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The Phantom Tollbooth (film) Quotes

The Phantom Tollbooth (film) is a TV program that debuted in 1970 . The Phantom Tollbooth stopped airing in 1970.

It features Chuck Jones as producer, Dean Elliott in charge of musical score, and Lester Shorr as head of cinematography.

The Phantom Tollbooth (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Phantom Tollbooth (film) is 89 minutes long. The Phantom Tollbooth (film) is distributed by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

The cast includes: Larry Thor as Tock, Butch Patrick as Milo, Les Tremayne as Humbug, Mel Blanc as Officer Short Shrift, Daws Butler as Whether Man, Shepard Menken as Spelling Bee, Hans Conried as King Azaz, and Candy Candido as Awful DYNN.

The Phantom Tollbooth (film) Quotes

Les Tremayne as Humbug

  • (Les Tremayne) "What are we going to do now?"
  • (Butch Patrick) "Do? Why, we're going to take a stand right here."
  • (Les Tremayne) "I think jumping would be safer."
  • (The Terrible Trivium) "Hello, little boy. Welcome to you, your faithful dog, and that handsome gentleman. I'm so terribly happy to see all of you. But before you travel on, I wonder if you could spare me a little time and asssist me with a few trivial tasks?"
  • (Les Tremayne) "Why of course, we're in no hurry."
  • (The Terrible Trivium) "Now young man, if you will take these exquisite tweezers, and move this pile of sand from here, to here."
  • (Butch Patrick) "With these?"
  • (The Terrible Trivium) "Of course. And you sir, have the privilege of taking this delicate needle for digging a hole through this cliff."
  • (Les Tremayne) "Why, thank you sir. An exacting assignment, quite worthy of my talents. I shall enjoy it no end."
  • (The Terrible Trivium) "And you sir, get to take this eye-dropper and empty that well."
  • (Butch Patrick) "But these tasks don't seem very important."
  • (The Terrible Trivium) "Of course they're not important. If you always do the easy and useless jobs, you'll never have to worry about the important ones."
  • (Larry Thor) "Now I know who you are. You're the Terrible Trivium."
  • (The Terrible Trivium) "Quite correct. The Terrible Trivium, demon of petty tasks, ogre of wasted effort."
  • (Butch Patrick) "Come on, Humbug, let's get out of here."
  • (The Terrible Trivium) "And friend to lazy and foolish people everywhere."
  • (Les Tremayne) "If there's one thing I can't abide, it's a hypocrite."
  • (Les Tremayne) "A slavish concern for the composition of words is the sign of a bankrupt intellect. Be gone, odious wasp. You smell of decayed syllables."
  • (Les Tremayne) "Oh, come now, don't be ill-mannered; isn't someone going to introduce me to this little boy? A fine manly little fellow --"
  • (Shepard Menken) "This is the Humbug; H-U-M-B-U-G- A very dislikable fellow."
  • (Les Tremayne) "Nonsense. Everyone loves a Humbug. 'Insectius Humbugius,' if I may use the Latin."
  • (Shepard Menken) "'Insectius Humbugius?' Why, you fraud. You can't even spell your own name."
  • (The Terrible Trivium) "Come back. Come back. There are so many things to take away, and things to bring back."
  • (Les Tremayne) "So many stamps to lick; so many pencils to sharpen."
  • (The Terrible Trivium) "There are so many holes to dig."
  • (Les Tremayne) "So many nails to straighten."
  • (The Terrible Trivium) "So many doodles to doodle."
  • (Les Tremayne) "So many goofs to oof."
  • (The Terrible Trivium) "Come back. There are so many useless things yet to do."
  • (Les Tremayne) "There are strings to tie, nits to pick, fingernails to bite, paperclips to unbend --"
  • (Les Tremayne) "LIVES TO SAVE."

