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The Producers (1967 film) Quotes

The Producers (1967 film) is a TV program that debuted in 1970 . The Producers ended its run in 1970.

It features Sidney Glazier as producer, John Morris (composer) in charge of musical score, and Joseph Coffey as head of cinematography.

The Producers (1967 film) is distributed by Embassy Pictures.

The cast includes: Gene Wilder as Leo Bloom, Mel Brooks as Singer, Zero Mostel as Max Bialystock, Christopher Hewett as Roger De Bris, Kenneth Mars as Franz Liebkind, Madlyn Cates as Concierge, Dick Shawn as Lorenzo St. DuBois, Andreas Voutsinas as Carmen Giya, Shimen Ruskin as The landlord, David Patch as Doc Goebbels, Estelle Winwood as Hold me, Touch me, Lee Meredith as Ulla, and Lee Meredith as All.

The Producers (1967 film) Quotes

Zero Mostel as Max Bialystock

  • (Zero Mostel) "Here's to failure"
  • (Gene Wilder) "-- To failure"
  • (Drunk) "Why, thank you. You're very kind."
  • (Zero Mostel) "Ulla. Go get car."
  • (Lee Meredith) "Ja, ja. We go to motel?"
  • (Zero Mostel) "No. I go with Mr. Bloom."
  • (Lee Meredith) "You and Mr. Bloom go to motel?"
  • (Zero Mostel) "No. Get car."
  • (Lee Meredith) "Get car."
  • (Zero Mostel) "Shut up, I'm having a rhetorical conversation."
  • (Zero Mostel) "Bloom, I'm drowning. Other men sail through life, Bialystock has struck a reef. Bloom, I'm going under. I'm condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure. Bloom, I'm reaching out to you. Don't send me to prison -- HEEELLP."
  • (Zero Mostel) "Don't you see, darling Bloom, glorious Bloom? It's so simple. STEP ONE: We find the worst play ever written, a surefire flop. STEP TWO: I raise a million bucks. Lots of little old ladies out there. STEP THREE: You go back to work on the books, two of them; one for the government, one for us. You can do it, Bloom; you're a wizard. STEP FOUR: We open on Broadway. And before you can say STEP FIVE, we close on Broadway. STEP SIX: We take our million bucks and fly to Rio."
  • (Zero Mostel) "-- It's practically a love-letter to Hitler."
  • (Gene Wilder) "Wow. This play wouldn't run a NIGHT."
  • (Zero Mostel) "A night? Are you kidding? This play's guaranteed to close on PAGE FOUR."
  • (Zero Mostel) "That's it, baby, when you've got it, flaunt it, flaunt it."
  • (Zero Mostel) "You're an accountant. You're in a noble profession. The word "count" is part of your title."
  • (Zero Mostel) "How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?"
  • (Zero Mostel) "Who are you and why are you loitering in my hallway?"
  • (Zero Mostel) "Well? Speak dummy. Speak."
  • (Gene Wilder) "-- can't -- scared --"
  • (Zero Mostel) "Roger, did you have a chance to read "Springtime for Hitler?""
  • (Christopher Hewett) "Remarkable, remarkable. A stunning piece of work."
  • (Gene Wilder) "Max -- he's wearing a dress."
  • (Zero Mostel) "No kidding."
  • (Christopher Hewett) "Did you know, I never knew that the Third Reich meant Germany. I mean it's just drenched with historical goodies like that -- Oh dear, you're staring at my dress. I should explain. We are going to the choreographer's ball tonight and there's a prize for the best costume."
  • (Andreas Voutsinas) "And we always win."
  • (Christopher Hewett) "I don't know about tonight. I'm supposed to be the Grand Duchess Anastasia, but I think I look more like Tugboat Annie. What do you think, Mr. Bloom?"
  • (Gene Wilder) "-- Where do you keep your wallet?"
  • (Zero Mostel) ""Congratulations. Hitler will run forever.""
  • (Drunk) "Eternally grateful -- A TOAST."
  • (Zero Mostel) "A TOAST."
  • (Gene Wilder) "A TOAST -- to what?"
  • (Drunk) "To -- to toast, I love toast."
  • (Zero Mostel) "To toast."
  • (Gene Wilder) "To toast."
  • (Zero Mostel) "Money is honey. Money is honey."
  • (Zero Mostel) "What did it get me? I'm wearing a cardboard belt."
  • (Zero Mostel) "Have I ever steered you wrong?"
  • (Kenneth Mars) "Always."
  • (Zero Mostel) "Never mind."
  • (Zero Mostel) ""Gregor Samsa awoke one morning to discover that he had been transformed into a giant cockroach." Nah, it's too good."
  • (Zero Mostel) "This pin used to hold a pearl the size of your eye. Look at me now, LOOK AT ME NOW. I'm wearing a cardboard belt."
  • (Zero Mostel) "Well you know what they say, 'smile and the world smiles with you'"
  • (Zero Mostel) "this man should be in a straight-jacket"
  • (Zero Mostel) "Leo, he who hesitates is poor."
  • (Zero Mostel) "Max Bialystock is launching himself into little old lady land."
  • (Zero Mostel) "Listen. Every night people are laughing at your beloved Fuhrer. Why?"
  • (Kenneth Mars) "It's that L.S.D., und his verdampter "babies"."

