That '70s Show (season 6) Quotes

That '70s Show is a television show that appeared on TV in 2003 on Fox Broadcasting Company. That '70s Show ended in 2004.

That '70s Show lasted 25 episodes.

The cast includes: Laura Prepon as Donna Pinciotti, Ashton Kutcher as Michael Kelso, Kurtwood Smith as Red Forman, Topher Grace as Eric, Mila Kunis as Jackie Burkhardt, Danny Masterson as Steven Hyde, Debra Jo Rupp as Kitty Forman, Tanya Roberts as Midge Pinciotti, Ashton Kutcher as Kelso, Wilmer Valderrama as Fez, Seth Green as All, Kurtwood Smith as Red, Christina Moore as Laurie Forman, Laura Prepon as Donna, Shannon Elizabeth as Brooke, Billy Dee Williams as Pastor Dave, Jim Rash as Fenton, Luke Wilson as Leo, Alyson Hannigan as Suzy Simpson, Don Stark as Bob Pinciotti, Laura Prepon as Nina, Mila Kunis as Burt, Ashton Kutcher as Earl, Morgan Fairchild as Caroline, Danny Masterson as Edna Hyde, Topher Grace as Bernice Forman, Rachel Bilson as Chris, Jim Gaffigan as Roy, Kurtwood Smith as Red Foreman, and Seth Green as Mitch Miller.

That '70s Show Quotes

Mila Kunis as Jackie Burkhardt

• (Mila Kunis) "Man, I just totally forgot why I was laughing. Isn't that funny?"
• (Topher Grace) "Okay -- no more for the cheerleader."

• (Mila Kunis) "Didn't know they let slutballs in here."
• (Annette) "Well, I've seen you in here so I figured it was okay."
• (Mila Kunis) "Oh, you don't know it, but you just burnt yourself."
• (Annette) "Oh, I know it. The question is, do you?"
• (Mila Kunis) "I just said I do."
• (Annette) "So do I, so you are too."
• (Topher Grace) "Donna, are you following this?"
• (Laura Prepon) "Umm -- I think one of them's a slutball and one of them knows it."
• (Annette) "I think what we need to do is go talk about Michael."
• (Mila Kunis) "Fine. I'll try to use small words so you can understand me."
• (Annette) "That's NOT going to be good enough."

• (Mila Kunis) "Steven. I can't believe it. Why can't you say anything to make me feel better?"
• (Danny Masterson) "Ok, I'm sorry. Why don't you get your dad a couple of cartons of cigarettes. That way, he won't be anybody's wife."
• (Danny Masterson) "Jackie, come on. My mom said that to me when MY dad got arrested. I felt better, and we had a good laugh about it."

• (Mila Kunis) "You're coming over to my house tonight. And we're gonna -- "study"."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Come on. I never get to do anything fun."
• (Danny Masterson) "God, you're dumb."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Well I guess that's why I gotta go "STUDY"."

• (Mila Kunis) "Androgynous guys are so manly."

• (Mila Kunis) "If somebody doesn't tell me I'm cute in the next five minutes, my head will explode."

• (Mila Kunis) "Why won't Steven love me? I wish my daddy could buy him for me --"

• (Mila Kunis) "Ah, come back here. Nobody ignores "Jurkie Barkheart." I am adorable, I'm encouraging, and I'm damn likeable and if you're too stupid too see that then I feel sorry for you."
• (Mila Kunis) "'Cause if anyone should be the center of attention it's me."
• (Laura Prepon) "Jackie."
• (Mila Kunis) "Get off me."
• (Mila Kunis) "What the hell is a "boobsout"?"

• (Mila Kunis) "Once when Michael cheated on me I got some flowers from a secret admirer and it really cheered me up. I mean, I sent them to myself but it's the thought that counts, right?"

• (Mila Kunis) "Let's go Michael. To a place where our love is understood."
• (Topher Grace) "Oh, and while you're there, check out the new monkey house."

• (Mila Kunis) "Oh Michael, you're prettier than Bowie."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "I'm prettier than you."

• (Mila Kunis) "Mrs. Pinciotti, would you please tell Donna I'm right? Isn't it great when men act like they own you."
• (Tanya Roberts) "Oh, yeah."
• (Laura Prepon) "Mom, what about all those feminist classes you went to?"
• (Tanya Roberts) "Oh, right -- No."

• (Mila Kunis) "Michael, how come she has a key and I don't have one?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Well -- Uhh -- It's not because nobody wants you to have one. That's for sure."

• (Mila Kunis) "So, what kind of career do you see yourself in?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Well, I was considering becoming a doctor --"
• (Mila Kunis) "A doctor? Ooh, that's so mature."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Or, a rodeo clown."

• (Mila Kunis) "How do you feel about his hair?"
• (Laura Prepon) "Love it, lots of body."
• (Mila Kunis) "And his body?"
• (Laura Prepon) "Love it, lots of hair."

• (Mila Kunis) "Well, I have a date too."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Who is he? What's his name?"
• (Mila Kunis) "His name is -- not important. What's important is, he's better than you, in every single conceivable way."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "DAMN, JACKIE. THAT COULD BE ANYBODY."

• (Mila Kunis) "So Barbra Streisand became this huge star, right? But Kris Kristofferson could not take it anymore, so he drinks and drinks and crashes his car. Isn't that romantic?"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Say, "Yes, it is.""
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yes it is."
• (Mila Kunis) "Oh, I just love romantic movies, don't you?"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) ""Yes, I do.""
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yes, I do."
• (Mila Kunis) "You know what would be a good romantic scene in a movie? That night we had a reservoir when we went skinny-dipping. Remember?"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) ""No, describe it to me.""
• (Ashton Kutcher) "No, describe it to me."
• (Mila Kunis) "Michael, you're so bad. Okay, the water was really cold, so when I dove in, well you know."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "No, I don't know."
• (Mila Kunis) "MICHAEL."