Daws Butler as Whether Man

  • (Daws Butler) "Whether or not you find your way, you're bound to find some way. If you happen to find my way, you will return it, will you?"
  • (Daws Butler) "Well now, well now, well now; if it isn't the little boy who got lost trying to find his way. Expect everything, I always say, and the unexpected never happens."
  • (Daws Butler) "My my my my my. Welcome, welcome welcome to the land of Expectations; to the land of Expectations. We don't get many travelers these days; we certainly don't get many travelers these days. Now what can I do for you? I'm the Whether Man."
  • (Butch Patrick) "How do you do sir? Could you tell me the right road to -- Dictionopolis, or someplace?"
  • (Daws Butler) "Dictionopolis? Well now, well now, well now -- I don't know of any wrong road to Dictionopolis, so if this road goes to Dictionopolis at all, it must be the right road, don't you think? And if it doesn't, it must be the right road to somewhere, mustn't it? Because there are no wrong roads to anywhere. Do you think it will rain?"
  • (Butch Patrick) "But I thought you said you were the Weather Man."
  • (Daws Butler) "Oh, no no no no no no no no no. I'm the WHETHER Man, not the Weather Man. For after all, it's more important to know whether there will be a change in the weather, than what the weather will be. Don't you think?"
  • (Daws Butler) "Have you found my way yet? I hope it isn't mildewed."
  • (Daws Butler) "Whether or not you find your way, you're bound to find some way. If you happen to find my way, would you please return it? You did say it was going to rain; didn't you?"

Larry Thor as Tock

  • (Larry Thor) "Oh, I don't just watch Lethargians. I watch boys, too."
  • (The MathemaGician) "Rescue Rhyme and Reason? What a wonderful idea -- wait. Has Azaz agreed to it?"
  • (Larry Thor) "Yes sir, he has."
  • (The MathemaGician) "Then I don't. We've never agreed on anything and we never will."
  • (Butch Patrick) "And if I can prove otherwise, can we have permission to go?"
  • (The MathemaGician) "Of course, of course."
  • (Butch Patrick) "Very well then. Now; if Azaz agrees with something then you disagree, correct?"
  • (The MathemaGician) "Correct."
  • (Butch Patrick) "And anything Azaz disagrees with, you agree, is that correct?"
  • (The MathemaGician) "Correct."
  • (Butch Patrick) "Then each of you agrees that he will disagree with the other, right?"
  • (The MathemaGician) "Right."
  • (Butch Patrick) "Then you admit that you do agree with Azaz about something; you agree about disagreeing."
  • (The MathemaGician) "I'VE BEEN TRICKED."
  • (Larry Thor) "Take a second to look around / See a sight, hear a sound / Take a minute to concentrate / Analyze, contemplate / Take an hour and change the fate of the world."
  • (Larry Thor) "You must forgive me, but you see, it's traditional for watch dogs to be ferocious."
  • (Butch Patrick) "I thought you were just great, but are you sure it's all right to leave those Lethargians back there alone?"
  • (Larry Thor) "Oh, I don't just watch Lethargians. I watch boys too. And right now, I'd say you needed a watch dog. And anyway, I just love automobile rides."
  • (Butch Patrick) "Very pleased to have you along. My name is Milo."
  • (Larry Thor) "Milo? That's a strange name for a boy. My name is Tock."
  • (Butch Patrick) "Isn't that kind of a strange name for a dog?"
  • (Larry Thor) "Oh, no. How many names can you give a watch dog? Actually, my name is Tick Tock, but my friends call me Tock."
  • (Butch Patrick) "May I call you Tock? It's about time I had a friend."
  • (Larry Thor) "It's about time? But time is your friend."
  • (Larry Thor) "Look, son, it's bad enough wasting time without killing it."
  • (Larry Thor) "Time is a gift, given to you, given to give you the time you need, the time you need to have the time of your life."

