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The Fast Show Quotes

The Fast Show is a television show that was first aired in 1994 on BBC Two. The Fast Show ended in 1997.

The Fast Show aired for 40 episodes. The Fast Show is created by Paul Whitehouse and Charlie Higson.

The Fast Show is recorded in English and originally aired in United Kingdom. Each episode of The Fast Show is 30 minutes long.

The Fast Show Quotes

  • (Unnamed) "I opened my eyes and; by jingo. I realised I'd married three of 'em."
  • (Unnamed) "What are you fishing for?"
  • (Unnamed) "Fish."
  • (Unnamed) "Next week on the show: bats; are they really blind or just takin' a piss out of me?"
  • (Unnamed) "Self belief. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it, I can do it, I can really move from my head right down to my blue suede shoes. Isn't it? Rubettes, 1973? Marvellous."
  • (Unnamed) "You a young mother, are you? That's the hardest job in the world is, innit, eh? The old motherin' game. Yeah, hardest game in the world. Yeah, I done it meself, see? Yeah. Thirty years, man and woman."
  • (Unnamed) "What are you going to play for us today, Jackson?"
  • (Jackson Jeffrey Jackson) "Trumpet."
  • (Unnamed) "No, er, what tune?"
  • (Jackson Jeffrey Jackson) "Tune? This' jazz."
  • (Unnamed) "A fe fe fe a fe fe fe, Boutros Boutros-Ghali."
  • (Director) "Chip? Take five; we need to reset the wire."
  • (Unnamed) "Set meself on fire? All right."
  • (Customer) "This man insulted me."
  • (Shop manager) "Was it done with any style, madam?"
  • (Unnamed) "I've gone vegetarian now. I mean, I know I had a sausage roll yesterday, but it's not really meat, is it, y'know? I mean, there's no animal called a "sausage"."
  • (Policeman) "I've ascertained the time of death as 9.15."
  • (Unnamed) "Have you really? What do you want, a biscuit?"
  • (Unnamed) "She was half woman, half fish. Terrible in the kitchen, but a bloody good swimmer."
  • (Unnamed) "Me? The 13th Duke of Wybourne? Here? In a sixth form girl's dormitory? At three o'clock in the morning? With my reputation? What were they thinking of?"
  • (Unnamed) "Who's that, over in the corner? It's me, losing my religion."
  • (Unnamed) "This season, I'll be mostly wearing no vest and no pants neither --"
  • (Unnamed) "Of course, it wasn't always like that. I used to support -- er? Manchester United. But then, you had to support them where I came from in -- erm -- Hampstead."
  • (Unnamed) "Well, Ron Manager, once again the pace and the tempo of that first half totally dictated by the boy wonder, Ryan Giggs."
  • (Unnamed) "Cor, Ryan Giggs, you know? Giggsy, isn't it? Mmm? Giggsy-wiggsy? Mmm? Oh. Ryan-y Giggsy-wiggsy. Isn't it? You know, marvellous."
  • (Unnamed) "Is he the new George Best?"
  • (Unnamed) "Is George Best the old Ryan Giggs? But Giggsy-wiggsy. Precocious talent, isn't he? Mmm? Ooh, got it all, you know? Speed, acceleration, sweet left foot, all the tricks; the dummy, the drop of the shoulder, the shimmy, nutmeg, jiggery-pokery, hocus pocus, abracadabra, I wanna reach out and grab ya. Steve Miller Band? Spin Doctors? Ooh, very similar."
  • (Unnamed) "Thank you, Ron. Now, Tommy, it's interesting to see the diamond formation being used again."
  • (Unnamed) "Diamond formation? Does anyone really know what that is? I mean, at least you knew where you were with Alf Ramsey's wingless wonders. You know? 4-4-2, 4-2-4, 4-3-3 -- 0898 654000, freephone double glazing?"
  • (Unnamed) "You've lost me there, Ron. Not sure about that particular formation. But, Tommy, do we need structure? Look at the Brazilians."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh, those Brazilians, you know? Circa 1970? Broke the mould. Theory out the window. Free expression of football. Uncategorisable. Is that a word? It is now. You know? Far cry from small boys in the park, jumpers for goalposts. Rush goalie. Two at the back, three in the middle, four up front, one's gone home for his tea. Beans on toast? Possibly, don't quote me on that. Marvellous."

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