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The Love Guru Quotes

The Love Guru is a TV show that was first aired in 1970 . The Love Guru ended its run in 1970.

It features Gary Barber as producer, George S. Clinton in charge of musical score, and Peter Deming as head of cinematography.

The Love Guru is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Love Guru is 87 minutes long. The Love Guru is distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The cast includes: Mike Myers as Guru Pitka, Romany Malco as Darren Roanoke, Manu Narayan as Rajneesh, Stephen Colbert as Jay Kell, Jessica Alba as Jane Bullard, Verne Troyer as Coach Punch Cherkov, Ben Kingsley as Guru Tugginmypudha, and Meagan Good as Prudence Roanoke.

The Love Guru Quotes

Romany Malco as Darren Roanoke

  • (Romany Malco) "What's wrong with shark skin?"
  • (Mike Myers) "More like gay-skin, how about. What? Yeah."

Mike Myers as Guru Pitka

  • (Mike Myers) "Rajneesh, let's make like a baby and head out."
  • (Mike Myers) "Give me a pound. Lock it down. Break the pickle. Tickle, tickle."
  • (Mike Myers) "I am his holiness, the Guru Pitka."
  • (Mike Myers) "I'd like to thank the Academy. Wow, these things are heavy. Yeah."
  • (Verne Troyer) "Put me down, a-hole."
  • (Mike Myers) "I speak of Intimacy, or Into-Me-I-See"
  • (Mike Myers) "That little guy scared the crap out of me."
  • (Verne Troyer) "Who is this prick?"
  • (Mike Myers) "Oh hello there. Shrimp?"
  • (Verne Troyer) "What did you call me?"
  • (Mike Myers) "Oh nothing I just wanted to know your gnome -- Name. You are a midget."
  • (Mike Myers) "If your Uncle Jack helped you off an elephant, would you help your uncle jack off an elephant?"
  • (Mike Myers) "Tell me. What is it, you c***-face."
  • (Mike Myers) "Intimacy is like putting your wiener on a table and having someone say "That looks like a penis -- only smaller"."
  • (Mike Myers) "Marishka Hargitay."
  • (Jessica Simpson) "Mariska Hargitay, Your Holiness."
  • (Mike Myers) "Mariska Hargitay, Jessica Simpson."
  • (Mike Myers) "Did you get into the VIP room OK?"
  • (Val Kilmer) "Mariska Hargitay, Your Holiness."
  • (Mike Myers) "Mariska Hargitay, Val Kilmer."
  • (Mike Myers) "Why do you hurt me?"
  • (Mike Myers) "I know why, I know why."
  • (Mariska Hargitay) "Mariska Hargitay, Guru Pitka."
  • (Mike Myers) "Mariska Hargitay, Mariska Hargitay."
  • (Mike Myers) "Let's look at the word, guru. Ok. My goal is to get you to say "Gee You Are You", tm."
  • (Mike Myers) "Tonawanda street? I know this street."
  • (Romany Malco) "You do?"
  • (Mike Myers) "Yes. At what number did you live?"
  • (Romany Malco) "Fifty-three."
  • (Mike Myers) "Did you know a Dickie Withers at 85?"
  • (Romany Malco) "No?"
  • (Mike Myers) "Well, it does. A dickie does wither at 85. I own you. Yeah. You are laughing. You see, you are filled with joy of a child."
  • (Mike Myers) "It's a problem. Even Jay-Zed had 99 of them, and the bitch was not one of them."
  • (Mike Myers) "When I was a child in India, growing up in the tiny village of Harenmahkeester, I found a voice over machine which I still use to this day."
  • (Mike Myers) "Please welcome, Celine Dion."
  • (Jacques Grande) "Ah. Dis is my day of lucky."
  • (Mike Myers) "Sheket Bevakasha. Means Silence Please in hebrew"

Manu Narayan as Rajneesh

  • (Manu Narayan) "Dell Computers, this is Chip."

Jessica Alba as Jane Bullard

  • (Angry Fan) "Boo. You suck Bullard."
  • (Jessica Alba) "No you suck. You can say bad things about me but I won't say bad things about myself. So guess what? You can all just kiss my -- Canadian ass."
  • (Jessica Alba) "Cherkov, Pitka's coming you have to --"
  • (Verne Troyer) "Are you as turned on as I am right now?"
  • (Jessica Alba) "You're a bad bad person."
  • (Verne Troyer) "I'll take that as a yes."
  • (Jessica Alba) "Pitka's coming just stall. Ew."

Stephen Colbert as Jay Kell

  • (Stephen Colbert) "That is going to knock some change out of his coin purse."

Meagan Good as Prudence Roanoke

  • (Meagan Good) "Do you think he's really changed? I mean, he can't even play in front of his own mother. She's like kryptonite to him."

Ben Kingsley as Guru Tugginmypudha

  • (Ben Kingsley) "Good distraction frees us from emotional pain. Bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz."

Verne Troyer as Coach Punch Cherkov

  • (Verne Troyer) "What's the capital of Thailand?"
  • (Mike Myers) "Bangkok."
  • (Verne Troyer) "Exactly."
  • (Mike Myers) "Omar Sharif, my balls."
  • (Verne Troyer) "If I sit like this any longer, I'm gonna pop my dink bag."

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