The Money Pit Quotes

The Money Pit is a TV show that appeared on TV in 1970 . The Money Pit ended in 1970.

It features Kathleen Kennedy (producer) as producer, Michel Colombier in charge of musical score, and Gordon Willis as head of cinematography.

Each episode of The Money Pit is 91 minutes long. The Money Pit is distributed by Universal Pictures.

The cast includes: Tom Hanks as Walter, Alexander Godunov as Max, Josh Mostel as Jack, Shelley Long as Anna, Alexander Godunov as Max Beissart, Philip Bosco as Curly, Carmine Caridi as Brad Shirk, Tom Hanks as Water Fielding, Shelley Long as Anna Crowley, Tom Hanks as Walter Fielding, Maureen Stapleton as Estelle, and Joe Mantegna as Art Shirk.

The Money Pit Quotes

Tom Hanks as Water Fielding

• (Tom Hanks) "Hear about that guy up in the Bronx? Just went crazy; thought he was a pigeon. They've found him in the park, throwing breadcrumbs at himself."

• (Tom Hanks) "I'm not trying to tell you your business but you haven't even looked at my pipes."
• (Carmine Caridi) "I looked at them three years ago. You figure they've improved with age?"

• (Tom Hanks) "Well, thanks to that fall, we're now the same height."

• (Tom Hanks) "Stairs. Ha. A Staircase. We have stairs."
• (Tom Hanks) "Oh hello Mr. Stairs I've missed you."

• (Tom Hanks) "There is a house I want to buy."
• (Benny) "Let's just cut to the chase, Okay? What do you want?"
• (Tom Hanks) "I want you to loan me $200,000 in cash."
• (Benny) "No."
• (Tom Hanks) "Benny."
• (Benny) "You shout at me?"
• (Tom Hanks) "I shout at you. I need that money and you are going to loan it to me."
• (Benny) "No, I won't."
• (Tom Hanks) "Yes, you will."
• (Benny) "No, No, No."
• (Tom Hanks) "Yes, you will. I saved you ten times that in taxes last year."
• (Benny) "So what?"
• (Tom Hanks) "Benny, if you don't loan me that money. I'll --"
• (Benny) "You'll what? Huh? You'll what?"
• (Tom Hanks) "I'll -- not like you any more."
• (Benny) "-- All right."
• (Tom Hanks) "Thanks."

• (Tom Hanks) "It doesn't make any sense, why would somebody be selling a million dollar house for a hundred thousand?"
• (Josh Mostel) "Who knows? A divorce, loan sharks, a scandal. The point is you get to capitalize on another human being's misfortune. That's the basis of real estate. So do we have a deal?"

• (Tom Hanks) "What happened?"
• (Philip Bosco) "It was no picnic but those guys are work animals. Well everything looks pretty much under control."
• (Tom Hanks) "It does?"
• (Philip Bosco) "Well not to the layman's eyes of course."
• (Tom Hanks) "They completely ripped up my house."
• (Philip Bosco) "They sure as hell did didn't they? They really ripped the guts out of it. They're work animals I tell you. Look at those holes huh? Then you've got your gravel piles, your sand piles, your scrap piles. Animals."
• (Tom Hanks) "Animals."
• (Philip Bosco) "Well I like a good conversation as much as any but I've got to run. Hasta Pronto if you know what I mean."
• (Tom Hanks) "You're leaving?"
• (Philip Bosco) "Well I ain't moving in."

• (Tom Hanks) "It's a big house, we'll divide it up. You stay in your half, I'll stay in mine."
• (Shelley Long) "That is such a dumb idea. Sometimes it amazes me you ever passed the bar."
• (Tom Hanks) "I'm sure it does, you've never passed a bar in you life."
• (Shelley Long) "You are so much less attractive when I'm sober."
• (Tom Hanks) "Thank goodness it's not that often."
• (Shelley Long) "All right, that's it. I've had it with you, and the house, and Max, and the orchestra and everything. How long will it take to put this house together?"
• (Philip Bosco) "Two weeks."
• (Shelley Long) "We'll stick it out 'til the house is done."

• (Tom Hanks) "What has Max got that I haven't got?"
• (Shelley Long) "Walls."

• (Tom Hanks) "Look, I'm very sorry I wasn't here this afternoon. What can I say? My wife was poisoned and taken to the hospital -- Well, what would cut any ice with you? -- A bribe? Sure, can you be here in a half an hour? All right. Cash, no problem."

