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The Paper (film) Quotes

The Paper (film) is a TV program that first aired in 1970 . The Paper stopped airing in 1970.

It features Brian Grazer; David Koepp as producer, Randy Newman in charge of musical score, and John Seale as head of cinematography.

The Paper (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Paper (film) is 112 minutes long. The Paper (film) is distributed by Universal Pictures.

The cast includes: Marisa Tomei as Martha, Roma Maffia as Carmen, Michael Keaton as Henry, Glenn Close as Alicia, Robert Duvall as Bernie, Jack Kehoe as Phil, Geoffrey Owens as Lou, Jill Hennessy as Anna, Randy Quaid as Michael McDougal, Jill Hennessy as Deanne White, and Jason Robards as Graham Keighley.

The Paper (film) Quotes

Michael Keaton as Henry

  • (Michael Keaton) "Don't take the bat out of my hand. It's the ninth inning."
  • (Michael Keaton) "It's a Marx Brothers movie every time I step in my office."
  • (Michael Keaton) "For God's sakes, Alicia. We're not gonna ask some news reporter to wait until after 5:00 to make out-of-state phone calls. It's ridiculous. I'm not gonna do it."
  • (Glenn Close) "Okay, let's let them make free phone sex calls too."
  • (Michael Keaton) "You mean as a kind of bonus? That's not a bad idea. Why don't you start with Phil?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "Robin happens to be a professional news photographer."
  • (Glenn Close) "Robin happens to be 14 years old."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Are you telling me these banker schmucks lost $5 million of the Mob's money?"
  • (Marisa Tomei) "Dumb fellas, huh? Unwise guys."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Sometimes you can just smell a horrendously s***ty day on the way, can't you?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "I'm stopping it."
  • (Randy Quaid) "What?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "We stop and replate. Go upstairs and write up what you've got. Tell Lou to send down "They Didn't Do It"."
  • (Randy Quaid) "Hey Henry, are you going to say it? You gotta say it."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Use the same art they used for "Gotcha."."
  • (Randy Quaid) "Come on, how often do you get the chance? You can't just do it and not say it, come on."
  • (Michael Keaton) "I; Stop the presses."
  • (Michael Keaton) "I've got 64 seconds. What's wrong?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "Hey, do you remember Sedona Savings and Loan? They went under six months ago. We did a big piece on 'em."
  • (Randy Quaid) "I don't read this newspaper."
  • (Michael Keaton) "I can't stay. I have to put the paper to bed. But what do you say we all get together later and go have some dessert at that -- place."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Jeez. What are these?"
  • (Unnamed) "Subway wreck, West 4th Street this morning. Did you find the one with the --"
  • (Michael Keaton) "Is that an arm?"
  • (Unnamed) "Yeah, you found it."
  • (Michael Keaton) "What's the matter with Phil? It looks like he sat on something sharp."
  • (Unnamed) "Well, you told him he could have Richard's old desk, right?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "Right."
  • (Unnamed) "And now you promised it to Carmen. Are you completely psychotic?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "I have episodes. Nothing serious."
  • (Unnamed) "Phil is still pissed you wouldn't approve his $600 orthopaedic chair. And now with this desk thing, he's convinced it's a conspiracy to prevent him from sitting down."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Doesn't anybody say "good morning" any more?"
  • (Roma Maffia) "I don't think so."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Did McDougal call in?"
  • (Unnamed) "No."
  • (Michael Keaton) "No message at all from McDougal?"
  • (Unnamed) "I have no motive for lying, Henry."
  • (Michael Keaton) "I realize this doesn't exactly get us off on the right foot."
  • (Unnamed) "The right foot, are you out of your mind? The offer is rescinded. How stupid do you think we are? What do you think I get when I put two and two together? Three? Three and a half?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "Look, I'm trying to be reasonable here, and just let me --"
  • (Unnamed) "Why don't you just take my wallet as well?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "Let me talk. Let me say something, wait a m --"
  • (Unnamed) "Well, I hope you're satisfied, asshole. You just blew your chance to cover the world."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Really? Well guess f***ing what? I don't really f***ing care. You wanna know f***ing why? Because I don't f***ing live in the f***ing world. I live in f***ing New York City. So go f*** yourself."
  • (Unnamed) "You handled that well."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Thank you."
  • (Michael Keaton) "A clipboard and a confident wave will get you into any building in the world."
  • (Michael Keaton) "When did you get so paranoid?"
  • (Randy Quaid) "When they started plotting against me."
  • (Michael Keaton) "I think we got room for 20 inches on this one. Give me a killer lead. By the way, you got three minutes."
  • (Randy Quaid) "I need four."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Three."
  • (Randy Quaid) "I need four."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Alright, whatever. Just make it fast."
  • (Michael Keaton) "What do you think I'm trying to do?. Look, I got news for you. I'm not locked up in the men's room with a cop because it's a good time. Frankly, I've had better times, okay? I'm here because I think the story is wrong. Is it? Is it? If you have something, give it to me now, but don't stand there and act coy and say "f*** you", because, quite frankly, it's a waste of all of our time. And you know what? I don't have any more time. I have no more f***ing time. I need it f***ing today, I need it right now."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me."

