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The Last Shot Quotes

The Last Shot is a TV program that first aired in 1970 . The Last Shot ended its run in 1970.

It features Larry Brezner as producer, Rolfe Kent in charge of musical score, and John Lindley as head of cinematography.

The Last Shot is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Last Shot is 93 minutes long. The Last Shot is distributed by Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures.

The cast includes: Alec Baldwin as Joe Devine, Matthew Broderick as Steven Schats, Joan Cusack as Fanny Nash, Jon Polito as Wally Kamin, Ray Liotta as Jack Devine, Tony Shalhoub as Tommy Sanz, W. Earl Brown as Willie Gratzo, Buck Henry as Lonnie Bosco, Calista Flockhart as Valerie Weston, Glenn Morshower as Agent McCaffrey, James Rebhorn as Abe White, and Toni Collette as Emily French.

The Last Shot Quotes

Joan Cusack as Fanny Nash

  • (Joan Cusack) "You do not wanna eat lunch off my ass."
  • (Joan Cusack) "You wanna eat lunch off my ass? I thought you were kosher."

Toni Collette as Emily French

  • (Toni Collette) "After my nomination, I just -- freaked out. Turned everything down that they sent. Then I had a late-term abortion, went into deep depression, got really into coke, moved to Florida for a year and made a bunch of B-movies for my Eurotrash boyfriend, who wrote and directed and made sure I got my tits out in every other scene. The truth is, I was blackballed in Hollywood, because the great Jed Walker claimed that the baby was his, that I had murdered his baby in the fifth month, which, if you had seen it, it clearly was not."

Calista Flockhart as Valerie Weston

  • (Calista Flockhart) "I'm gonna go home, Steven. That's right. I'm serious. Because of you, I'm gonna get gangbanged, Steven. Gangbanged in Woodland Hills."
  • (Matthew Broderick) "A lot of great actresses started out in porn."

Matthew Broderick as Steven Schats

  • (Matthew Broderick) "Your wife did the hair on Jaws? That's one of my favorite movies."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Mine, too."
  • (Matthew Broderick) "Did it bother her that Quint always wore a hat?"
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Well, they had some words, yeah."
  • (Matthew Broderick) "That is so ironic. She worked on Jaws, and then she drowns in a Jacuzzi."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "I never really thought of it that way before."

Buck Henry as Lonnie Bosco

  • (Buck Henry) "Where's the meeting?"
  • (Matthew Broderick) "Musso & Frank's."
  • (Buck Henry) "You're in luck. I got a blow job at Musso & Frank's."

Ray Liotta as Jack Devine

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Alec Baldwin as Joe Devine

  • (Alec Baldwin) "What are you gonna do to me?"
  • (Unnamed) "Movie starts in three minutes. If you don't tell us where the money is, we're gonna cut your fingers off during the opening credits."
  • (Jon Polito) "Titles. Credits come at the end of the movies. Titles come first."
  • (Unnamed) "Fine. Titles. We're gonna cut 'em off during the f***in' titles."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Have you actually seen a person die, watched them bleed to death, seen them take their last breath? I've seen that -- many times."
  • (Matthew Broderick) "Why have you seen that?"
  • (Alec Baldwin) "I used to produce music videos."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Steven, my name isn't Diamond. It's Wells."
  • (Matthew Broderick) "Wells? I thought it was Diamond."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "No. Joe Wells. That's my name."
  • (Matthew Broderick) "But you said it was Diamond."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "No, it's Wells. It's always been Wells. It's a common mistake."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Hello, Steven. My wife didn't drown in a Jacuzzi. Sasha was my dog's name, and she killed herself because I was never home. My real name is Joe Devine."
  • (Matthew Broderick) "Yeah, I know who you are. I saw the movie. And, by the way, I thought Tom Berenger captured you beautifully."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Can you help me find a script?"
  • (Joan Cusack) "This is Hollywood. Just go outside and ask anyone you see to give you a script. A gardener, a cripple, a child molester. They've all got 'em."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Delores, I have these presents I wanna give to Sasha. Where is she?"
  • (Unnamed) "I'm sorry, sir. Your dog is dead. She killed herself."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "What?"
  • (Unnamed) "The Jacuzzi. She threw herself into the Jacuzzi. I tried to find you. It was horrible."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Oh, no. Maybe she fell in."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh, there was a witness. Alejandro, the gardener's son. It was suicide."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Suicide?"
  • (Unnamed) "She was lonely. She couldn't stand it any more."
  • (Alec Baldwin) "Then why the f*** didn't you go outside and play with her? Throw the little red ball with her?"
  • (Unnamed) "I'm sorry, Mr Devine. I know you loved that dog. On Tuesday, she dug up all the flowers and then took a dump in the kitchen. I believe that was her note."

Glenn Morshower as Agent McCaffrey

  • (Glenn Morshower) "Abe, why don't we start with our general comments?"
  • (James Rebhorn) ""While we love the emotional journey that Charlotte takes in this script, we feel there are things that could make this story more accessible to a general audience. Number one; a high-speed motorcycle chase.""

Tony Shalhoub as Tommy Sanz

  • (Tony Shalhoub) "Look at this. They say American football don't compare to rugby. Last night, a player was kicked out for shoving his index finger up another guy's ass at the bottom of the pile."
  • (Tony Shalhoub) "It's my face, Willie. The guys back home can't stand to look at me. I thought after the second surgery things would change."
  • (W. Earl Brown) "Did you talk to that plastic surgeon?"
  • (Tony Shalhoub) "He said he wanted to take skin from my ass cheeks and put it on my face. I beat that cocksucker with his own chair."

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