That '70s Show (season 7) Quotes

That '70s Show is a television show that debuted in 2004 on Fox Broadcasting Company. That '70s Show ended in 2005.

That '70s Show was on for 25 episodes.

The cast includes: Laura Prepon as Donna Pinciotti, Ashton Kutcher as Michael Kelso, Kurtwood Smith as Red Forman, Topher Grace as Eric, Mila Kunis as Jackie Burkhardt, Danny Masterson as Steven Hyde, Debra Jo Rupp as Kitty Forman, Tanya Roberts as Midge Pinciotti, Ashton Kutcher as Kelso, Wilmer Valderrama as Fez, Tim Reid as All, Kurtwood Smith as Red, Laura Prepon as Donna, Shannon Elizabeth as Brooke, Jim Rash as Fenton, Tommy Chong as Leo, Don Stark as Bob Pinciotti, Laura Prepon as Nina, Mila Kunis as Burt, Bret Harrison as Earl, Bret Harrison as Caroline, Danny Masterson as Edna Hyde, Topher Grace as Bernice Forman, Megalyn Echikunwoke as Annette, Jenna Fischer as Stacey, Shannon Elizabeth as Roy, Kurtwood Smith as Red Foreman, and Megalyn Echikunwoke as Angie.

That '70s Show Quotes

Wilmer Valderrama as Fez

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "I just wish that there was someplace in the world where prejudice didn't exist."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Well, that's Canada -- Yup, good ol' Canada. They don't make generalizations about people because they're too busy playin' hockey or gettin' drunk or puttin' maple syrup on their ham."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Caroline, I have to break up with you."
• (Bret Harrison) "Why? Don't say it's because I'm crazy. I'm not crazy."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "No -- um -- it's because -- Donna and I are in love."
• (Bret Harrison) "WHAT?"
• (Mila Kunis) "Ewww --"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Please tell her, Donna -- Please?"
• (Laura Prepon) "What if she tries to kill me?"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "You're a giant, you can take her."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Oh Eric, you do not buy soda. You only rent it --"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "-- You know what I mean --"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "-- I mean you pee it out."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Rhonda, I thought we'd start our evening with a hot-dog eating contest. Now, I know you're the State Hot Dog Eating Champion, but I think I can make it interesting."
• (Rhonda) "Sorry, Fez, I don't eat food for money OR glory any more."
• (Rhonda) "It's not ladylike."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Eric, what a glorious man-ring."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Jackie you seem different. I don't know if its your hair, your outfit -- Or your red puffy eyes."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Mmm -- liquid candy."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Hello, House of Chicken? How big are your wings?"
• (Danny Masterson) "Breasts."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Oh. How big are your breasts?"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "This is Fez. Who is this?"

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Mrs. Forman, I'm sorry. I washed my face with your ovaries."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Do I have to use the pink ladies' ball again?"
• (Danny Masterson) "Fez, Fez, Fez. You know the answer to that question."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Pink ladies' ball until I lose my virginity."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "I'm confused. What's going on?"
• (Danny Masterson) "You see, Donna, as a creative artist, wrote her story to get some perspective on her life. Forman, as a vindictive ass, wrote his story to be a vindictive ass."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "AH. This is tomorrow's school paper. Oh my god, on the front page, there's a picture of me kissing Kelso by the lake."
• (Topher Grace) "Fez why are you kissing Kelso by the lake?"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "We caught a fish, I was excited. I kissed the fish too, but of course they don't show you that."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "I am so excited about Star Whores."
• (Danny Masterson) "Fezzy, man -- Star Wars."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Screw that."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Wow, my first X-rated movie. I don't know what's going on, but that is the luckiest pizza boy ever."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Oh, and guess what? They looked into my records and discovered my visa expires after I graduate from high school. That means I'm going to be deported. Thanks a lot, you guys. Now I have to relearn my native language."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Look, my first snowball. I love snow so much, my fingers are numb with joy."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "These after-school specials are thrilling. Who knew that one beer could turn a cheerleader into a whore?"

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Hey, are you naked or are you just happy to see me?"
• (Laura Prepon) "Oh, my God, Fez."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Oh, my God, Donna."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Don't worry, just turn on the charm --"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Hey, nice honkers."
• (Laura Prepon) "Get out of here."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "My Green Card, I kept it in my right shoe for safe keeping, I even make up a rhyme to help me remember, my green card in my right shoe something something right shoe."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Poor Hyde. You are in love with Donna and she's with your good friend Eric."
• (Danny Masterson) "So what?"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "So it's the saddest story in the world."
• (Danny Masterson) "You know what? I had a chance, and I didn't take it."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "I know that I just met her Mr. Red, but I love her. She is -- sturdy. I want to climb her."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Is there anything about Canada we need to know before we get there?"
• (Danny Masterson) "Well, the beer is stronger. And as a result, their women look prettier."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Then let's HAUL ASS TO CANADA."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "You don't like me because I'm not from here."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "This has nothing to do with you being a foreigner. This is about you taking advantage of my daughter like a sneaky foreigner."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "People are so friendly around here. The women on the corner just offered to have sex with me."
• (Danny Masterson) "Yeah, for money Fez."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "I could not ask them for money -- or could I?"

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Thanks for getting me out of jail, you two sons of two bitches."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Thanks for getting me out of jail you 2 sons of 2 bitches."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Do you know what's a good job for me -- Gigolo. The loving is over. Now pay me."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Need a refill?"
• (Mila Kunis) "Sure. Thanks."
• (Mila Kunis) "When did they get a house boy?"

