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The Cocoanuts Quotes

The Cocoanuts is a TV show that appeared on TV in 1970 . The Cocoanuts ended in 1970.

It features Monta Bell as producer, Irving Berlin in charge of musical score, and George Folsey (cinematographer) as head of cinematography.

The Cocoanuts is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Cocoanuts is 93 minutes long. The Cocoanuts is distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The cast includes: Chico Marx as Chico, Margaret Dumont as Mrs. Potter, Groucho Marx as Hammer, Zeppo Marx as Jamison, Kay Francis as Penelope, Mary Eaton as Polly, and Cyril Ring as Yates.

The Cocoanuts Quotes

Groucho Marx as Hammer

  • (Groucho Marx) "You know what an auction is, eh?"
  • (Chico Marx) "I come from Italy on the Atlantic Auction."
  • (Groucho Marx) "In the meantime, I want you to buck up. Get down to work. Let's put this thing over with a bang. And, above all, forget about money. Don't think of it. Just forget about it; because you won't get it anyway."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Look, in a little while I'm going to hold an action sale at Cocoanut Manor, the suburb terrible or beautiful. You must come over. There's going to be entertainment, sandwiches, and the auction. If you don't like auctions, we can play contract. Here it is; Cocoanut Manor; 42 hours from Times Square by railroad. 1,600 miles as the crow flies and 1,800 as the horse flies. There you are; Cocoanut Manor glorifying the American sewer and the Florida sucker. It's the most exclusive residential district in Florida. Nobody lives there. And the climate; ask me about the climate. I dare you."
  • (Margaret Dumont) "Very well; how is the --"
  • (Groucho Marx) "I'm glad you brought it up. Our motto is Cocoanut Beach, no snow, no ice, and no business."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Now, what's the use of worrying? It's silly to worry, now, isn't it. You're gone today and here tomorrow."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Hey, hey. You know that suitcase is empty?"
  • (Chico Marx) "That's all right. We fill it up before we leave."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Now then, if we're successful in disposing of these lots, I'll see that you get a nice commission."
  • (Chico Marx) "And how about some money?"
  • (Groucho Marx) "Well, you can have your choice."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Look -- Suppose you were out horseback riding and you came to the stream and wanted to ford over there, you couldn't make it. Too deep."
  • (Chico Marx) "But what do you want with a Ford when you gotta horse?"
  • (Groucho Marx) "Now, in arranging these lots, of course, we use blueprints. You know what a blueprint is, huh?"
  • (Chico Marx) "It's oysters."
  • (Groucho Marx) "How is it you never got double pneumonia?"
  • (Chico Marx) "I go around by myself."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Look, Einstein. Here's Cocoanut Manor. No matter what you say, this is Cocoanut Manor. Here's Cocoanut Manor. Here's Cocoanut Heights. That's a swamp; right over where the; where the road forks, that's Cocoanut Junction."
  • (Chico Marx) "Where have you got Cocoanut Custard?"
  • (Groucho Marx) "Why, that's on one of the forks. You probably eat with your knife, so you wouldn't have to worry about that."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Do you know what a lot is?"
  • (Chico Marx) "Yeah, too much."
  • (Groucho Marx) "I don't mean a whole lot. Just a little lot with nothing on it."
  • (Chico Marx) "Any time you gotta too much, you gotta whole lot. Look, I'll explain it to you. Some time you no gotta much; sometimes you gotta whole lot. You know that it's a lot. Somebody else maybe thinka it's too much; it's a whole lot, too. Now, a whole lot is too much; too much is a whole lot; same thing."
  • (Groucho Marx) "The next time I see you, remind not to talk to you, will you?"
  • (Groucho Marx) "What I meant was if we had a nice bungalow and I came home from work; and you standing by the gate; no; you'd come home from work; and I was standing by the gate, and we came down the path and we went inside and the shades were drawn and the lights were low, and then; are you sure your husband's dead?"
  • (Margaret Dumont) "Why, yes."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Now here is a little peninsula and here is a viaduct leading over to the mainland."
  • (Chico Marx) "Why a duck?"
  • (Groucho Marx) "How about you and I giving this joint the air and indulging in some snappy necking?"
  • (Margaret Dumont) "What?"
  • (Groucho Marx) "This is the heart of the residential district. Every lot is a stone's throw from the station. As soon as they throw enough stones, we're gonna' build a station."
  • (Groucho Marx) "I hope all your teeth have cavities and don't forget abscess makes the heart grow fonder."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Well, my mother and father talked it over and they finally moved to New York, a little house in the Bronx. And it was in that little house that Abraham Lincoln was born, much to my father's surprise. And that, boys and girls, was the beginning of the Lincoln Highway."
  • (Groucho Marx) "All along the river, those are all levees."
  • (Chico Marx) "That's the Jewish neighborhood?"
  • (Groucho Marx) "Well, we'll pass over that."
  • (Groucho Marx) "I say, I'm holding an auction at Cocoanut Grove. And when the crowd gathers around, I want you to mingle with them. Don't pick their pockets, just mingle --"
  • (Chico Marx) "I'll find time for both."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Well, maybe we can cut out the auction."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Believe me, you gotta get up early if you want to get out of bed."
