The Golden Girls Quotes

The Golden Girls is a Sitcom that was first aired in 1985 on NBC. The Golden Girls ended in 1992.

The Golden Girls lasted 7 seasons and 180 episodes. It features Andrew Gold as theme composer, and George Tipton as composer. The Golden Girls is executive produced by Susan Harris. The Golden Girls is created by Susan Harris.

The Golden Girls is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Golden Girls is 22-24 minutes long. The Golden Girls is produced by Witt/Thomas Productions and distributed by Disney-ABC Domestic Television. Spinoffs for this show include The Golden Palace.

The cast includes: Betty White as Rose, Bea Arthur as Dorothy, and Doris Belack as Gloria.

The Golden Girls Quotes

Bea Arthur as Dorothy

• (Blanche) "No, no, no please. I cannot bear that again. She was listening to her car radio, Big Band, not all talk. There was a contest. Something about a little voice, a lucky number and a dime in a door handle, then Bim Bam Boosh, won the tickets."
• (Bea Arthur) "Take a lesson Rose. That's how you tell a story."

• (Bea Arthur) "You couldn't sleep either, huh?"
• (Sophia) "No, I'm sleeping so good I thought I'd come try it in the sink."

• (Bea Arthur) "Oh -- but you thought we'd be interested in the story of little Yimminy? the boy who was raised by a moose --"
• (Betty White) "That moose not only raised little Yimminy, he put him through medical school"

• (Blanche) "What do you think of my new dress? Is it me?"
• (Sophia) "It's too tight, it's too short and shows too much cleavage for a woman your age."
• (Bea Arthur) "Yes, Blanche. It's you."

• (Sophia) "All you ever do is talk about your sexual problems. Well, what about my sexual problem?"
• (Bea Arthur) "Ma, what is your sexual problem?"
• (Sophia) "I'm not getting any."

• (Blanche) "I feel like I did when I was a virgin."
• (Sophia) "You mean the feeling isn't going to last long?"
• (Blanche) "Are you implying I lost my virginity at an early age?"
• (Sophia) "I'm just saying you're lucky Jack-&-Jill magazine didn't have a gossip column."
• (Blanche) "I'm not going to stand for this. Not in my own house --"
• (Sophia) "Take it Dorothy."
• (Bea Arthur) "I bet you'll lay down for it."

• (Sophia) "No offense, p*****cat."
• (Bea Arthur) "None taken, you cankerous little prune."

• (Bea Arthur) "It's wonderful dating in Miami. Every single man under eighty sells cocaine."

• (Bea Arthur) "No, I'm sorry, that's more than I'm willing to pay for a guest room. Yes, I have heard the expression "you get what you pay for." I've also heard the expression "there's a sucker born every minute." -- Yes, I have heard that expression too --"

• (Blanche) "What's the matter with her?"
• (Bea Arthur) "She's upset."
• (Blanche) "Is it about Arnie?"
• (Bea Arthur) "No, Blanche. She's upset because they keep changing the taste of Coke."

• (Bea Arthur) "Is that all you care about? Money and applause?"
• (Blanche) "And sex. For which I usually get applause."

• (Blanche) "Dorothy, this is crazy. Since when do you care how you look?"
• (Bea Arthur) "I think it started when I came down from the bell tower and had my hump fixed."

• (Bea Arthur) "Ma, I'm never playing cards with you again."
• (Sophia) "Yes you will. You're just too competitive. It's always been your worst feature. No, wait-your ears are your worst feature."
• (Bea Arthur) "Can you believe that?"
• (Blanche) "No, I always thought your bony feet were your worst feature."

• (Bea Arthur) "Ma, did Jean sleep with you last night?"
• (Sophia) "Dorothy, there are a lot of things I wanna try before I die, but that's not one of them."

• (Blanche) "I was once arrested for that in Chattanooga."
• (Bea Arthur) "Blance, are you allowed to go back to Chattanooga?"
• (Blanche) "Are you kidding? The sheriff still writes."

• (Bea Arthur) "When a 22-year-old girl marries a man who's 80, chances are she is not after his body."

• (Blanche) "I do love the rain so. It reminds me of my first kiss."
• (Bea Arthur) "Ah, your first kiss was in the rain?"
• (Blanche) "No, it was in the shower."