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Oh, it's so stinky. What are we going to do with it?"
• (Danny Masterson) "Simple, man. We're going to find a place to hide the stinky, and ruin someone's day. The question is where, how, and who?"
• (Danny Masterson) "The answer is there, that, and Kelso."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "You know, in my country, if a woman beats you, it makes her want you."
• (Topher Grace) "Really?"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Yes, but this is America. Wuss."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "I'm going to spend the rest of my American money on candy and porno."
• (Laura Prepon) "But, Fez."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "I said candy and porno."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Hey, guys. I was just showing Caroline the backseat of my Vista Cruiser."
• (Danny Masterson) "Fez, that's not your car."
• (Mila Kunis) "Yeah, Fez. Foreigners aren't allowed to drive cars in this country, unless it's a cab."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Don't resist me, Mama. It's boogie time."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "I like my women like I like my wine; red and full of alcohol."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "What do you miss about her, Kelso? All she ever did was call you names. Heck, I can do that for you. You idiot. See?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Aw, thanks, Fez."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "This suit is for leisure. But many times I wear it to get down to business."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Who are you?"
• (Rhonda) "Fez, it's me Rhonda."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "So do you want to have a hot-dog eating contest?"
• (Rhonda) "No. It's not kosher."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Who said?"
• (Rhonda) "They did."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Oh, really?"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "What have you meddling whores done to my Rhonda?"
• (Laura Prepon) "I've got to tell you, Fez it was all Jackie's idea. She wouldn't let her pee."
• (Mila Kunis) "You said she was a sasquatch."
• (Laura Prepon) "So did you."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Look at this, Jackie brings four different types of mascara just to please Kelso. And what does Kelso bring? Another woman."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "But how am I supposed to pay for my shoes?"
• (Tommy Chong) "Just do what I do, man. Take money from the register when the boss isn't looking."
• (Danny Masterson) "Leo -- Once again -- You are the boss."
• (Tommy Chong) "And, I'm not looking."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "I wonder what's up with Jackie. She looks scared -- like a deer in the headlights caught with its pants down."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "My gosh, Buddy. With a car like that, you must be knee deep in whores."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Crack a book, you lazy son-of-a-bitch."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "If I have to leave this country, where am I going to go? France? f*** France."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Opportunity does not knock, then knock again, then leave a note saying "sorry I missed you"."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Guys, I'm in pain."
• (Laura Prepon) "Yeah, I know, Fez. It hurts when a girl you like ignores you."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "No. I mean I kissed her, and now I am in PAIN."
• (Laura Prepon) "Eww."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Whenever I look at naked ladies, I get really tired. Then I get my second wind, and then I want to look at more naked ladies."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Guys, Rhonda said she wanted to share something with me, tonight. That means we are going to do it."
• (Danny Masterson) "Nice."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "But, I have a problem. I have no place to do it in. I need someplace cheap and roomy -- just like my Rhonda."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a toosie pop? One --"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Two-hoo."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Ah, screw it."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Ow, my tooth. Oh, why did I have to bite it?"

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Well, hello there, pretty lady. Who might you be?"
• (Laura Prepon) "That's my sister. And, she's 14."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "You know, in my country --"
• (Danny Masterson) "It's illegal here."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Oh."

• (Mr. Wilkinson) "Bloody hell- is that my mailbox?"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Bloody hell is that me mailbox?"

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "That's not a tater tot -- that's a tater giant."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Oh, the ladies want a piece of Fez."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "If we were in my country I'd string you from the tallest tree."
• (Danny Masterson) "We're not in your country."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Right. So good luck with Donna."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "When is it Fez's turn? Where is my whore?"

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "I have a question Hyde. How much masturbation is too much?"
• (Danny Masterson) "There's no such thing as too much, Fez."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Don't worry Kelso the puberty bunny will visit you soon."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "We've been here for like 2 hours, and we've only moved like two feet."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "If you think the lines at the DMV are long, you should see the free clinic. Now there's a wait."

• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Stop touching each other. It gives me needs --"

Danny Masterson as Steven Hyde

• (Danny Masterson) "So, Bud, can we have a keg party here?"
• (Bud Hyde) "Yeah -- sure. I'm cool with it. That's me -- cool dad --"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah. Bud's the coolest."
• (Topher Grace) "Yeah, Bud."
• (Topher Grace) "Would you be my dad?"
• (Topher Grace) "No, really."
• (Topher Grace) "No, I'm serious."

• (Danny Masterson) "I'd rather put on a dress and slow-dance with Kelso on 'Soul Train'."

• (Danny Masterson) "Say, how'd THAT get there?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "That's funny. No; This isn't even mine. Yeah, this must be ERIC'S shirt."
• (Mila Kunis) "Your mom sewed your name in it, Michael."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Man, Eric's going to be pissed, huh? Yeah, 'cause I borrowed Eric's shirt 'cause mine wasn't working right. And then my mom must've sewed my name in it."
• (Mila Kunis) "Hum, I don't know, Michael --"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Jackie, if I were lying I'd come up with a lot better lie than that."
• (Danny Masterson) "Yeah, you'd think so."

• (Danny Masterson) "You know, Forman, you ought to write a book. "Things My Dad Threatened To Put Up My Ass" -- "Chapter One: His Foot"."

• (Danny Masterson) "You have to be aloof."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Did you just call me a 'loof'? Because if so, I'll have to kick you in your nads."
• (Danny Masterson) "No man, aloof. Distant, zen --"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Well, that's not what a loof means in my language."
• (Danny Masterson) "Look, I don't care what you think it means. That's what it means here."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "You're the loof."
• (Danny Masterson) "Hey Fez --"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "-- I SAID LOOF."

• (Laurie Forman) "What about Hyde? Why doesn't HE have to go to church?"
• (Danny Masterson) "While I respect the Judeo-Christian ethic, as well as the eastern philosophies and of course the teachings of Mohammed, I find that organized religion has corrupted those beliefs to justify countless atrocities throughout history. Were I to attend church, I'd be a hypocrite."

• (Danny Masterson) "Oh, my God -- what have I done?"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "You've married a Vegas stripper. Congratulations. When Eric calls -- you're the town dumbass."

• (Danny Masterson) "Oh, I see how it is. When things get ugly, all of a sudden I'm family."
• (Laurie Forman) "Not to me, you freak."
• (Danny Masterson) "You are SO gonna wind up in porno."

• (Danny Masterson) "Yeah, you gotta stay sharp, man. That's why I keep myself pure 'til 3 o' clock --"
• (Danny Masterson) "Two o'clock. That's why I keep myself pure until two o'clock."
• (Danny Masterson) "I'm not even wearing a watch."