• (Mila Kunis) "Well, if Donna's not gonna be here, neither am I."
• (Topher Grace) "Oh, Jackie, I'm sorry. What I meant was -- BYE."

• (Mila Kunis) "Michael, why am I not in the loop? Why is she in the loop?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Uhh -- Jackie, I don't know what loop it is you're talking about. But, if she's in it, I don't think there's any room for you."

• (Mila Kunis) "Oh my god, I told her that, it was me. I saved the day."

• (Rhonda) "Relax. We're all part of the gang."
• (Mila Kunis) "No, no, no. You're not part of this gang. You can't be a part of this gang. I had to kiss butt for a year to be a part of this gang."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "That was you being nice ?"

• (Mila Kunis) "Eric, no offense, I know she's your sister, but Laurie is such a whore."
• (Topher Grace) "Jackie, not since the "Smokey and the Bandit" debate, are you and I so on the same page."
• (Laura Prepon) "Me too."
• (Danny Masterson) "Hear hear."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Yes."
• (Mila Kunis) "Oh, my God. You all hate Laurie?"
• (Mila Kunis) "I don't believe this. You all hate Laurie, and love me."
• (Danny Masterson) "-- We all hate Laurie, all right."

• (Mila Kunis) "God, it's so hard being with a real man. Donna, you should be glad you're with Eric."

• (Mila Kunis) "Oh, my god. You all hate Laurie?"
• (Mila Kunis) "I don't believe this. You all hate Laurie, and love me."
• (Danny Masterson) "-- We all hate Laurie, all right."

• (Mila Kunis) "Oh, I understand. I mean, it's kind of like -- it's kind of like setting your hair. If you don't wait long enough, it's totally flat and blah like Donna's. But if you wait just the right amount of time then it's perfect, like mine. Steven, are you even listening to me?"
• (Danny Masterson) "God help me, I am."

• (Mila Kunis) "It's just a meaningless fling, okay? We can stop whenever we want."
• (Topher Grace) "Well, then maybe you should."
• (Mila Kunis) "Why do you even care?"
• (Topher Grace) "BECAUSE YOU'RE BREAKING UP THE BAND, YOKO."

• (Mila Kunis) "Hyde? Fez? -- MICHAEL."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Oh good, it's Hyde, Fez, and Michael."

• (Mila Kunis) "Oh, no. I'm not getting a job. Jobs are for poor people. I'm a rich person who doesn't have any money."

• (Mila Kunis) "Donna's mouth is as big as her feet."

• (Mila Kunis) "Oh my god. He called me a bitch, and you hit him. And that's what happened, isn't it?"
• (Danny Masterson) "No."
• (Mila Kunis) "Liar. I am the bitch. And you love me."

• (Mila Kunis) "You know, Steven. This hatred thing you have for me, is just you protecting yourself."
• (Danny Masterson) "Okay."
• (Mila Kunis) "It's true. You're afraid to reach the peaks of love, for fear of being dropped off a cliff. Well, I'm your safety line, Steven. So grab me."
• (Danny Masterson) "Go grab yourself, freak."

• (Mila Kunis) "Donna, are you OK?"
• (Laura Prepon) "Yeah."
• (Mila Kunis) "How can you be OK? There's a college woman sleeping in Eric's bed."
• (Laura Prepon) "Jackie, Eric's sleeping in the basement."
• (Mila Kunis) "Donna, stairs can't stop a high school horn dog. Barbed wire can't stop a high school horn dog. A wall of fire can't stop a high school horn dog."

• (Mila Kunis) "Being a model was my and Michael's dream -- for me."
• (Topher Grace) "Hmmm -- In your fantasy you're a model, and Kelso's -- not there. In reality Kelso's a model, and you sell cheese. Interesting --"

• (Mila Kunis) "I'd like to pop that inflatable bitch and watch her fly around the room."

• (Mila Kunis) "So you know what? I am done making an ass out of myself for you or any guy. I'm done with guys completely."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Hear that, Hyde? We screwed her up so bad she's switching to chicks. How awesome are we?"

• (Mila Kunis) "Donna's feet are so huge. I was in her room once and I almost fell into one of her shoes. I would never be heard from again."

• (Mila Kunis) "Well, all the best quotes are about the things that means a lot to you, like for example me. My hair. Or my personality. Or the sparkle I bring to your dull, grey, lives."
• (Danny Masterson) "Or, the feeling of relief we get, when you leave the room."

• (Mila Kunis) "Steven, what happened?"
• (Danny Masterson) "What? Nothing -- just -- somebody and then -- the guy said 'bitch' and there's nothing."
• (Mila Kunis) "Oh, my God. He called me a bitch and you hit him. And that's what happened, isn't it?"
• (Danny Masterson) "-- No?"
• (Mila Kunis) "Liar. I AM the bitch. And you LOVE me."

• (Mila Kunis) "Everybody wants their first make-out to be special. Someplace romantic like Ireland, or Disneyworld."

• (Mila Kunis) "Look, I need to know that he's really changed. I need to test him somehow."
• (Laura Prepon) "I agree."
• (Mila Kunis) "You do?"
• (Laura Prepon) "Absolutely. If you get back with Kelso, you better have him tested."

• (Mila Kunis) "Donna, sex is how we control men. If they know we like it as much as they do, we'll never get jewelry again."

• (Mila Kunis) "Your mom can't hang out with Donna. Don't you know what women talk about when they're alone?"
• (Topher Grace) "Sugar and spice and everything nice?"
• (Mila Kunis) "That's what we're made of, you dumbass."