• (Sophia) "Alright everyone get ready for temple."
• (Bea Arthur) "But Ma, it's Tuesday and we're Catholic."
• (Sophia) "In that case, bacon and eggs?"

• (Bea Arthur) "Why don't I just wear a sign that says, "Too Ugly To Live?""

• (Bea Arthur) "So, how much is this Italian contractor going to charge for remodeling the garage?"
• (Sophia) "He said he'll do it for free for three reasons. One, he loves his work, two, his men haven't been together for a while, and three, he loves to be in the company of pretty young women."
• (Bea Arthur) "Oh, wow -- in that case, I guess we'll have to agree."
• (Sophia) "Great. So, here's a list of the pretty young women that you'll have to hire."

• (Bea Arthur) "Rose -- Get professional help."

• (Bea Arthur) "Why don't you just tell him that you don't know who he is?"
• (Betty White) "And hurt an old friend? Boy, Dorothy, no wonder nobody likes you."

• (Bea Arthur) "You see what this holiday has become? You see? Everybody thinks the best way to show someone you care is by going into debt. I mean, where is the love? Where's the sharing? Where is the; the true spirit of Christmas?"
• (Sophia) "Neiman-Marcus, Ladies Apparel, third floor."

• (Bea Arthur) "What are you trying to say, Rose? Weddings make you HOT?"
• (Betty White) "YES."

• (Bea Arthur) "Rose, do I look like I just fell off the turnip truck."
• (Betty White) "No, but you do look the woman who used to drive it."

• (Bea Arthur) "Ma, what are you doing? You're supposed to be resting. Remember what the doctor said?"
• (Sophia) "Dorothy, I'm feeling anxious. And when I feel anxious, there's only one thing that calms me down."
• (Bea Arthur) "I know, Ma. Cooking a big meal."
• (Sophia) "No, making hot naked love in a closet. But hey, you do what you can."

• (Sophia) "Esther Weinstock is dead. We grew up together, she was my best friend."
• (Bea Arthur) "I'm so sorry. What happened?"
• (Sophia) "She was fighting an oil rig fire in the Gulf of Mexico."
• (Sophia) "SHE WAS 88."
• (Betty White) "Well, it's great that she was able to work right up to the end."

• (Clown) "Before you do that, you should know that Mr. Music's brother is Mr. Lawyer. Besides, that wouldn't be a very grown up thing to do."
• (Bea Arthur) "No. You're right. I couldn't."
• (Unnamed) "Mr. Ha Ha."
• (Clown) "Yes Bobby?"
• (Unnamed) "Happy Birthday, Dorothy."

• (Bea Arthur) "I mean, for the entire second act, the audience kept yelling, "She's in the attic, she's in the attic.""

• (Bea Arthur) "Hi, Ma. Whatcha watching?"
• (Sophia) "I dunno, one of those Steven Spielberger movies."
• (Bea Arthur) "That's not a Steven Spielberg? What are they doing?"
• (Sophia) "You know what they're doing. We had that talk when you were twelve."
• (Bea Arthur) "Ma, I can't believe this. You rented a dirty movie?"
• (Sophia) "Dirty is in the eye of the beholder -- OK, maybe that's a little dirty."

• (Blanche) "Just like my heroine, sicker and sicker --"
• (Blanche) "Of course, my heroine doesn't look like you. This is a romantic novel, not science-fiction."
• (Bea Arthur) "Remind me when I feel better to kick the crap out of her."

• (Bea Arthur) "Good night, Rose. Go to sleep, honey. Pray for brains."

• (Bea Arthur) "Aw, Rose, did you have a leak in your room too?"
• (Betty White) "No, Dorothy. I was just milking the cow I keep in my closet. Wow, with only three hours of sleep, I can be as bitchy as you."

• (Bea Arthur) "Ma, Rose isn't talking to me --"
• (Sophia) "Enjoy it while it lasts, now good night."

• (Sophia) "I'm not leaving now. It's just getting good."
• (Bea Arthur) "Shady Pines, Ma."
• (Sophia) "You're bluffing --"
• (Bea Arthur) "The West Wing?"
• (Sophia) "I'm right behind you."