Randy Quaid as Michael McDougal

  • (Randy Quaid) "What's with all the grunt work? I'm a columnist."
  • (Michael Keaton) "You're not a columnist. You're a reporter who writes long."
  • (Randy Quaid) "A woman's been shot. We need an ambulance."
  • (Glenn Close) "Could I have one too?"
  • (Randy Quaid) "Let Marty talk to her husband. Please."

Robert Duvall as Bernie

  • (Robert Duvall) "You do have a problem, Henry. But it's your problem."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Thanks, Bernie. You've been a big help."
  • (Robert Duvall) "Deadline: A date or time before which something must be done."
  • (Unnamed) "Now don't overreact. If we go after it early, before it metastasizes to a bone, the majority of these prostate cancer cases are beatable."
  • (Robert Duvall) "Go after it how?"
  • (Unnamed) "Irridation therapy."
  • (Robert Duvall) "That's fantastic. That's wonderful, because -- as it turns out, that's exactly the portion of my anatomy I'd like to see exposed to radiation."
  • (Unnamed) "You'll have to take an hour or two off work for each treatment. We should start right away. How's next monday?"
  • (Robert Duvall) "To burn a hole in my ass? Sounds good. Then I still have the weekend."
  • (Robert Duvall) "Could you possibly be any more humourless about this?"
  • (Unnamed) "I don't believe so. No."
  • (Robert Duvall) "Don't just take a position because it's the opposite of what she says. It's like watching a bunch of sixth graders, for Christ's sake."
  • (Robert Duvall) "If we get art on the two kids at the walk of shame, it's "Gotcha."."
  • (Robert Duvall) "What about something fun? Don't we have anything fun today?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "Nazis marching in New Jersey."
  • (Geoffrey Owens) "There you go."
  • (Robert Duvall) "Nazis are a barrel of laughs."
  • (Robert Duvall) "Do you hate me? If you hate me, there's no point."
  • (Jill Hennessy) "I don't know you enough to hate you."
  • (Robert Duvall) "You got a cop quote?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "A what?"
  • (Robert Duvall) "Quote. You know, they talk, you write, we print?"
  • (Robert Duvall) "Where did you get this?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "This? I stole it off Bladden's desk at The Sentinel."
  • (Robert Duvall) "Jesus, Henry, I was kidding."
  • (Michael Keaton) "You know, they called us "cute", and I was right there and they were out of tote bags."

Geoffrey Owens as Lou

  • (Geoffrey Owens) "Vinnie, can you bring your creamy friend along with you and join us?"
  • (Geoffrey Owens) "What do you think?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "I hate it."
  • (Geoffrey Owens) "Me too."
  • (Geoffrey Owens) "Big scoop from the TV guys. Pinhead's brother cancels trip."
  • (Geoffrey Owens) "Great. "Gotcha" with a slammer."
  • (Jill Hennessy) "Oh yeah, god forbid this paper ever runs anything without an exclamation mark."

Marisa Tomei as Martha

  • (Marisa Tomei) "Bladder control, you don't miss it until it's gone."
  • (Marisa Tomei) "Oh, come on. I dump a big, fat juicy steak in your lap, and you ask for sauce?"
  • (Marisa Tomei) "Didn't you notice?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "What?"
  • (Marisa Tomei) "All the crap. Today I can't even remember it."
  • (Marisa Tomei) "Henry, listen. Tomorrow is fine. Tomorrow."
  • (Michael Keaton) "No, today."
  • (Marisa Tomei) "Tomorrow."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Today. Today. Today. Today."
  • (Marisa Tomei) "Tomorrow. Tomorrow."
  • (Michael Keaton) "Today, now. Today, now. Today."
  • (Marisa Tomei) "Why don't you just pour battery acid down your throat?"
  • (Michael Keaton) "No caffeine."
  • (Marisa Tomei) "Wear a tie for the interview. And promise me you won't torpedo it on purpose, okay?"

Glenn Close as Alicia

  • (Glenn Close) "There's something I'd like to discuss. I didn't want to bother you upstairs. I feel an obligation to -- act on this directly with you because I think we have a good; I think we have a good relationship -- and I'd like to take it further. And I think the way to do that is face to face. You know, you and I, face to face."
  • (Jason Robards) "Alicia."
  • (Glenn Close) "Yeah?"
  • (Jason Robards) "I'm gay."
  • (Glenn Close) "Oh, umm -- well, I mean, I wasn't; I mean, that's fine."
  • (Jason Robards) "Alicia?"
  • (Glenn Close) "Yeah?"
  • (Jason Robards) "I'm kidding."
  • (Glenn Close) "One of our security guards actually tried to frisk me. We're having drinks later."
  • (Glenn Close) "We taint them today, we make them look good on Saturday. Everybody's happy."
  • (Glenn Close) "You -- are -- so -- f***ing -- fired."

Jason Robards as Graham Keighley

  • (Jason Robards) "I'd love it if you weren't here."

Jill Hennessy as Deanne White

  • (Jill Hennessy) "Oh, Henry, this might interest you. The mother whale in the Ukraine had triplets."
  • (Michael Keaton) "She told me she was on the pill."

Roma Maffia as Carmen

  • (Roma Maffia) "You wanna cover Brooklyn, then cover Brooklyn. But let me tell you something, it's a little tough to do from a barstool in Manhattan."

Jack Kehoe as Phil

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