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The Faculty Quotes

The Faculty is a TV show that debuted in 1970 . The Faculty ended its run in 1970.

It features Elizabeth Avellán as producer, Marco Beltrami in charge of musical score, and Enrique Chediak as head of cinematography.

The Faculty is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Faculty is 104 minutes long. The Faculty is distributed by Miramax.

The cast includes: Clea DuVall as Stokely, Josh Hartnett as Zeke, Elijah Wood as Casey, Jordana Brewster as Delilah, Robert Patrick as Coach Willis, Shawn Hatosy as Stan, Laura Harris as Marybeth, Salma Hayek as Nurse Harper, Daniel von Bargen as Mr. John Tate, Jon Stewart as Mr. Furlong, Piper Laurie as Mrs. Karen Olson, Usher as Gabe, and Susan Willis as Mrs. Jessica Brummel.

The Faculty Quotes

Elijah Wood as Casey

  • (Elijah Wood) "Things sure have changed, havent they?"
  • (Elijah Wood) "Why me first?"
  • (Josh Hartnett) "It's your birthright man, just f***ing take it."
  • (Elijah Wood) "I say we go for the coach. He turned Stan. He's the one. Or do you want to wait for them to come to us?"
  • (Laura Harris) "Either way we're completely unarmed."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Maybe not. I might have some more skat. In my trunk."
  • (Elijah Wood) "In your trunk? In your car? Amongst the aliens? Oh, that's convenient."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "You got a better idea?"
  • (Elijah Wood) "You're not buying this, are you?"
  • (Clea DuVall) "No, I'm not -- but it's kinda cool."
  • (Elijah Wood) "God, you can be such a --"
  • (Jordana Brewster) "What?"
  • (Elijah Wood) "Pretty cool human being when you're not being a first class grade A bitch."
  • (Jordana Brewster) "Are you hitting on me Casey?"
  • (Elijah Wood) "No. No, I just think that you can be cool. Sometimes. This not being one of them."
  • (Elijah Wood) "We think aliens are taking over the school."
  • (Elijah Wood) "Everyone's been acting really weird, especially the faculty."
  • (Clea DuVall) "Tell me about it, it's like they've all turned into f***ing pod people or something."
  • (Elijah Wood) "Into what people?"
  • (Clea DuVall) "Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Small town gets taken over by aliens -- That was a joke."