• (Mila Kunis) "Don't pity me because I'm beautiful."
• (Laura Prepon) "I pity you because you're dumb."

• (Mila Kunis) "Yeah, I got it -- in the Ghetto."
• (Danny Masterson) "Jackie, there's no ghetto here. There's like that one house that needs to be painted."

• (Mila Kunis) "Look, the sooner you realize I'm a genius, the better off we'll both be."

Debra Jo Rupp as Kitty Forman

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Oh, look. He gave you shoes. What do you say, Red?"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "What the hell is wrong with you?"

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "He really shouldn't be here."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "It's not so bad. Compared to Korea, this is Shangri-La wrapped in happy-fun candy."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "So, Eric, have you made your Christmas list for Santa yet?"
• (Topher Grace) "Well, um, I was going to, but then I turned 10."

• (Ms. McGee) "Good night. I apologize if my being here upset you."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "I just feel that you being seen out with a student, it's just bad principle."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Oh, he doesn't care. He's dating a cheerleader."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Dad, what is wrong with that woman?"
• (Mila Kunis) "Don't worry sweetheart. Her screaming at you means she loves you and understands you're going through a hard time. Just like her smashing your golf clubs means "Happy Anniversary"."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Oooh, look how cute you are. This is just like when you were 5, and played make believe dinner. Only this time, it won't end by Donna sitting on Eric's face."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "OK."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Kitty, that was bad."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "I know, keep walking."
• (Topher Grace) "Oh, good, and I thought this was going to be awkward."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Red, I'm sure you'll do fine. Just remember now, Santa is a cheerful, jolly fellow who never calls a child 'dumbass.'"

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Here, honey. I brought you a lollipop."
• (Topher Grace) "Mom, I'm 17."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "I know. That's why I also brought you condoms."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Ehhhhhhh."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "You need to protect yourself. Today I saw a 16-year-old give birth, and I don't want that type of thing to happen to you."
• (Topher Grace) "Well, this couldn't be more uncomfortable."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Oh, honey. Don't forget your condoms."
• (Topher Grace) "I was wrong."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Ok. Ok. Let's just keep the game going."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Donna. If you were a shoe, whose shoe would you be?"
• (Laura Prepon) "Well, I wouldn't want to be Red's shoe because it's about to go into somebody's ass."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Now stop fighting and help me do this crossword. I need a 4-letter word for disappointment"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Eric."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "It fits --"

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "I can't believe that any of you can walk into a church without bursting into flames."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Ok, I have jobs for everyone. Red, you can run the raffle."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "I'm your man."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Don't yell at the customers."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "I'm -- kinda your man."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "And smile."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "You need another man."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Eric, David's here."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "The scoliosis asthma freak is here? I cannot wait to see this."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Eric, you should go with your father."
• (Topher Grace) "But, mom --"
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "No buts. You two don't spend enough time together."
• (Topher Grace) "That's because he doesn't like me."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Steven, if you keep saying things like that it's gonna be really hard for me to pretend I don't know what you're talking about."
• (Danny Masterson) "Well, then, I'll just leave because it's just too easy. Just like Laurie."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Sex, it's not dirty."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "It's not clean either."

• (Ricky) "Forman, who told you you could go on break?"
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "I did."
• (Ricky) "And who are you?"
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "I'm his mother."
• (Ricky) "Good enough."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Ok, I need two people with keen feminine sensibilities to decorate Steven's party -- so it's Jackie -- and Fez."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Yay."
• (Mila Kunis) "Come on Fez, let's go."
• (Laura Prepon) "What the hell does she mean? I'm feminine. I oughta kick her ass for that --"

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Red, say something."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "It's more fun than it looks."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "It's Sodom and Gomorrah with a subway."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "What is wrong with you? Were you dropped on your head?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yes, I was. And up until now, everyone had the good grace not to mention it."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Honey, Michael may have an incredible built and movie-star good looks. But, you're much smarter."
• (Topher Grace) "Why didn't you say that when everyone was around?"
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Well, I didn't want anybody to feel bad."
• (Topher Grace) "Good job."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "You know, maybe Eric's test score is a blessing. It will be a good story when he's a senator."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Senator? The word you're looking for is JANITOR."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Red hates you."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Oh, don't be silly. Red loves me."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "You gave him a heart attack."
• (Topher Grace) "Mom, maybe Dad loved Fez so much that his heart just -- exploded."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "You know I love my family. But sometimes, I just want to get in my car and run them all over."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "How could you bring Fez to the Piggly Wiggly? There's a lot of footloose women in there. Do you know Joyce Ferguson?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "No. That's a lie."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "What?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "What?"
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "What?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "What?"

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Red's mother is coming."
• (Tanya Roberts) "What's that pet name she has for you?"
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Whore."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Eric, your father and I have noticed that you've been acting very strange lately."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Like a hippie."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Is there something you want to tell us?"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Are you on dope? Are you?"
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Because we can help get you clean. There's counseling, hospitalization --"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "-- my foot kickin' your ass."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Where's my brown sugar?"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "I'm right here, sweetie pie."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Eric, there's someone here to see you."
• (Topher Grace) "Mom, if this is another one of dad's Marine Corps recruiters I swear I'm running away."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Wait. Are you saying you LIKE Randy?"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "No -- I'm just saying I don't hate him as much as I hate most people."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "It's the Russians."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "I'm sorry, Red, I saw this as my one chance to say 'Laurie got married' without having to add, 'And the baby came early.'"

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "My parents are coming tomorrow."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Oh, crap."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Red."
• (Laura Prepon) "What's wrong with them."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "It's a complicated situation."
• (Topher Grace) "Grandma yells, grandpa drinks."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Red, Bob was very upset when he left here."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Bob's always upset. He's a little girl in big boy pants."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "I don't know why they call it fondue, they should call it fun due, cause it sure is fun."
• (Tanya Roberts) "I love fondue. It's gourmet."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Rosemary had a better baby than me."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Ok, who likes dark meat?"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Hey, who doesn't? Am I right ladies?"

