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The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard Quotes

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard is a TV program that first aired in 1970 . The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard ended in 1970.

It features Adam McKay as producer, Lyle Workman in charge of musical score, and Daryn Okada as head of cinematography.

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard is 90 minutes long. The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard is distributed by Paramount Vantage.

The cast includes: Ving Rhames as Jibby Newsome, Bradley Steven Perry as Don Ready, Kristen Schaal as Stewardess Stacey, David Koechner as Brent Gage, Kathryn Hahn as Babs Merrick, Jordana Spiro as Ivy Selleck, Charles Napier as Dick Lewiston, Ken Jeong as Teddy Dang, James Brolin as Ben Selleck, Ed Helms as Paxton Harding, Alan Thicke as Stu Harding, Wendie Malick as Tammy Selleck, Noureen DeWulf as Heather, Gwen Stewart as McDermott, Gwen Stewart as Angels, Jonathan Sadowski as Blake, Tony Hale as Wade Zooha, and Rob Riggle as Peter Selleck.

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard Quotes

Bradley Steven Perry as Don Ready

  • (Bradley Steven Perry) "And we're looking at an even better day tomorrow. Bo Bice's brother comin' in here to sing some tunes."
  • (Tony Hale) "Shut up. Eric Bice?"
  • (Bradley Steven Perry) "Alright everyone just calm down. Bottom line, we have all just committed a federal offense. Which means that G-men are going to be crawling all over this lot. Let's get our stories straight -- Dang came at us with a samurai sword, fire extinguisher and Chinese throwing stars."
  • (Bradley Steven Perry) "Are you in a boy band?"
  • (Ed Helms) "No. I'm in a man band. We're all over 30. We call it a man band."
  • (Bradley Steven Perry) "You're men in a boy band."
  • (Bradley Steven Perry) "I had to take my pants off and nibble my Old Spice down to three ounces just to get on the plane, Stacey."
  • (Kristen Schaal) "They made me throw out my mouthwash."
  • (David Koechner) "I had to give up my bath jellies."
  • (Kathryn Hahn) "They made me breast feed some old man."
  • (Bradley Steven Perry) "I'm Don "The Goods" Ready. Everyone here told you their story, here's mine -- I have hair on my balls and I sell cars. The end."
  • (Bradley Steven Perry) "Make sure your underwear is tight tomorrow -- because you will have a boner."
  • (Rob Riggle) "Hahaha."
  • (Ving Rhames) "Amen"
  • (James Brolin) "I like the sound of that, Right Brent?"
  • (Bradley Steven Perry) "Don't even get me started on Pearl Harbor, our Navy boys out there enjoying the nice Hawaiian sun when here come the Japs flyin' in low and fast"
  • (Bradley Steven Perry) "Like Henry David Thoreau and Rosa Parks and David Lee Roth when he left Van Halen we can say "Enough. Enough injustice.""
  • (Bradley Steven Perry) "Hey McDermott, we did it. A happy ending."
  • (Gwen Stewart) "Yeah, if you call selling cars in Temecula a happy ending."
  • (Gwen Stewart) "Temecula. It's not even motherf***ing Fresno."

Kathryn Hahn as Babs Merrick

  • (Kathryn Hahn) "Make no mistake, gentlemen. When you die -- poop -- leaves -- your butt."
  • (Kathryn Hahn) "If he moves that car, I'll eat my own p*****."
  • (Kathryn Hahn) "Honey, we just finished the last job three hours ago. I still smell like customer."
  • (Kathryn Hahn) "You're a virgin?"
  • (Ving Rhames) "Oh, hell no."
  • (Kathryn Hahn) "Oh."
  • (Ving Rhames) "No, I been with hundreds of women -- maybe thousands. I -- I just ain't never really ever made love to a woman. You know, I've done 3-ways, 4-ways, menage-a-tois, menage sept, menage seises -- I've sixty-nined, eighty-nined -- one hundred fourteened. Golden, diamond and platinum showers. I like that. I mean, I ripped s*** up. Done all that -- but I ain't never ever made love to a woman."
  • (Selleck Customer - Gary) "It's a good car, right?"
  • (Kathryn Hahn) "No."
  • (Selleck Customer - Gary) "I don't give a s***. I'll push the motherf***er."
  • (Kathryn Hahn) "Go see the dudes in the back. Run, man."

Gwen Stewart as McDermott

  • (Gwen Stewart) "Ten percent real juice motherf***er."
  • (Gwen Stewart) "Most people who're this situation, their life flashes before their eyes and they go through a list of regrets. For the next 45 seconds I want to go through the list of things I've done right. Number one. Full length back tattoo of the Hawaiian punch guy. 10% real fruit juice MOTHER f***ERS."

Ving Rhames as Jibby Newsome

  • (Ving Rhames) "Listen man, I haven't been home in a year and a half -- and I'm about 90% sure I left the front door open."
  • (Ving Rhames) "See, I try to tell women all the time -- Auto Lister is like MySpace for serial killers."

Jordana Spiro as Ivy Selleck

  • (Jordana Spiro) "Mister Ready, this business has been in our family for 40 years, so no sleazy stuff okay?"
  • (Bradley Steven Perry) "Don't worry about it darlin' we're not going to break the rules, we're just going to bend them a little bit --"
  • (Jordana Spiro) "Okay, okay. I just, I know your type. You know it's all the thrill of the hunt, I get it. I mean you crave it, you corner it, but mister Ready let me ask you a question. You know what to do when you catch it?"
  • (Bradley Steven Perry) "Are we talking about p*****?"

