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Stripes (film) Quotes

Stripes (film) is a TV program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Stripes completed its run in 1970.

It features Daniel Goldberg, and Ivan Reitman as producer, Elmer Bernstein in charge of musical score, and Bill Butler (cinematographer) as head of cinematography.

Stripes (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Stripes (film) is 106 minutes long. Stripes (film) is distributed by Columbia Pictures.

The cast includes: Conrad Dunn as Psycho, Bill Murray as John Winger, Harold Ramis as Russell Ziskey, John Diehl as Recruiter, John Larroquette as Captain Stillman, Robert J. Wilke as General Barnicke, John Diehl as Cruiser, Lance LeGault as Class, Lance LeGault as Col. Glass, Judge Reinhold as Elmo, and Sean Young as Louise.

Stripes (film) Quotes

Bill Murray as John Winger

  • (Sergeant Hulka) "I'm talking about something important, like discipline and duty and honor and courage. And you ain't got none of it."
  • (Bill Murray) "Those words mean so much to a man who scrubs garbage cans. Look, if you don't want me in your Army, kick me out, but get off my back."
  • (Sergeant Hulka) "Maybe you'd like to take a swing at me."
  • (Bill Murray) "I 'd like to take a BIG swing at you, sarge."
  • (Sergeant Hulka) "Well, go ahead and give it your best shot."
  • (Bill Murray) "I don't think I want to go to the stockade."
  • (Sergeant Hulka) "I'll take my hat off. There we are, Winger. Ain't no more drill sergeant. It's just you and me, kid, man to man. So go ahead, give it your best shot. Swing at me. Gutless. Punk."
  • (Sergeant Hulka) "I'm willing to forget this little incident. And I want you to think real hard about it. And maybe someday you'll understand what the hell I'm talking about."
  • (Bill Murray) "This might be fun."
  • (Bill Murray) "Tito Puente's gonna be dead, and you're gonna say, "Oh, I've been listening to him for years, and I think he's fabulous.""
  • (Unnamed) "I'm Captain Hollister, Special Operations Group. Who are you?"
  • (Bill Murray) "I'm Major Dodge."
  • (Unnamed) "Captain DeSoto."
  • (Bill Murray) "Pleasure to meet you, Hollister. Heard a lot about you."
  • (Unnamed) "Well, I never heard any of you. And you're not on my roster."
  • (Bill Murray) "That's just the way we like to keep it, Captain. It's double double top-secret."
  • (Unnamed) "Intelligence?"
  • (Bill Murray) "Some."
  • (Sergeant Hulka) "We got a full day ahead of us. We're gonna start out with a five-mile run."
  • (Bill Murray) "I know that I'm speaking for the entire platoon when I say this run should be postponed until this platoon is better rested."
  • (Sergeant Hulka) "Well, I'll tell you what, soldier. Let's make it ten miles."
  • (Bill Murray) "You can't go. All the plants are gonna die."
  • (Bill Murray) ". That's not what I heard."
  • (John Larroquette) "Who said that?"
  • (John Larroquette) "Pick that up. Who said that."
  • (John Larroquette) "Was it you?"
  • (Bill Murray) "I said it."
  • (John Larroquette) "Now, I don't care what you heard. My sources told me that Sgt. Crocker was in guilt of the accident and unable to control his men."
  • (Bill Murray) "Have it your way -- sir."
  • (John Larroquette) "You bet I will, soldier. Now, I don't want to hear one more insubordinate word from anyone in this platoon. The subject is closed. You better stop worrying about what happened to Sgt. Hulka and start worrying about how you're all going to pass graduation, tomorrow. You have three days to get it together and if you want my honest opinion"
