(Article is below...)

The New Guy Quotes

The New Guy is a television program that was first aired in 1970 . The New Guy ended in 1970.

It features Greg Silverman, and John J. Strauss as producer, Ralph Sall in charge of musical score, and Michael D. O'Shea as head of cinematography.

The New Guy is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The New Guy is 88 minutes long. The New Guy is distributed by Columbia Pictures.

The cast includes: Eddie Griffin as Luther, DJ Qualls as Dizzy, DJ Qualls as Dizzy/Gil, Ross Patterson as Connor, Eliza Dushku as Danielle, Sunny Mabrey as Courtney, Jerod Mixon as Kirk, Parry Shen as Glen, Illeana Douglas as Kiki Pierce, Zooey Deschanel as Nora, Rachael E. Stevens as Tina, Kurt Fuller as Mr. Undine, and Lyle Lovett as Bear.

The New Guy Quotes

DJ Qualls as Dizzy

  • (DJ Qualls) "We're not playing Everquest, Kirk, we're on planet Earth."
  • (DJ Qualls) "The point is, today nobody stuffed me in my locker or singed off my ass hair."
  • (Coach) "You stole my horse, maggot. Do you know what the penalty is in this state for stealing another man's horse?"
  • (DJ Qualls) "Death?"
  • (Coach) "This isn't Iraq, son."
  • (DJ Qualls) "Don't make me do crazy eyes --"
  • (DJ Qualls) "Who's da bitch now?"
  • (DJ Qualls) "Ladies and gentleman. Brothers and sisters. I'd like to talk to you all about sex. The devil's middle name, sex. You know what the best form of sexual abstinence is? Being me. Can I get an amen?"
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "Amen."
  • (DJ Qualls) "You wanna talk about some pain? Lemme hear ya. You wanna talk about pain?"
  • (Unnamed) "That boy's got the spirit."
  • (Reverend) "He's an idiot."
  • (DJ Qualls) "If ever a member of the opposite sex ever told you you are not her type --"
  • (Unnamed) "AMEN."
  • (DJ Qualls) "Let me hear you shout amen-ah. If you ever had duct tape-ah ripped off-ah your naked buttocks-ah --"
  • (Unnamed) "AMEN."
  • (DJ Qualls) "Let me hear you shout amen. If you ever had your manhood right-angled in front of the entire congregation, now let me hear you shout amen."

Eliza Dushku as Danielle

  • (Eliza Dushku) "I don't even know what to call you."
  • (DJ Qualls) "Broke-dick seems to be popular."

Jerod Mixon as Kirk

  • (Jerod Mixon) "That is, without doubt, the sluttiest girl I have ever seen."
  • (Parry Shen) "You have to do her, and while you're doing her, think of me. Okay that sounded gay."
  • (Jerod Mixon) "My dad loves this bike more than he loves me."
  • (DJ Qualls) "That's not true."
  • (Jerod Mixon) "Yeah it is. He wrote it in my birthday card."

Kurt Fuller as Mr. Undine

  • (Kurt Fuller) "We got a homecoming dance coming up in a month or so and it has been the most god-awful experience for everyone involved, right Coach?"
  • (Kurt Fuller) "Do you have any ideas on how we might turn this thing around?"
  • (DJ Qualls) "Good music?"
  • (Kurt Fuller) "Music. Hey, that is a fantastic idea, son. You see that? Hey."

Eddie Griffin as Luther

  • (Eddie Griffin) "You know those moments when a man makes a decision that'll change his entire life and he steps up to become the hero he was meant to be? This ain't one of those moments."
  • (Eddie Griffin) "In high school, popularity ain't no contest. It's a war. And Dizzy Harrison is it's greatest casualty. See, his story is really my story, because behind every so-called hero is a little pissed-off dude that don't get no credit."
  • (Eddie Griffin) "If you're gonna talk the talk, you gotta walk the walk. Otherwise you'll be lined in chalk."
  • (Eddie Griffin) "If you're going to talk the talk, you have to walk the walk, or else you'll get outlined in chalk."
  • (Eddie Griffin) "Sorry you had to see that. I've been in prison for a long time."
  • (Eddie Griffin) "High school is a lot like prison: Bad food, high fences; the sex you want, you ain't gettin', the sex you gettin', you don't want. I've seen terrible things."
  • (DJ Qualls) "Yesterday, an eighty-year-old librarian broke my penis."
  • (Eddie Griffin) "You win."
  • (Eddie Griffin) "You been lookin' at my Janet?"

