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The Pretender (TV series) Quotes

The Pretender is a TV program that appeared on TV in 1996 on NBC. The Pretender ended its run in 2000.

The Pretender lasted 4 seasons and 86 episodes. It features Marianne Canepa as producer, John Debney (Season 1) as theme composer, and John Debney (Pilot] as composer. The Pretender is executive produced by Steven Long Mitchell. The Pretender is created by Steven Long Mitchell.

The Pretender is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Pretender is 60 minutes long. The Pretender is produced by Mitchell/Van Sickle Productions and distributed by 20th Television. Spinoffs for this show include The Pretender 2001.

The cast includes: Andrea Parker as Miss Parker, Alex Wexo as Sydney, Jon Gries as Broots, Michael T. Weiss as Jarod, James Denton as Mr. Lyle, Ryan Merriman as Young Jarod, and Jeffrey Donovan as Kyle.

The Pretender Quotes

Michael T. Weiss as Jarod

  • (Michael T. Weiss) "I'm Jarod."
  • (Jeffrey Donovan) "Raines said Jarod was dead."
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "Not hardly."
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "One more question."
  • (Unnamed) "Shoot."
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "Valentine's Day. Specifically cupid."
  • (Unnamed) "Yeah."
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "A corpulent infant, who happens to be an archer, goes around shooting arrows into people and suddenly they're in love?"
  • (Unnamed) "That's about it."
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "And to show that they love, people buy each other chocolate and other sweets? Do they want to be fat, like the infant?"
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "You make the rules."
  • (Andrea Parker) "That's just the way I like it."
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "You can only be a jinx if you believe in luck."
  • (Unnamed) "So, you're a doctor and a lawyer?"
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "And I'm working on Indian chief."
  • (Unnamed) "Are you telling me you've never been to a strip club before? You know, strange men cramming sweaty wads of cash into strange women's panties?"
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "I think I would remember THAT."
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "Kyle, what happened to him?"
  • (Jeffrey Donovan) "He tripped and hit his head."
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "Good for you, little brother. Good for you."
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "Love transcends death. The people we love touch our lives, even after they're gone."
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "That isn't good for your ulcer."
  • (Andrea Parker) "Neither are you."
  • (Unnamed) "Jarod, why don't you tell the group what brought you here?"
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "A large cop with bad breath."
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "Here you go. Breakfast."
  • (Ryan Merriman) "That isn't wheat grass and tomato juice."
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "They said you were dead."
  • (Jeffrey Donovan) "Not hardly, big brother."
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "What do you want?"
  • (James Denton) "Isn't it obvious? I want everything."
  • (Unnamed) "You up for a dogfight?"
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "Me? I was born for this moment."
  • (Claire) "Jarod, if you ever wanta get together, pick each other's brains, little one-on-one --"
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "Careful Claire, don't cross a line you can't come back from."
  • (Unnamed) "Actually, I offer a very valuable service. You'd be surprised how many cab drivers won't pick up a man in a dress."
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "Really? Why?"
  • (Unnamed) "The truth is, I'd like to offer my services as your personal chauffeur."
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "No kidding. That's great. Now, you're sure you have a driver's license?"
  • (Unnamed) "Don't worry, boss. You're in good hands. And I promise to be the perfect lady."
  • (Man, off camera) "Hey, baby."
  • (Unnamed) "Up yours, pal."
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "Trust your inner sense, Miss Parker. I do."
  • (Claire) "The superior mind always has a way out: a tiny little door marked 'exit.'"
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "Well maybe it's time to run for it."
  • (Unnamed) "So, how long have you been a lawyer?"
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "About -- seven minutes."
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "Get back to me, Sydney. I'm running late."
  • (Alex Wexo) "For what?"
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "Justice."

Jon Gries as Broots

  • (Jon Gries) "You know the rumor that JFK was kept alive as a vegetable somewhere? Buzzie claims it was right here in SL-18."
  • (Andrea Parker) "Yeah, next to the alien corpses Nixon showed Jackie Gleason."
  • (Jon Gries) "That was here too?"
  • (Jon Gries) "Miss Parker."
  • (Andrea Parker) "Do you want me to hurt you?"
  • (Jon Gries) "Keep talking. We've almost got him."
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "Tell Broots I discovered RadioShack."
  • (Jon Gries) "Have you ever gone to church?"
  • (Andrea Parker) "With all I've seen and done, a church is the last place I should be."
  • (Jon Gries) "Or the first."
  • (Jon Gries) "Actually Ms. Parker, I don't think we're in Kansas any more."
  • (Jon Gries) "I, uh, know it's none of my business, Syd, but sometimes Memory Lane can be a dead-end street."

