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The Man with Two Brains Quotes

The Man with Two Brains is a television program that first aired in 1970 . The Man with Two Brains ended its run in 1970.

It features William E. McEuen as producer, Joel Goldsmith in charge of musical score, and Michael Chapman (cinematographer) as head of cinematography.

The Man with Two Brains is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Man with Two Brains is 90 minutes long. The Man with Two Brains is distributed by Warner Bros..

The cast includes: Steve Martin as Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr, Paul Benedict as Dr. Necessiter's butler, Paul Benedict as Dr. Necessiter, Kathleen Turner as Dolores, Earl Boen as Dr. Conrad, Kathleen Turner as Dolores Benedict, Peter Hobbs as Dr. Brandon, Randi Brooks as Fran, and Francis X. McCarthy as Olsen.

The Man with Two Brains Quotes

Steve Martin as Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr

  • (Steve Martin) "There it is, darling. Your new home. The House of Hfuhruhurr."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "What are those assholes doing on the porch?"
  • (Steve Martin) "Those aren't assholes. It's pronounced azaleas."
  • (Anne Uumellmahaye) "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, ten."
  • (Steve Martin) "You. You cooked her nines. Out. Out of my house. Out of my life."
  • (Anne Uumellmahaye) "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, ten."
  • (Steve Martin) "My god, you've cooked her nines."
  • (Steve Martin) "Check the art line. You're hyperventilating the patient."
  • (Anaestheseologist) "No doctor."
  • (Steve Martin) "Ready the bone wax. Metzenbaum scissors."
  • (Surgery Nurse) "Metzenbaum scissors."
  • (Steve Martin) "Get that cat out of here."
  • (Anaestheseologist) "Yes sir."
  • (Steve Martin) "Ready to close. Remove the Wietlander Retractor."
  • (Surgery Nurse) "Pre-closure doctor."
  • (Steve Martin) "Remove the rating clip, for God's sake."
  • (Drunk Test Policeman) "Now, juggle these, do a tap dance, and sing the Catalina Magdalena Lupensteiner Wallabeiner song. Goddam, your drunk tests are hard."
  • (Steve Martin) "Goddam, your drunk tests are hard."
  • (Steve Martin) "Ladies and gentlemen, I can envision a day when the brains of brilliant men can be kept alive in the bodies of dumb people."
  • (Steve Martin) "Cover her breasts. I'm a man, flesh and blood."
  • (Steve Martin) "I've never seen so many brains out of their heads before. I feel like a kid in a candy store."
  • (Steve Martin) "She just doesn't have any -- "VA-VOOOOOM"."
  • (Steve Martin) "Into the mud, Scum-Queen."
  • (Steve Martin) "What are they saying?"
  • (Earl Boen) "They are just saying 'murmur, murmur, murmur.'"
  • (Steve Martin) "You mean it's just sort of a general murmur?"
  • (Earl Boen) "Yeah. Murmur."
  • (Steve Martin) "Oh."
  • (Steve Martin) "You may murmur all you like."
  • (Unnamed) "Murmur, murmur, murmur, murmur, murmur."
  • (Steve Martin) "Dolores, I am making a citizen's divorce."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "What?"
  • (Steve Martin) "By the powers vested in me, I hereby declare our marriage null and void. E pluribus unum."
  • (Steve Martin) "You. You're the elevator killer. Merv Griffin."
  • (Merv Griffin) "Yeah."
  • (Steve Martin) "Why?"
  • (Merv Griffin) "I don't know. I've always just loved to kill. I really enjoyed it. But then I got famous, and; it's just too hard for me. And so many witnesses. I mean, everybody recognized me. I couldn't even lurk anymore. I'd hear, "Who's that lurking over there? Isn't that Merv Griffin?" So I came to Europe to kill. And it's really worked out very well for me."
  • (Anne Uumellmahaye) "I don't think there's a girl floating in any jar anywhere who's as happy as I am. Michael, you do so much for me, and I do nothing for you."
  • (Steve Martin) "Are you out of your head?"
  • (Steve Martin) "Sorry, I forgot. As far as I'm concerned, you're the most complete woman I've ever known. All my life, I wanted women with great bodies, women who were "Tens." Now, for the first time, I'm aroused by a mind."
  • (Steve Martin) "Into the mud, scum queen."
  • (Steve Martin) "If you're uncomfortable with any of this -- give me a sign?"
  • (Unnamed) "NOOO. NOOOO. NOOOOO."
  • (Steve Martin) "You're going in the closet."
  • (Little Girl) "Sounds like a subdural hematoma to me."
  • (Steve Martin) "Oh, it does, does it? Well, it's not your job to diagnose."
  • (Little Girl) "But I thought --"
  • (Steve Martin) "You thought, you thought. Just go. Three years of nursery school and you think you know it all. Well, you're still wet behind the ears. It's not a subdural hematoma. It's epidural. Ha."
  • (Steve Martin) "I can't."
  • (Randi Brooks) "Can't what?"
  • (Steve Martin) "I can't inject you with window cleaner."
  • (Randi Brooks) "I don't mind. Hey, what does it do anyway?"
  • (Steve Martin) "It causes your brain to die last."
  • (Randi Brooks) "I don't mind."
  • (Inspector) "You are playing God."
  • (Steve Martin) "Somebody has to."

Peter Hobbs as Dr. Brandon

  • (Peter Hobbs) "Well, Dr. Beckerman was murdered in Europe; you know that."
  • (Steve Martin) "Exactly. Not only is he dead, he's six thousand miles away."

Kathleen Turner as Dolores

  • (Kathleen Turner) "I know there's something weird going on with you and that brain."
  • (Steve Martin) "It's not weird."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "The Complete Poems of John Lillison, England's greatest one-armed poet."
  • (Steve Martin) "He wrote 'In Dillman's Grove' and 'Pointy Birds.' O pointy birds, o pointy pointy, anoint my head, anointy-nointy."
  • (Gladstone) "I wanted to inform the Doctor of her passing."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "Passing what?"
  • (Kathleen Turner) "Ouch. My balls."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "I can't wait till next Thursday."
  • (Steve Martin) "Today is Monday."
  • (Kathleen Turner) "I know, but my headache should be gone by then."

Paul Benedict as Dr. Necessiter

  • (Paul Benedict) "Well, the operations seems to be a success. But the doctor died."
  • (Paul Benedict) "What's the matter?"
  • (Steve Martin) "Oh, you have to forgive me. It's just that, being here in Austria, meeting a scientist with your interests, I half expected your laboratory to be in a castle, not a condo."
  • (Paul Benedict) "You mean like this?"
  • (Paul Benedict) "Dr. Huffer?"
  • (Steve Martin) "It's pronounced "Hfuhruhurr"."
  • (Paul Benedict) "Can I get you anything more, doctor? I'm about to retire."
  • (Steve Martin) "Really? You seem so young."
  • (Paul Benedict) "As you know, my research has advanced to a point where I can put her mind into the body of a gorilla."
  • (Steve Martin) "I couldn't f*** a gorilla."

Francis X. McCarthy as Olsen

  • (Francis X. McCarthy) "Is that her?"
  • (Steve Martin) "No. That's just a statue of her."
  • (Francis X. McCarthy) "I appreciate you letting me observe that brain operation today."
  • (Steve Martin) "It would have been more complicated if it had needed one but since you wanted to observe my technique --"
  • (Francis X. McCarthy) "Doctor, were you interested in science as a child?"
  • (Steve Martin) "I don't know if I was interested so much in the science as I was in the slime that goes along with it. Snakes and frogs. When I saw how slimy the human brain was, I knew that's what I wanted to do with the rest of my life."

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