• (Danny Masterson) "Everything I wanted to say was in that one punch. Come on."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "That was a good one too. I peed myself a little on the way down."

• (Danny Masterson) "Guys, can we do something besides cruise? That's the third time tonight we've driven by that house."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "I know what we could do. We could go skinny dipping."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Naked. That's the way God intended."
• (Mila Kunis) "No way."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Why not? It'd be fun."
• (Laura Prepon) "Sure, it's fun for you guys, 'cause you can look at us, and that's a treat. But we just look at you. And that's nasty."
• (Topher Grace) "So, you don't want to do it?"
• (Laura Prepon) "Well -- I don't care. I'll do it."
• (Topher Grace) "You -- Okay, I'm in."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Naked is dirty."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Dirty, dirty, dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty."
• (Tim Reid) "Dirty, dirty, dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty."
• (Mila Kunis) "This was such a great idea, Michael. This was so much fun. Oh, wait, except for the part when our clothes got stolen, you idiot."
• (Danny Masterson) "By the way, Fez, nice tattoo, man."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Thank you. It is the Blessed Virgin of Yorba Linda. Do you want to see her dance?"
• (Tim Reid) "No."
• (Topher Grace) "Guys, we need a plan. I'm not driving up to the house with a car full of naked people. Red hates you guys when you're dressed."
• (Danny Masterson) "We can go to my house."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah, your mom's used of having naked guys around."
• (Danny Masterson) "She's not even home, you moron."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Put on the top forty."
• (Danny Masterson) "Whoa, sit down, Fez. I see London, I see Besticle."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Well, what do you want me to do about it?"
• (Danny Masterson) "I don't know. Tuck it in."

• (Danny Masterson) "Not only did we break the law, we screwed our friends while breaking the law."

• (Danny Masterson) "If you ask me, UNICEF is a scam."
• (Laura Prepon) "If we ask you, everything is a scam."
• (Danny Masterson) "Everything is a scam."

• (Danny Masterson) "I'll write a really great slogan like, 'I Hate the Fuzz' on my ass."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "If you hate the fuzz on your ass, why don't you just shave it off?"

• (Danny Masterson) "I didn't do it to be nice. I did it because I wanted to commit a felony. Misdemeanors just ain't the rush that they used to be."

• (Danny Masterson) "There is no gas shortage man. It's all fake. The oil companies control everything. Like there is this guy that invented this car and it runs on water man. It's got a fiberglass air-cooled engine and it runs on water."

• (Danny Masterson) "Hey, this vase smells like chocolate."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Really?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Ow. STOP DOING THAT."
• (Danny Masterson) "GET SMARTER."

• (Danny Masterson) "Forman, you have a responsibility to all of us. You have to find out what's under that smock."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "I bet it's boobs."

• (Danny Masterson) "You gotta be Bruce Springsteeny. Springsteenian. Springteenicious. What were we talking about?"

• (Danny Masterson) "If you don't shut up, you'll be the first person to touch his chin to his ass."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Have you been spying on me?"

• (Danny Masterson) "That's not the devil, it's Congress. They passed a law to put secret backward messages in our records, man. They wanna kill rock and roll because they know it makes us horny, man."

• (Danny Masterson) "My heart aches with pain. When I see you, I vomit. Die away from me."

• (Danny Masterson) "When Kelso's the only one of us thinking straight, something's wrong."

• (Danny Masterson) "Eighteen sucks, man, no more free rides. I mean, if there's a war, I could get drafted."
• (Tommy Chong) "If there's a war, I'll see you in Canada."

• (Danny Masterson) "You know what's gonne make you feel better? A scrawny little neighbor boy."

• (Danny Masterson) "Here are the facts: When the smoke hits the brain, the cells start dying. This process causes impaired judgment and hallucinations and a lot of other wonderful things."

• (Danny Masterson) "Laurie's got great legs, and a fine rack, but she's a major skankoid. And you don't know where a girl like that has been."

• (Danny Masterson) "Look Foreman, I'll be in as much trouble as you are as soon as Edna sobers up."

• (Danny Masterson) "Michael, call me later."
• (Topher Grace) "Michael, do your Chico impression."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Michael, rub oil on my thighs while I spank you."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "-- please someone else talk now."

• (Ricky) "Where do you see yourself in five years?"
• (Danny Masterson) "Prison."

• (Danny Masterson) "Isn't it ironic that "titillating" has the word "tit" in it?"

• (Danny Masterson) "Jackie, I am really, really sorry and I'll never do it again."
• (Mila Kunis) "You know, that's just what Michael used to say."

• (Danny Masterson) "I told you to look where you were going."
• (Mila Kunis) "What idiot leaves a Lego set right in front of the door?"
• (Topher Grace) "You knocked over my space command center?"

• (Danny Masterson) "Looks like Shelley has a thing for Foreman."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Yes, and Foreman has a thing for Shelley. And it's in his pants."

• (Danny Masterson) "Act tough, Forman."
• (Topher Grace) "I'm not tough."
• (Danny Masterson) "That's why I said 'act.'"

• (Danny Masterson) "Hey Foreman, do you have any naked pictures of your Grandma?"
• (Topher Grace) "No."
• (Danny Masterson) "Ha ha. You do now."

• (Danny Masterson) "Think about it. We hold information that could crush the very heart and soul of one of our best friends. I live for days like this."

• (Danny Masterson) "We need to do something that says "We're not gonna stand for a corrupt electoral system". Something that will leave a mark."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Oh, I know. A bloody coup."

• (Danny Masterson) "Kelso was right. Everyone's trying it."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "I'm telling you, this stuff's just isn't for cakes. It's great all by itself."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Wait, wait, wait."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Look at me. I'm whipped cream head. Fear me. All fear whipped cream head."

• (Danny Masterson) "I got busted for possession."
• (Tommy Chong) "Join the club."
• (Danny Masterson) "Yeah, thanks."
• (Tommy Chong) "No, I mean join the club, man. We meet every Thursday. We're trying to raise money for a field trip to Amsterdam."