  • (Groucho Marx) "All ye suckers -- step this way for the big swindle. Ladies and Gentlemen. Before proceeding with the main business of the day, which is the selling of these lots at any price, we are going to have little entertainment. Very little. I want to present to you Miss Polly Potter, the best paying guest in the hotel. In fact, the only paying guest in the hotel. She will sing for you and for me too. Miss Potter --"
  • (Groucho Marx) "What I meant was you're gonna be here all winter and I'm stuck with the hotel anyhow, why don't you grab me until you can make other arrangements?"
  • (Margaret Dumont) "My dear Mr. Hammer. I shall never get married before my daughter."
  • (Groucho Marx) "You did once."
  • (Groucho Marx) "An empty bungalow just for you and me, where we could bill and cow; no, we could bull and cow --"
  • (Groucho Marx) "Wages? Do you want to be wage slaves? Answer me that."
  • (Unnamed) "No."
  • (Groucho Marx) "No, of course not. But what makes wage slaves? Wages."
  • (Groucho Marx) "You want to know where you can get a hold of Mrs. Potter? I don't know, she's awfully ticklish."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Now, over here on this site, we're gonna build an eye and ear hospital. This is gonna be a sight for sore eyes."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Folks, you are now in Cocoanut Manor, one of the finest cities in Florida. Of course, we still need a few finishing touches, but who doesn't?"
  • (Groucho Marx) "Florida folks, land of perpetual sunshine. Let's get the auction started before we have a tornado."
  • (Groucho Marx) "I want you to be free. Remember, there's nothing like Liberty except for Collier's and the Saturday Evening Post."
  • (Groucho Marx) "And now, friends, in view of the fact that Miss Potter's engagement is being celebrated here tonight, so to speak, I think a few words from her mother would be revolting. I now take great pleasure in presenting to you the well-preserved and partially pickled, Mrs. Potter."
  • (Margaret Dumont) "My good, good friends. If I could only tell you how rosy-hued everything seems to me tonight. As I look into your faces, they're all lit with gay laughter. The whole world and everything in it is bathed in a soft, glowing luminous haze --"
  • (Groucho Marx) "The old gal is stewed to the eyebrows."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Well, happy days, old boy."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Now, we take lot #25. Right where you're standing. Will you please keep your feet off this lot. You're getting it all dirty. Now, here's a lot, folks, it doesn't look very big on top, but it's all yours for as far down as you want to go. And it's dirt cheap. Now, what am I offered for lot #25? Anything at all? Who will start it off? Anyone at all? Anyone?"
  • (Groucho Marx) "And that, of course, reminds me of the story of the Irishman. Ha ha ha ha ha --. It's so funny; I wish I could think of it."
  • (Groucho Marx) "What would you like? Would you like a suite on the third floor?"
  • (Chico Marx) "No. I'll take a Pollack in the basement."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Just think; tonight, tonight when the moon is sneaking around the clouds I'll be sneaking around you. I'll meet you tonight under the moon. Oh, I can see it now; you and the moon. Wear a neck-tie so I'll know you."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Now, the first musical number on the program will be a piccolo solo, which we will skip. And, eh, the second number will be Signore Pastrami, the Lithuanian pianist."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Signore, for his first selection, will play "A Cup of Coffee, a Sandwich and You" from the opera Aida. Signore, allow me to escort you --"
  • (Margaret Dumont) "Oh, Signore Pastrami, what is the first number?"
  • (Chico Marx) "Number one."
  • (Bob Adams) "Oh Mr. Hammer, there's a man outside wants to see you with a black mustache."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Tell him I've got one."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Get away from that tree before it dies."
  • (Groucho Marx) "There it is. There it is, over there, right where that cocoanut tree is. Now what am I offered for lot #21?"
  • (Chico Marx) "Two hundred dollars"
  • (Groucho Marx) "Why, my friend, there's more than two hundred dollars worth of milk in those cocoanuts; and what milk, milk from contented cow-co-nuts. Who will say 300?"
  • (Groucho Marx) "Now, look, I'm gonna take you down and show you our cemetery. I've got a waiting list of 50 people at that cemetery just dying to get in. But I like you. You're my friend. I like you and I'm gonna shove you in ahead of all of them."
  • (Chico Marx) "I know you like me."
  • (Groucho Marx) "I'm gonna see that you get a steady position."
  • (Chico Marx) "That's a good."
  • (Groucho Marx) "And if I can arrange it, it will be horizontal."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Hello? Yes? Ice water in 318? Is that so? Where'd you get it? Oh, you want some."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Come over here, I want to see you. Now, listen to me. I'm not going to have that red-headed fellow running around the lobby. If you want to keep him up in the room, you'll have to keep him in a trap."
  • (Chico Marx) "You can't catch him."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Who is he?"
  • (Chico Marx) "He's my partner, but he no speak."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Oh, that's your silent partner."
  • (Groucho Marx) "What am I offered for lot 25? What am I offered for lot 25 and a year's subscription to "Youth Companion"? Will somebody take a year's subscription of "I'm Trying To Work My Way Through College"? Will somebody take a six months subscription of "I Go To High School"? Does anybody want to buy a lead pencil? I'll wrestle anybody in the crowd for five dollars?"

