in one eye, deaf in one ear."
  • (Woody Allen) "Oh. I hope the same side of the head, right? Because that's important. So she's even. She should be even at that age."
  • (Woody Allen) "I've had six chauffeurs in two years. You get me drunks, guys who can't understand English, one guy ran over an old lady with me in the car and now this guy's wanted for mail fraud."
  • (Unnamed) "I understand you studied philosophy at school."
  • (Woody Allen) "Uh, no, that's not true. I-I-I did take; I took one course in existential philosophy at, uh, at New York University, and on, uh, on the final -- they gave me ten questions, and, uh, I couldn't answer a single one of 'em. You know? I left 'em all blank -- I got a hundred."
  • (Woody Allen) "You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only-only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert."
  • (Woody Allen) "Oh, what is this? The-the traditional brownies with hash? Is this what you're giving me?"
  • (Amy Wright) "No, no. Look, here's the hash on the side because I didn't know how much you took."
  • (Woody Allen) "How much I took? What is it, hollandaise sauce? What do you mean, how much I took?"

Helen Hanft as Vivian Orkin

  • (Helen Hanft) "Oh, oh. Th-this is my friend Libby. She thinks you're a genius. Libby just did a definitive cinematic study of Gummo Marx. She did."
  • (Dick Lobel) "Interestingly, he's the one Marx brother that never made any movies."

Charlotte Rampling as Dorrie

  • (Charlotte Rampling) "Mmm. You smell nice."
  • (Woody Allen) "Yeah?"
  • (Charlotte Rampling) "That aftershave. It just made my whole childhood come back with a sudden Proustian rush."
  • (Woody Allen) "Yeah? That's 'cause I'm wearing Proustian Rush by Chanel. It's-it's reduced. I got a vat of it."

John Rothman as Jack

  • (John Rothman) "What is it the comedian says when his jokes are going well? "I murdered that audience" -- "I killed 'em" -- "They screamed" -- "I broke 'em up.""
  • (Woody Allen) "Yeah. So-so what are you saying? Are you saying that someone like-like myself or -- or Laurel and Hardy, or-or Bob Hope are furious?"
  • (John Rothman) "Furious or latent homosexual."

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.

Additional Film and TV Quotes

The Love Boat Quotes | It's Christmas in Canada Quotes | Night Stand with Dick Dietrick Quotes | Rumble Fish Quotes | Wild Things (film) Quotes | Macross: Do You Remember Love? Quotes | Love Letter (1995 film) Quotes | Johnson Family Vacation Quotes | World Idol Quotes | The Blue Lamp Quotes | Son of the Beach Quotes | The Kumars at No. 42 Quotes | Win Ben Stein's Money Quotes | Brigham Young (film) Quotes | Sex and Lucia Quotes | Exile (Star Trek: Enterprise) Quotes | This Is Wonderland Quotes | Monk (TV series) Quotes | Cause and Effect (Star Trek: The Next Generation) Quotes | Coming of Age (Star Trek: The Next Generation) Quotes | Stargate Infinity Quotes | Stargate Atlantis Quotes | Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953 film) Quotes | Lancelot du Lac (film) Quotes | One-Eyed Jacks Quotes |