• (Blanche) "Dorothy, do you realize it has been three days since I have enjoyed the company of a man?"
• (Bea Arthur) "Yes, Blanche. I've been marking the days on my Big Ships of the Navy calendar."
• (Blanche) "Dorothy, you have to help me. You have to do something."
• (Bea Arthur) "Blanche, there is nothing I can do, so get that look out of your eye and let go of my hand."

• (Bea Arthur) "Hi, ma. Where are you going?"
• (Sophia) "To the boardwalk. I like to watch the old guys rearrange themselves when they come out of the water."

• (Bea Arthur) "I think I see now how it happened; last evening, at dinner, when Miss McGlen saw Blanche give Kendall Nesbitt her key, she was furious. She dropped a steak knife into her purse --"
• (Sophia) "Big deal. I took a whole place sitting."
• (Bea Arthur) "NOT NOW, MA."

• (Bea Arthur) "We're having a surprise birthday party for Blanche. Why don't you go out to the lanai and mingle with the guests?"
• (Sophia) "OK. What's a lanai?"
• (Bea Arthur) "Porch."
• (Sophia) "Well, excuse me, Krystle Carrington."

• (Sophia) "In Sicily, we never went to the doctor. We went to the Widow Caravelli. Whatever you had, she had a cure. She was most famous for her green salve to cure ear infections. One day, she gave some to Salvadore, the village idiot. He misunderstood the directions and put in on his linguine instead of in his ear."
• (Bea Arthur) "Well, I guess if you're an idiot with a hearing problem, you do things like that."
• (Sophia) "Actually, it turned out ok. The stuff tasted great, so Salvadore decided to market it. At first, things didn't go so well. Linguine with ear salve wasn't very appetizing-but once he changed the name to pesto sauce, it sold like hot cakes."
• (Bea Arthur) "Ma, you're making this up."
• (Sophia) "So what? I'm old, I'm supposed to be colorful."

• (Bea Arthur) "Ma, I DON'T snore."
• (Sophia) "Please. I had to turn you away from the window so you wouldn't inhale the drapes."

• (Blanche) "Well, it's almost dinnertime. Now, what could be taking Rose so long at that job interview?"
• (Bea Arthur) "Well, if she's taking that long, it's a good sign, isn't it? I mean, how much time does it take to say no?"
• (Sophia) "What are you asking her for? She never said no in her life."

• (Bea Arthur) "MA, WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP THAT."
• (Sophia) "These are FRITOS, Dorothy. What do you want me to do, swallow them whole?"

• (Bea Arthur) "On the other hand, Phillip would never use a Mayan sacrificial knife as a murder weapon. Too obvious. But, it would be no problem for his sister to sneak the weapon out of his collection."
• (Doris Belack) "This woman's pathetic."
• (Sophia) "Oh. Big news. Tear out the front page."

• (Bea Arthur) "Oh, Angela, you really don't have to go."
• (Angela) "Thank you, Dorothy. I'd love to stay, but I hate your mother."

• (Bea Arthur) "You're right, Blanche. These naked southern guys sure can dance."

• (Bea Arthur) "What they need is an aphrodisiac."
• (Betty White) "An African what?"
• (Bea Arthur) "An aphrodisiac, Rose. Something that makes you feel sexy -- like Spanish Fly."
• (Betty White) "Spanish flies?"
• (Bea Arthur) "Fly, Rose. One Fly. Spanish Fly."
• (Betty White) "Oh, come on Dorothy. I've been to Spain. It's not the cleanest country in the world, they must have thousands of flies."
• (Bea Arthur) "It is not a fly Rose. It's a beetle."
• (Betty White) "They call it a fly but it's really a beetle?"
• (Bea Arthur) "Yes."
• (Betty White) "How do they know it's Spanish?"
• (Bea Arthur) "Because it wears a little sombrero, Rose."

• (Bea Arthur) "It looks like the road company of Cocoon."

• (Bea Arthur) "May I take your height; hat ?"

• (Blanche) "Rose, you must be confused. You come to me if you have problems with a man. You go to Dorothy if there's some grammar you need help with."
• (Bea Arthur) "You ended that sentence with a dangling preposition just to bait me."
• (Blanche) "What would I do that for?"