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "I don't need to kiss some old lady's A-S-S on my holiday."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "You heard what I spelled."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Bed checks, here we come."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Shh, Kitty, you're warning them."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "I'm not warning anybody. Getting closer."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Oh, Red you do care."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Honey, pretty girls don't throw up."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "You're my special little baby boy."
• (Topher Grace) "Mom. We talked about this. I'm not a boy anymore. I'm a man --"
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Okay -- My special little baby man."
• (Topher Grace) "You are so lucky that your mom's a runaway alcoholic."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "I really doubt that she's jsut abandoning Stephen, I mean, she's his mother."
• (Topher Grace) "Mom, her exact words were "I know I'm your mother but I'm abandoning you.""

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Here you are, Red. Breakfast, egg whites only."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "But the yellow part's the baby bird. That's the part I want to eat."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Honey, we're all going through hard times. You're giving up your future. I'm giving up my schnapps."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "I wonder if the Pilgrims were clever enough to put peanut butter in their celery."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Now Eric's leaving. What am I supposed to do?"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Well, there's a car show in Kenosha this weekend."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "A car show? I don't want to go to a god**** car show in f***ing Kenosha. I want 3 more f***ing months with my baby boy. I can't do that now because of your bulls***. Way to go, dumbass."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "You kids change partners more than square dancers."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Eric, were you playing in the bathtub with your doll?"
• (Topher Grace) "ACTION FIGURE -- uh-oh."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "I need someone who can take evil"
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "How's mama's girl? I have a job for you."
• (Christina Moore) "Not interested."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "It pays 10 dollars."
• (Christina Moore) "I'll do anything for ten dollars."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "For once that's a good thing."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Steven's father is in town?"
• (Christina Moore) "Yeah, right. Like he even knows who his father is."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Do you know anything about this?"
• (Topher Grace) "Yeah. She's a bitch."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "I trust you two to make the right choice."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "No, I trust you to make the right choice and bring her with you."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "How's it going?"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Real good. The foreign kid just ate something off the floor."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "I have bad news. Midge left Bob."
• (Topher Grace) "Are you sure? I mean, she could just be lost in the backyard."

• (Debra Jo Rupp) "G.I. Joe."

Kurtwood Smith as Red

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Is that kid from not America still here?"

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Nothing around this house is cheap."
• (Topher Grace) "Except for Laurie."
• (Christina Moore) "I am not cheap."
• (Topher Grace) "Free, whatever."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Kitty, when we got married, we took a vow to be together through sickness and health, but nobody said anything about what to do if your wife turns into a dope fiend."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Michael Kelso scored higher than you on the test? This is the kid I saw super-glue his hand to his face."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Penny, you're cold. Go get a sweater."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Eric, do I have to tell you to stop staring at your cousin?"

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Hey, I go to church -- just not during televised sporting events."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "I say good riddance. That cat was always making a mess on my lawn and going through my garbage."
• (Christina Moore) "Yeah. But now we have Hyde to do that."
• (Danny Masterson) "Oh yeah, Laurie? And what exactly do you do? Oh, yeah; the Packers."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Why is our house always infested with kids?"

• (Kurtwood Smith) "When my time comes I want to be buried face down. That way whoever doesn't like me can kiss my ass."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "His head looks like a poodle's ass."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Why here? Why is it always here?"
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Well, what do you want them to do? Throw the party in the street?"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Yes. They puke in the street, the city cleans it up."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Well, we got vandals in this town. I was driving home and I saw the water tower giving me the finger."
• (Christina Moore) "Vandals you say? Hmm, where were you last night, Eric?"
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Oh, can it, Laurie. Eric you look pale. Let me see your eyes."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Look at me."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Do you have fever?"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "I know what you need. Right after breakfast, I want you to mow the lawn. The fresh air will do you good."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Eric, is something bothering you?"
• (Topher Grace) "God, make it stop."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "I don't see why we have to spend the night. It only took me ten minutes to catch up with everybody at my reunion."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Red, standing in the corner by yourself muttering "Dumbass" at everyone doesn't count as "catching up"."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "I've been working since I was sixteen. I fought in two wars. Hell, I've killed people. I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy it --"

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Damn kids today. They wouldn't know responsibility if it walked up and bit them in the ass."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "So, you mean, we met by you bumping into my ass?"
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "I guess so."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Ok, but if Eric asks, I punched out a marine, defending your honor."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "And, I wasn't drunk, I was reading for the blind."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Deal."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Steven, I've come to think of you as a son. So I want to give you some honest, heart-felt advice. Get your head out of your ass."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Every single Price Mart stock-boy will be trained in the Red Forman way."
• (Topher Grace) "Oh, you mean by undermining their self-esteem until they're too weak to fight back?"

• (Kurtwood Smith) "You know what the great thing about whistling is? It's that you can stop whistling."
• (Topher Grace) "Oh. Sorry."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Hey, bend at the knees or else I'll --"
• (Topher Grace) "Kick my ass, put your foot in my ass, make my ass a hat, yeah, yeah, yeah."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Geez, and I didn't think you were listening. Oh, and I need you to re- sticker the clock radios. They're on sale."
• (Topher Grace) "Yeah, I saw the flyer. I already took care of it."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Really? Well, way to take initiative."
• (Topher Grace) ""Way to take initiative -- "? What are you up to?"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Nothing. I just think you did a good job."
• (Topher Grace) "Okay. But I'm watching you."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Stop being weird."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Where is everybody? Where are all my friends?"
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "You don't have any friends, honey. I'm afraid it's a side effect of -- telling people to stick it in their butts."