Josh Hartnett as Zeke

  • (Josh Hartnett) "That's called a gun, man."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Ah, f*** this, I'm outta here."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Crusoe was afraid he'd be stuck on the island with nothing but calluses."
  • (Miss Burke) "That's not correct Zeke. Isolation was his greatest fear."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Yes, but his external existence was in no way compared to his internal agony of the loneliness he felt."
  • (Miss Burke) "That's very good."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Like I said, calluses."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Guaranteed to jack you up."
  • (Miss Burke) "Zeke, you cannot conduct personal business on school property."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Well, Miss Burke, we have a problem because I'm sitting on my car and that's my property."
  • (Miss Burke) "Well I've had complaints from several students that you've sold them mind-altering substances. Now do you wanna talk to me about it, or take it up with Principal Drake?"
  • (Josh Hartnett) "You're too tense, Miss Burke. But I've got just the thing for ya."
  • (Miss Burke) "You know, Zeke, I am the authority figure here, it's time you realized that."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Helps relief from blockage caused by dietary stress: Chocolate flavored laxatives."
  • (Miss Burke) "You know Zeke, if you applied just 5 percent of that intellect to your studies --"
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Not a chocolate lover, huh?"
  • (Miss Burke) "-- you could've made up your finals last summer and you wouldn't have had to repeat your senior year."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Not a chocolate lover, huh? How about this: Condoms. Magnum Sized. And they're cherry flavored. C'mon -- they're on me."
  • (Miss Burke) "That's so rude."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Hello Miss Burke."
  • (Miss Burke) "Hello sweety pie, What are you looking for?"
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Ah, nothing important. So maybe you changed your mind about the chocolate laxatives?"
  • (Miss Burke) "Actually I had my heart set on something cherry flavored, if you know what I mean."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Sorry I'm all outta those but I have something else for you."
  • (Miss Burke) "Yes?"
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Oh yeah."
  • (Miss Burke) "Something tasty?"
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Let me hook you up."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "So, if anyone finds us in here, just grab a hold of me and pretend we're making out. The punishment is less severe."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "No pain Stan? If you come in here I'll show you some f***ing pain."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "This is where I get my equipment."
  • (Laura Harris) "You borrow it from science labs?"
  • (Josh Hartnett) "I like to think of it as stealing actually."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Here, take this."
  • (Elijah Wood) "Now Marybeth."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Sniff it."
  • (Elijah Wood) "You're out of your f***ing mind."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "I'm about to take my chances. I leave for five minutes, and when I come back everyone's a f***ing alien. Now, if I have to Men In Black your ass, you're gonna f***ing take it."
  • (Elijah Wood) "Happy now?"
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Casey, the only person in this school who's an alien is you, man."
  • (Elijah Wood) "f*** you, Zeke."
  • (F'%# Up #1) "Dude, that's not me. Doesn't even look like me"
  • (F'%# Up #2) "It's 50 bucks right?"
  • (F'%# Up #1) "Does that look like me?"
  • (F'%# Up#2) "Uh, it's the new you."
  • (F'%# Up #1) "I don't know man. How do we even know these things are gonna work?"
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Trust me man, I'm brilliant."
  • (F'%# Up #1) "Then why are you repeating your senior year?"
  • (Josh Hartnett) "You both take the drug."
  • (Elijah Wood) "Ohh -- showdown."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Now, you, Delilah."
  • (Jordana Brewster) "No. Her first."
  • (Laura Harris) "I'm allergic."
  • (Jordana Brewster) "Yeah, and I'm Portuguese. Who cares?"
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Answer me something, Marybeth. Why are you naked?"
  • (Laura Harris) "Oh. Does it bother you, Zeke, my body? I'm gettin' kinda used to it myself."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Not today. It's too damn hot, and I got zero f***ing tolerance."
  • (Miss Burke) "Eat me, you asshole. I'm the one with no tolerance, you pathetic little runt."
  • (Unnamed) "Ouch. Come back."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "What are you going to do? Are you going to call my mother?"
  • (Miss Burke) "And how am I going to do that, little Zekey boy? Do you even know where she is? Europe? Sri Lanka? Japan? I wonder what remote location she went to this week -- to hide from her great, big bastard mistake. I've taken your s*** for TOO f***ING LONG you dickless, drug-induced excuse for a human being."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Whoa -- woman. What are you on?"
  • (Miss Burke) ""Woman"? Did you just say "woman"? I'm sick of you, little boy. And if I have to see you peddling your little "Wonder Dust" again, I'm gonna shove my foot so far up your ass, you'll be sucking my toes 'till graduation."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Whoa. She got some bad s***."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Just doin' my part for the deconstruction of America."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Is she always this much fun, man?"
  • (Shawn Hatosy) "Sometimes she can be a real bitch."

Clea DuVall as Stokely

  • (Clea DuVall) "I'm not putting that hack drug up my nose; it's so eighties."
  • (Josh Hartnett) "Aliens are taking over the earth. Weigh it."
  • (Clea DuVall) "Get a f***ing eye dog."
  • (Shawn Hatosy) "Well maybe if you didn't paint your f***ing eyes shut."
  • (Clea DuVall) "You know, Casey, I think you've been racked into the flagpole one too many times."
  • (Clea DuVall) "Crash and burn, Casey."
  • (Clea DuVall) "I just don't want to never have done that."
  • (Clea DuVall) "No -- f***ing -- way."
  • (Clea DuVall) "Body Snatchers is a story somebody made up, dingus. It's located in the fiction section of the library."
  • (Elijah Wood) "Yeah, so is Schindler's List."
  • (Clea DuVall) "So they've just been setting us up over the years with their E.T.'s and their Men In Black movies, just so no one would believe it if it ever happened."
  • (Elijah Wood) "I think so."
  • (Clea DuVall) "Walk much?"
  • (Shawn Hatosy) "You ran into me, beast."
  • (Clea DuVall) "I always thought the only alien in this high school was me."
  • (Clea DuVall) "Should've known that crazy bitch was one of them."
  • (Clea DuVall) "Is this usually the point where someone says let's get the f*** outta here?"
  • (Shawn Hatosy) "Let's get the f*** outta here."

Laura Harris as Marybeth

  • (Laura Harris) "What happens at the end of all those stories, Stokely? How does Invasion of the Body Snatchers turn out?"
  • (Clea DuVall) "They get us. They win. We lose."
  • (Laura Harris) "Maybe we really win, I mean Stan didn't look unhappy."
  • (Clea DuVall) "That's because that wasn't Stan, they took away who he was."
  • (Laura Harris) "Maybe they just bettered who he was. Cleared away his confusion. I know you pride yourself on being the outsider, but aren't you tired of pretending to be something you're not? I know I am."
  • (Laura Harris) "I really love what you've done with your nose-ring, it really brings out the color in your eyes."
  • (Laura Harris) "I'm new here."
  • (Clea DuVall) "No s***."