Kenneth Mars as Franz Liebkind

  • (Kenneth Mars) "Not many people know it, but the Fuhrer was a terrific dancer."
  • (Lady) "Will you please, shut up."
  • (Kenneth Mars) "You shut up. You are the audience. I am the author. I OUTRANK you."
  • (Kenneth Mars) "Der Führer does not say, "Achtung, baby.""
  • (Kenneth Mars) "Hitler -- there was a painter. He could paint an entire apartment in ONE afternoon. TWO coats."
  • (Kenneth Mars) "Gentlemen. Ve have here a technical problem. Hmm? I do not know if vat ve have here is ze quick burning fuse or ze slow buring fuse. Ja, ja, I must find zis out."
  • (Kenneth Mars) "Zis is critical."
  • (Kenneth Mars) "Ha ha ha, ja ja, you see zis? You see zis here vat I have told you? Yeah, zis is an example of smartness here. I have said that zis is ze quick fuse. Huh? And zis IS ze quick fuse."
  • (Lee Meredith) "THE QUICK FUSE."
  • (Kenneth Mars) "Soon, I shall be with mein Führer -- and Himmler. I'm coming to join you boys."
  • (Kenneth Mars) "Baby. Baby --. Why does he say this "baby"? The Führer has never said "baby". I did not write, "baby". What is it with this, "baby"?"
  • (Stagehand) "Hey, what can I do for you?"
  • (Kenneth Mars) "You will please be unconscious."

David Patch as Doc Goebbels

  • (David Patch) "Danke schön, mein Führer."
  • (Dick Shawn) "Hey, you're a German."
  • (David Patch) "We're all Germans."
  • (Dick Shawn) "That's right."
  • (Dick Shawn) "That means we CANNOT attack Germany."

Estelle Winwood as Hold me, Touch me

  • (Estelle Winwood) "And after that, we'll play, "The Abduction and the Cruel Rape of Lucretia", and I'll be Lucretia."
  • (Zero Mostel) "And I'll be Rape."
  • (Estelle Winwood) "Oh Bialy, Bialy, darling, did I hurt you?"
  • (Zero Mostel) "It's only a flesh wound, lambchop."
  • (Estelle Winwood) "Hold me. Touch me."
  • (Zero Mostel) "Not in the hall."
  • (Estelle Winwood) "Oh, hold me. Touch me."
  • (Zero Mostel) "Thursday. Thursday."
  • (Estelle Winwood) "Let's fool around."

Lee Meredith as Ulla

  • (Lee Meredith) "Springtime for Hitler and Germany."
  • (Lee Meredith) "Goddag på dig."
  • (Gene Wilder) "Uh, I beg your pardon?"
  • (Lee Meredith) "Goddag på dig."
  • (Gene Wilder) "Ah, gut da. Max, have you gone mad? A receptionist who can't speak English? What will people say?"
  • (Zero Mostel) "They'll say, "A wuma wa wa wa wa.""

Christopher Hewett as Roger De Bris

  • (Christopher Hewett) "Just do what you do best."
  • (Dick Shawn) "I can't do that here. That's why they put me away, man --"
  • (Christopher Hewett) "Oh, sing, sing."
  • (Christopher Hewett) "Will the dancing Hitlers please wait in the wings? We are only seeing singing Hitlers."
  • (Christopher Hewett) "Ah, Bialystock and Bloom, I presume. Heh heh, forgive the pun."
  • (Gene Wilder) "What pun?"
  • (Zero Mostel) "Shut up, he thinks he's witty."