• (Bea Arthur) "You're a furry little gnome and we feed you too much."

• (Bea Arthur) "I can't believe this is happening. I mean, the last thing I said to her was, "Shut up, Zulu.""

• (Bea Arthur) "Now look here -- You withered old Sicilian monkey."

• (Blanche) "Dorothy you're a substitute, your job isn't actually to teach."
• (Bea Arthur) "Then what is it?"
• (Blanche) "To keep the kids from burning the school down until the other teacher gets back."

• (Blanche) "You know what the worst part about getting older is?"
• (Bea Arthur) "Your face, Rose's hands?"

• (Sophia) "My hiney's asleep."
• (Bea Arthur) "Fine, we'll keep our voices down."

• (Bea Arthur) "Get back here, you deceitful little Sicilian gekko."

• (Blanche) "I was once told I bore a striking resemblance to Cheryl Ladd -- but my bosoms are perkier."
• (Bea Arthur) "Not even if you were hanging upside-down from a trapeze."

• (Bea Arthur) "What kind of idiot would want to give birth here?"
• (Betty White) "This place makes me want to run out and get pregnant."

• (Bea Arthur) "Last Halloween half the kids in the neighborhood wore Freida Claxton costumes."

• (Bea Arthur) "We're here to pay for a funeral."
• (Mr. Pfeiffer) "Oh, isn't that nice, the three of you planning ahead for mother."
• (Sophia) "Hey Puh-feiffer, how would you like a punch in your puh-face?"

• (Sophia) "And what will I do when every other old lady on the block is watching The Cosby Show?"
• (Bea Arthur) "Well, ma, I guess you can sit on the new driveway and hope an amusing black family comes along."

• (Sophia) "He said, "I am in charge.""
• (Sophia) "He said, "I am the boss.""
• (Sophia) "He said, "I am the walrus"?"
• (Bea Arthur) "Ma, either your Italian is a little rusty or this is the world's oldest hippie."

• (Bea Arthur) "Ohhh, do you know how many great, late night talks we've had at this kitchen table over cheesecake?"
• (Betty White) "No. How many?"
• (Bea Arthur) "One hundred and forty-six, Rose."

• (Blanche) "This is strictly off the record but Dirk is nearly five years younger than I am."
• (Bea Arthur) "In what, Blanche, dog years?"

• (Bea Arthur) "Blanche, have you heard of the latest campaigns? "Join the navy, see the world -- sleep with Blanche Devereaux"? "Join the army, be all you can be -- sleep with Blanche Devereaux"?"
• (Bea Arthur) ""The marines are looking for a few good men who have not slept with Blanche Devereaux"."

• (Bea Arthur) "Blanche, you'd have made a great psychologist."
• (Sophia) "Way to go p*****cat. Give Blanche an office with a couch and a license to charge by the hour."

• (Blanche) "I'll give you anything. I'll give you one of my sons."
• (Bea Arthur) "Blanche."
• (Blanche) "Dorothy, I've given this a lot of thought. I've had 4 kids, I've never had a Mercedes. So, which one do you want? Biff, Doug, Skippy? No, don't take Skippy, he's got asthma."

• (Bea Arthur) "It is not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it."

• (Bea Arthur) "Rose, I know this is a long shot, but did you take much acid during the sixties?"

• (Blanche) "I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo."
• (Bea Arthur) "That's pretty jumpy."

• (Bea Arthur) "You'll have to excuse my mother. She suffered a slight stroke a few years ago which rendered her totally annoying."

• (Sophia) "Jean thinks she's in love with Rose."
• (Blanche) "Rose. Jean has the hots for Rose? I don't believe this, I don't believe this."
• (Bea Arthur) "We were surprised, too."
• (Blanche) "Well, I'll bet. To think Jean would prefer Rose over ME, that ridiculous."

• (Blanche) "Well I can't take it back, I paid in advance"
• (Bea Arthur) "Can't you get a refund?"
• (Blanche) "Well, no, I paid with nature's credit card"
• (Bea Arthur) "You never leave home without it."

• (Bea Arthur) "Anyway, Ma told me that once I started shaving I'd never be able to stop. I mean, she said I'd regret it for the rest of my life because my legs would have bristles."
• (Sophia) "I was right. By the time you were sixteen I could grate cheese on your knees."