Shawn Hatosy as Stan

  • (Shawn Hatosy) "Open -- the door. It is so much better. There's no fear. No pain. It's beautiful. And you will be beautiful. You'll be beautiful. No problems or worries. We want you. I want you. I -- want -- you -- Now open the f***ing door."
  • (Shawn Hatosy) "You think aliens have infested our school?"
  • (Jordana Brewster) "That would explain their weird behavior, wouldn't it?"
  • (Shawn Hatosy) "Give me a f***ing break."
  • (Shawn Hatosy) "I'm not an alien, I'm discontent."
  • (Shawn Hatosy) "Mrs Brummel, what the f***."
  • (Shawn Hatosy) "Is this gonna be on the test?"
  • (Daniel von Bargen) "This is the test."
  • (Shawn Hatosy) "It must really blow being you."
  • (Elijah Wood) "You have no idea."
  • (Shawn Hatosy) "Aliens have taken over the f***ing school."
  • (Shawn Hatosy) "Coach, I've been thinking ahead, and I've decided to quit the team and concentrate on my academics."
  • (Robert Patrick) "Okay. Stan we'll miss you."
  • (Shawn Hatosy) "That's it?"
  • (Robert Patrick) "What do you want me to say? My star quarterback comes to me the day before we play in front of the county in the only team in the district that can kick our ass tells me he doesn't want to play. You seem to be going through some life defining turning point and I'm not going to stand in the way of the human condition. You do what you have to do."
  • (Shawn Hatosy) "Thanks for not reading me, Coach."
  • (Robert Patrick) "What kind of human being would I be if I did that?"

Jon Stewart as Mr. Furlong

  • (Jon Stewart) "Kindly take your seats. This will be over quite quickly."

Jordana Brewster as Delilah

  • (Jordana Brewster) "You're not good at studying Stan, you're good at football. You should stick to what you're good at."
  • (Shawn Hatosy) "Yeah, I've always been good at football, and basketball, and every other sport I've tried. I think maybe it's time I should try something I'm not so good at, something different."
  • (Jordana Brewster) "And what am I supposed to do while you're on a yellow book quest for a brain?"
  • (Shawn Hatosy) "What?"
  • (Jordana Brewster) "The accepted social order is that head cheerleaders date star quarterbacks, not academic wannabees."
  • (Shawn Hatosy) "Don't be so superficial --"
  • (Jordana Brewster) "Superficial -- four syllables, that's really good Stan, you're on your way. Let me know how the cure for cancer goes."
  • (Shawn Hatosy) "I was hoping you'd be with me on this --"
  • (Jordana Brewster) "Your fanclub is here."
  • (Elijah Wood) "Network or local?"
  • (Jordana Brewster) "Both."
  • (Jordana Brewster) "Hello Casey. Where ya gonna go, huh? The class wuss -- eternal little loser who comes to school everyday knowing this is it. You've been labeled 'pathetic' since first grade and you're afraid it's going to bleed over for the rest of your life. Well we can stop it Casey. We can help you belong. Isn't that what you really want?"
  • (Elijah Wood) "Please don't do this Delilah."
  • (Jordana Brewster) "I haven't been this happy since -- since -- before my dad died. You know you want me Casey. Come on. Let's do it together."
  • (Jordana Brewster) "You're that geeky Stephen King kid; there's one of you in every school."
  • (Jordana Brewster) "Casey, when did you become Sigourney Weaver?"

Robert Patrick as Coach Willis

  • (Robert Patrick) "Would Miss Drake please report to the Principal's Office?"
  • (Robert Patrick) "You got to pick up the line. God damn it. Get off the f***ing field you limp ass blow jobs."

Salma Hayek as Nurse Harper

  • (Salma Hayek) "I'm saving my sick-days till when I'm feeling better."
  • (Salma Hayek) "There's not enough drugs in this world."

Usher as Gabe

  • (Usher) "Hey yo, pisswad, you're in my way."
  • (Elijah Wood) "I'm sorry. I was breathing here."
  • (Usher) "Yeah, that's the problem, you're occupying my air, anal probe."

Susan Willis as Mrs. Jessica Brummel

  • (Susan Willis) "You don't know what's happening. They want everyone."

Piper Laurie as Mrs. Karen Olson

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