  • (John Larroquette) "You're not going to make it."
  • (Sergeant Hulka) "You know something soldier, I've noticed that you're always last."
  • (Bill Murray) "I'm pacing myself, Sergeant."
  • (Sergeant Hulka) "Move it."
  • (Sergeant Hulka) "Men, welcome to the United States Army. I'm Sergeant Hulka. I'm your drill sergeant. Before we proceed any further, we gotta get something straight. Your mamas are not here to take care of you now. It's just you, me, and Uncle Sam. And before I leave you, you're gonna find out that me and Uncle Sam are one in the same."
  • (Bill Murray) "Uncle Hulka?"
  • (Bill Murray) "You know who would love this? Russell."
  • (Stella Hansen) "Russell. Russell. Help us."
  • (Bill Murray) "Thaaaank yoooou."
  • (Bill Murray) "Come on. Let's take the truck."
  • (Harold Ramis) "Nooo."
  • (Bill Murray) "Oh yeah."
  • (Harold Ramis) "Nooo."
  • (Bill Murray) "Oh-ho, yeah."
  • (Harold Ramis) "No, no."
  • (Bill Murray) "Oh-oh --"
  • (Harold Ramis) "No."
  • (Bill Murray) "-- yeah, yeah --"
  • (Harold Ramis) "No."
  • (Bill Murray) "-- yeah, yeah --"
  • (Harold Ramis) "No."
  • (Bill Murray) "-- yeah, yeah."
  • (Harold Ramis) "No, John. No."
  • (Bill Murray) "I'll drive."
  • (Harold Ramis) "Okay."
  • (Bill Murray) "Why'd the chicken cross the road?"
  • (Unnamed) "To get from the left to the right"
  • (Bill Murray) "He stepped out of rank, got hit by a tank"
  • (Unnamed) "He ain't no chicken no more"
  • (Dewey Oxburger) "It doesn't seem fair."
  • (Bill Murray) "FAIR? Who cares about fair? The world isn't fair. Truth is fair. Is it fair that you were born like this? NO. They're not expecting somebody like you in there, Ox. They're expected one of these slugs. You're different. You're weird. You're a mutant. You're a killer. You're a trained killer. You're a LEAN -- MEAN --"
  • (Bill Murray) "FIGHTING -- MACHINE.""
  • (Dewey Oxburger) "I'LL DO IT."
  • (Bill Murray) "And then depression set in."
  • (Bill Murray) "Oh, it's not the speed really so much, I just wish I hadn't drunk all that cough syrup this morning."
  • (Bill Murray) "Oh, my balls. OH, MY BALLS."
  • (Bill Murray) "My philosophy: a hundred-dollar shine on a three-dollar pair of shoes."
  • (Bill Murray) "This doesn't look bad."
  • (Harold Ramis) "What? The Army? You're kidding."
  • (Bill Murray) "No. I've always thought about joining the Army."
  • (Harold Ramis) "Bull s***, you're not the type."
  • (Harold Ramis) "What do you mean I'm not the type? I've seen the kind of guys that enlist in the Army. I saw them when I was working in unemployment. They're just like us, except they're not as; sophisticated."
  • (Harold Ramis) "Yeah, they're not as old either."
  • (Bill Murray) "I've had an interesting morning. In the last two hours I've lost my job, my apartment, my car, and my girlfriend."
  • (Harold Ramis) "You still have your health."
  • (Bill Murray) "You know what the rest of your problem is?"
  • (Stella Hansen) "Tell me."
  • (Bill Murray) "You've never had anybody give you the Aunt Jemima treatment."
  • (Bill Murray) "We're so damned lost. Where the hell is Innsbruck, Austria?"
  • (Sergeant Hulka) "You're all in this together."
  • (Sergeant Hulka) "One of these men may save your life one of these days. You understand that?"
  • (Bill Murray) "Then again, maybe one of us won't."