• (Bull) "So, I hear your plant's closing down."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Yeah, you can't compete with those damn foreign imports. You know, if I had seen this coming, I would've shot a little straighter during the war."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "So you just be grateful that your Dad doesn't yell at you 24-hours-a-day. And don't give me that look, because this isn't yelling. When I yell, you'll know it."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Well, I'd like to help, but not as much as I'd like not to."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "I'm the richest man in Church."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Thanks for the help. You seem to have a natural talent for handling luggage."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "I love my job."
• (Topher Grace) "I love you too, Dad."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Oh, Eric, stop being weird."
• (Topher Grace) "Thanks, Dad."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "I didn't want to insult him by offering him some nothing job."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Oh Red, you insult him everyday."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "But that's different. He thinks I'm kidding."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "I'm proud of you."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "And that goes double for -- what the hell did you say?"

• (Kurtwood Smith) "For God's sake, Kitty, I'm not Santa Claus."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Well, thank God you're not Santa Claus, Red. You scare the hell out of children."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "When used separately, women and alcohol can be a lot of fun. But if you mix them, they can turn you into a dumbass."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Look at this. First day of deer season."
• (Topher Grace) "Rabbit season."
• (Danny Masterson) "Duck season."
• (Topher Grace) "Rabbit season."
• (Danny Masterson) "Duck seaon."
• (Topher Grace) "Rabbit season"
• (Danny Masterson) "Duck season."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "This is the worst thing you've ever done."
• (Don Stark) "You too."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "You're gonna drive Donna home, and then you're gonna wait for me. That's an order."
• (Don Stark) "Ditto -- Aww, come here. I can't stay mad at you with that cute face."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Get your ugly ass in the car."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Dear Lord, would it kill you to give the Packers a winning season? Oh, and uh, watch over my loving family, blah blah blah --"

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Is this what I think it is?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "If you mean paprika, then yes, sir."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Honey, paprika is red."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "If you mean green paprika, then yes, sir."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Why am I doing this?"
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Because I want to force some good cheer into your clogged arteries and into your cranky heart."
• (Danny Masterson) "Yeah, it's like Christmas Drano."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Get a job, HA. It's just party all night, dance all day, and sex everywhere in between."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Eric's old enough to hear this kind of talk. Eric, say your job got transferred to Guada-Who-The-Hell-Cares. Would you vote for the guy that did that?"
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Oh, Red, Ford didn't take away your job. He took Nixon's."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "It looks like 'Hee Haw' puked in here."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "What are you doing here?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "The explanation is in the note."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Dear Red, we would like for you to give Michael thirty dollars for the game you threw out the window and broke. Signed, my parents."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Well, you made her laugh, that's worth at least thirty bucks."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "If the US government decides to stick a tracking device up your ass, you say, "Thank You. And God Bless America.""

• (Kurtwood Smith) "We're all gonna go to church and we're gonna have a damn nice Sunday."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "What the hell is going on?"
• (Topher Grace) "Dad, it was just a prank that went wrong. Horribly -- horribly wrong."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Really? Well I have a prank too. One where my foot doesn't plow through your ass. Let's hope it doesn't go horribly, horribly wrong."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Bend your knees and lift with your legs, or else I'm going to --"
• (Topher Grace) "-- kick my ass, put your foot in my ass, make my ass a hat, yeah, yeah yeah --"

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Oh and uh, here's a 20."
• (Christina Moore) "Will that cover for gas?"
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Oh well, honey, give her another 10 just in case."
• (Topher Grace) "You know, I could use some gas money."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Yeah -- and if a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump it's ass when it hops."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Bud, being a teenager is like being in a war. One minute, you're crawling around blind. Next minute, you get your foot blown off."
• (Bud Hyde) "I wouldn't know anything about that. Never been to war. I was a conscientious."
• (Bud Hyde) "Uhh -- Canadian."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "A bond between a father and son is subtle and complex-"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "You wipe that smirk off your face."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Do you know how they treat their criminals in Russia? First offense, five years in Siberia. Second offense, ten years. Believe you me, there is no third offense."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Unless the criminal likes to make snow angels."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Responsible people don't go around getting their nipples twisted."
• (Topher Grace) "See, when you say it, though, it just sounds weird."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "It's just that Frank is getting on my nerves. He's just -- he's an ass. And he's dumb. He's a --"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "-- dumbass."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Shoes are an inappropriate gift to give to a man."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "How about when you joined the army, another man issued your boots?"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "So he gave me a gun so I let it go."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Why can't you just accept the shoes because Bob is your friend?"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Kitty you don't understand. We don't give each other presents. We ignore each other."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "You know all that rent money you've been giving us? I've been putting it all in a bank account for your college fees -- or bail."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "What the hell happened?"
• (Danny Masterson) "Eric made out with Laurie's friend."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Anything else?"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Your son is a whore."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Hey, Ali Baba. Close Sesame."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Let's not talk about it in front of the boy."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "What the hell kind of restaurant is this? You got eight people singing happy birthday, and no one can bring my wife a damn salad."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Once again, an open bar spells disaster for the Foreman family."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "What have I said about comparing your sister to the Devil?"
• (Topher Grace) "That it's offensive to the Devil?"

• (Kurtwood Smith) "You know, Steven, you're a smart guy. You really should go to college. You're coming with us, this weekend."
• (Danny Masterson) "You don't trust me alone in the house, do you?"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "See how smart you are?"