• (Danny Masterson) "He's as dead as your Mayan forefathers."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "My forefathers were not Mayan."
• (Danny Masterson) "Like anyone cares."

• (Danny Masterson) "Forman doesn't ever moon because it's impossible to moon when you have no ass."

• (Danny Masterson) "Kelso, do you remember that time you thought you saw the abominable snowman?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah --"
• (Danny Masterson) "And what did it turn out to be?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Just a regular snowman --"

• (Danny Masterson) "So there it is. The clown's back. Everyone is happy and nobody went to jail. What a waste of time."

• (Danny Masterson) "Hey Leo man, you all set?"
• (Tommy Chong) "Totally, man, I got everything."
• (Danny Masterson) "Great. Where's the camera?"
• (Tommy Chong) "I got everything but the camera -- or the film -- or the flashcubes. Hee, I got nothin' man."
• (Danny Masterson) "Leo man, the photohut is loaded with that stuff."
• (Tommy Chong) "I know, it's ironic, isn't it?"
• (Danny Masterson) "And yet not surprising."

• (Danny Masterson) "Two girls in a phallic RV driving around handing out things you blow? What a great country."

• (Bud Hyde) "You look familiar. Do I know you?"
• (Danny Masterson) "I sure hope so -- Dad."

• (Danny Masterson) "Secretly, I think they want it more than we do."
• (Topher Grace) "Oh, you and your crazy conspiracies."

• (Danny Masterson) "Hey, Forman. This movie better be good. If I don't see some space jugs, I'm gonna be super-pissed."

• (Danny Masterson) "No offense Mrs. Forman, but those two could make the dumbest babies ever."

• (Danny Masterson) "Well, in health class today, we learned that an early engagement is a sign of heavy drug use."

• (Danny Masterson) "Yeah, I'm going to go -- bird watching with my girlfriend."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah, me and Jackie are going to go "BIRDWATCHING", too."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "It's cool 'cause they don't know what we're talking about."
• (Danny Masterson) "I think they cracked it."

• (Danny Masterson) "Pimp gave you the holiday off, huh?"
• (Laurie Forman) "Yeah, he replaced me with your mom."

• (Danny Masterson) "Look, Forman, if you give Donna that ring, she'll see the girl inside of you. And, you don't want to wake Erica up."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah, Erica. That's classic. I'm lucky. You can't make a girl name out of Michael."
• (Danny Masterson) "Oh, really, Michelle?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Damn it. I forgot about Michelle. But, you know what, Forman? You should get Donna that promise ring. I'm gonna give one to Jackie too."
• (Topher Grace) "Thank you, Kelso. Let's go get them, right now."
• (Topher Grace) "See you later -- Damn it. What's a girl name for Hyde?"
• (Danny Masterson) "It's Heidi, you morons."

• (Danny Masterson) "Think about it, a world full of Kelsos. Libraries will fall into disrepair, there'd be feathered hair as far as the eye could see, we'll have to put padding on every sharp corner."

• (Danny Masterson) "You're engaged. In Latin that means "screwed for life"."

• (Danny Masterson) "We could go to Chicago and peddle Fez's ass for beer."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "I'm game."

• (Danny Masterson) "I knew hooking up with Jackie was a big mistake but I did it anyway. That's what she does, man. She makes you stupid. I bet Kelso was composing symphonies before he met her."

• (Danny Masterson) "I'm not a conspiracy nut. My gym and shop teachers started that rumor to discredit me."

• (Ricky) "So why do you want a job at Fatso Burger?"
• (Danny Masterson) "To unionize the workers, man."

• (Danny Masterson) "Hey, Donna, you want some pie."
• (Laura Prepon) "No, I don't want any stupid pie."
• (Danny Masterson) "Hey, I didn't kiss her."

• (Danny Masterson) "Hold on, Kelso. Suddenly, you're too mature to go cruising for chicks with us, and you're going to the mall with Jackie?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah, I've been doing a lot of thinking. And, I've come to realize that Jackie is the only girl I want to be with."
• (Topher Grace) "Today?"

• (Danny Masterson) "Kelso, women are like muffins, man. And once you've had a muffin, you will put up with ANYTHING to have another one. And they know that."

• (Danny Masterson) "Look, Jackie. I know you were worried before so I just wanna let you know nothing happened on my end this weekend. I'm not telling you that so you'll tell me what you did. I just wanna let you know what happened with me. That's my report to you."
• (Mila Kunis) "All right. Good to know."
• (Danny Masterson) "Good to know?"
• (Mila Kunis) "Did I stutter?"

• (Danny Masterson) "Look man, if those jocks try to do this to you again, just come find me."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Thanks. You're my best friend. Let's hold hands."

• (Danny Masterson) "Ah, this is definitely gooder -- Gooder? Yeah, that's a word."

• (Danny Masterson) "Poor Forman, man. Working for Red. I wouldn't wish that on my enemies."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "I would. Those suckas must pay."

• (Danny Masterson) "What crawled up your butt?"
• (Topher Grace) "You and Jackie and then you started making out in there."

• (Danny Masterson) "At parties like this Fez, you collect the leftovers of all the unfinished drinks, and combine them to form on giant, uber-drink. In this case,a Tom Wallbanger Bloody Sunrise on the Beach."

• (Danny Masterson) "What is she doing here?"
• (Tommy Chong) "I think she's hitting on me, man."
• (Mila Kunis) "What are you talking about?"
• (Tommy Chong) "What are you talking about?"
• (Mila Kunis) "What are you talking about?"
• (Tommy Chong) "What are you talking about?"
• (Danny Masterson) "Whatever."
• (Mila Kunis) "Oh, great. Steven."
• (Tommy Chong) "What was she talking about?"

• (Danny Masterson) "The three TRUE branches of the government are military, corporate and Hollywood."

• (Danny Masterson) "That's the price you pay for docking your Love Boat in Jackie Vallarta."