• (Bea Arthur) "Oh all right I'll come.Ma where are my dancing shoes?"
• (Sophia) "In the Smithsonian, right next to Fred Astaire's. How the hell should I know?"

Betty White as Rose

• (Betty White) "Mmmmm, Sophia. The kitchen smells wonderful. Is it Chef Boyardee?"
• (Sophia) "Stick it in my heart, Rose, it'll hurt less."

• (Betty White) "Back where I come from, most people won't eat store-bought cake."
• (Bea Arthur) "Rose, back where you come from, people live in windmills and make love to polka music."
• (Betty White) "Stop it, Dorothy. You're making me homesick."

• (Blanche) "Sophia, I need you."
• (Sophia) "Blanche, you were strong and independent long before I got here."
• (Betty White) "I need you too, Sophia."
• (Sophia) "Rose, you need the Wizard of Oz."

• (Betty White) "I have a story to end all stories about when someone wouldn't sleep with me."
• (Blanche) "Ok Honey, but PLEASE keep it in ten words or less."
• (Betty White) "OK. I will."
• (Bea Arthur) "Ok then Rose, let's hear it. In ten words or less, when did a man not sleep with you?"
• (Betty White) "The time I was radioactive."

• (Betty White) "Like we say in St. Olaf, Christmas without fruitcake is like St. Sigmund's Day without the headless boy."

• (Betty White) "You must be tired after your cab trip."
• (Sophia) "Why? I RODE in the cab. I didn't push it."

• (Betty White) "I wanted to ask you; do you think Blanche has been picking on me lately?"
• (Bea Arthur) "I haven't noticed."
• (Betty White) "Hi, Blanche."
• (Blanche) "Must you always be so cheerful, you -- empty-headed, Mary Poppins knock-off?"
• (Betty White) "Let me know if you notice anything."

• (Betty White) "I just found out I'm the most boring on Earth."
• (Sophia) "Did something happen to Regis Philbin?"

• (Betty White) "I've been on the phone for a half hour and you'll never guess what happened."
• (Bea Arthur) "You realized you forgot to dial first."
• (Betty White) "No."
• (Blanche) "You were holding the receiver the wrong way."
• (Betty White) "No."
• (Bea Arthur) "You were talking into the TV remote instead of the phone."
• (Betty White) "No."
• (Blanche) "A shoe?"
• (Betty White) "No, I'm not an idiot.; The TV has a remote?"

• (Sophia) "We never forgot anything in Sicily because people would tie string around each other's fingers. No -- wait, it wasn't string, it was piano wire. And wait -- it wasn't your finger, it was your neck. In fact, piano wire was the second-biggest export in our village. You know what the number one export was?"
• (Betty White) "No, what?"
• (Sophia) "Hell if I know. I was hoping you could tell me."

• (Blanche) "What was your first impression of me?"
• (Betty White) "I thought you wore too much makeup and were a slut. I was wrong. You don't wear too much makeup."

• (Betty White) "This reminds me of something that happened back in St. Olaf."
• (Bea Arthur) "Oh, Rose, stop. Rose, why is it that every time one of us makes an observation, the first thing we hear from you is "Back in St. Olaf?" I mean, did it ever occur to you that maybe we're tired of hearing "Back in St. Olaf," "Back in St. Olaf," "Back in St. Olaf.""
• (Betty White) "Gee, no, I -- I'm sorry."
• (Bea Arthur) "Oh -- that's okay."
• (Betty White) "Back in that town whose name you're tired of hearing --"
• (Bea Arthur) "ROSE."

• (Blanche) "Well, just tell him you have a lot of work at home."
• (Betty White) "I don't want to lie."
• (Blanche) "When you get home, we'll make you clean out the garage."
• (Betty White) "Oh thanks, I owe you big for this one."

• (Betty White) "Oh, don't give up, Dorothy. If the ancient Egyptians could move twenty ton stone blocks to build the pyramids, we can move a toilet."
• (Bea Arthur) "Fine, Rose. Get me twenty thousand Hebrews and I'll see what I can do."

• (Betty White) "I just had a thought --"
• (Blanche) "Congratulations."

