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The Full Monty Quotes

The Full Monty is a TV show that was first aired in 1970 . The Full Monty ended its run in 1970.

It features Uberto Pasolini as producer, Anne Dudley in charge of musical score, and John de Borman as head of cinematography.

The Full Monty is recorded in English and originally aired in United Kingdom. Each episode of The Full Monty is 91 minutes long. The Full Monty is distributed by Fox Searchlight Pictures.

The cast includes: Robert Carlyle as Gaz, Mark Addy as Dave, Tom Wilkinson as Gerald, William Snape as Nathan, Paul Barber as Horse, Steve Huison as Lomper, Robert Carlyle as Gary 'Gaz' Schofield, and Tom Wilkinson as Gerald Arthur Cooper.

The Full Monty Quotes

Mark Addy as Dave

  • (Mark Addy) "I know. You could stand in middle of road and have a mate run smack into you right fast."
  • (Steve Huison) "Haven't got any mates --"
  • (Robert Carlyle) "Listen to you, we just saved your f***ing life so don't tell us we're not your mates, all right?"
  • (Steve Huison) "Really?"
  • (Robert Carlyle) "Yeah."
  • (Steve Huison) "Thanks. Thanks a lot."
  • (Mark Addy) "Yeah, me and all, I'd run ya down as soon as look at ya."
  • (Steve Huison) "Oh aye? Cheers."
  • (Mark Addy) "Drownin'. Now there's a way to go."
  • (Steve Huison) "I can't swim."
  • (Robert Carlyle) "Well you don't have to f***ing swim, you divvy, that's the whole point. God, you're not very keen are you?"
  • (Steve Huison) "Sorry --"
  • (Mark Addy) "Well, I just pray they're a bit more understanding about us, that's all."
  • (Paul Barber) "You what?"
  • (Mark Addy) "Well, they're going to be looking at us like that, aren't they, Eh? I mean, what if next Friday 400 women turn 'round and say "He's too fat, he's too old and he's a pigeon-chested little tosser."? What happens then, eh?"
  • (Paul Barber) "They wouldn't say that, would they?"
  • (Mark Addy) "Why not? He's just said her tits are too big."
  • (Steve Huison) "That's different. We're -- blokes."
  • (Mark Addy) "Yeah, and?"
  • (Tom Wilkinson) "I think she's got nice tits, actually."
  • (Steve Huison) "I never said owt about her personality, like. I mean, she's probably quite nice if you get to know her."
  • (Mark Addy) "No. And they won't say nowt about your personality neither. Which is good 'cause you're basically a bastard. Bollocks to your personality; this is what they're looking at, right? And I'll tell you summat, mate. Anti-wrinkle cream there may be, but anti-fat-bastard cream there is none."
  • (Mark Addy) "Why me?"
  • (Robert Carlyle) "Because you've got an honest face, lad; I've got "serial killer" written on me forehead."
  • (Mark Addy) "Put down and piss off."
  • (Mark Addy) "He's got gnomes."
  • (Robert Carlyle) "Aye, he bloody would have."
  • (Mark Addy) "Don't you EVER call me a fat bastard again."
  • (Mark Addy) "The less I eat, the fatter I get."
  • (Steve Huison) "So stuff yourself and get thin."
  • (Mark Addy) "Oh aye, I can just see him doing all that twizzling about bollocks."
  • (Mark Addy) "Hey, what's this? I didn't go on the nick in Asda for some chuffin' women's DYI video."
  • (Robert Carlyle) "It's "Flashdance", Dave. She's a welder, isn't she."
  • (Mark Addy) "A welder? Well, I hope she dances better than she welds. I mean, look at that; her mix is all to cock."
  • (Mark Addy) "Shut up, Dave. What the f*** do you know about welding, anyway?"
  • (Mark Addy) "More than some chuffin' woman. Arh, it's like Bonfire Night. That's too much acetylene, is that. Them joints will hold f*** all."
  • (Tom Wilkinson) "Arh, for Christ's sake, Dave. We're looking for dancing, aren't we."
  • (Robert Carlyle) "He's got the hump about Asda."