• (Danny Masterson) "School spirit is for losers man. You're just like floating along on the conveyer belt of conformity -- pep rallies, extra curricular activities, washing your hair -- It's all just a trap, man."

• (Danny Masterson) "They should've X-rayed your head at the hospital."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "They did. And for your information, they found nothing."

• (Danny Masterson) "I'm gonna punish him the way my parents punish me."
• (Topher Grace) "You're gonna leave him at the mall?"
• (Danny Masterson) "No. I'm gonna milk this eye thing until he feels as bad as he should. And they didn't leave me at the mall. They forgot me. They were drunk."

• (Danny Masterson) "Look man, I gotta talk to you about some things that happened while you were gone this summer."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Hyde, if this isn't about free ice cream, naked volleyball or a dog wearing a hat and sunglasses, I'd rather not know."

• (Danny Masterson) "Forman's first suspension -- I'm so proud."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Whoa, back up. Why'd he get suspended?"
• (Laura Prepon) "Because he's stupid."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "They can do that?"

• (Danny Masterson) "Let's see what your permanent record says about you, Jackie."
• (Mila Kunis) "Go ahead. I have a perfect record."
• (Danny Masterson) "Does anybody want to know what Jackie's middle name is?"
• (Danny Masterson) "Jackie's middle name is --"
• (Mila Kunis) "I hate you. I hate you."
• (Danny Masterson) "Her middle name is Beula."

• (Danny Masterson) "Hey, Fez, do you happen to have my money?"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Actually, I do happen not to have your money."
• (Danny Masterson) "Oh, really? Well, until you do --"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "My candy -- Oh, you'll get your money -- IN HELL."

• (Danny Masterson) "Yeah, I never thought I'd be a working man, man. But man, here I am, working for the man. You know what man, I like it man."
• (Tommy Chong) "Hey, thanks man."

• (Danny Masterson) "Being Kelso is like knowing the truth behind all the deceptions in society, but not being able to convince any of your fellow suburban friends that anything's wrong, man. No wait, that's me."

• (Danny Masterson) "So if Donna ever breaks up with you, and starts dating me, are we still friends?"
• (Topher Grace) "No."

• (Danny Masterson) "You know, Forman, I'm a romantic. So I say you choke him 'til his eyes pop out."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah. Hittin' people's cool."

• (Danny Masterson) "Let's face it Forman. You're soft."
• (Laura Prepon) "How soft is he, Hyde?"
• (Danny Masterson) "Softer than Liberace at the Playboy mansion."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah. Because he plays the piano -- wait --"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "OOOOH. BURN."

• (Danny Masterson) "Now stay away from those smokes, if you smoke when you're pregnant, they come out all spindly."

• (Danny Masterson) "Don't worry, Donna. I mean, my parents splitting up made me the man I am today."
• (Laura Prepon) "Aww, man. Am I gonna go crazy and think the government is out to get me, too?"
• (Danny Masterson) "The government IS out to get you."

• (Pastor Dave) "Now, kids, you may think that God is a downer. But, he's an upper. Some get high on L.S.D., but I get high on G.O.D --"
• (Danny Masterson) "Virgin."

• (Danny Masterson) "Face it, Forman, Donna has bad taste. I mean, look at her dad. The apple doesn't fall far from the Bob."

• (Danny Masterson) "I read somewhere that people in India fast, man. And, that it makes them think better. And, sometimes they can actually think themselves to death, man."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "I wonder if that's what I'm doing right now? Sometimes my brain is doing things that I don't even know about."
• (Topher Grace) "Man, we think of some great stuff down here. But, later on I can never remember it."

• (Danny Masterson) "It's no worse than bowling. But I don't hate bowling."

• (Danny Masterson) "I love you."

• (Danny Masterson) "Would you shut up about that lame ass story?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Well, it's the truth and I'll prove it. Let's go ask Fez."
• (Danny Masterson) "Fine."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "You drive, my van's in the shop."
• (Danny Masterson) "Fine. I need gas though."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Fine. Can I borrow money for fries?"
• (Danny Masterson) "No."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Fine. Shotgun."
• (Danny Masterson) "There's only two of us you moron."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Fine."

• (Danny Masterson) "If you really want to get under her skin you have to be Zen."
• (Mila Kunis) "Zen? Okay you just can't make up words Hyde."

• (Danny Masterson) "Hey, can we get a move on? If I miss that 20 midget free for all, I'm gonna be super-pissed."

• (Danny Masterson) "I've been living in the basement."
• (Topher Grace) "You know? I did notice a dusting of curly hair on the floor. I just wrote if off to my changing teenage body."

• (Danny Masterson) "Hey, let me tell you something, pal. You're proppin' up a dyin' system, man. You know some day soon people are gonna wake up. And they're gonny realize that most of us don't fit in your Hollywood, Madison Avenue, candy-coated ideal of what's cool. And when we do, we're gonna rise up. We're gonna put you on trial. Then parade through the streets with your head on a stick."
• (The Bouncer) "Righteous political outrage -- You're in."

• (Danny Masterson) "Man you went to the free clinic?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "No, but I saw your mom there. BURN."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "OW. That left a mark. Like your mom did."

• (Danny Masterson) "But if I didn't know you -- and I had never talked to you -- I'd think you were totally hot."

• (Danny Masterson) "You know what your problem is? You're really cute, but nobody ever told you to shut your piehole."
• (Mila Kunis) "You think I'm cute?"
• (Danny Masterson) "SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE."

• (Danny Masterson) "Kelso man, you're willing to cheat? You're in the house of the Lord. You're coming along nicely."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah, I mean it's not that bad, because technically we're only in the basement of the Lord, and I'll bet he never comes down here."

• (Danny Masterson) "I hate cigars. This is way worse then what we usually do in the circle. It smells bad, it tastes rank, but there's no fun hallucinations. This should be illegal."

• (Danny Masterson) "Why did you kill me, Eric? I can never forgive you."

• (Danny Masterson) "No, no, I'm not walking. If God had wanted us to walk he wouldn't have given us Foreman."