  • (Bill Murray) "Have you been doing your special exercises?"
  • (Bill Murray) "I brought the magic suitcase."
  • (Bill Murray) "Who's your friend? Who's your buddy? I am, aren't I? You're crazy about me, aren't you?"
  • (Anita) "John, no. It's not going to work. Look, I like you; but, I need something more. I need somebody whose going to develop with me and somebody whose going to grow with me. Goodbye."
  • (Bill Murray) "Grow?"
  • (Anita) "Bye."
  • (Bill Murray) "Who can grow more than me? Talk about massive potential for growth. I am the little acorn that becomes the oak."
  • (Bill Murray) "C'mon, it's Czechoslovakia. We zip in, we pick 'em up, we zip right out again. We're not going to Moscow. It's Czechoslovakia. It's like going into Wisconsin."
  • (Harold Ramis) "Well I got the s*** kicked out of me in Wisconsin once. Forget it."
  • (Sergeant Hulka) "You don't say "sir" to me, I'm a sergeant, I work for a living."
  • (Unnamed) "Yes, sergeant."
  • (Sergeant Hulka) "I didn't hear you."
  • (Unnamed) "Yes, sergeant."
  • (Sergeant Hulka) "That's what I wanna hear."
  • (Bill Murray) "Do you think this guy's over-doing it a bit?"
  • (Bill Murray) "How much can you straighten out in one week?"
  • (Anita) "It hasn't been a week, John. It's been six months. Nothing's changed. You sleep until noon and then you watch "Rocky and Bullwinkle" and then you drive your -- , what, a couple of hours? You come home and you order out food and then you play those stupid Tito Puente albums until two in the morning."
  • (Bill Murray) "Tito Puente is going to be dead and you're going to say, "Oh, I've been listening to him for years and I think he's fabulous.""
  • (Anita) "That's right. And then you watch movies until dawn and then; then you come to bed with me."
  • (Bill Murray) "You don't think that takes energy? You're a sexual dynamo. Most guys couldn't even handle you. I've been readin' books on the outside just so I can keep up with you."
  • (Anita) "It's not funny. You're going nowhere, John. It's just not that cute anymore."
  • (Bill Murray) "It's a little cute. Come on, I'm part of a lost and restless generation. What do you want me to do? Run for the Senate?"
  • (Bill Murray) "Cut it out. Cut it out. Cut it out. The hell's the matter with you? Stupid. We're all very different people. We're not Watusi. We're not Spartans. We're Americans, with a capital 'A', huh? You know what that means? Do ya? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We're the underdog. We're mutts. Here's proof: his nose is cold. But there's no animal that's more faithful, that's more loyal, more loveable than the mutt. Who saw "Old Yeller?" Who cried when Old Yeller got shot at the end?"
  • (Bill Murray) "Nobody cried when Old Yeller got shot? I'm sure."
  • (Bill Murray) "I cried my eyes out. So we're all dogfaces, we're all very, very different, but there is one thing that we all have in common: we were all stupid enough to enlist in the Army. We're mutants. There's something wrong with us, something very, very wrong with us. Something seriously wrong with us; we're soldiers. But we're American soldiers. We've been kicking ass for 200 years. We're ten and one. Now we don't have to worry about whether or not we practiced. We don't have to worry about whether Captain Stillman wants to have us hung. All we have to do is to be the great American fighting soldier that is inside each one of us. Now do what I do, and say what I say. And make me proud."