Chico Marx as Chico

  • (Chico Marx) "Right now I'd do anything for money. I'd kill somebody for money. I'd kill you for money."
  • (Chico Marx) "Ha ha ha. Ah, no. You're my friend. I'd kill you for nothing."
  • (Chico Marx) "He say six, I say seven. He say seven, I say eight. He say eight, I say nine. I got plenty a numbers left. When I start, I no stoppa for no-tin'. I go higher, higher, higher, all the time I go higher."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Eh, you'll go higher when I get ahold of ya. Sold to Hiawatha for eight hundred dollars."
  • (Chico Marx) "I no buy nothing. I gotta no money."
  • (Groucho Marx) "You got no money?"
  • (Chico Marx) "I no gotta one cent."
  • (Groucho Marx) "How're you going to pay for your room?"
  • (Chico Marx) "Thatsa your lookout."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Oh, you're just an idle rumor?"

Kay Francis as Penelope

  • (Kay Francis) "Where'd you get that coat?"
  • (Chico Marx) "That'sa my coat."
  • (Kay Francis) "That's your coat?"
  • (Chico Marx) "That'sa my coat."
  • (Kay Francis) "But it doesn't fit you."
  • (Chico Marx) "I know. I had it made to order."

Margaret Dumont as Mrs. Potter

  • (Margaret Dumont) "I don't know what to say."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Well, say that you'll be truly mine, or truly yours, or yours truly. Can't you know that I'm --"
  • (Margaret Dumont) "Will you keep your hands to yourself?"
  • (Groucho Marx) "Come on, I'll play you one more game. Come on, the three of you."
  • (Margaret Dumont) "How do you do, sir?"
  • (Groucho Marx) "Why don't you whistle at the crossing? You're just the woman I'm looking for. And now whether you like it or not I'm going to tell you all about Florida real estate. It is the first time it has ever been mentioned here; today."
  • (Margaret Dumont) "I'm sorry, Mr. Hammer, but I'm afraid --"
  • (Groucho Marx) "Do you know that property values have increased since 1929 one thousand per cent? Do you know that this is the biggest development since Sophie Tucker? Do you know that Florida is the show spot of America and Cocoanut Manor the black spot of Florida?"
  • (Margaret Dumont) "You told me that yesterday."
  • (Groucho Marx) "I know but I left out a comma."
  • (Margaret Dumont) "Mr. Hammer. Mr. Hammer. I've been robbed. My necklace in your hotel."
  • (Mary Eaton) "Oh, mother."
  • (Margaret Dumont) "It's worth a hundred-thousand dollars."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Was it valuable?"
  • (Margaret Dumont) "I'll not stand here any longer and be insulted this way."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Aw, don't go away and leave me here alone, you stay here and I'll go away."
  • (Margaret Dumont) "Do you know what you are trying to say?"
  • (Groucho Marx) "Yes, it is not what I'm thinking of. What I meant was, if we had a nice little bungalow and you was on the inside and I was on the outside trying to get in and me inside trying to get out or, no you're inside out and I was upside; I'll tell you, if you don't hear from me by next Friday, the whole things off."
  • (Margaret Dumont) "I don't think you'd love me if I were poor."
  • (Groucho Marx) "I might, but I'd keep my mouth shut."
  • (Margaret Dumont) "Get out of this room, or I'll scream for the servants."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Let the servants know. Let the whole world know. About us."
  • (Margaret Dumont) "You must leave my room. We must have regard for certain conventions."
  • (Groucho Marx) "One guy isn't enough, she's gotta have a convention."

Zeppo Marx as Jamison

  • (Zeppo Marx) "Any luck with the 4:30?"
  • (Groucho Marx) "Yeah. It didn't hit me."
  • (Zeppo Marx) "Oh, Mr. Hammer, Mrs. Thompson wants to know if you'd reserve a table for dinner for her in a nice quiet spot."
  • (Groucho Marx) "A nice quiet spot?"
  • (Zeppo Marx) "Yeah."
  • (Groucho Marx) "Tell her she can eat in the lobby."

Cyril Ring as Yates

  • (Cyril Ring) "I feel highly honored, but, I'm afraid I'm not much of a speechmaker. Nevertheless, Mr. Hammer, it was very nice of you to call on me."
  • (Groucho Marx) "You must call on me some time. Yes, come up and see my flower beds. I'd like you to see my pansies. I have short pansies and long pansies. Next Spring I'm going to get some early bloomers."

Mary Eaton as Polly

  • (Mary Eaton) "The skies will all be blue, when my dreams come true. And I'll be smiling through, when my dreams come true --"

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