• (Danny Masterson) "Look guys, we've gotta do something that says we will not pay homage to a corrupt electoral system."

• (Danny Masterson) "Go ahead and hit me. A free shot."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "You gonna hit me back?"
• (Danny Masterson) "No, man. That's why they call it a free shot."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Oh. OK. Get ready. Here it comes. It's coming. Get ready."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "We're ready. Do it, fool."

• (Danny Masterson) "She's not a "goddess", she's more an "earth-mother whore" type, which works for me."

• (Danny Masterson) "It's hard hopping over a fence carrying two twelve packs. I mean, library books."

• (Danny Masterson) "So you wanna be a burn-out? Is that it?"
• (Mila Kunis) "No. No, Hyde. I just wanna be with you. I think you are one of the coolest and sweetest guys."
• (Danny Masterson) "No you don't."
• (Mila Kunis) "Yes I do."

Laura Prepon as Donna Pinciotti

• (David Milbank) "So. Uh, Donna, are you still writing short stories?"
• (Laura Prepon) "Yeah. I still write a little."
• (Topher Grace) "Well, not every --"
• (Topher Grace) "You, um, you still write?"

• (Laura Prepon) "So, how many things around here have you put your butt on?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Let's start with what I haven't put my butt on."

• (Laura Prepon) "You know what I love about Hyde? He's always beating up Kelso."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Uh. That is false. Name one time."
• (Laura Prepon) "Gladly."
• (Danny Masterson) "Mmmmm, I love mashed potatoes."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Really?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Augh. My eye."
• (Danny Masterson) "That's a foul."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "You know what's foul? Your playing."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Owwww. That's my eye."
• (Danny Masterson) "Change it back, I was watching that."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "No."
• (Danny Masterson) "CHANGE IT BACK."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Waaah-haa-haaa. My eye."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Seriously, dude. You keep hurting my eye."

• (Laura Prepon) "You know, I just realized that I'm the only one here who hasn't been with Kelso. I just have two things to say- EWWW and THANK GOD."

• (Laura Prepon) "You're stubborn, under qualified and can barely speak English -- Welcome to the DMV."

• (Laura Prepon) "And exactly whose panties are these?"
• (Tanya Roberts) "Um, actually, they're mine."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Eric. You are a God."

• (Laura Prepon) "I don't get Eric. Why won't he wear that ring? A lot of classy men wear rings. The Pope does. My uncle Carmine in Hoboken does. You lose his ring, you wind up in a dumpster. And that's just a warning."

• (Laura Prepon) "It's actually kind of perfect for him. I mean, he can run through people's backyards with a stick. (the guys look at her like she's nuts) What? He does that anyway."

• (Laura Prepon) "We're gonna graduate in two months, and there's a whole town out there waiting for us. We just have to, you know, grab the bull by the horns."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Hey, I'm gonna tell you from experience, if you're gonna mess with a bull, you better have a backup plan."

• (Laura Prepon) "What do you guys want to do after you graduate?"
• (Topher Grace) "Not touch dead people again, ever."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "I would like to go back to my homeland, with all the knowledge I learned in Wisconsin -- and rule with an iron fist."

• (Laura Prepon) "Dammit, Kelso. You don't french the bride."

• (Laura Prepon) "Ok, if any of you losers had a girlfriend, would you still look at those magazines?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Donna, I had two girlfriends. And a little action on the side. And I still looked at those magazines."

• (Laura Prepon) "But I don't want to see any of her panties around the house."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Oh don't worry, you won't."

• (Laura Prepon) "We should be together."
• (Topher Grace) "What?"
• (Laura Prepon) "L-lets just forget all this other stuff."
• (Topher Grace) "N-no. Donna, I can't be your second choice."
• (Laura Prepon) "But you're not. Eric --"

• (Laura Prepon) "Why'd you do it?"
• (Topher Grace) "Well, I have it on pretty good authority that I'm a dumbass."

• (Laura Prepon) "I can't believe Laurie bit me. I hope she didn't give me like, slut rabies."

• (Laura Prepon) "Kelso, I'm gonna miss you trying to grab my boob -- it makes me feel pretty. God, I'm sad."

• (Laura Prepon) "Kelso, careful with that."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Don't worry, guns don't just go off by accident."
• (Laura Prepon) "What about Eric's hamster in fourth grade?"
• (Topher Grace) "Oh, no, my hamster went upstate to live with a new family upstate. Right?"
• (Topher Grace) "Oh, my god. You killed my hamster."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "It wasn't my fault. The gun went off by accident."

• (Laura Prepon) "Fez, you're awesome. What girl wouldn't want to be with you?"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Well, there's Jackie -- Laurie -- this girl from gym, another girl from Chemistry -- country western star Tanya Tucker -- she does not answer her letters."

• (Laura Prepon) "Whatever happened to Zen?"
• (Danny Masterson) "Where Zen ends, ass-kicking begins."

• (Laura Prepon) "Did you read my journal?"
• (Topher Grace) "What journal?"
• (Laura Prepon) "You know, my "captain's log"."
• (Topher Grace) "No, oh, no. I was just um, I was uh, going through your underwear drawer. Yeah, I know -- that's why I look so guilty. Because I was like you know, taking out your underwear, and rubbing it against my skin. I can't stay away from your underwear that's my curse. So, anyway -- see you tomorrow."

• (Laura Prepon) "You have the van. We want to go home."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Na-ah. I can't leave Annette. I love her."
• (Topher Grace) "No, you don't."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "I love parts of her."

• (Laura Prepon) "I can't believe they're pregnant."
• (Topher Grace) "I can't believe they're still doing it."

• (Laura Prepon) "That was a pretty awkward landing, I hope he's OK."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Of course he's OK, it's not like anyone's ever died falling off the water tower."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "And so they renamed it The Charlie Richardson Memorial Water Tower."

• (Laura Prepon) "Wow. Tongue."
• (Topher Grace) "Oh, yeah."