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Dumbass."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Look, Jackie. I don't what to say except -- your dad's rich, isn't he?"
• (Mila Kunis) "Yeah."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Well, you can use that to get him out of prison."
• (Mila Kunis) "Oh, my god. That's such a good idea. I'll do that. You know, it's true. In this country, the rich get treated better than most people."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Yeah."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "I'm so glad I took some shrapnel to make that possible --"
• (Mila Kunis) "Me too."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "You need to grow up and learn some responsibility."
• (Topher Grace) "I love you too, Dad."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "What? Stop being weird."
• (Topher Grace) "Thanks."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Kelso, you make Eric look like Einstein."
• (Topher Grace) "Gee, thank you daddy."
• (Ashton Kutcher) ""Thank you"? Einstein was ugly."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "If I don't make it, kill the foreign kid."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Eric, if your mother wants you and Archie and Jughead to help her, then you'll help her."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "You're Jughead."
• (Danny Masterson) "You're so Jughead, its not even debatable."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "You are so --"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Steven, stop hitting Jughead."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Threats aren't going to work, Kitty."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Every newspaper you'll be reading, every nap you'll be taking, every football game you'll be watching, I'll be there, talking, talking, talking, talking."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Let me get this straight; Donna told you she wanted to get back together and you said NO?"
• (Topher Grace) "I said no."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "What the Hell is wrong with you?"
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Dumbass."
• (Topher Grace) "Look, I have my reasons, okay?"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "What the Hell could they possibly be?"
• (Topher Grace) "Casey dumps Donna and then Donna comes running back to ME? Look, I'm not a rebound, All right?"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "You're too PROUD to take her back? What exactly do you have to be proud OF? You're not an athelete. The only thing smart about you is your mouth. And, well -- look at you."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Donna just came through hear looking pretty upset. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"
• (Topher Grace) "No. I mean, she was fine just a minute ago when we were down -- oh, you already know, don't you?"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Of course I know."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Kitty, why is it we always do what you want to do and never do what I want to do?"
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "It's in the Bible."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Bob, that's my stuff. You put the hell back my stuff."
• (Don Stark) "Sorry, Red, it was in my part of the garage."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "What's he talking about?"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Kitty, let me talk to him."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Bob, get the hell out of my garage."
• (Don Stark) "Fine."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Nice shorts, Rainbow."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "So, this is how an immature, engaged, high school dumbass, with no car, no job, and no money trims the hedges."
• (Danny Masterson) "That was like eight burns in one sentence."
• (Laura Prepon) "An octo-burn. Let's get outta here."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bedbugs put their foot in your ass."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Steven, you're 18 now. It's time to start being a man. And the first rule to being a man is you gotta spend your life doing crap you don't wanna do."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "I like the sound of a beer church."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Eric, I thought I told you to wash up for dinner. I know, it's difficult to hear with your head up your ass."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "This is a smoke detector."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Does that detect any type of smoke?"

• (Kurtwood Smith) "If you don't shut up I will put you in a crate, take you down to the port, and trade you for a years worth of bananas."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Ah, my job, and my little girl."
• (Topher Grace) "Ok, so I'm here too, dad."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Oh, and uh, speaking of you, I told Millbank's son David to come by and see you."
• (Topher Grace) "David Millbank? Dad, I hated that guy."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Yeah, well, I hate his dad. But, I smile like hell whenever I see him."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Well isn't that a surprise. A National Guardsman serving up chicken."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Quick, I need a wet towel and a Bloody Mary."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Your mother is talking about adopting a communist orphan. HURRY, DAMMIT."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Aw, Kitty, you think that she's all grown up. But there's still a lot that she doesn't know. I mean, what if her place doesn't have a deadbolt, or a smoke detector?"
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Red, you don't have to baby her. She's twenty."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "You're never too old to burn to death in a fire."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Earl, just get to work."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Oh, sure. Right after my cup of joe. I'm useless without my coffee."
• (Topher Grace) "Then, I guess he hasn't had coffee in years, huh?"

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Without rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "I'm glad he's in prison for bribery. People like him give a bad name to Republicans."
• (Topher Grace) "Yeah, all the honest ones, like Richard Nixon."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "What did you just say?"
• (Topher Grace) "Uhh -- I said Nixon was framed, and Kennedy was a commie?"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Damn right."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Aw, Gilligan screwed it up. Why don't they just kill him?"

• (Kurtwood Smith) "You mean with that ungrateful daughter, our dumbass son, and that drunk foreign kid"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "it was better than last year."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "If you ever do anything like that again, I will kick your ass so hard, your nose will bleed."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "And we love you."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "What are you going to put on your resume; dumbass?"

• (Kurtwood Smith) "If one more person tells me to 'shut it' --"
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "You might actually 'shut it'?"

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Forman, party of two."
• (Unnamed) "Okey dokey, that'll be about two hours."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Here's twenty bucks."
• (Unnamed) "Okay we'll have something in fifteen minutes."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "You don't want this place to burn down twice do you?"
• (Unnamed) "Okay we have something right now."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "I thought so. Well, it looks like it's our lucky night."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Earl, I didn't make you too dumb to flip burgers. It's God fault."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Damn it. That's where I eat dinner."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "This is how it starts, you know. First they're dating and having fun, and then the next thing you know, they're prying the money to pay for a wedding from my cold, dead hands."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Oh, honey. They're not going to get married. He'll leave her when she gets pregnant."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Eric, if you don't want to wear your ass for a hat, you'll get up here, pronto."
• (Laura Prepon) "You better go. You know how that ass- hat screws up your hair."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "Kitty, I think we should rethink our 'Don't throw Leo out on his ass policy.'"
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "No, no. Leo stuck around because he cares about Steven."
• (Luke Wilson) "-- and plus I can't find my shoes, man."

• (Kurtwood Smith) "I'm -- sorry that I took your money out of your little box, when I feed you and clothe you and put a roof over your head. Sorrrrry."