Harold Ramis as Russell Ziskey

  • (Harold Ramis) "C'mon, rhythm. Hut, 2, 3, 4. Black guys help the white guys --"
  • (Harold Ramis) "I think you're ready for the Special Olympics --"
  • (Harold Ramis) "No questions please. We just want to go to our hotel room and have some really serious sex."
  • (Harold Ramis) "John, do you think I'm officer material?"
  • (Bill Murray) "God, I'm worried about you."
  • (Harold Ramis) "Come on. I'm in good shape, I'm walking tall, I'm looking good. First weekend in Europe."
  • (Bill Murray) "Yeah. We're spending it in an airplane hangar -- guarding a truck."
  • (Harold Ramis) "We've got each other."
  • (Harold Ramis) "You could join a monastery."
  • (Bill Murray) "Did you ever see a monk get wildly f***ed by some teenage girls?"
  • (Harold Ramis) "Never."
  • (Bill Murray) "So much for the monastery."
  • (Harold Ramis) "There are two things I promised myself I'd never do: Kill and die."
  • (Bill Murray) "What if the Russians were raping your sister?"
  • (Harold Ramis) "Come on, you know my sister. You practically raped her one night. The Russians would just have to buy her dinner."
  • (Harold Ramis) "Where do you think you're going? Are you going AWOL? Are you going AWOL?"
  • (Bill Murray) "No, I'm deserting."
  • (Harold Ramis) "You idiot. You desert now, it's a federal offense."
  • (Bill Murray) "I'll take my chances with the feds."
  • (Harold Ramis) "You're not going anywhere."
  • (Harold Ramis) "You listen to me. You're gonna finish basic training. You're gonna keep your mouth shut, and you're gonna do everything he tells you. You know why?"
  • (Bill Murray) "Why?"
  • (Harold Ramis) "Because you talked me into this, you idiot. It was your idea."
  • (Bill Murray) "I didn't talk you into this. You NEEDED this."
  • (Harold Ramis) "I'm gonna kill you, damn you. Where's the great pay? Where's the travel? Where's the Winnebago, god****it."
  • (Harold Ramis) "Okay, I know you're anxious to jump right in and start speaking English, but there's a couple of things I need to know first, because I've never done this before. So, how many of you would say you speak English fairly well, but with some difficulties?"
  • (Harold Ramis) "A little English?"
  • (Harold Ramis) "Yes? You speak some English?"
  • (Unnamed) "Son of bitch. s***."
  • (Lance LeGault) "Son of bitch. s***."
  • (Harold Ramis) "I've always been kind of a pacifist. When I was a kid, my father told me, "Never hit anyone in anger, unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it." I don't know what kind of soldier I'm gonna make, but I want you guys to know that if we ever get into really heavy combat -- I'll be right behind you guys. Every step of the way."
  • (Harold Ramis) "Find John, will ya. I'm gonna kill 'em."
  • (Stella Hansen) "Okay, guys, you're home. Get out."
  • (Harold Ramis) "You're not gonna report this or anything, are you?"
  • (Stella Hansen) "I'm gonna treat it like a UFO sighting. I saw something, but I'm not quite sure what it was."
  • (Harold Ramis) "Thank You."
  • (Harold Ramis) "Do the words "act of war" mean anything to you?"
  • (Bill Murray) "I have -- a plan."
  • (Harold Ramis) "Great. Custer had a plan, too."

John Diehl as Cruiser

  • (John Diehl) "My hobbies are fast cars and fast women because uh -- that's why my -- the guys in my car club call me the 'cruiser'."
  • (Dewey Oxburger) "Should have called him the dork."
  • (John Diehl) "I joined the army 'cause my father and my brother were in the army. I thought I'd better join before I got drafted."
  • (Sergeant Hulka) "Son, there ain't no draft no more."
  • (John Diehl) "There was one?"
  • (John Diehl) "Have you ever been convicted of a felony or a misdemeanor? That's robbery, rape, car theft, that sort of thing."
  • (Bill Murray) "Convicted? No."
  • (Harold Ramis) "Never convicted."
  • (John Diehl) "I guess we're going after John and Russell. I can't believe they're Russian spies. Can you?"
  • (Conrad Dunn) "All I know is, finally I get to kill somebody."
  • (Sergeant Hulka) "When I tell you move, you'll move fast. When I tell you to jump, you're gonna say, "How high?" And make no mistake. I don't care where you come from, I don't care what color you are, I don't care how smart you are, I don't care how dumb you are, 'cause I'm gonna teach every last one of you how to eat, sleep, walk, talk, shoot, s*** like a United States soldier. Understand?"
  • (John Diehl) "Yes, sir."
  • (John Diehl) "Now, are either of you homosexuals?"
  • (Bill Murray) "You mean, like, flaming, or --"
  • (John Diehl) "Well, it's a standard question we have to ask."
  • (Harold Ramis) "No, we're not homosexual, but we are willing to learn."
  • (Bill Murray) "Yeah, would they send us someplace special?"
  • (John Diehl) "I guess that's "no" on both. Now if you could just give Uncle Sam your autograph --"