• (Laura Prepon) "I miss Eric. That guy even looks like Eric."
• (Laura Prepon) "Eric? Oh my God, Eric."
• (Topher Grace) "Donna."
• (Topher Grace) "Kelso, what the Hell are you doing?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Winning."
• (Laura Prepon) "Eric -- I can't believe you came for me."
• (Topher Grace) "Of course I did. Donna -- Donna I love you. And I -- I --"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "You guys can smooch all you want, I totally won."

• (Laura Prepon) "Why does your dad want to ruin my dad's barbecue?"
• (Topher Grace) "Well, my dad thinks that if your dad's barbecue is better than his, the russkies are gonna take over the planet."

• (Laura Prepon) "So, is it true?"
• (Mila Kunis) "Yes, Donna, it is true. I am carrying Michael Kelso's child."
• (Laura Prepon) "Jackie, you're a sophomore. How can you be so stupid?"
• (Mila Kunis) "I'm a sophomore."

• (Laura Prepon) "I can't take care of this. You were parked in a fire zone."
• (Kurtwood Smith) "I was buying some milk."
• (Laura Prepon) "But what if there was a fire?"
• (Kurtwood Smith) "Then I'd pour my milk on it."

• (Laura Prepon) "Wow, David, you've really grown up."
• (David Milbank) "Hey, look at you. You have really grown up."
• (Topher Grace) "Yes, in fact we've all grown up."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "Yes, but him much more than you have."

• (Laura Prepon) "If you keep stuffing your face like this your gonna get --"
• (Mila Kunis) "Don't you dare say it, you bitch."
• (Laura Prepon) "Fat."

• (Laura Prepon) "Laurie, are these your panties?"
• (Laurie Forman) "Donna, please. I don't wear pink panties."
• (Danny Masterson) "Yeah, she'd have to wear panties to wear pink panties."

• (Laura Prepon) "What are you doing?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Jackie gave me this egg to take care of, so me and Hyde are throwing it back and forth."
• (Laura Prepon) "Look, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but Jackie gave you that egg as a test. She's trying to see if you have any parenting skills."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Oh, really? Hyde, better give that back."
• (Danny Masterson) "All right."
• (Danny Masterson) "Whoops. I mean, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."

• (Laura Prepon) "So, you're really gonna be a cop."
• (Danny Masterson) "Well, he shot me, so we know he's good with guns."

• (Laura Prepon) "Do you think Eric could cheat on me with Shelley?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Donna, Shelley's a tramp. No guy could ever turn down a tramp."
• (Laura Prepon) "Oh, my god. Is that true?"
• (Danny Masterson) "I don't know. Let's find out. Laurie, have you ever been turned down?"
• (Laurie Forman) "No."
• (Danny Masterson) "See?"

• (Laura Prepon) "The Packers are like the Jedi. You're wearing a 'Go Darth Vader' jersey."

• (Laura Prepon) "Tater Nuts. Tater Nuts."

• (Laura Prepon) "I love you, Eric."
• (Topher Grace) "I love -- cake."
• (Topher Grace) "Donna, it's just that -- if I say it, and then we break up, what would I tell myself?"
• (Laura Prepon) "You could tell yourself you still have cake, we both know how much it means to you."
• (Topher Grace) "OK, I deserve that."

• (Laura Prepon) "It's OK, Eric. So -- You got rid of them all?"
• (Topher Grace) "Yeah."
• (Laura Prepon) "That's too bad -- You know what? I could have a naked girl in this room in 10 seconds."
• (Topher Grace) "Great. Send her in, I'll see you later."

• (Laura Prepon) "So how'd your parents react?"
• (Topher Grace) "Surprisingly, not so good. It turns out that Red has a temper."

• (Laura Prepon) "Steven is destined to be one of the smartest people --"
• (Danny Masterson) "Nice."
• (Laura Prepon) "?in his cellblock."

• (Laura Prepon) "Mom, when you and dad got into an argument, did you ever -- You know --"
• (Tanya Roberts) "What?"
• (Laura Prepon) "Well, have you ever -- Stopped having sex with dad in order to win an argument?"
• (Tanya Roberts) "You can do that?"
• (Laura Prepon) "Yeah, but --"
• (Tanya Roberts) "You mean that if I stop having sex with your father, he'll paint the bathroom?"
• (Laura Prepon) "Yeah, but aren't you worried about how it can hurt the relationship?"
• (Tanya Roberts) "Blah, blah, blah. I don't care. I'm getting my bathroom painted."

• (Laura Prepon) "I like showing my butt. I like to show it and I like to shake it."

• (Laura Prepon) "Is that your hand on my ass?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "It was an accident."
• (Laura Prepon) "Kelso, your hand's still on my ass."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "IT'S STILL AN ACCIDENT."

• (Laura Prepon) "What is it about you that drives me wild with passion and desire?"
• (Topher Grace) "Well, I am -- seventeen now."

• (Laura Prepon) "I can't believe Hyde. I mean he completely broke Jackie's heart. Who just goes and marries a stripper?"
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "What are you, dense? Anybody who can, that's who."

• (Laura Prepon) "My parents are going to the Playboy mansion this weekend. Anybody want souvenirs?"
• (Danny Masterson) "Ashtrays."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "A woman."

• (Laura Prepon) "Excuse me Jackie, when did you lose your soul?"
• (Mila Kunis) "Cheerleading camp."

• (Laura Prepon) "You have to tell Kelso. If you don't, I will."
• (Mila Kunis) "Thank you, Donna. Thank you. Oh, thank you."
• (Laura Prepon) "Jackie, I don't want to tell him."
• (Mila Kunis) "I think he knows."

• (Laura Prepon) "Wow, Jackie. After everything you've been through with Hyde, you come here and insult me. You're all better."
• (Mila Kunis) "Well, I'm not going to sit around moping. I'm going to do what every woman does when they hit rock bottom."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "You're going to have sex with me?"
• (Mila Kunis) "No, I'm going to go out and meet some boys. And crush their hearts one by one."

• (Laura Prepon) "You want my honest opinion, Jackie? Fine. You always try to get people to do what you want, and it's not going to work on Hyde."
• (Mila Kunis) "That's not true. Now, you take that back and feel sorry for me."