David Koechner as Brent Gage

  • (David Koechner) "I don't know why, but I can't enjoy breakfast anywhere but a strip club. My mom used to always cook bacon naked. She would cook bacon all day long."
  • (David Koechner) "You were the first person to wear a Von Dutch trucker hat."
  • (Bradley Steven Perry) "I really regret that."
  • (David Koechner) "As well you should."
  • (David Koechner) "Mmmm look at my husband, looks like hes got a Don Ready."
  • (Bradley Steven Perry) "Give me a minute."
  • (David Koechner) "Hey -- Come on man. Uh Jibby was a pro-baller for two years on the tour. Hes got a lot of great stories."
  • (David Koechner) "Oh, that's disgusting. But don't get me wrong -- I have an erection."
  • (David Koechner) "In schoolyards, "Don Ready" is a euphemism for a hard-on."
  • (David Koechner) "Come on Don -- come on."
  • (Kathryn Hahn) "What's going on? Don's never been late for the last day of a sale."
  • (Jordana Spiro) "Don's gone. Aaaaand you did not see me here. Okay."
  • (Kathryn Hahn) "Well did he go to the lot?"
  • (Jordana Spiro) "I don't know. He kind of just freaked out and left."
  • (Ving Rhames) "'Querque all over again."
  • (Kathryn Hahn) "f***in' 'Querque."
  • (David Koechner) "Fat kids -- customer hates you. Fat wife -- customer pities you. s*** Zooha, that's the best fat wife I've seen in four or five years. Can I have a copy of it?"
  • (David Koechner) "You can do this. You are a winner. Don Ready has the heart of a champion."
  • (Bradley Steven Perry) "I'm a f***ing stallion. I should be owned by a god**** middle eastern sheik."
  • (David Koechner) "There's almost no doubt you invented the phrase "It's all good"."
  • (David Koechner) "In the schoolyard a Don Ready is a euphemism for a hard-on."

Kristen Schaal as Stewardess Stacey

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Charles Napier as Dick Lewiston

  • (Charles Napier) "I never cared much for Jews, queers, or f***in' Eskimos. It was just the way I was raised."
  • (David Koechner) "Is that it?"
  • (Charles Napier) "Yeah. I thought we were opening up here."
  • (Charles Napier) "I feel exactly like i did before i landed on Iwo Jima. I swear to God. there's no difference at all."

Jonathan Sadowski as Blake

  • (Jonathan Sadowski) "Are you saying I should pretend to be his son? Because Brent, that's f***ed up."
  • (David Koechner) "Is it? Or is it f***ed down?"

James Brolin as Ben Selleck

  • (James Brolin) "Hey Brent, you see my wife over there?"
  • (David Koechner) "Yea"
  • (James Brolin) "it is a dead marriage but, ya know, ya learn to live with it. Drive around out at night windows down, music up. Some people call it cruisin' me i call it looking for a friend. Are you my friend Brent?"
  • (David Koechner) "No."
  • (James Brolin) "Look, I may be old fashioned, but when a man tells me to wear my boner pants I wear my boner pants."
  • (James Brolin) "And who is this guy? Well you are a strapping young man."
  • (David Koechner) "Brent Gage, Sir."
  • (James Brolin) "Brent Gage, Now that is a strong name. I don't know why but right off the bat i like you -- a lot"

Ken Jeong as Teddy Dang

  • (Ken Jeong) "Mr. Selleck, I think i made a sale."
  • (James Brolin) "Terrific, good job Teddy."
  • (Ken Jeong) "And he wants to pay in cash, non sequential unmarked bills, neatly packed in this canvas bag."
  • (James Brolin) "well thats a bank bag Teddy --"
  • (Ken Jeong) "Ah. My eyes, My eyes. My Lasik."
  • (James Brolin) "Awe s*** somebody call the cops."
  • (Ken Jeong) "It Burns."
  • (James Brolin) "Teddy go flush your eyes out."
  • (Ken Jeong) "I feel like a smurf just jizzed in my face."

Wendie Malick as Tammy Selleck

  • (Wendie Malick) "You know Paxton here is in one of those popular bands in Temecula. Balls out."
  • (Ed Helms) "No Big ups."
  • (Wendie Malick) "Big Ups."
  • (Bradley Steven Perry) "Either way."
  • (Ed Helms) "Big ups is the name of the band. It's me and Ricky and Jason and we ya know we sing about life and love and passion, I'm not gonna lie to you we have some pretty sick dance moves."
  • (Bradley Steven Perry) "Are, are you in a boy band?"
  • (Ed Helms) "No I'm in a man band, Were all over 30 we call it a man band,"
  • (Bradley Steven Perry) "You're -- You're men in a boy band."
  • (Ed Helms) "We open for O-Town. Right here in Temecula okay. Google it."
  • (David Koechner) "No."
  • (Ed Helms) "Google it"
  • (David Koechner) "No."
  • (Ed Helms) "Why wouldn't you Google it, I just told you to Google it. Google "Big Ups""
  • (Kathryn Hahn) "No i Googled it, it said you f***ing blow."
  • (Ed Helms) "That was O-Town's website."
  • (Ed Helms) "You know what. I'm rising above this, while you guys are yukking it up I'm gonna go rehearse with Big Ups."

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