Candy Candido as Awful DYNN

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Butch Patrick as Milo

  • (Butch Patrick) "I wonder where I am."
  • (Unnamed) "You're in the Doldrums."
  • (Butch Patrick) "The what drums?"
  • (Unnamed) "Welcome to the Dol -- drums."
  • (Unnamed) "Allow me to introduce -- ourselves."
  • (Unnamed) "We are lethargians."
  • (Butch Patrick) "I'm very pleased to meet you."
  • (Butch Patrick) "Could you help me please? I think I'm lost."
  • (Unnamed) "Think? Don't say that. It's against the law to think in the doldrums."
  • (Butch Patrick) "That's ridiculous. Everybody thinks."
  • (Unnamed) "We don't. And most of the time you don't, and that's why you're here you weren't thinking."
  • (Unnamed) "And you weren't paying attention either. And people who don't pay attention often get stuck -- in -- the -- doldrums."
  • (Butch Patrick) "Ha ha ha. That's silly. Ah ha ha ha."
  • (Unnamed) "Stop that at once. Laughing is against the law."
  • (Unnamed) "And smiling is permitted only on alternate Thursdays."
  • (Butch Patrick) "Well if you can't laugh or think, what can you do in the doldrums?"
  • (Unnamed) "Do? Why you can do anything"
  • (Unnamed) "As long as it's nothing."
  • (Butch Patrick) "I've just come back from the most wonderful place in the world. And Ralph, guess what. I messed up the sunrise."
  • (Ralph) "That's silly. How do you mess up a sunrise?"
  • (Butch Patrick) "Well, somebody has to conduct it. How else would you get the reds and the oranges and the yellows?"
  • (Butch Patrick) "Everything's a big waste of time. When I'm in school, all I want to do is be out. When I'm not in school, I want to be someplace else. If only something could happen sometime. What's the use of subtracting turnips from turnips, or carrying a three, or knowing how to spell 'Feb-uary?' 'Feb-RU-ary.' Everything seems so impossible. Everybody says it's such a big, wonderful world. How come it seems so small, and kind of empty? There's no rhyme or reason to any of it."
  • (Butch Patrick) "That's my speech. I didn't know I was going to eat my words."
  • (Hans Conried) "Of course you didn't. That's what we're all doing. You should have made a tastier speech."
  • (Word Salesman) "Step right up. Fancy, best quality words right here. How about you young man? How 'bout a nice bagful of pronouns? Or maybe you'd like our special assortment of adjectives."
  • (Butch Patrick) "Boy, wait till Ralph hears me use these. How much are these, sir?"
  • (Word Salesman) "And were you thinking of using all of them in the same sentence?"
  • (Butch Patrick) "Why, yes sir."
  • (Word Salesman) "Well, I'll tell you what lad, why don't you take a bagful of 'Happys' and 'Goods' to start with. Very useful for 'Happy birthday,' 'Happy New Year,' 'Happy days' and 'Happy-go-lucky.' Useful too for 'Good morning,' 'Good afternoon,' 'Good evening,' 'Good riddance,' and 'Good-bye.'"
  • (Gelatinous Giant) "And what have we here? Aha. I see. Breakfast."
  • (Butch Patrick) "Wait. I have a better idea."
  • (Gelatinous Giant) "An idea? Ugh, if there's one thing I can't swallow, it's an idea."
  • (Butch Patrick) "Well, it just so happens that I have a bag full of all the ideas in the world, right here."
  • (Gelatinous Giant) "NO. No no no. Don't open it. Leave well enough alone. Don't take chances -- keep things as they are -- changes are so frightening -- no -- no -- ideas --"
  • (Senses Taker) "Names. I must have your names before you can proceed."
  • (Butch Patrick) "Well, uh, this is the Humbug."
  • (Senses Taker) "Humbug."
  • (Butch Patrick) "This is Tock."
  • (Senses Taker) "Tock."
  • (Butch Patrick) "And my name is Milo. Now can we go?"
  • (Senses Taker) "Milo. Ooh, I haven't had an M in ages. Now then, if you will just tell me when you were born, where you were born, why you were born, how old you are, how old you were then, what grade you're in, your shoe size, shirt size, collar size, hat size, and the names and bank references of six people who can verify this information. Then you can go."
  • (Butch Patrick) "What do you need all this for? We're in a hurry."
  • (Senses Taker) "I'm the official Senses Taker. I must have this information before I take your senses. So, now then, if you will fill out in triplicate your height, your weight, how many ice-cream cones you eat in a week, how many you don't eat in a week --"
  • (Butch Patrick) "We can't waste the time. We've got to get to the Castle in the Air."
  • (Senses Taker) "That does it. Now, I'm going to take your sense of duty, your sense of proportion, and especially your sense of direction."
  • (Larry Thor) "Milo, the bottle of laughter. Use this bottle of laughter I got from Dr. Discord. He can't take away our sense of humor."
  • (Butch Patrick) "Look. You can't arrest me. I haven't been doing anything."
  • (Mel Blanc) "Not doing anything, eh? You'll have to admit at your age that's a crime."
  • (The Dodecahedron) "My sides are many, my angles aren't few. I'm the Dodecahedron, and who are you?"
  • (Butch Patrick) "What's a dodecahedron?"
  • (Larry Thor) "If I'm remember correctly, a dodecahedron is a geometrical shape with twelve sides."
  • (The Dodecahedron) "See for yourself. I only use one at a time. Saves wear and tear."
  • (Butch Patrick) "This is crazy. Here I am driving down a street I've never seen to a place I've never heard of."
  • (Butch Patrick) "That was a very beautiful sunset, sir."
  • (Chroma the Great) "Why, thank you my boy. I've only been practicing since the world began, someday I'll get it just right, hmm?"
  • (Butch Patrick) "I never knew words could be so confusing."
  • (Larry Thor) "Only confusing, Milo, when you use a lot to say a little."
  • (Butch Patrick) "Now there's no sense anyplace, and it's all my fault."
  • (Faintly Macabre) "When Rhyme and Reason were banished --"
  • (Butch Patrick) "Rhyme? And Reason?"
  • (Faintly Macabre) "Yes Milo. When the two kings had their terrible quarrel. When King Azaz insisted that words were far more important than numbers, and hence his kingdom was truly the greater. And when the Mathemagician claimed that numbers were much more important than words, and hence his kingdom was supreme, why then naturally the asked the princess of Sweet Rhyme and the princess of Pure Reason to settle the question."
  • (Butch Patrick) "And what did they decide? What is the most important; words or numbers?"
  • (Faintly Macabre) "The princesses decided that words and numbers are of equal value."
  • (Larry Thor) "In the cloak of knowledge, one is the warp, and the other is the 'Woof.'"
  • (Faintly Macabre) "But you see Milo, this decision infuriated the two kings. And they banished the princesses to the Castle in the Air. And I was thrown into this dungeon."