Robert Carlyle as Gaz

  • (Robert Carlyle) "Told 'ya, robbing pipes, that's all."
  • (Police officer) "Gary, my friend, no bugger robs pipes in the buff."
  • (Robert Carlyle) "We do. Don't get your clothes dirty, do you?"
  • (Police officer) "Oh well, don't fret, gents. There's a right good laundry in Wakefield Prison."
  • (Robert Carlyle) "Gentlemen, the lunchbox has landed."
  • (Robert Carlyle) "Folks don't laugh so loud when you've a grand in your back pocket."
  • (Robert Carlyle) "Dave. What are you doing?"
  • (Mark Addy) "What's it look like?"
  • (Robert Carlyle) "We're on in two days time, where the f*** are you?"
  • (Mark Addy) "I'm here, working, earning, that's where. Not pissing about. End of chat."
  • (Robert Carlyle) "Fookin' hell."
  • (Robert Carlyle) "So, uh, Horse -- What can you do?"
  • (Paul Barber) "I dunno, really -- Let's see, there's the, uh -- The bump, the stomp, the bus stop -- Me breakdancing days are probably over, but there's always the funky chicken."
  • (Robert Carlyle) "Ey up, someone's coming."
  • (Unnamed) "All right?"
  • (Robert Carlyle) "Aye, not so bad."
  • (Mark Addy) "Not so bad? Not so bad? That's not much of a chuffing SOS is it?"
  • (Robert Carlyle) "Y' know Dave, it's a thought --"
  • (Tom Wilkinson) "Ha. I could just see Little and Large prancing around Sheffield with their widges hanging out. Now that would be worth 10 quid --"
  • (Robert Carlyle) "Don't be so bloody daft. We were just saying --"
  • (Tom Wilkinson) "Widges on parade. Bring your own microscope."
  • (Robert Carlyle) "Oh, f***ing hell, Nath. They're 20 quid each them."
  • (Robert Carlyle) "Off to Job Club then?"
  • (Tom Wilkinson) "As a matter of fact, yes I bloody well am."
  • (Tom Wilkinson) "Put that back. PUT it back."
  • (Robert Carlyle) "On Sale for £4.99 and we're still a f***in' fiver short."
  • (Robert Carlyle) "I need an audience"
  • (Mark Addy) "You need a doctor."
  • (Robert Carlyle) "I've got a degree in ass wiggling, mate."

Tom Wilkinson as Gerald

  • (Tom Wilkinson) "Button it, you lot. Some of us are trying to get a job. Ey. And it says "No Smoking" in here."
  • (Robert Carlyle) "Aye, and it says "Job Club" up there. When was the last time you saw one of them f***in' walk in? You forget, Gerald, you're not our foreman anymore. You're just like the rest of us: scrap."
  • (Tom Wilkinson) "Shut it. Right?"
  • (Tom Wilkinson) "Fat, David, is a feminist issue."
  • (Mark Addy) "Well, what's that supposed to mean, when it's at home?"
  • (Tom Wilkinson) "I don't bloody know, do I? But it is."
  • (Tom Wilkinson) "You're always ahead there."
  • (Robert Carlyle) "You're always bloody behind, more like"
  • (Tom Wilkinson) "Can I borrow this?"
  • (Tom Wilkinson) "Shut up will ya? Watch"
  • (Police officer) "He's right. You're ahead."
  • (Robert Carlyle) "Bollocks."

Paul Barber as Horse

  • (Paul Barber) "No-one said anything to me about the full monty."
  • (Dole Clerk) "Have you been actively looking for work in the last fortnight?"
  • (Paul Barber) "Yes"
  • (Dole Clerk) "Have you done any work, paid or unpaid in the last fortnight?"
  • (Paul Barber) "No"
  • (Dole Clerk) "That's not what I've heard"

Steve Huison as Lomper

  • (Steve Huison) "What are you doin', mum?"
  • (Lomper's Mum) "Where've you been?"
  • (Steve Huison) "Drivin'."
  • (Lomper's Mum) "Drivin' where?"
  • (Steve Huison) "Just drivin'."
  • (Lomper's Mum) "Thought you'd gone."

William Snape as Nathan

  • (Police Inspector) "So your daddy dances in front of you, does he?"
  • (William Snape) "Only when he's rehearsing."
  • (William Snape) "That were crap."

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