Zooey Deschanel as Nora

  • (Zooey Deschanel) "He's got kind of a -- Brad Pitt thing going there."
  • (Parry Shen) "I saw a little -- Anne Heche there too. Does that sound gay?"
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "No animals are nicer. They don't boo when they're killing something."

Rachael E. Stevens as Tina

  • (Rachael E. Stevens) "Didn't they tie you up last year and make you wear rubber breasts?"
  • (DJ Qualls) "You remember, that's really sweet. You know I've been thinking. We're seniors now, and um, maybe sometime if you wanted to drink coffee, you know, um, near me -- I would pay."
  • (Rachael E. Stevens) "Truthfully, you're not my --"
  • (DJ Qualls) "Type."

Parry Shen as Glen

  • (Parry Shen) "I imagine God having an ass like that. Did that sound gay?"
  • (Parry Shen) "The Crowd -- they're animals."

Sunny Mabrey as Courtney

  • (Sunny Mabrey) "You wanna' come upstairs with me?"
  • (DJ Qualls) "Um -- I --"
  • (Sunny Mabrey) "You wanna' make out with me?"
  • (DJ Qualls) "Uh -- oh well --"
  • (Sunny Mabrey) "Wanna' take my clothes off with your teeth?"
  • (Sunny Mabrey) "Ok, you talked me into it."
  • (Sunny Mabrey) "Aren't you coming?"
  • (DJ Qualls) "Almost --"
  • (Sunny Mabrey) "Before I met Gil, I probably would've just looked at you with disgust and walked away wiggling my ass just so you'd know what you were missing."
  • (Jerod Mixon) "Yeah, well, the universe is upside down."
  • (Sunny Mabrey) "And in a few minutes, you will be too."

Lyle Lovett as Bear

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Ross Patterson as Connor

  • (Ross Patterson) "I think I oughta go over there and kick his ass."
  • (Eliza Dushku) "That's great, because I've always dreamed of dating the expelled guy."
  • (Sunny Mabrey) "Expelled guys rock."
  • (Ross Patterson) "What are you doing, freak?"
  • (DJ Qualls) "Knocking you into the hall, and me into the history books."
  • (Ross Patterson) "Oh, what? You're impressed because this guy showed up on a horse?"
  • (Eliza Dushku) "No, I'm impressed because he showed up for me."
  • (Eliza Dushku) "Let's go."
  • (Pete) "She just dissed you again."
  • (Ross Patterson) "Dude, do you ever shut up?"
  • (Ross Patterson) "What was that about?"
  • (Eliza Dushku) "Asking the new guy a favor."
  • (Ross Patterson) "And what could you possibly need from him?"
  • (Eliza Dushku) "Just things I'm not getting elsewhere --"
  • (Ross Patterson) "You are not going over there."
  • (Eliza Dushku) "Well I wasn't. Now I am. Later."
  • (Pete) "Hey man, she just dissed you."
  • (Ross Patterson) "Dude. Shut up."

Illeana Douglas as Kiki Pierce

  • (Illeana Douglas) "Denial is not just a river in Egypt."
  • (Illeana Douglas) "I'm afraid your son has Tourettes Syndrome."
  • (DJ Qualls) "Are you out of your f***ing mind?"

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.

Additional Film and TV Quotes

International House (1933 film) Quotes | Basket Case (film) Quotes | If Wishes Were Horses Quotes | The Prophecy Quotes | Simon Birch Quotes | Saturday Night's Main Event Quotes | Angels and Insects Quotes | The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires Quotes | Cemetery Man Quotes | Leroy and Stitch Quotes | Gaslight (1940 film) Quotes | Gaslight (1944 film) Quotes | The Peanut Butter Solution Quotes | BloodRayne (film) Quotes | Miracle Landing Quotes | Mecha-Streisand Quotes | Sister, Sister (1982 film) Quotes | Sister, Sister (TV series) Quotes | Pensacola: Wings of Gold Quotes | TerrorVision Quotes | The Storyteller (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) Quotes | The Crazies (1973 film) Quotes | Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation Quotes | Friday the 13th Part 2 Quotes | Play the Percentages Quotes |