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The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists! Quotes

The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists! is a TV program that debuted in 1970 . The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists! ended its run in 1970.

It features Julie Lockhart, Peter Lord, and David Sproxton as producer, Theodore Shapiro in charge of musical score, and Frank Passingham as head of cinematography.

The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists! is recorded in English and originally aired in United Kingdom. Each episode of The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists! is 88 minutes long. The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists! is distributed by Columbia Pictures.

The cast includes: Hugh Grant as Pirate Captain, David Tennant as Charles Darwin, Jeremy Piven as Black Bellamy, Lenny Henry as Peg Leg Hastings, Imelda Staunton as Queen Victoria, Salma Hayek as Cutlass Liz, Russell Tovey as The Pirate King, and Mike Cooper as Admiral Collingwood.

The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists! Quotes

Imelda Staunton as Queen Victoria

  • (Imelda Staunton) "I HATE PIRATES."
  • (Imelda Staunton) "Do you know why I really hate pirates?"
  • (Hugh Grant) "Childhood trauma, was it? Bitten by a pirate when you were a baby? Beard envy?"
  • (Imelda Staunton) "Pity you can't eat pirates, really. But you'd probably taste of barnacles."

Hugh Grant as Pirate Captain

  • (Hugh Grant) "You're the best crew a captain could wish for."
  • (Hugh Grant) "Avast. I'm a pirate captain, and I'm here for your gold."
  • (Unnamed) "Gold? Afraid we don't have any gold, old man. This is a leper boat."
  • (Unnamed) "See?"
  • (Hugh Grant) "Sweet Neptune on a bike."
  • (Hugh Grant) "By Neptune's lips."
  • (Hugh Grant) "What pirates? Nobody here but us girl scouts."
  • (Unnamed) "Yeah. Right."
  • (Hugh Grant) "Fire the long things that go bang."
  • (Hugh Grant) "Hell's barnacles."
  • (Hugh Grant) "Behind every captain, there's a crew. Sure, some of you are as ugly as a sea cucumber, some of you are closer to being a chair or coat rack than a pirate, and some of you are fish I've just dressed up in a hat --"
  • (Hugh Grant) "You don't get many girls, do you?"
  • (Unnamed) "No. He. Doesn't."
  • (Hugh Grant) "Now listen Charles, we've all done something unforgivable. I've betrayed my pirate honor, you've betrayed science, and Mr. Bobo's betrayed the animal kingdom."
  • (Pirate with Scarf) "Can we get there?"
  • (Hugh Grant) "Yes, but unfortunately there's this dirty great sea monster in the way."
  • (David Tennant) "I think they just add those on the maps for decoration."
  • (Hugh Grant) "Is that a fact?"
  • (Pirate with Scarf) "See? I told you."
  • (Hugh Grant) "And that's why, in a straight fight, a shark would probably beat a Dracula."
  • (Hugh Grant) "Avast. I'm a pirate captain, and I'm here for your gold."
  • (Unnamed) "Gold? This is a plague boat, old man. I'd give my right arm for some gold."
  • (Unnamed) "Or my left."

Jeremy Piven as Black Bellamy

  • (Jeremy Piven) "Excuse me? Listen, this is all very moving, I'm welling up here. But --"
  • (Russell Tovey) "Bellamy, this is most irregular."
  • (Jeremy Piven) "So is this."
  • (Jeremy Piven) "It seems Queen Victoria has pardoned the Pirate Captain."
  • (Hugh Grant) "So, what if she did?"
  • (Jeremy Piven) "If you've been pardoned, Then, technically: you're no longer a pirate. And if you're no longer a pirate, you really can't be Pirate of the Year. Now, can you?"
  • (Russell Tovey) "Is this true?"
  • (Hugh Grant) "Well, that's -- That's one, frankly, rather negative way of looking at it."
  • (Russell Tovey) "Ohh. Villainous treachery. Treachery villainy."
  • (Russell Tovey) "You've betrayed the pirating fraternity."
  • (Hugh Grant) "But, Pirate King."
  • (Russell Tovey) "Your pirate hat and coat."
  • (Russell Tovey) "Your pirate badge with googly eyes."
  • (Russell Tovey) "And your World of Hooks discount card."
  • (Russell Tovey) "Confiscate his treasure. Every last bit of it."
  • (Russell Tovey) "BEGONE. May your lubber shame bear down upon you. You are hereby banished from Blood Island."
  • (Russell Tovey) "You are a pirate NO MORE."
  • (Jeremy Piven) "You want to be Pirate of the Year? Do they just give it to the guy with the fattest parrot?"
  • (Hugh Grant) "She's not fat, she's just big-boned."
  • (Jeremy Piven) "She's fat, dude."
  • (Jeremy Piven) "Dude, come on."

Lenny Henry as Peg Leg Hastings

  • (Lenny Henry) "The Pirate of the Year Awards --"
  • (Hugh Grant) "Every time I've entered, I've failed to win. So, I must have a really good chance this time."

Salma Hayek as Cutlass Liz

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

David Tennant as Charles Darwin

  • (David Tennant) "Yeah, I had this theory. I thought that if you took a monkey, gave him a monocle and covered up his gigantic unsightly ass, then he'd cease to be a monkey and become more of a "manpanzee," if you will."

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