• (Tom Hanks) "Hi. We're having a little trouble with our pipes, and I was; uh, Fielding, Walter Fielding -- Well, there's no reason why should have heard of me -- no, that's not a Jewish name -- how much do I make a year? Well, how much do you make a year? Really --. Yale, I went to Yale --"
• (Tom Hanks) "Look, get out of my life, would ya."

• (Tom Hanks) "Do you know how hard it is to find a really good carpenter? Besides, I think he's got a brother who's a plumber."
• (Shelley Long) "Really? A brother who's a plumber?"
• (Tom Hanks) "I think so."
• (Shelley Long) "Do you think I should sleep with him?"
• (Tom Hanks) "Maybe just this once."

• (Tom Hanks) "Just because they showed up to collect the money, is no guarantee that they'll show up to do the work -- and if they do -- I can't pay for it."

• (Tom Hanks) "Mozart? Mozart is dead, his problems are over, help MEEE --"

• (Tom Hanks) "THE STAIRS ARE OUT."
• (Tom Hanks) "Honey, you're standing on my fingers."

• (Unnamed) "We want to change the name of the band."
• (Tom Hanks) "You can't do that. You've spent years making your name a household word. Your name is perfect. Cheap Girls. I love it."
• (Unnamed) "I'm not sure it's us. We want to call ourselves Meryl Streep."
• (Tom Hanks) "No, no you cannot call yourselves Meryl Streep."
• (Unnamed) "Maybe she'll be flattered."
• (Tom Hanks) "No, in fact considering your act, I think I can guarantee a giant lawsuit."
• (Tom Hanks) "Forget it, you are not calling yourselves Meryl Streep."
• (Unnamed) "How 'bout Debbie Reynolds?"

Alexander Godunov as Max Beissart

• (Alexander Godunov) "The union forces me to allow you to go to lunch in spite of the way you've played. Those of you with conscience's will not be able to eat. And those who conscience's match your talents, go stuff yourselves I hope you choke."

• (Alexander Godunov) "You love me and I love you."
• (Shelley Long) "You love you and I love Walter."

• (Alexander Godunov) "UP and DOWN, UP and DOWN. Strong strokes. PAINT. Don't tickle. And don't smoke."

• (Alexander Godunov) "May I speak frankly?"
• (Shelley Long) "Anything's possible."

• (Alexander Godunov) "All you want to talk about is money, let's talk about love, and sex -- forget love, let's just talk about sex."

Maureen Stapleton as Estelle

• (Maureen Stapleton) "I'm desperate. Can we close?"
• (Tom Hanks) "We need a little time to --"
• (Maureen Stapleton) "There is no time. Extradition is Friday."
• (Tom Hanks) "Extradition?"
• (Shelley Long) "I'll tell you later."
• (Maureen Stapleton) "I need an answer by the close of business tomorrow."
• (Tom Hanks) "Oh, you'll have it. By the way, you have the most beautifully kept pool I've ever seen."
• (Tom Hanks) "What did I say? What did I say?"

Shelley Long as Anna

• (Shelley Long) "I'm going to help you."
• (Tom Hanks) "Do you have a gun?"

• (Shelley Long) "I wasn't expecting that water, it had legs."

• (Shelley Long) "Well, the turkey's done."
• (Tom Hanks) "So's the kitchen. Actually, it's a little overdone for my tastes. Let's not go there again."

• (Shelley Long) "This is my house, too. I want to help."
• (Tom Hanks) "Do you have a gun?"

Joe Mantegna as Art Shirk

• (Joe Mantegna) "Aren't you going to invite me in for a drink?"
• (Tom Hanks) "Oh, yes. How silly of me, it's eleven-thirty, you must be parched."

Josh Mostel as Jack

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Philip Bosco as Curly

• (Philip Bosco) "If he ever does come back, you call me and we'll finish the job."
• (Tom Hanks) "When I do get the permits, how long will the job take?"
• (Philip Bosco) "Two weeks."
• (Tom Hanks) "Two weeks? Two weeks?"
• (Philip Bosco) "You sound like a parakeet there. "Two weeks. Two weeks.""
• (Tom Hanks) "Well, two weeks. It- it's amazing."
• (Philip Bosco) "Amazing nothing. It'll be a regular miracle."

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