Alex Wexo as Sydney

  • (Alex Wexo) "Here I am, trying to comfort you."
  • (Andrea Parker) "As if anything you could ever do would give me comfort?"
  • (Alex Wexo) "It did once."
  • (Alex Wexo) "You can't save them all, Jarod. You may be a Pretender, but you're human."
  • (Alex Wexo) "Good morning, Miss Parker. Broots."
  • (Jon Gries) "Sydney."
  • (Andrea Parker) "You're looking -- refreshed."
  • (Alex Wexo) "New underpants will do that to you."
  • (Andrea Parker) "Sydney, you made a funny."
  • (Alex Wexo) "Stole it, I'm afraid. Last night, I went on a date."
  • (Jon Gries) "You had a date."
  • (Andrea Parker) "That's when two people actually meet instead of typing to each other on a computer keyboard."
  • (Andrea Parker) "So, if it was a date, how can you be sure that those are your underpants?"
  • (Alex Wexo) "How do you think he will hold up?"
  • (Andrea Parker) "Before or after he wets his pants?"
  • (Alex Wexo) "Bernice and I went to this amusing little place, The Chocolat."
  • (Jon Gries) "You, uh, you, you, you went to a comedy club."
  • (Alex Wexo) "New experiences keep my psychiatric skills finely tuned."
  • (Andrea Parker) "Not to mention that slam-bang wit."
  • (Alex Wexo) "Exactly. How many psychiatrists does it take to change one lightbulb?"
  • (Alex Wexo) "How come you know so much about Greek lore?"
  • (Andrea Parker) "I did a lot of frat boys in college."
  • (Alex Wexo) "The Centre wants him alive."
  • (Andrea Parker) "Preferably."

Andrea Parker as Miss Parker

  • (Andrea Parker) "What?"
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "Oh, I intentially wake you in your deepest sleep phase and all I get is a lifeless 'what'?"
  • (Andrea Parker) "You've got quite a set, showing up here."
  • (Andrea Parker) "Sydney, step back. I wouldn't want you to get brain matter all over your new suit."
  • (Andrea Parker) "These are the house rules: no running, no playing, no feet on the furniture, and no noise, which includes crying and whining. Be invisible and we'll get along just fine."
  • (Andrea Parker) "Cousin It woke up and remembered he was Liberace."
  • (Andrea Parker) "You shouldn't underestimate Jarod. And you should never underestimate me. And the next time that you send me into a building that is gonna explode, it had better blow, because if it doesn't it's gonna be your gray matter they will be mopping up with a toothbrush."
  • (Andrea Parker) "Since when do you hate to fly?"
  • (Jon Gries) "I don't hate to fly. I hate to barf."
  • (Andrea Parker) "Make up your mind, Sydney. Be a scientist or a mommy. You can't be both."
  • (Andrea Parker) "You mean a shrink, don't you? Thanks Syd, but I'll leave the mental masturbation to someone else."
  • (Andrea Parker) "God forgives. I don't."
  • (Andrea Parker) "I never thought I'd hear you say 'murder is business as usual,' Syd."
  • (Andrea Parker) "Uncle Fester will never know his Lurch is missing."
  • (Andrea Parker) "Call the hotel and book us some rooms for this shindig."
  • (Jon Gries) "Oh, Jarod already did."
  • (Jon Gries) "They're, uh, non-smoking rooms."
  • (Andrea Parker) "Perfect."
  • (Andrea Parker) "Why did you save my life?"
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "Because I still remember the little girl who gave me my first kiss."
  • (Andrea Parker) "Oh, no."
  • (Alex Wexo) "Your ulcer? And no medication."
  • (Andrea Parker) "Ladies and gentlemen. The fabulous Sherlock Holmes."
  • (Andrea Parker) "You look like you need to change your pamper."
  • (Unnamed) "So full of anger."
  • (Andrea Parker) "That's my religion."
  • (Andrea Parker) "The only way this thing is gonna help me is if I roll it and smoke it."

James Denton as Mr. Lyle

  • (James Denton) "When in doubt, lie."
  • (James Denton) "We both know that this notion of human equality perpetuates mediocrity. But we're not mediocre, are we, Miss Parker? We're independent; and independence; that's a privilege of the strong. Tell me, Miss Parker, how strong are you?"

Jeffrey Donovan as Kyle

  • (Jeffrey Donovan) "Ive been angry for so long, so filled with rage and revenge, Ive forgotten what it was like to care about someone."
  • (Jeffrey Donovan) "I decide who lives or dies."
  • (Jeffrey Donovan) "I'm sorry, Jarod."
  • (Michael T. Weiss) "For what?"
  • (Jeffrey Donovan) "For everything."
  • (Jeffrey Donovan) "Don't worry, sheriff. I'm no hero."

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