• (Betty White) "What's the point? You won't believe me anyway."
• (Sophia) "Hey, Sicilians can always recognize two things; when someone is telling the truth, and when they've had their fingerprints changed."

• (Betty White) "Sophia, why are you in such a bad mood?"
• (Sophia) "Excuse me Rose, but I haven't had sex in fifteen years and its starting to get on my nerves."

• (Betty White) "Well, I'm here if you want to pick my brain."
• (Bea Arthur) "Rose, honey. Maybe we should leave it alone and let it heal."

• (Betty White) "You know what they say: you can lead a herring to water, but you have to walk really fast or he'll die."

• (Betty White) "I couldn't sleep, so I whipped up a batch of Sverhoeven Crispies. It's a traditional midnight snack from St. Olaf dating back to Viking times."
• (Bea Arthur) "Well, I guess after a hard night of pillaging and raping, a Viking would want a little something to go with his cocoa."

• (Betty White) "I had a knack for coming up with the firmest, most appealing yams."
• (Blanche) "I was once told I had the firmest, most appealing gams."

• (Betty White) "Then why does it say the explosion was so great it shattered windows in a building 10 blocks away?"
• (Bea Arthur) "Rose, that was an article about an earthquake in GUATEMALA."

• (Betty White) "Can I ask a dumb question?"
• (Bea Arthur) "Better than anyone I know."

• (Blanche) "Oh, just shut up. Shut up, you babbling, bobble-headed, bleach blonde --"
• (Sophia) "Baboon."
• (Blanche) "Baboon."
• (Sophia) "She needed a 'B.'"

• (Betty White) "The Nazis are coming. The Nazis are coming."
• (Sophia) "Everybody grab a gun and go to the basement."

• (Betty White) "I'm gonna make a special glückenflügen to celebrate it. It's a special dish that takes hours to prepare."
• (Bea Arthur) "Ohh. Please Rose. Why don't you do what we all do? Buy frozen glückenflügen."

• (Sophia) "Rose, just remember, you're smarter than people say you are. You've got good sense, and you know what you're doing."
• (Betty White) "Oh, Sophia."
• (Sophia) "Blanche, you're a slut."
• (Blanche) "Oh, Sophia."

• (Betty White) "How is he?"
• (Bea Arthur) "I'll be honest: right now, Squeaky Fromme has a better grasp on reality."

• (Betty White) "Lets face it, Blanche, you have Bette Davis eyes -- and Freddy Kruger hands."

• (Blanche) "You know what I hate doing most after a party?"
• (Betty White) "Trying to find your underwear in the big pile?"

• (Betty White) "Well, I'm off."
• (Sophia) "Totally."

• (Betty White) "Dr. Kagan? Hubba hubba zing zing, baby, he's got everything."

• (Blanche) "Rose, I was about to tell a story."
• (Betty White) "Well, I wanna tell mine."
• (Blanche) "Dorothy?"
• (Bea Arthur) "Well, this is a no-win situation -- but go ahead, Blanche."
• (Betty White) "Fine, you may never get to hear MY story."
• (Bea Arthur) "Then I'm wrong, it isn't a no-win situation."

• (Sophia) "I need some advice, Rose."
• (Betty White) "You are asking advice from me?"
• (Sophia) "Yea, frightening isn't it?"

• (Betty White) "How long were Jean and Pat married?"
• (Bea Arthur) "They were together for about eight years."
• (Betty White) "Poor thing. I wish there was something I could do -- I know. I'll make my world-famous ice cream clown sundaes. You know, the kind with the little raisin eyes and the sugar cone caps."
• (Bea Arthur) "If that doesn't fill the void, nothing will."

• (Betty White) "Blanche, did you really start shaving at eleven? That seems so young."
• (Blanche) "Oh, I did it on a dare. You know, back where I come from, everybody thought that once you started shaving your legs, why, you'd become loose. So I shaved 'em."
• (Betty White) "What happened?"
• (Blanche) "Oh, it was an old wives' tale. I didn't become loose for another year and a half."

• (Betty White) "When men see that you shave your legs above the knee, what does that say to them?"
• (Blanche) "Hopefully it says, '"Touch my leg.""
• (Bea Arthur) "That's in case they miss the tattoo that says the same."