Mel Blanc as Officer Short Shrift

  • (Mel Blanc) "Where were you on the night of July 25th?"
  • (Butch Patrick) "July 25th? What's that got to do with it?"
  • (Mel Blanc) "Do with it? It's my birthday. Boys are always forgetting people's birthdays."
  • (Mel Blanc) "I should have known. It's you. Guilty of sowing confusion, upsetting the alphabet cards --"
  • (Butch Patrick) "Apple cart."
  • (Mel Blanc) "Correcting an officer, wreaking havoc, mincing words, having a dog with an unauthorized alarm --"
  • (Mel Blanc) "And illegal barking."
  • (Mel Blanc) "You'll find it quite pleasant down here."
  • (Butch Patrick) "Isn't it a little dark?"
  • (Mel Blanc) "Of course it's dark. Dungeons are always dark. If they weren't, they wouldn't be so unpleasant."
  • (Mel Blanc) "I hereby sentence you to six million years in prison."
  • (Butch Patrick) "Six million years? But only a judge can pass a sentence."
  • (Mel Blanc) "Well, then, I'm also the judge. Come now, and I'll take you to your cell."
  • (Butch Patrick) "But you can't, I mean, only a jailer can take you to your cell."
  • (Mel Blanc) "Good point. I'm also the jailer."

Hans Conried as King Azaz

  • (Hans Conried) "You couldn't have one fine day without the day, could you? You couldn't have tea for two without the tea, could you? You couldn't have three blind mice without the mice, could you? So you see, Milo, words are really very valuable things."
  • (Hans Conried) "I seem to have a touch of indigestion."
  • (Butch Patrick) "Perhaps you've eaten too much too quickly."
  • (Hans Conried) "To be sure, too much to quickly. I most certainly haven't eaten too little too slowly, or too much too slowly, or too little too quickly, or taken all day to eat nothing or, eaten everything in no time at all --"
  • (Butch Patrick) "But wouldn't that be just as bad?"
  • (Hans Conried) "You mean 'Just as good.' Things which are just as bad also are equally good. Try to look at the bright side of things Milo."
  • (Hans Conried) "Here, in this bag, are all the words and ideas I know. With them, you may ask all the questions which have never been answered, and answer all the questions which have never been asked. All the great books of the past, and all the ones yet to come are in that bag. Go now, but remember: Use these words well, and there is no obstacle you cannot overcome."

Shepard Menken as Spelling Bee

  • (Shepard Menken) "Please do not be alarmed. A-L-A-R-M-E-D, alarmed. I know that boys are often afraid of bees. B-E-E-S, bees. But let me assure you my intentions are peaceful. P-E-A-C-E-F-U-L."
  • (Butch Patrick) "And you don't sting?"
  • (Shepard Menken) "Sting? Oh, I can sting, but I don't. But I can spell anything. A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G."

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