Danny Masterson as Steven Hyde

• (Danny Masterson) "Look, Forman, if you give Donna that ring, she'll see the girl inside of you. And, you don't want to wake Erica up."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah, Erica. That's classic. I'm lucky. You can't make a girl name out of Michael."
• (Danny Masterson) "Oh, really, Michelle?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Damn it. I forgot about Michelle. But, you know what, Forman? You should get Donna that promise ring. I'm gonna give one to Jackie too."
• (Topher Grace) "Thank you, Kelso. Let's go get them, right now."
• (Topher Grace) "See you later -- Damn it. What's a girl name for Hyde?"
• (Danny Masterson) "It's Heidi, you morons."

• (Danny Masterson) "Being Kelso is like knowing the truth behind all the deceptions in society, but not being able to convince any of your fellow suburban friends that anything's wrong, man. No wait, that's me."

• (Bud Hyde) "You look familiar. Do I know you?"
• (Danny Masterson) "I sure hope so -- Dad."

• (Danny Masterson) "Hey, Fez, listen to this."
• (Danny Masterson) "Tight pants can show off a man's derriere and show a woman heaven. Also, an open shirt can expose a sexy chest and show an enormous 'Joie De Vivre'."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Really? I always thought my 'Joie De Vivre' was in my pants."

• (Danny Masterson) "Hey, this vase smells like chocolate."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Really?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Ow. STOP DOING THAT."
• (Danny Masterson) "GET SMARTER."

• (Danny Masterson) "You know what your problem is? You're really cute, but nobody ever told you to shut your piehole."
• (Mila Kunis) "You think I'm cute?"
• (Danny Masterson) "SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE."

• (Danny Masterson) "Hey Forman, did you realize that there's another room back there? Hey, and it barely stinks."
• (Topher Grace) "Perfect. You can sit back there underneath your bare bulb and write angry letters to the government."
• (Danny Masterson) "Oh, don't think I won't."

• (Danny Masterson) "So if Donna ever breaks up with you, and starts dating me, are we still friends?"
• (Topher Grace) "No."

• (Danny Masterson) "I'm gonna punish him the way my parents punish me."
• (Topher Grace) "You're gonna leave him at the mall?"
• (Danny Masterson) "No. I'm gonna milk this eye thing until he feels as bad as he should. And they didn't leave me at the mall. They forgot me. They were drunk."

• (Danny Masterson) "Act tough, Forman."
• (Topher Grace) "I'm not tough."
• (Danny Masterson) "That's why I said 'act.'"

• (Danny Masterson) "Oh, I see how it is. When things get ugly, all of a sudden I'm family."
• (Christina Moore) "Not to me, you freak."
• (Danny Masterson) "You are SO gonna wind up in porno."

• (Danny Masterson) "At parties like this Fez, you collect the leftovers of all the unfinished drinks, and combine them to form on giant, uber-drink. In this case,a Tom Wallbanger Bloody Sunrise on the Beach."

• (Danny Masterson) "I'll write a really great slogan like, 'I Hate the Fuzz' on my ass."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "If you hate the fuzz on your ass, why don't you just shave it off?"

• (Danny Masterson) "Don't worry, Donna. I mean, my parents splitting up made me the man I am today."
• (Laura Prepon) "Aww, man. Am I gonna go crazy and think the government is out to get me, too?"
• (Danny Masterson) "The government IS out to get you."

• (Danny Masterson) "Ah, this is definitely gooder -- Gooder? Yeah, that's a word."

• (Danny Masterson) "Laurie's got great legs, and a fine rack, but she's a major skankoid. And you don't know where a girl like that has been."

• (Danny Masterson) "Face it Forman, you're not a cheater -- a wise man once said "know thyself" and that man was Tater Nuts."

• (Danny Masterson) "When Kelso's the only one of us thinking straight, something's wrong."

• (Danny Masterson) "Why did you kill me, Eric? I can never forgive you."

• (Danny Masterson) "You have to be aloof."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Did you just call me a 'loof'? Because if so, I'll have to kick you in your nads."
• (Danny Masterson) "No man, aloof. Distant, zen --"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Well, that's not what a loof means in my language."
• (Danny Masterson) "Look, I don't care what you think it means. That's what it means here."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "You're the loof."
• (Danny Masterson) "Hey Fez --"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "-- I SAID LOOF."

• (Danny Masterson) "Michael, call me later."
• (Topher Grace) "Michael, do your Chico impression."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Michael, rub oil on my thighs while I spank you."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "-- please someone else talk now."

• (Danny Masterson) "Think about it. We hold information that could crush the very heart and soul of one of our best friends. I live for days like this."

• (Danny Masterson) "Hey, Red. You have to sign this card for me."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "It says you're failing gym."
• (Danny Masterson) "Yeah."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Why the hell are you failing gym?"
• (Danny Masterson) "Because I wouldn't wear shorts?"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Why not?"
• (Danny Masterson) "Would you wear shorts?"

• (Danny Masterson) "No offense Mrs. Forman, but those two could make the dumbest babies ever."

• (Danny Masterson) "Look man, I gotta talk to you about some things that happened while you were gone this summer."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Hyde, if this isn't about free ice cream, naked volleyball or a dog wearing a hat and sunglasses, I'd rather not know."

• (Danny Masterson) "No, no, I'm not walking. If God had wanted us to walk he wouldn't have given us Foreman."

• (Danny Masterson) "Pimp gave you the holiday off, huh?"
• (Christina Moore) "Yeah, he replaced me with your mom."

• (Danny Masterson) "So there it is. The clown's back. Everyone is happy and nobody went to jail. What a waste of time."