• (Betty White) "Here you are, Sophia. The perfect after-dinner treat, a nice dish of Jell-O."
• (Sophia) "I hate Jell-O. If God wanted peaches suspended in midair, he would have filled them with helium."

• (Betty White) "The laws in St. Olaf are very stringent. Their motto is 'Use a gun, go apologize.'"

• (Betty White) "Oh Sophia, I think you're a wonderful person. It's a lovely idea to divide Mrs. Claxton's funeral expenses equally."
• (Sophia) "Well I figure yours should be about half. After all you're the one that killed her."

• (Betty White) "On Stan's behalf, Charlie once made a lot of money in business with a partner who was also a lousy, no good, underhanded, back-stabbing worm."
• (Bea Arthur) "Let me guess, Rose: Ivan Boskivanderfluvenhoovenmeistergarbingerbinfleckman?"
• (Betty White) "That's the louse."

• (Betty White) "You don't understand. Everyone likes me-I'm the nice one. Dorothy is the smart one, Blanche is the sexy one, Sophia is the old one, and I'm the nice one. EVERYBODY likes me."
• (Sophia) "The old one isn't so crazy about you."

• (Betty White) "Name?"
• (Sophia) "Zulu, Queen of the Dwarf People."

• (Sophia) "Come on, Blanche."
• (Betty White) "I'm Rose."
• (Sophia) "Simple mistake, means nothing."

• (Betty White) "Oh, Blanche, if your 21st birthday was 20 years ago, you'd only be 41 years old."
• (Blanche) "That's right."
• (Betty White) "Gee, you look terrible for your age."

• (Betty White) "We weren't allowed to wear berets at my school, it was against the St. Olaf dress code. They did let me wear a paper cap, though. It was long and pointy."

• (Betty White) "I don't think lying is really a good idea. I once cut school and that proved very bad."
• (Bea Arthur) "Oh, Rose. We've all cut school. It couldn't have been that bad."
• (Betty White) "Oh, yes it was. That was the day they taught EVERYTHING."
• (Bea Arthur) "The final piece of the puzzle."

• (Betty White) "Back in St. Olaf --"

• (Betty White) "Oh, come on, Dorothy, that balloon man couldn't have been that terrible."
• (Bea Arthur) "I got the feeling I was the man's first date that wasn't inflatable."

• (Betty White) "You -- you -- you rude person."
• (Bea Arthur) "Go easy on him, Rose."

• (Blanche) "Can you believe it? After four long years, my baby girl is finally coming to see me. I'm so happy, I could cry."
• (Betty White) "But Blanche, you are crying."
• (Bea Arthur) "Admit it, Rose, you worked for Allied Intelligence during World War II."
• (Betty White) "Huh?"
• (Bea Arthur) "Fine. Play it cagey."

• (Betty White) "Blanche, I can't believe you. Where do you get your nerve?"
• (Blanche) "Ironically, from Uncle Lucas."

• (Unnamed) "It sounds like there's a mommy in the making."
• (Betty White) "It sounds like there's a mommy on fire."

• (Betty White) "This is a sign-it's telling us our unhappy times are over. Excuse me, Mr. Clown, but could you do something funny to put a smile on the faces of three gloomy gusses?"
• (Clown) "Buzz off, lady. I'm on a cigarette break."

• (Miles Webber) "I'm a college professor, Rose. What did you think when I said I taught Hemingway?"
• (Betty White) "I thought you were old."

• (Betty White) "My mother always used to say: "The older you get, the better you get, unless you're a banana.""

• (Blanche) "I am nothing but a disgusting cheap slut."
• (Betty White) "Don't tell me -- it's Blanche."

• (Betty White) "Everybody likes me."
• (Sophia) "I don't."
• (Betty White) "Oh, you just say that Sophia."
• (Sophia) "REPEATEDLY."

• (Betty White) "You know, I've been thinking --"
• (Blanche) "Oh, that would explain the beads of sweat."

• (Sophia) "Make way for the victors."
• (Betty White) "You won the big game?"
• (Sophia) "No, Rose. We lost and we all changed our names to Victor."

• (Betty White) "Heaven is full of cows, chickens, horses and pigs --"
• (Sophia) "I hope Heaven has boots."

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