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The Grand (film) Quotes

The Grand (film) is a TV program that first aired in 1970 . The Grand stopped airing in 1970.

It features Jeff Bowler as producer, Stephen Endelman in charge of musical score, and Anthony Hardwick as head of cinematography.

The Grand (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. The Grand (film) is distributed by Anchor Bay Entertainment.

The cast includes: Chris Parnell as Harold Melvin, Woody Harrelson as One Eyed Jack Faro, David Cross as Larry Schwartzman, Michael Karnow as Mike Werbe, Werner Herzog as The German, Gabe Kaplan as Seth Schwartzman, Cheryl Hines as Lainie Schwartzman, Barry Corbin as 'Lucky' Faro, and Andrea Savage as Renee Jensen.

The Grand (film) Quotes

Woody Harrelson as One Eyed Jack Faro

  • (Woody Harrelson) "Grandpa. Are you... are you..."
  • (Barry Corbin) "Yeah, Jack."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Are you... warm... in that coat?"
  • (Barry Corbin) "No. I'm a ghost."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Oh. So... because, we didn't bury you in that, I just wonder, did you get to pick your own outfit --"
  • (Barry Corbin) "Jack, I'm not here to give you a f***ing seminar on the hereafter."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Yes, I did get thrown out of my own casino, I'm not sure how exactly that happened, but they do say that I gave the order."
  • (Unnamed) "Guess how many rooms."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "How many..."
  • (Unnamed) "Wild guess. How many rooms?"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Three thousand?"
  • (Unnamed) "I knew you'd be wrong."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "So I wanna keep the Rabbit's Foot. It's my dream and my passion, and I think.. I have to --"
  • (Unnamed) "As I listen to you, it occurs to me that maybe you're requesting something of me, and you should know I never answer requests in the positive. Ahh, it's just, it's just not what I do."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Building his stack...."
  • (Cheryl Hines) "Yeah, guess I just put that little brainiac f***er back in the game."
  • (Chris Parnell) "You have the vocabulary of a drunken spice miner and the hairstyle of an Arrakeen whore."

Chris Parnell as Harold Melvin

  • (Chris Parnell) "I was a two-to-one underdog, and the pot paid me 11 to 1. Not a bad risk return ratio. You played poorly."
  • (Chris Parnell) "I have lived with my mother since I was born. I live with her because it is convenient and because it is difficult for me to take care of myself. I will probably be stuck with her for the rest of my life. Or the rest of her life. Because she's much older than me, she will die first."
  • (Chris Parnell) "Ruth, if I were a food critic, I would give your cooking five stars -- five stars that had each collapsed into a black hole and merged to form the largest black hole in the universe."
  • (Chris Parnell) "It is apparent that you have no concept of pot odds. There are a number of books available in the gift shop that explain it quite thoroughly. Also, you have corn in your teeth."
  • (Chris Parnell) "You should have gone all in three hours ago when your stack still meant something."
  • (Chris Parnell) "It's so stupid that you don't use more efficient cooking utensils."
  • (Chris Parnell) "It is apparent that you have no concept of pot odds. There are a number of books available in the gift shop that explain it quite thoroughly."
  • (Chris Parnell) "I knew you only had one pair. Your bet on the river was as transparent as a cloaked Romulan Bird of Prey."
  • (Werner Herzog) "Arschloch."

Michael Karnow as Mike Werbe

  • (Unnamed) "I'm Phil Gordon, and joining me in the booth is Mike Werbe."
  • (Michael Karnow) "And I'm Mike Werbe."
  • (Michael Karnow) "That's the end of the rainbow for this Cinderella story."
  • (Unnamed) "I think that's a terrible mistake, Mike."
  • (Michael Karnow) "He's coming from a different generation. Imagine if Abe Lincoln showed up with a stovepipe hat. The electric lights alone are gonna throw him off."

David Cross as Larry Schwartzman

  • (David Cross) "I can psych the s*** out of people. I don't need cards to beat you. I can literally have no cards, and I would still beat you. You think that's not playing fairly, or that's not the way a gentleman plays? I would fight you over that."
  • (David Cross) "If people played correctly, I would win every single hand, ever."

Werner Herzog as The German

  • (Werner Herzog) "To feel alive and to get this energy, it is essential for me to kill something each day. It doesn't have to be a large animal. I squish an ant once in a while, or spiders, they come very easily. I've shot stray dogs. Goose.. is a very, very troublesome animal. I've had a goat. To strangle a goat, that makes you feel really alive."
  • (Hotel Security Guard) "Sir, you're going to have to leave right now."
  • (Werner Herzog) "I can't find my bunny."

Gabe Kaplan as Seth Schwartzman

  • (Gabe Kaplan) "I think if you tell one kid that you don't love him as much, believe me, that kid is gonna try harder."

Andrea Savage as Renee Jensen

  • (Andrea Savage) "Dad, can I just get my job back, and we can move on from this?"
  • (Unnamed) "Look, two things. First, you don't call me "Dad" unless it's Thanksgiving or your birthday."
  • (Andrea Savage) "... my birthday. I know. What's the second thing?"
  • (Unnamed) "Thanksgiving... or your birthday. That's two."

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