• (Danny Masterson) "Hold on, Kelso. Suddenly, you're too mature to go cruising for chicks with us, and you're going to the mall with Jackie?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah, I've been doing a lot of thinking. And, I've come to realize that Jackie is the only girl I want to be with."
• (Topher Grace) "Today?"

• (Danny Masterson) "I told you to look where you were going."
• (Mila Kunis) "What idiot leaves a Lego set right in front of the door?"
• (Topher Grace) "You knocked over my space command center?"

• (Danny Masterson) "Kelso, women are like muffins, man. And once you've had a muffin, you will put up with ANYTHING to have another one. And they know that."

• (Danny Masterson) "I hate cigars. This is way worse then what we usually do in the circle. It smells bad, it tastes rank, but there's no fun hallucinations. This should be illegal."

• (Danny Masterson) "Hey, if there wasn't some huge downside to doing something this stupid, it wouldn't be worth doing, ya know?"

• (Danny Masterson) "You know, Forman, you ought to write a book. "Things My Dad Threatened To Put Up My Ass" -- "Chapter One: His Foot"."

• (Danny Masterson) "If you don't shut up, you'll be the first person to touch his chin to his ass."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Have you been spying on me?"

• (Danny Masterson) "Look man, if those jocks try to do this to you again, just come find me."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Thanks. You're my best friend. Let's hold hands."

• (Danny Masterson) "Say, how'd THAT get there?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "That's funny. No; This isn't even mine. Yeah, this must be ERIC'S shirt."
• (Mila Kunis) "Your mom sewed your name in it, Michael."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Man, Eric's going to be pissed, huh? Yeah, 'cause I borrowed Eric's shirt 'cause mine wasn't working right. And then my mom must've sewed my name in it."
• (Mila Kunis) "Hum, I don't know, Michael --"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Jackie, if I were lying I'd come up with a lot better lie than that."
• (Danny Masterson) "Yeah, you'd think so."

• (Danny Masterson) "Look guys, we've gotta do something that says we will not pay homage to a corrupt electoral system."

• (Danny Masterson) "So you wanna be a burn-out? Is that it?"
• (Mila Kunis) "No. No, Hyde. I just wanna be with you. I think you are one of the coolest and sweetest guys."
• (Danny Masterson) "No you don't."
• (Mila Kunis) "Yes I do."

• (Ricky) "Where do you see yourself in five years?"
• (Danny Masterson) "Prison."

• (Danny Masterson) "Yeah, you gotta stay sharp, man. That's why I keep myself pure 'til 3 o' clock --"
• (Danny Masterson) "Two o'clock. That's why I keep myself pure until two o'clock."
• (Danny Masterson) "I'm not even wearing a watch."

• (Danny Masterson) "Hey, let me tell you something, pal. You're proppin' up a dyin' system, man. You know some day soon people are gonna wake up. And they're gonny realize that most of us don't fit in your Hollywood, Madison Avenue, candy-coated ideal of what's cool. And when we do, we're gonna rise up. We're gonna put you on trial. Then parade through the streets with your head on a stick."
• (The Bouncer) "Righteous political outrage -- You're in."

• (Danny Masterson) "We could go to Chicago and peddle Fez's ass for beer."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "I'm game."

• (Danny Masterson) "Yeah, I never thought I'd be a working man, man. But man, here I am, working for the man. You know what man, I like it man."
• (Luke Wilson) "Hey, thanks man."

• (Danny Masterson) "If you really want to get under her skin you have to be Zen."
• (Mila Kunis) "Zen? Okay you just can't make up words Hyde."

• (Danny Masterson) "We need to do something that says "We're not gonna stand for a corrupt electoral system". Something that will leave a mark."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Oh, I know. A bloody coup."

• (Danny Masterson) "Think about it, a world full of Kelsos. Libraries will fall into disrepair, there'd be feathered hair as far as the eye could see, we'll have to put padding on every sharp corner."

• (Danny Masterson) "You should suspend me. I need a vacation."

• (Danny Masterson) "It's no worse than bowling. But I don't hate bowling."

• (Danny Masterson) "Secretly, I think they want it more than we do."
• (Topher Grace) "Oh, you and your crazy conspiracies."

• (Danny Masterson) "You know, Forman, I'm a romantic. So I say you choke him 'til his eyes pop out."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah. Hittin' people's cool."

• (Danny Masterson) "Look Foreman, I'll be in as much trouble as you are as soon as Edna sobers up."

• (Danny Masterson) "She's not a "goddess", she's more an "earth-mother whore" type, which works for me."

• (Danny Masterson) "Hey, can we get a move on? If I miss that 20 midget free for all, I'm gonna be super-pissed."

• (Danny Masterson) "Forman's first suspension -- I'm so proud."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Whoa, back up. Why'd he get suspended?"
• (Laura Prepon) "Because he's stupid."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "They can do that?"

• (Danny Masterson) "I've been living in the basement."
• (Topher Grace) "You know? I did notice a dusting of curly hair on the floor. I just wrote if off to my changing teenage body."

• (Danny Masterson) "What crawled up your butt?"
• (Topher Grace) "You and Jackie and then you started making out in there."

• (Danny Masterson) "Forman, you have a responsibility to all of us. You have to find out what's under that smock."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "I bet it's boobs."

• (Danny Masterson) "I knew hooking up with Jackie was a big mistake but I did it anyway. That's what she does, man. She makes you stupid. I bet Kelso was composing symphonies before he met her."

• (Danny Masterson) "Here are the facts: When the smoke hits the brain, the cells start dying. This process causes impaired judgment and hallucinations and a lot of other wonderful things."

• (Danny Masterson) "I love you."

• (Danny Masterson) "Jackie, I am really, really sorry and I'll never do it again."
• (Mila Kunis) "You know, that's just what Michael used to say."

• (Danny Masterson) "Hey,

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