• (Laura Prepon) "David Millbank? Oh, barf. Eric, remember when you beat him up on the playground?"
• (Topher Grace) "Yep. I kicked his ass."
• (Mila Kunis) "Wait, wasn't he the kid with scoliosis and asthma?"
• (Topher Grace) "Yep. And I kicked his ass."

Ashton Kutcher as Michael Kelso

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Why would you just cuddle with her when you could do it? I mean, Forman, doing it is "it." That's why they call it "it." IT."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "OW, MY EYE."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "A UNICEF contribution of thirteen cents will feed a child for a month. Man, living in Africa must be great. Everything's so cheap."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "So Jackie, do you wanna go see 'Star Wars' tonight?"
• (Mila Kunis) "Now Michael, I told you. I don't like space."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Oh, and that time we were about to fool around, and you asked me if I washed my hands, I had just actually finished playing with six dogs. Oh, but that's not nearly as bad as the time --"
• (Mila Kunis) "OK, Michael. Enough. You know when I talked to you about honesty? Let's talk about SELECTIVE honesty."
• (Wilmer Valderrama) "And basic hygiene."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Tell you what -- that's the last time I'm gonna mess around with a girl with a boyfriend."
• (Laura Prepon) "Kelso, your hand is on my butt."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Come on, he's in Africa."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Hey guys, guess what I got?"
• (Danny Masterson) "VD?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "No. A hundred bucks."
• (Topher Grace) "So money to treat your VD."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "In Wisconsin, if you win a girl a giant, purple rhinoceros, she puts out."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Cartoons make me horny. Oh and food."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "That team is cheating. The brown guy is a robot."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "I've heard of 'kissing cousins', but have you ever heard of 'doin' it' cousins?"

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Hey, I'll go spy on them, I just gotta run home real quick and change into my ninja outfit."
• (Topher Grace) "I don't think this situation calls for camouflage, Kelso."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Well, it doesn't mean it's not fun to wear, ERIC."

• (Randy Pearson) "Your friend here might be pretty enough to pass off as Cher."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah. That's not a bad idea, Andy Gibb."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "You know what your problem is? I'm just too good looking."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "You know what's a funny word? Pickleweasel."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Here, let me get that. Pregnant women should never stand on their tippy-toes, or else the baby will come out all cross-eyed."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Hello, Mrs. Forman. I'm here to pick up your daughter for our date."
• (Danny Masterson) "Man, you're dating Laurie? -- That's not "going where no man has gone before"; that's going where every man has gone before."
• (Debra Jo Rupp) "Steven, it's not nice to be so -- truthful."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "You got money? Cool. Let's go buy me that transformer."
• (Mila Kunis) "No, Michael. Money doesn't grow on trees. Ohh -- Money DOESN'T grow on trees --"

• (Ashton Kutcher) "It's a girl."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Here, look."
• (Laura Prepon) "Aw, she's adorable. What's her name?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Betsy."
• (Mila Kunis) "A fat girl's name."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Your soul is like an appendix. I don't even use mine."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "A promise ring is not only a gift from the heart, but it also means more sex and less mouthin' off."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Hello, sir. My name is Michael Kelso. I am about to do things of a sexual nature with your daughter. And although she does these things; with everybody; I now have a newfound respect for women, seeing as I have a daughter myself. Out of wedlock. Don't worry, I'm no longer with the mother. I just came by to seek out your blessing, so I may continue to pleasure your daughter again and again. Thank you for your time."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "The only thing better than eatin' lobster is eatin' lobster and haulin' ass."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Oh Wait, Jackie. Two o'clock -- 'Smokey and the Bandit'."
• (Mila Kunis) "No-no-no-no-no. I told you, I don't wanna see that again. I don't like the South."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "You have the right to remain BURNED."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Jackie and I are back together."
• (Laurie Forman) "I understand. But, do you want to see my appendix scar?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Once again -- WHAT'S-HER-NAME AND I ARE BACK TOGETHER."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Jackie, when you told me to be honest, I decided that I'm gonna be completely honest. I'm going to tell you the truth about everything I've ever lied to you about. I have a list that Hyde helped me put together. Thanks again, Hyde."
• (Danny Masterson) "No problem, buddy."
• (Mila Kunis) "Ok, but, why are they here?"
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Well, Hyde helpfully pointed out, that it's not completely honest, unless your friends are allowed to watch."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "You know what? All this talk about havin' fun makes me wanna have fun. Hey. Let's throw stuff at other stuff."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "One time I asked Jackie what was wrong, she didn't shut up for like three straight days."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "You can't sleep in the same bed with someone and not be doin' it. I've fallen asleep not doin' it and woken up doin' it."
• (Topher Grace) "-- and that's why they won't put him to sleep at the dentist."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah, I'm so Brando."
• (Danny Masterson) "Yeah, if Brando had a buddy named Potsie."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Well maybe we should check the School Morgue."
• (Danny Masterson) "Kelso, the school doesn't HAVE a morgue."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "So what do we pay all those taxes for?"
• (Danny Masterson) "You know what kills me? You do better in school than I do."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "So, if you're not going to fire Randy and you're not going to fire Leo, I got a question. Can I see you wife's boobs?"

• (Ashton Kutcher) "You're engaged?"
• (Topher Grace) "No."
• (Danny Masterson) "How could you give her that ring? You're in High School, and according to the SATs, that's about as far as you're gonna go."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Guys; I just saw a UFO."
• (Danny Masterson) "What an unbelievable coincidence. I was just telling Fez about how dumb you are."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Hey Laurie, long time, no doin' it."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "Look Jackie, here's the deal. You cheated on me."
• (Mila Kunis) "You cheated on me all the time."
• (Ashton Kutcher) "Well, yeah -- but you cheated out of hate, and I cheated out of joy."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "There's no way it's better than Planet of the Apes. I mean, those apes were really good actors."

• (Ashton Kutcher) "There are a lot of other hot older women out there besides Midge. And they deserve our resp

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