John Larroquette as Captain Stillman

  • (Corporal, Stillman's aide) "Excuse me, C-C-Captain --"
  • (John Larroquette) "When I don't want to be disturbed --"
  • (Lance LeGault) "STILLMAN."
  • (John Larroquette) "Yes, sir."
  • (Corporal, Stillman's aide) "Colonel Glass to see you, sir."
  • (John Larroquette) "I can see that, Corporal. Dismissed."
  • (John Larroquette) "Oh, it's a pleasure to see you, sir."
  • (Lance LeGault) "Let's skip the bulls***, Captain. I have a problem, and I need your help. Are you familiar with the EM-50 project we have in Italy?"
  • (John Larroquette) "Yes -- it's a tank -- or something."
  • (Lance LeGault) "It's an Urban Assault Vehicle."
  • (John Larroquette) "Have that removed."
  • (John Larroquette) "All right, soldier, let's see how you fire that mortar."
  • (Soldier with Mortar) "What coordinates, sir?"
  • (John Larroquette) "Coordinates?"
  • (Soldier with Mortar) "Yes, sir, they determine where the mortar's --"
  • (John Larroquette) "Soldier, the army has spent a lot of money teaching you to fire that thing. Now set it and fire it."
  • (Soldier with Mortar) "Sir, we don't know where the shell's gonna --"
  • (John Larroquette) "Soldier. The only way to learn anything is to do it. Now fire the weapon."
  • (John Larroquette) "Sergeant, we've traced the EM-50 to Germany. They're probably heading for East Berlin."
  • (Sergeant Hulka) "Sir, if you'll take my advice, there's a crack squad in the 42nd. It can link up with the air recon. We'd have that EM-50 back here in this side of 24 hours."
  • (John Larroquette) "Nothing doing. If we went to outside units, we'd be the laughing stock of the entire armed forces. We will do this our selves."
  • (Sergeant Hulka) "Sir, those numb nuts can't even tie their own shoelaces."
  • (John Larroquette) "Oh, oh God, look at that. Wash off the soap. That's right wash off; look at that. Bend over. Drop the soap. Oh, good. Oh, God, I wish I was a loofah."
  • (John Larroquette) "Well, explain yourselves."
  • (Dewey Oxburger) "Well sir, we were going to this bingo parlor at the YMCA, well one thing led to another, and the instructions got all fouled up --"
  • (John Larroquette) "Shut up."
  • (Dewey Oxburger) "Okay, Sir."
  • (John Larroquette) "You men are a disgrace. Maybe a few days in the stockade will help you change your rotten attitudes."
  • (John Diehl) "But, um, we're supposed to graduate tomorrow, sir."
  • (John Larroquette) "That's even better. Tomorrow, you'll be on parade in front of General Barnicke. And when he sees what total f***-ups you are, I will recommend that your whole platoon repeat the entire course of basic training."

Robert J. Wilke as General Barnicke

  • (Robert J. Wilke) "Are you telling me that you men finished your training on your own?"
  • (Bill Murray) "That's the fact, Jack."
  • (Unnamed) "That's the fact, Jack."
  • (Robert J. Wilke) "Where is your drill sergeant, men?"
  • (Bill Murray) "Blown up, sir."
  • (Unnamed) "Blown up, sir."

Lance LeGault as Col. Glass

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Sean Young as Louise

  • (Sean Young) "You look like a sensitive, intelligent guy. Don't make me shot you. Climb aboard, soldier."

Conrad Dunn as Psycho

  • (Conrad Dunn) "The name's Francis Soyer, but everybody calls me Psycho. Any of you guys call me Francis, and I'll kill you."
  • (Leon) "Ooooooh."
  • (Conrad Dunn) "You just made the list, buddy. And I don't like nobody touching my stuff. So just keep your meat-hooks off. If I catch any of you guys in my stuff, I'll kill you. Also, I don't like nobody touching me. Now, any of you homos touch me, and I'll kill you."
  • (Sergeant Hulka) "Lighten up, Francis."

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