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The Beverly Hillbillies Quotes

The Beverly Hillbillies is a TV program that appeared on TV in 1962 on CBS. The Beverly Hillbillies ended its run in 1971.

The Beverly Hillbillies was on for 9 seasons and 274 episodes. The Beverly Hillbillies is executive produced by Al Simon, and Martin Ransohoff. The Beverly Hillbillies is created by Paul Henning.

The Beverly Hillbillies is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Beverly Hillbillies is 25 minutes long. The Beverly Hillbillies is produced by Filmways Television; CBS Television Network and distributed by CBS Television Distribution. Spinoffs for this show include Return of the Beverly Hillbillies.

The cast includes: Irene Ryan as Granny, Buddy Ebsen as Jed Clampett, Raymond Bailey as Milburn Drysdale, Nancy Kulp as Jane Hathaway, and Max Baer Jr. as Jethro.

The Beverly Hillbillies Quotes

Max Baer Jr. as Jethro

  • (Max Baer Jr.) "Uncle Jed, she handed me a big old sugar cookie, looked at me and said, "Jehtro, if you had a choice between that cookie and me, which one would you take". Uncle Jed, that's when I found out just how fast she was."
  • (Max Baer Jr.) "I had to run nearly a mile to get away from her with that cookie."
  • (Buddy Ebsen) "Jethro, some day me and you got to have a long talk."
  • (Unnamed) "Now, no more a' this chasin' after other girls. Can't no boy love TWO girls."
  • (Max Baer Jr.) "Well, that leaves out Essie Belle. She's about two girls and a HALF."

Buddy Ebsen as Jed Clampett

  • (Buddy Ebsen) "Granny, I got a idea. Let's get us a bull."
  • (Irene Ryan) "What?"
  • (Buddy Ebsen) "Now, hear me out. We been wantin' to have a good ol' fashioned barbecue."
  • (Irene Ryan) "But, Jethro'll go to fightin' it."
  • (Buddy Ebsen) "Not for long. 'Pears to me they ain't nothin' a man can get his fill of, faster, than scrappin' with a bull."
  • (Irene Ryan) "Ain'tcha afraid he'll git hurt?"
  • (Buddy Ebsen) "Nahh. A good stout bull can take care o' hisself."
  • (Irene Ryan) "Well, if there's one thing Jethro'd like better than fightin' it, it'd be eatin' it."
  • (Buddy Ebsen) "This way, he can do both."
  • (Buddy Ebsen) "Well doggies."
  • (Buddy Ebsen) "When Mrs. Drysdale gets home she's gonna call the PO-lice."
  • (Max Baer Jr.) "No she won't. I gnawed the stump so it'd look like a BEAVER done it."
  • (Buddy Ebsen) "That's the thing about salted down possum, it's just as good the second day."
  • (Buddy Ebsen) "Boy, I'm gonna give you 24 hours to clean up all this mess."
  • (Max Baer Jr.) "Aw come on, Uncle Jed. I'm gonna clean up. I'm gonna set this world on fire."
  • (Buddy Ebsen) "You're gonna clean up alright. Everything. Or you're gonna end up with the seat of your britches on fire."
  • (Unnamed) "I need a partner who will come into Honeymoon Lane with me. I have the license, and I have the heavy equipment."
  • (Buddy Ebsen) "Well, ma'am, them's the kinda things a man likes to find out fer himself."

Irene Ryan as Granny

  • (Irene Ryan) "How do you like yer possum, Lowell, fallin' off the bones tender or with a little fight left in it?"
  • (Lowell Redlings Farquhar) "I'm really not hungry."
  • (Irene Ryan) "Vittles."
  • (Irene Ryan) "Elly May done popped the buttons off her shirt again."
  • (Buddy Ebsen) "Elly May carries herself proud with her shoulders throwed back."
  • (Irene Ryan) "It ain't her shoulders that have been poppin' these buttons."

Raymond Bailey as Milburn Drysdale

  • (Raymond Bailey) "-- and furthermore, if you are late on your mortgage payment one more time you will be thrown out into the street --"
  • (Nancy Kulp) "Chief, she's eighty-five years old and in a wheelchair."
  • (Raymond Bailey) "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know -- change that to read, you will be wheeled out into the street."
  • (Raymond Bailey) "Miss Hathaway, are you responsible for the employees of this bank referring to me as Ebeneezer Scrooge?"
  • (Nancy Kulp) "No, why do you ask?"
  • (Raymond Bailey) "When I came through the lobby just now they all chanted in unison 'Here come da Scrooge. Here come da Scrooge."

Nancy Kulp as Jane Hathaway

  • (Nancy Kulp) "Most places do something for their employees at this time of year."
  • (Raymond Bailey) "Well, I've given them Christmas Day off."
  • (Nancy Kulp) "Chief, most banks even give a holiday bonus."
  • (Raymond Bailey) "I've already thought of that."
  • (Nancy Kulp) "You have?"
  • (Raymond Bailey) "Just this morning I said to myself, 'Milburn, you've got to give those loyal employees of yours a Christmas bonus.'"
  • (Nancy Kulp) "But, Chief, that's extraordinary."
  • (Raymond Bailey) "I thought so, too. Fortunately, a cold shower brought me to my senses."
  • (Nancy Kulp) "When the other little kids played hide and seek, Little Milby started his first business."
  • (Raymond Bailey) "Every kid had a lemonade stand."
  • (Nancy Kulp) "He opened a pawn shop."
  • (Nancy Kulp) "If you would only display a little generosity: a Christmas bonus, a few gifts."
  • (Raymond Bailey) "I refuse to commercialize Christmas just to kowtow to my pampered employees."
  • (Nancy Kulp) "Now, Chief, in all fairness to the employees, you do not display much holiday spirit."
  • (Raymond Bailey) "What do they want from me? I gave them half a day off on Christmas."

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