Gene Wilder as Leo Bloom

  • (Gene Wilder) "Oh my God."
  • (Zero Mostel) "You mean "oops," don't you? Just say "oops" and get out."
  • (Gene Wilder) "''stammering'' Ah-a-a-a-a-a-a-a"
  • (Zero Mostel) "Not "Ah-a-a-a-a-a-a-a" Oops."
  • (Gene Wilder) "Oops."
  • (Gene Wilder) "I'm a nothing. I spend my life counting other people's money. People I'm smarter than. Better than. I want -- I want --"
  • (Gene Wilder) "I want everything I've ever seen in the movies."
  • (Gene Wilder) ""Springtime for Hitler" a gay romp with Adolf and Eva at Berchtesgaden -- Wow."
  • (Gene Wilder) "I'm in pain and I'm wet and I'm still hysterical."
  • (Gene Wilder) "Do you think he'll take the job?"
  • (Zero Mostel) "ONLY if we ask him."
  • (Gene Wilder) "Let's assume, just for the moment, that you are a dishonest man."
  • (Zero Mostel) "Assume away."
  • (Gene Wilder) "My blanket. My blue blanket. Give me my blue blanket."
  • (Gene Wilder) "There, there."
  • (Kenneth Mars) "Where, where?"
  • (Gene Wilder) "Ooh, I fell on my keys."
  • (Gene Wilder) "Hysterical attacks have a way of severely depleting one's blood sugar."
  • (Zero Mostel) "They certainly do -- they certainly do."
  • (Gene Wilder) "I'm sorry I called you "Fat, fat, fat"."

Andreas Voutsinas as Carmen Giya

  • (Andreas Voutsinas) "We're not alone."

Madlyn Cates as Concierge

  • (Madlyn Cates) "Who d'ya want?"
  • (Gene Wilder) "I beg your pardon?"
  • (Madlyn Cates) "Who d'ya want? Nobody gets in the building unless I know who they want. I'm the "concierge". My husband used to be the "concierge", but he's dead. Now I'M the "concierge"."
  • (Zero Mostel) "We are seeking Franz Liebkind."
  • (Madlyn Cates) "Oh -- the Kraut. He's on the top floor, apartment 23."
  • (Zero Mostel) "Thank you --"
  • (Madlyn Cates) "-- But you won't find him there -- he's up on the roof with his boids. He keeps boids. Dirty -- disgusting -- filthy -- lice-ridden boids. You used to be able to sit out on the stoop like a person. Not anymore. No, sir. Boids --. You get my drift?"
  • (Gene Wilder) "We -- uh -- get your "drift". Thank you, madam."
  • (Madlyn Cates) "I'm not a "madam". I'm a "concierge"."

Dick Shawn as Lorenzo St. DuBois

  • (Dick Shawn) "I would like to sing this song, it's about love, and hate. Psychedelically speaking I am talking about the power."
  • (Dick Shawn) "And I give a flower to the big fat cop / He takes his club and he beats me up / I give a flower to the garbage man / He stuffs my girl in the garbage can / And I give it to the landlord when the rent comes 'round / He throws it in the toilet and he flush it down / It goes into the sewer / With the yuck runnin' through 'er / And it runs into the river that we drink / Hey, world, YOU STINK."
  • (Dick Shawn) "Love Power. Talkin' 'bout Love Power. The Power of a Sweet Flower -- is gonna rule the Earth."
  • (Dick Shawn) "And there'll be a Great Rebirth. Love is the Power that is mine --"
  • (Dick Shawn) "One and one's two/ Two and two's four/ I feel so bad 'cause I'm losin' the war."
  • (Dick Shawn) "They try; man, how they try."
  • (Dick Shawn) "Lorenzo, baby. Lorenzo St. DuBois. But my friends call me L.S.D."

Mel Brooks as Singer

  • (Mel Brooks) "Don't be stupid, be a smarty. Come and join the Nazi party."

Shimen Ruskin as The landlord

  • (Shimen Ruskin) "He who signs a lease must pay rent. That's the law."
  • (Zero Mostel) "You miserable wretch. How dare you take the last penny out of a poor man's pocket?"
  • (Shimen Ruskin) "I have to. I'm a landlord."
  • (Zero Mostel) "Oh, Lord, hear my plea; destroy him. He maketh a blight on the land."
  • (Shimen Ruskin) "Don't listen to him; he's crazy."

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